Don’t Read TIME Magazine!!
Or NewsWeek, or any of the other kind of magazines that make you think about the world and problems and issues and things that are important to life and living here in America and on Earth. If you do, you will only be sorry. Like me.
I feel bad because I did read the TIME magazine this morning, BB (Before Burrito’s) and before Bike Riding, and it makes the silly stuff I talk about all day seem kind of lame. I should have a point or a view and opinions and controversy. But I don’t. I have ideas. But then I see a colorful bird in a tree or a strange frog on the sidewalk and I forget all about deeper issues.
I really do have a master plan, and I do have some really good life improving ideas, but I need to get through school first so I can start earning the kind of money and hooking up with the right kind of connections to put things in place. Plus, I have to get my kids up and ready for high school. That’s their first step toward all of the rest of the education they are going to be required to have to make any kind of difference in this world.
I bring it up now, because I am going to be posting stuff that I get from the “smart” mags along with the usual crap I get from the internet and the gossip mags my brain absorbs like a dried up jellyfish. Plus, I may be suffering some kind of post-exercise-nature-beauty-world-love withdrawal, as the coffee and vodka (not together) courses back into my veins and displaces all the healthy-oxygen-clean-pure-blood, but it takes time!
And! I have some International New Features I want to post! The BF’s good friend from work just moved to Germany with her hubby and sent an e-mail and photo’s that are absolutely out of this world, funny and brilliant and real-world people perspective of other places on the globe. And she said I could post it all here!
For now though, here’s my stuff: We rode those bikes, in the rain (it stopped now and then) for 19.2 miles! Once we got out there the actual trail was a bit longer. Took us One hour and 45 minutes. Not bad for ups/downs/traffic/road crossings/the requisite work phone call (BF is on the job) and a stop to take a picture of an old cemetery that was there in the early 1900’s. The sign explains it, but the Forest Preserve acquired the land with the cemetery on it and chose to keep it as it was. History and all. Now you can say the site is educational and we can both feel better.
There were power lines too! Giant, humming, massive towers that were really crackling in the rain. I was so in awe of being that close and riding underneath all of them that I forgot to take any pictures. It’s probably good anyway. I would have pulled my phone out, aimed it up at the wires and got electrocuted when an arc of electricity shot out and grabbed the cell killing me on the spot. That would have sucked.
See? No sense of world. Ooooh…power lines. Electricity. Well, without it, we couldn’t type or read this, so….it needs to propped!
Anyway, if we go back tomorrow—which I’d like to—I will get those pics. It is pretty amazing. I know people that live by them don’t necessarily think so, but I don’t have my brains getting fried on a day-to-day basis…or…?? Just kidding. Seriously. I don’t really think brains are getting fried just because of power lines. You don’t need to live by the high wire to get the high if you know what I mean.
Also, in case you were wondering, I think I successfully burned off all the cals from those terrible, but delicious burrito’s. I checked the internet for an exercise calculator and it says I did. Now, what’s for dinner? Let me finish my vodka lemonade and think about it while you look at pictures of headstones and a sign.
Last post of the night…
Hold on, let me get a drink for this….
Ok. If you read this in any kind of dailyway, I pretty much list off my activities for the day. So, even though I had good intentions when I woke up this morning (early , so that I could watch the WGN Morning News—I even texted what kind of underwear Pat Tomasulo should wear to co-host his first Regis & Kelly Show on Tuesday—sad), basically I did nothing. The road to Hell…
Drank coffee. Bitched and moaned when I had to take the car to the brake shop, which we desperately needed. Grumped about having to go buy windows and stain and rocks for the house to make it look nicer. Hated the lunch I ate, even though I picked the place. Was bored at the Pet Store getting feeders for the cannibal Oscars (which are getting big–I’m going to do a before and after post when I sober up in the morning because I’ll never find the old pictures in this condition). Sat inside and played BeJeweled on the computer and Facebook while the BF cleaned off the roof, gutters and patio in the blazing midday sun. Perked up a little when we had to go get the car, brand new brakes—so nice!–only because I knew we had to go right past a liquor store! Yay! Happily walked around said liquor store picking up various drink items for tonight and tomorrow. Drove car home thinking about making delicious martini’s and laying across the couch like a lump. Sitting here, right now, drinking second martini and typing about the things that I won’t be finishing up tonight. Like…
The laundry.
