November Near The Mississippi
We went to Memphis for Thanksgiving. It was really nice actually. That’s where the BF’s family lives. We went to Graceland. We took the tourist picture. I’m going to post it as a bonus, just for you, my special friends, who actually take the time to read this sketchy blog every few months or so. Please enjoy this piece of American culture!
This Happened Last Night
I don’t really follow hockey, but apparently LOTS of people where I was hanging out last night, do. This was driving around the neighborhood and the owner and GF were convinced somehow, to stop and let pictures be taken, and then even stayed for awhile and enjoyed the party. Of course I jumped on the bandwagon. This is the goalie for the Chicago Blackhawks, I am told. The name starts with a “C”. That’s as much research as I will be doing as I cannot remember the name and do not want to look for it. There were many photos taken. Alone. With the girls. With the boys. With the girls doing obscene things to this figure. With the boys doing obscene things to this figure…I think there were even animals involved. I don’t know. This truck parked in front of our friend’s house attracted a lot of attention. People were walking up from all over the place to ask about it, talk about it, take more pictures with it, etc. The one thing I can conclusively state is, that some of these male hockey fans are pretty darn good looking. I mean seriously. If I didn’t already have a BF, I’m telling you, I may, may have, been able to get lucky, wink wink. I’m just saying. Some legit hotties were rolling up and hanging out. Good for the old ego, and I stress the word “old”, especially after you’ve been feeling your mortality lately like I have. Also, I was told the girls that like the hockey are pretty attractive too. Must be something about all that testosterone, fighting, and no teeth. Real manly man stuff. Anyway, we stayed out until 1 am. That’s my latest night out in a long time. And I was…tipsy, let’s say. Good night. Good party. I feel fine today. It’s Sunday. It’s beautiful. I will try to post more. Later.
More floods on the way
This is not actually MY yard. It’s my sissy’s. Every time it rains for more than 10 minutes her backyard turns into a pool. It flows fast and right on out to the street and down the block, but still, what a pain. I have more pictures of the whole yard full that I will post randomly because I am still safe here on my hill. But they say the rain is coming. We are already at saturation stage. I wonder where all that water ends up going? Hmm.
Anyway, this is me wasting precious study time as usual. I really should be taking my mini tests and reading material but oh…the lure of the internet!
Answer this for me:
(This is the lead in): I was on this thing called Facebook today and I am “friends” with Pat Tomasulo from the WGN Morning News. Yes, I know. I am already against being friends with people that I am not really friends with. Plus he’s on TV and that is prob kind of lame on its own because who the hell am I right? But anyhow, they let us be their friends so whatever. So today I was watching the news, they said something kind of funny and I went onto his Wall and posted a comment and suggestion for one of his popular Pat-Down things. And I felt SUPER lame the whole time I was typing it and kept starting and stopping and deleting and retyping; at any rate, I finished the thought and left it there. Now here’s the question part:
Does anyone else feel like a complete ass posting stupid things on “celebrity” sites, knowing that most likely they will never read them? And if they do, they are prob thinking, “dumb ass fans”?? Is it just me? Does anyone else even post on general sites?
I really need to re-direct my brain back to contributing-to-the-world and not making it any dumber. My head hurts!
Why is this funny to me??
Since I am not being very original today. This is from D-Listed. One of my very favorite sites. It’s in the sidebar. Michael K is always funny. He makes me laugh even when I don’t want to. So I am re-posting his post, with all his words. (None of it after “enjoy” is mine.) It’s mostly for Amanda because I know you can answer my question!
Enjoy!
Would You Hit It?
Well, blog of the devil… Here’s Kid Rock marching on the beach in Cabo and looking like if Gollum got out of rehab for his ring obsession and found a new addiction in the bottom of a Pabst keg and in a bottle of Rogaine. Since 2011 should be a non-stop shameless slut orgy before the end-of-the-world storm (aka 2012), I’d cut a hole in the back of my Wranglers and hit it on the airbrushed hood (think of a bald eagle wiping a single tear off his cheek with an American flag paper napkin) of his El Camino in the back parking lot of a NASCAR rally.
And if Gollum humping still isn’t your thing, here’s a few pictures of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber with Kid Pebble.
Forgive Me, My Queen
I always think it’s weird too when people shout out a birthday wish to someone they do not know.
But I’m doing it anyway.
Happy Birthday!
You are my favorite and I named my daughter after you.
Patrick Swayze. Rest in Peace.
I can’t let the day go without a small note about Patrick Swayze. This makes me so sad, even though I never knew him. I liked his movies, thought he was great. Super nice man, so the world says. And married to his wife for 30 plus years.
