Bonus Day!
Still working out the kinks in my camera phone. Not all my “files” are making it through. Maybe it’s a new advanced Samsung feature when you try to send pictures through the system it automatically corrupts the file of the crap shots so you don’t even waste your time.
That company is so smart. The first picture is a flower from my neighbors house. I have more. Of course I do. Today is an unexpected day off, so I like to call them the bonus days, in life. My plans are suddenly open and fluid. Maybe I will catch up on sleep. Maybe I will post all day. Maybe I will take a shower and remove all this excess hair from my legs. Yuck. Maybe I will sit on my ass playing Tiny Village. Now that it is my only game and play app, I can really focus on it.
*Quick side note: what do we, you, the general public, think about spending actual real world dollars on these games? I am seriously considering paying cash for crystals because I want to do stuff in this fake world faster. Leave me a note/comment when you can. Thoughts, ideas? Is this the lamest way to spend money ever? I can justify it by saying it’s an early birthday present to myself. Maybe? I got paid today and I have time to burn. These are my “for” arguments.
*Extra quick side note: I have updates on my health. Too fat. Too little exercise. Apparently I need to be doing the “cardio” kind. B/P still a skosh too elevated. I have been increased on my starter meds. But I’d like to D/C them altogether. The MD said I could if I wasn’t a rolly-polly when I come back to see him next time. Lupus titer high and positive again. (Lupus panel negative though. I may have a life-long, general, vague, comes-and-goes, inflammatory disorder to deal with for my golden years. If a face rash and some bad numbers on a blood test is all I get from this over the years, I will be a very happy camper. I can exercise and stay out of the sun. No problem.) I will be heading out to the garage to pull some of my “diet” books and revamp the current food plan. But first I need to get that shower/shave thing out of the way. And believe me I have plans for more postings about this. I already have a title for my new quest in mind. “144 by 44”. See, I will be 44 this year. And my follow up appt is after my birthday. 144 lbs might not be exactly do-able in that time frame, three months, but I can try. I hesitate to throw out my actual weight number because I am not sure if it’s fat or not. It’s a good amount under 200. It’s definitely not slim. But I am a heavy person in general. Like, heavy bones. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I’m like a deceptive bag of concrete. I might look compact and weigh what the number says on the sack, but when you go to pick me up, I-Yi-Yi!! I weigh a ton. And now your back hurts! 144 would be the least amount I have ever weighed as an adult with children. Except for the brief month, many years ago, when I weighed 138 because of a literal diet, of coffee and breath mints, when I was going through some shit. I literally could not eat food without throwing up. Not my fault. But also not a story for this bonus day either. Spoils the fun.
Maybe I will get new grass today. Literally. The village I live in tore up my yard as you may remember from ONE YEAR AGO. Almost to the day. Because of broken water mains. Click to read. Catch up here. Well they are back. Sort of. They have been coming to the house every day this week doing something to the front. Flatten it out. Dig up more. Shore up the edges. Fill in with dirt. Smooth that out. I have got to believe that sod is next. Maybe today?! I hope they hurry. I hear storms are approaching. Storms with really cool names. Derecho.
The following is copied word for word from a weather news site:
A derecho, Spanish for straight, is a widespread and long-lasting storm that comes with fast-moving thunderstorms and rain, and also can bring damaging high winds, hail as big as golf balls as well as tornadoes. Weather forecasters have been warning that this rare weather phenomenon, which last year left a 700-mile trail of damage across the Midwest and mid-Atlantic, this time could hit a swath of states from Iowa to Maryland starting Wednesday.
Yay! At least I won’t be at work and then have to drive in it this time. I also need to seriously update some of the pages on this site. I noticed some old info floating around and we could use a freshening. Let me finish this quick. I’m running out of shower time before these kids get home. I will try to link the yard thing and post the new pics of the yard. And some flowers and probably birds. And lottery news. Still working on the scratch-offs, but I can tell you, so far, we are not winners. Still have to work for the money. I have 4 cards/chances left. Wouldn’t this be a great site if I could just write every day about how much money I have and how I don’t have to do anything, ever, again in real life if I don’t want to? I would just post title after title with some picture taken from my couch: Still Rich. Suckers! Oh to dream….Later.
That would be The Truck. And The Dig. And The Smooth. Hopefully the next picture will be, “The Grass”. Ugh. My kids have started calling me for rides and I am still hairy. Ugh. Bonus Time Shower Time. Although shower time should really be an All-The-Time. Ugh. Wasting Time. Later.
Let’s Take It Down A Notch With My Third Pic From The New Phone
Life is not all that serious. But you know, I get caught up in the typing and before you know it, a five paragraph essay on mortality appears. The above picture illustrates the life-shortening things we did on my last weekend off. First we went and saw Fast 6. It’s a good movie. If you like those kind of movies. And we do.