The kids room. So close too! Got it painted and ready to re-build. Got proof too! See pics below! I was going to save them for the big before and after unveiling, but who am I kidding?? I might not even finish that room now until Sunday or Monday. HA. All I have to do is hang curtains and move the furniture back. Oh Cursed Vodka!!
Another thing I didn’t do was run. And I feel bad about that. It’s been 2 days; three when I wake up tomorrow. (I did paint for those two days—today was just pure lazy) It’s going to suck running around out there for 4 miles, maybe more, as punishment, with a hangover and reeking of booze sweat but I can’t get behind. I have a five mile race in one month and you saw those butt pictures. Eee-yew…did any one else just feel a chill?? Goosebumps. Or giant lumps (of fat in my pants—yuck). I’m not even telling you where those pictures are or linking it. Find it yourself.
What I am going to do though, is finish this up, post those pictures (the walls and windows really did turn out nice–good work SoberLisa!) and make some moves on my BF. (Too much information???)
Like Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, once said (and she totally rocks):
“One drink makes me want to go to bed.
Two drinks makes me want to go to YOUR bed.”
Goodnight, Chicagago!
What do these things have in common? Me, Vodka, and Olives.
This drunken post should be all the answer you need.
It’s Friday. My children are safe, away, with their daddy. Mother Nature has left the building. And I’m as smooth as George Clooney in a roomful of cocktail waitresses at a Vegas Casino. (That’s for Michael K. He’s not a reader, but he’d appreciate the effort)
It’s 6:30 PM Chicago Time and I’m going to hit publish and make Number 2. Wait a minute.
Let me re-type. I’m leaving it though because it’s funny. At least it is when you drink a giant cup of vodka.
Re-phrase: I’m posting, hitting Publish, and making my second Dirty Martini, minus the dirty, the olives and the glass.
And……
How are you celebrating Mark Buehrle Day in Illinois? Amanda?? I’m talking to YOU!
I got my ABC News picture right there, above these words. I just finished painting on my Buehrle-56-Total-Body-Art-For-One tattoo kit. I’m currently making myself a Mark Buehrle FastBall (9 shots of vodka lined up on my coffee table in front of the TV) with a chaser (5 more shots that you drink during the actual game). Then I’ll probably finish painting the kids room or throw up and pass out.
I’m just kidding. I’m not going to paint. But I do know what Amanda is doing thanks to her kiss ass phone call to my mother while my mother was still at my house.
Appreciation. Have fun sissy! I’ll need pics for future posts! Love, L.C-Bip
Feeling Yucky and Feeling Happy
I still feel a little gross. Throat hurts, but thankfully not as bad. I was at my sissy’s yesterday and there was a woman there with a worse throat than mine, really awful—hope she gets better quick!—so I promised I’d give up the complaining. I will only say that I am losing my voice. It’s not a complaint. I like my voice all gravelly and whiskey soaked.
The yucky is from being overwhelmed. I was just going over my school work to review the handouts and read some chapters when I realized that there is A LOT of reading and material to go over. And there are still 3 more weeks of handouts to learn before the Final.
Panic. Apprehension. Scaredy pants.
Starting in on the work is always the hardest. And I have a CPR class and test to take. I don’t know why it always makes me nervous to take that written test. It’s like the Driver’s Test. You know the material but you just have an awful feeling you are going to mess it up big time! Crazy.
Plus I bummed myself out a little bit with that previous post. Sad days.
I think I need pizza. Pepperoni Therapy with a Vodka Kiss on the cheek.