It’s really unfair that he gets one of the worst diseases known to man and then fights it for almost two years, but in the end it still gets you. I know pancreatic cancer is one of the baddies because I watched my dad die from it for a year and a half and it was not fun. It’s extra sad when Patrick started looking like my dad. It’s like the famous version of someone I already lost.
This is the best link to a nice story and memories of Patrick that I found. And it adds a little happy to a really sad thing. Keep dancing forever…RIP.
NY Coffee Cup and 30 Rock Rocks!
It’s got some of my favorite things. Comedy. Tina Fey. Tracy Morgan. Hilarious one-liners and slapstick. The New York Coffee Cup–of course. It’s filmed in New York. It’s about New York. Twenty minute lengths! Perfect! I know I’m a little late to the 30 Rock game, but I am busy. This video is a compilation of Liz Lemon moments from Season 1. The cup is actually in the clips. But for you die hard anals like myself (not really worded well there) so far the cup is in: Season 1, Episodes 4, 6 and 8. We are only up to episode 12 of the first season, so that’s all I got. But. I love how the cup debuts in episode 4. Two of them crushed on the ground at Yankee Stadium with rats walking all around them. Lovely.
NOTE: If you can’t just watch it, which you might not, if you click the You-Tube Link it works fine. Don’t want to infringe on rights and all….NYCC is at the 1:30 mark.
I got the ENEMA.
Of course. I knew it when they told us we would have to do this skill set. And I knew it as I was sitting at the desk waiting to pull it out of the bedpan. (Not really, it was a plastic baggy–random draw of a skill to demonstrate.)
But I did not panic. I studied. A lot. I took all the skills, from enema’s to bed-making to ROM to safety devices, positioning and transfers…I did them all. Over and over until I was comfortable. Mason helped ENORMOUSLY! He let me practice everything I needed (with the exception of enema and rectal temp…big baby) and when I sat down, picked enema, faced the nurse evaluator with ALL that experience, I just…relaxed. I knew the material. I knew the process. I knew WHY I knew the process. She said I seemed very competent. That is good enough for me. Relief. I did forget one thing, but not a failure. And that’s good because I feel that this is my calling. Does that sound lame?
Every time I learn something, or every time I do a skill, even just practice for fake, I feel like I am right where I should be. Like I can really DO this job and be good at it and want to work. It feels real natural. All these years…and now I figure it out. Well, better late than never right?
And speaking of all these years, to get off all that serious, it’s my birthday! Yay Me! I got some pictures….but first, I have to share with you some other people that share my birthday. I turn to D-Listed, as always, and the shock of celebrity birthdays. I knew about Salma and Keanu, but Shauna was a surprise! I think I might be changing what I want for my birthday. Perhaps a couple of chest implants instead of I-Tunes cards?? I’m not getting any younger ya’ know! What could I do with these?? What COULDN’T I do with these?!? This is copy/pasted directly from the website. Even the picture. Observe:
Birthday Sluts
The Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand (Forever Young)
Aimee Osbourne (26)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (40)
Camille Grammer (41)
Cynthia Watros (41)
Salma Hayek (43)
Tuc Watkins (43)
Lennox Lewis (44)
Keanu Reeves (45)
Mark Harmon (58)
Terry Bradshaw (61)
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand’s perfect toes touched Earth’s soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called “lucite” before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!
Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!
You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick’s, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!
And Shauna didn’t wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.
Well it’s getting a little thick around here (see below)
Let’s lighten it up with some obscene bus pictures!
The BF had to go to Detroit for work this week, and he gets to the hotel, and what is in the parking lot??
Girls Gone Wild! Or their bus anyway. Just a subtle paint job for traveling around the country (??) to generate interest I guess.
What are these girls wild for?? Hmmm…I can’t figure it out…
This is for the guys! You have to be out there! Tell your friends! This site has half-naked girls!!
When last you heard from me, I was on my way to school…
…with high hopes for the rest of the evening. When suddenly…Tequila! (And that was TWO days ago.)
I did go to school. I got the “pre-heads-up” to the actual “heads-up” classes I have next week. Signed some paperwork. Got some questions answered. Payed for classes. Bought more books. Drove home excited as hell, but unaware of the complicated nature of what I am about to embark upon.
I have three books and a syllabus right now, and I have three more books to buy. Definitely the most I have needed so far. When I trained for EMT I was on an adrenaline rush for hours after every single class, for like 4-6 months. It was crazy. And I have that same crazy feeling just looking at these books. Two years and god knows how many hours are about to go into this program, but I am ready. I’m not sure my body can take the intensity. I had trouble sleeping before, but I guess that will just help me on the job! I talked so much on the phone to the BF just driving home from a pre-class class, that I, “low-battery-powered-off”, the cell phone. The damn thing drained out good. First time I talked to the cut-off. Even after I plugged it back in it wouldn’t turn on for a little while.