On the other hand, we had our first brand new non-metal, non-crank window installed today! Finally, the Modern World catches up to our house!
No more 50’s post-war row-house window for my kids! After 6, yes SIX, long years, they can finally OPEN a window in their room and get some fresh air. They won’t even know what to do with all this outside access!
I have to go and clean up the mess on the inside—happily!–and get it ready for a drywall patch and trim painting! I love it! It looks awesome!
Thank you John!!! You Rock!
Feast your jealous eyes below:
Outside!
Inside!
My fans await…
And here I am being lazy all day. Seriously lazy. It’s 3 pm and I am just now up and doing stuff. Too bad too, cause it’s really nice outside. I probably could have done tons more.
I’m adding a warning right here, before I get a call from my sister telling me how lame and annoying I am:
This post contains a long, possibly boring narrative of my days and nights since Saturday morning, before the party. Proceed with caution (and a drink for maximum enjoyment, I recommend the Vodka Mixer, but only if you’re over 21. Please drink responsibly.) if you continue. I cannot be held accountable for what you think is funny or not. End of warning.
I was awake at 10 am. And I had coffee and watched tv. I checked my e-mail because the kids both got their own e-mail accounts and they like to send messages and videos and chat back and forth even though we are all in the same house. It’s really fun. They send an e-mail, hand me the computer, I open my e-mail, read and reply, and hand the computer back to them. Only kids can give you this kind of entertainment.
Anyway, as luck would have it, they are at their dads right now (which is why I can lay around until 10 am in bed on a Monday. School is over for them and mine is on Tuesday’s) so since they are actually out of the house I knew there would be messages. And there were. Checked and replied. Drink more coffee. Watch a movie.
Ladies, (or guys), if you are going to cheat on your spouse, watch this movie first: Clash By Night
It’s surprisingly violent and straightforward. I flipped it on thinking that old movies sometimes are the best on days like this. And I was right. The poster and IMDB kind of make it seem like a Marilyn picture, but it’s not. It’s about love and the giant mess it makes when you get married, and have kids, and have lovers and families and live by that sexy ocean when it’s hot outside…but judge for yourself…that could be the Bailey’s talking.
After the movie, I decided that a shower might be nice. I was kind of hungry too, but way to lazy to make anything or even go out to get something. So I did all the personal hygiene stuff I like to do when the kids and BF are gone, played some Pocket Poker (lost everything) and moved onto the mail and the couch. It’s windy and keeps trying to rain. I wish it would because then I don’t have to feel guilty about sitting inside like a hermit.
After the paperwork I had to do was done, I moved onto laundry, and vacuuming. This is gripping reading I know. (Shut up! Aman-duh!) I am just now getting the house back to it’s pre-party condition. Not that there was a big mess or anything. My sisters and family toatally helped clean up! Thank you! I just like to remove our daily living paraphernalia from the public view. But, you have to put it all back because you find out you need it at hand. Stuff like, my food journal, and bills, and magazines and school books, things like that.
Speaking of the party…it was good. Really good I thought. Party was scheduled to start at 2 pm. It rained at exactly 2 pm.
But then it stopped and warmed up just enough for everyone to go outside. I’d say a majority of those invited actually came. Very successful. You never know with these kinds of things. You want the party to NOT be a disaster. It’s really all you can hope for. The food arrived, everyone ate, drank, socialized, and left. Last people out were my sisters. 11 pm ish, I think. Not bad at all.
Sunday morning was raining a bit. Mason had grass to cut. Another job! Then we went to the movies. Land of the Lost
It’s not bad. But it’s not worth paying full price unless you really LOVE Will Ferrell. There are some really funny parts and some that just aren’t. Also, alot of swearing and jokes and visuals that might be a little too adult for the younger crowd. Mine are 10 and 11 and I was cringing a few times and working up the explanations in my head.
We had a gift card so it wasn’t too bad. The food cost more than the admission! Bleah! Then we motored the children on over to their daddy’s. The BF and I watched Mr and Mrs Smith for the gazillionth time, ate food and hit the sack. And here I sit today.
Laundry is cooking, books are waiting, pictures need posting…I could spice up the story with some sordid little details about how I earned a buck-oh-two on Saturday night, or what vodka, 7-up and bags of ice brought to the party Sunday night, but I bet you can think of a million better things than I could come up with, including the truth. This site is interactive! YOU tell ME and I’ll let you know if you’re close.
Which reminds me, my brothers favorite movie is coming on tv soon. You can’t handle the truth! At least I think it still is. I personally don’t care for the “Jack” myself but I try to be nice. I prefer his other favorite Keyser Söze. I’m not sure why, but if it’s on tv I watch it, no matter where in the story or what time it is. I’ve watched it at 4 in the morning on Christmas Eve. Why is it even on at that time?? It’s a sickness.
Alright look around for some pictures. I have more stuff to come, including a caterpillar update. What are those crazy cocoons up to?? You know you want to know.
Find out! Later!
Ass Water, Slyder and Freddy. I hate when nights end like this!
How DO some people get their cute little nicknames?
Take two parts alcohol, a late running party, one over-tired kid, and a bag of BK cheeseburgers. Fold in one ingredient after another and try to have an innocent conversation. Then mishear one word and suddenly everyone has a new nickname and the night has taken a seriously wrong turn.
It probably won’t SEEM funny typed out here…and I’m sure my sister will be calling any second to tell me how NOT funny I am, but let’s try!
Sissy and hubby come home from party I babysat for with BF and kids. Girl is sleeping. Boy is ready to go. I say, “Ready Freddy?” He says, “Who’s Freddy?” My sissy says, “You now. We’re going to start calling you Freddy…hahahaha…”
Lots of laughs, extra jokes, T-shirts will be made…the whole thing.
As we are leaving, my boy says, “Bye Aunty Amanda” My sister hears, “Bye Aunty Enema” “What? What did you say? Did you say enema?” Laughing of course, because it’s funny. And it did sound like that. We all make a joke about enemas…and my son says, “What’s an enema?” We basically fall over each other to tell him, water up the butt.
“You just called Aunty the water you put up your ass”
Yes, here it comes. Are you laughing? “You just called Aunty ‘Ass Water’ ”
That WAS funny. We all laughed, and I said that would be her new nickname. We could put that on a shirt.
The hubby already had the Slyder nickname from a motorcycle mishap early in his riding career. The “Y” just adds that extra level of cool.
The BF pointed out that the three names makes an excellent group together. And here’s where you all came in, hence the headline. Sounds…intriguing, does it not? Are you side-splitting? Pictures might help.
Then my son expanded it out, so he could say it without getting in trouble, to “Aunty Ass (as in donkey) Water” It still got the laughs, but by then the booze was wearing off, and we had an hour to drive. Another family memory noted in our collective books and saved here forever on the internets.
Was it as good for you as it was for us?? Yeah right. I recommend pouring yourself a LARGE shot of Vodka (or whatever liquor floats the boat), and then RE-READ. Is it funny now? No? Repeat above step until it is! Then you can drunk-type me with YOUR new nickname and I PROMISE, I WILL laugh!! Swear.
Get to bed. School and work people. We’ll have fun after that! See you tomorrow. Love you Ass Water…I mean, Amanda. Goodnight!
There IS death in the cup…Beware!
Death in the cup by way of Vodka and Pepsi. Aren’t I smart?
Had such a good day yesterday, just hanging out at home, and posting silly stuff on the internets, and then I had to go and ruin it by trying to eat myself to death and drinking the vodkas and the pepsi’s.
Seriously, I thought that I would have to go to the hospital. I stuffed every last single piece of pizza into my mouth that I could ferret out of the large pizza box. If you’re hand was anywhere near the zone of the pizza box you would have gotten hurt. Then, I was chugging down Pepsi and Vodka, it was good, better than popsicles and vodka, but even more filling.