So I take a closer look at this new book. Calculating With Confidence. Drug calculations, measurements, math conversions…OMG, it looks hard. Drug labels, syringes, pills, liquids, fractions, decimals, cc. mL. mg. oz. You need: Aspirin gr 10 p.o. q4h p.r.n. for pain. You have: Drug label, that suddenly makes no sense whatsoever. And tell me how much, with how much diluent, time of day, route of administration, but don’t forget who you are giving it to, how much they weigh, what else they are taking; now mark it on the drawing, and don’t “F” it up because you could kill someone…. I’m paraphrasing…but that’s the idea. Once you take off the plastic shrink wrap, the front cover has a skull and crossbones on it. They don’t want you to see that until it’s too late. And you thought that the nurse handing you two Tylenol in the hospital after dinner didn’t require any skill. HA!
The amazing thing is, that in 2 months, that book is going to make perfect sense, and I’ll be calculating in my sleep (not literally), but for now…we better go to Pepe’s and think about the future.
So the guy that has been working there since he was a child, really, (I know, because we as a family, collectively have been going there for his whole life basically, I even remember a time when he was out in the parking lot trying to drive off in his older brothers car…he got in trouble for that…) anypepestoryway…this kid/adult now (Ricky? The name would not come to me, don’t judge, I’m approaching 40, but Mason and Stevie both agree, yes, on the name) made me a killer, and I mean KILLER margarita. I took 4 drinks and I was feeling the heat. By one third gone, I was TWO thirds gone. I wish I could say I was joking, because I was getting “altered” and fast. (My teeth were numb and I tried to walk out of the clear glass panel NEXT to the door, when I left the restaurant) I ate some chips and salsa and some shrimp cocktail on crackers and a tamale and a chili rellano but food was failing me fast, so I concentrated on finishing the medium margarita that, based on my morning calculations of how-long-it-takes-my-body-to-filter-out-the-alcohol (years of research have perfected this system) there must have been at least, 5 shots of tequila in my drink. I can say that with confidence because I was still slightly drunk at 7:30 in the morning. And I even tried to move the alcohol along with activity and oxygen before I fell into dreamy-drunky sleep the night before but sometimes you can’t keep a good buzz down, or up, or whatever. End of story.
I dragged myself up, took out the garbage, diluted my remaining blood level of tequila with coffee, and watched Regis & Kelly with Pat Tomasulo subbing for Regis (!!) I wrote it on the calendar! Busy schedule, yeah yeah, I’ll be working soon enough and you’ll miss these long, rambling posts. (More Pat Stuff)
The Pat Down. For your enjoyment. And since this is Chicago, we have 2 newspapers…here’s the Trib version. Ok, I think I’m done now.
Then I really pushed the limit with a five mile run. Five point one something something, to be exact. I ran the water bill to the Village Hall, which maps out at 5+ miles. MapMy Run.com. 30 minutes there. 34 minutes back. One hour, four minutes. I will take it. I ran on the sidewalks. Concrete, hard on the shins with lots of hills, (dang Park Forest doesn’t have a completely flat spot 10 steps in a row), and chock full of tripping hazards. Broken cement, uneven, crooked, weeds, rocks…I’m not sure what the village is doing all the time. It seems like they dig holes in random spots all around town just so there’s something for the kids to fall into. At any rate. I was done for the day. Kids got home about 3 ish and we ate ice cream and talked about all they did last week. Stevie made cupcakes! First time on her own and no crunchy ones from egg shells! (So far) So proud. Then dinner and a movie. (Burgers on the grill and Smokey and the Bandit from Netflix) unpack the bags, go to bed and poof! Here we are. Today.
I’m going to skip the run today, maybe go take a walk at the nature trail if I can get the kids out there. Mason has grass to finish and we are open. I have the pictures you have been waiting for…I didn’t forget, it’s just time and energy and getting them off the cell phone. I even have video! The kids wanted to play in the water, but we don’t have a pool. We have a hose. So they filled up larger, plastic, Tupperware bowls and put their faces in them or dumped them over their heads. They would swim in a wet sponge if they could. Then they played water-hose-jump-rope, which is actually pretty funny. So that’s coming too! And all that other stuff I said I had…Remember my theme: Everything is always two days ago!
Cupcakes!
Half with sprinkles, half without! Tasty!
just shy of pretty 