By the time I was done sucking every last drop of Pepsi from the 2-liter and picking every crusty olive and onion off the cardboard and watching the last episode of 2½ Men/Season 3 (CLIFF hanger!), I was over. I was paralyzed and in a food coma. Not even a coma, because in a coma I would have been sleeping. This was like being pregnant again. A giant ball in the middle of my stomach that I couldn’t move or manuever with. I wanted to go and make myself throw up just to relieve the pressure, but I couldn’t stand.
And now I was thirsty as hell. The pizza we get has, like, every ingredient you can think of except sardines. So obviously, you can get kind of parched from all the salt. So I tried to sip water, but it was so good and hydrating. Now I’m water-full on top of full-full. I put the kids to bed and laid down. The BF tried to be nice and rub my belly, but I didn’t want anybody or anything touching it.
I was actually thinking about those sitcom shows that have people who eat too much laying around with their shirts up and pants off, moaning and groaning all droopy eyed and turning green and running toward the toilet getting ready to vomit. I felt exactly like that. I even thought, “Hmm, I guess this is an actual reality.” I have never eaten that much in my whole life. Or maybe I have but my stomach is smaller now, it doesn’t really matter, because obviously I didn’t die, but I have made a vow to never eat that much again. Or crap food. I will however, continue to drink vodka with various mixers, it’s not the alcohols fault for cry-yie!
In honor of my new vows to health, I went immediately to the trail after the kids went to school, and ran my still-bloated ass around the track for 3+ miles. It wasn’t pretty. It was hot and I was sweating pizza grease. That IS as gross as it sounds. I think I could smell sausage…YUCK.
I ate one banana so far, and drank a whole pot of coffee. That’s how I de-tox. Do it your way, I’ll do it mine.
It’s 5 pm and I am heading out to buy 2½ Men/ Season 4. Then I’ll be eating Chinese with the BF. (I’ll actually only be eating white rice, but I can smell it and that’s just as good.)
Tomorrow, the BF is off work and I guess we are doing a “spin” class. First time for both of us. That should be fun, she says sarcastically. It always looks hard. Those people are always sweaty and beat looking when it’s over. I’ll let you know.
And in case you were wondering about a weight update…didn’t gain a pound. Didn’t lose anything either, but I think that’s ok. I should have died with all that food I ate, but it didn’t stick. I might not get so lucky next time. Better stay on the safe side. Besides I still have 2 days before the day I deemed my official weigh in. Which will always be 2 days from today…hahaha.
I actually have a playlist to put out, in honor of all the colorful things that would have spilled into the toilet if I had enough nerve to make myself throw up. I don’t. Bulimia is not for me. The list is called,
And it was originally for all those crayons I picked up off the trail a few weeks back. So you decide which personal event in my life you’d like to associate it with. It’s like a mystery ending web post! Exciting!
The picture below is a memory-refresher. Crayons on a table.
The actual list will be posted shortly. Wait for it now, it’s 99 songs long. I went a little crazy with color. You can use it for more than running, or you can use it for a week of running…again…your choice! (“Choose your own ending”, that’s what those books are called)
Enjoy the picture.
Relive the memory of how I got them,
and the memory continues here,
and check back in say, 7 hours. It’s 5:20 now, I have to drive and eat and watch tv, and then type 99 songs in a row and add color and links and finally hit publish. It WILL be worth the wait.
Update!
I actually got 101 songs. Thought of two more typing the list–2 great songs that bring it all together at the end.
And it’s in under the 7-hour mark. Goodnight Chicago.
Monday. All is well in Tree-velle
Mother Nature saw fit to spare my trees and me this year of throwing off any more of their limbs into my back yard. Maybe it’s because I already have a forest of limbs ready to cut up; or maybe I’ve been extra good; or maybe, the Rotation of the Earth, Atmosphere, and Global Warming just couldn’t muster up enough high velocity wind to knock any down this weekend; (???) Whatever the reason, I feel relieved. It takes me all summer to get rid of what is already there…just in time for next year….but we won’t go there right now.
As for the other Mother…me…my day rocked from top to bottom and is rolling on today. Sounds corny. Looks corny typed but I’m having writing issues. I’m working on it with a Miller Lite and some leftover pizza. Stay until the end of the post, it should be real good and sappy.
Where I left off: Sat. PM.: Waiting for Mom and sister. They arrived, and we went to the restaurant. The food was not as great as it could have been for the money, but it was gigantic! Please click on the food item to see a snapshot of said entreé:
QUEEN FILET w/ GIANT VEGETABLES
The Dirty Martini, I had, however, was excellent. Skyy Vodka and Bleu Cheese Olives–(yum–not gross like you would think)
We gave the Mom our present–digital camera–now everyone on Earth finally has one!
I gave my sissy her little present: CLICK HERE!! She’s so silly.
We ate, we drank, we went home. I went to bed.
Sunday: Kids are delivered to me by their other Aunty (Dad’s side) who had a 6-month Halloween Party–fully decorated, scary movies, costumes, etc…she’s a bit of a loony…Saturday night. I was immediately given my Mother’s Day presents; two gifts my children could barely keep a secret since buying them for me on Thursday night.
Drum-roll please….a Candy/Chocolate Pizza… AND… a Toaster!
It doesn’t look like much typed out, but believe me, when I unwrapped the big box handed to me by my son, a toaster was the LAST thing I was expecting to see. I laughed so hard I was crying. The reason it was funny is because the toaster we have, (had), just started toasting weird this past week, like Monday. It burned one side and didn’t cook the other. My son was not happy. He likes perfectly toasty toast. But he never even said anything. Then 6 days later–there it was: New toaster! It’s ingenious. His poor girlfriend/wife.
Anyway, that picture is below. I was told that I keep posting the same pics so I need to get more creative. Thanks boyfriend! Helpful criticism is always appreciated.
After the presents we went to the Monee Reservoir in Monee, IL and fished for a few hours. It was windy and chill and kept trying to rain on us. The BF is the only one that caught a fish. Picture here: BLACK CRAPPIE
We over-enthusiastically bought two boxes of NightCrawlers (in the fridge–yuk) and a dozen minnows. The guy gave us alot more though, so we took them home and fed them to the Oscars. An exciting day for all of us!
Then we motored on over to El Famous Burrito. Very delicious guacamole and the BEST Chicken Quesadilla. It’s not on the menu so you have to ask for it specifically–but it’s the best thing they have there! Especially if you get it later in the day, with all the soaked chicken in that magic red grease juice. My kids love it with fries…
Night time. Bed time. School time…moving into Monday AM: As soon as my kids were dropped off I zoomed over to the post office to pick up my very important Certified Letter. I missed the damn thing by a few hours on Saturday:
My acceptance into Nursing School for Fall!! Thank god. Four more semesters and I’m done. Four more really tough semesters. I’ve been going to school part-time, work in the day, school at night, for the last three years to get to this point…the adventure begins….
Kids, if you are reading this…go to school RIGHT AWAY. How ever you can get there! Do not get a full time job (unless it’s like 100K +), get married, have 2 kids, get divorced, turn 40 and THEN decide that maybe school is the way to go. It’s do-able when you are older but easier when you are younger. Please, please, please, listen to me!!
So, I got my letter. I’ve read and re-read the thing 100 times. Took pictures. Stared at it while waiting for the BF’s Mom at the doctor’s office, and thought about it the whole time I ran around the Forest Preserve Trail today; 3.6 miles of happiness. Not SO hard to get around this time…
And here I am. Finishing this. Beer is almost done. One last drink….It might not seem like much, to some, but it is for me. I’m going to be a nurse.
Here is my playlist for the day. Used it today. It’s called, “Pretty Beautiful.”
That’s just about right.
just shy of pretty 