Spoiler Alert! Seriously. I will be typing info of the spoiler variety right now. If you have seen any of these movies, you know they tease you at the end. Well, guess what? There’s gonna be a Fast 7. I won’t say how they do it, but if you are like me, you might say to yourself, “You know who they should get for these movies? Jason Statham.” And you would tell all the people around you, right away, at the beginning of the movie, because it’s a British, military-type bad guy in this one, and be really annoying about it. But then you’d be totally validated at the end and all self-satisfied ’cause you’re so smart. You could totally be a movie producer person. Whatever.
After the movie we went and got my new phone. Yay! Not gonna lie again. It’s awesome! It’s a beautiful phone. Samsung Galaxy S4, in case you missed that bit of info in my last mush post. It’s all Otter Box’d up so I don’t ruin it at work or in life. Plus it’s not very recognizable in it’s case so bitches can’t steal it! Ha. I also have it functioning now the way I like it, except for a ringtone. I am still trying to figure out if I should go back to my previous one (PriceTag–Jessie J or Peace Of Mind–Boston) or pick a new one altogether. Life is sooo hard right?
Then we went to Sam’s Club for alcohol and hot peppers to bring over to the BF’s mom’s house, because she was making dinner, roast beef sammy’s, because the BF’s brother, was in town from Oregon where he lives now. Whew. Got all that? I could have summed that up better, but I have a little time here to spread my typing wings. So obviously we got wine. Apothic Red–the best mixed red, for the best price, hand’s down, in my opinion, of all the brands that I have tried, right now. I posted about it before. The other wine. Ehh. It was OK. I think we got a bad bottle. Smelled and tasted almost like it was spoiled. Compromised. The cork was really dry and it had that sharp vinegar whiff to it. We drank it though. No ill effects noted. And since we were at the big warehouse center for giant, low-cost items, and we needed more Jack, we bought the economy size bottle. I mean, come on, that’s just smart money. And the peppers. Which were tasty and pretty hot actually and pretty much the smallest jar you can buy there. And a pair of jeans for the boy. He can never find Levi’s in his size, because most stores only get, like, 2 pairs of his, per shipment. But there they were, on the giant table of Levi’s, just waiting for him to come along and riffle through the pile. If you have ever been to Sam’s, you know they check your receipt and your items before you walk out of the door. So we were all carrying something; the wines, the giant Jack, the giant pepper jar; and the lady that checked our stuff said, “Ok, you got, what…wine, bottle, peppers, OK, well yeah, it looks like you got everything you need right there, uh huh.” And off we went. Layed everything so nicely in the trunk and snapped the pic with my new toy. Then we went to the dinner (delicious) and drove the kids out to their dad’s for an overnight.
Sunday was kind of lazy but chore driven. Laundry. (Which honestly, got done, completely–folded and put away–but is now back with a vengeance. I HATE laundry so much.) Breakfast. Where I met the 102 year old lady and her younger sister, a sprightly 95. Then more laundry when we got back home. (This was a before and after session of laundry. There was a lot.) Then we had pizza for dinner and waited for the kids to get home. That was their first and last week of summer vacation. Athletic camps are now in session, starting today, and they will be busy for the duration. I believe school starts for them about August 11 or 19. Yet to be determined. I don’t have a schedule yet anyway. So it’s a mystery. Well, it’s not really a mystery. I could spoil the surprise for them by looking on the school website, but I will let them dream of long, lazy, summer days and nights for a few more weeks.
And that’s it for now. Exciting re-cap of a day-in-the-life, huh? Now do you see why I fear getting old? Boring. Laundry. Breakfast. Alcohol. Oh. Alcohol. That must be the key. Drink and you will forget that you are getting older. As I said yesterday, I really do have a doctor appointment to get to. So I need to end this. My hip still hurts, but I think alcohol could probably fix that little problem too. Hmm. I suppose exercise might achieve that same result. Build up some strength to stave off the decaying process. Maybe I’ll try both. Drinking would probably make the exercise easier and more enjoyable, with less pain. Or send me to the ER with a dislocated hip ASAP. Still, with less pain. Did I mention that I have to get weighed, along with the B/P check and whatnot? That’s what is really going to cause me pain. I will follow up. Expect a new series of exercise-healthy-losing-weight-live-forever-type posting to start appearing in this lazy space. Later.
It’s Not Just A Job, It’s An Adventure! And A Nightmare. Sometimes At The Same Time. Yay Me.
I was going to save my whiny, work related, complaining post, until tomorrow when I have a day off, but I thought, why not? I’m already on the computer being super jealous of all the fun things my kids are doing. But so happy at the same time because otherwise their spring break would be spent sitting in this boring house with nothing to do because I have to work every damn day and it’s really been beautiful over here, weather-wise, in the Midwest these last two weeks. The girl is with my sister, and her kids, doing something, outside, every day, the zoo and hiking at Starved Rock, to name two, and my son is on his way to Florida with his dad. He’s helping to move his grandma back to Illinois, but they still get to take a mini vacation at the same time! I will be working. Monday, yesterday, today, then for the weekend. B-L-O-W-S.
I see I haven’t posted since Leap Day. That stinks too. Work is harder than I thought. And I seriously miss school. They really do not prepare you for the stress and intensity and anxiety that actually working this job brings on. I HATE to complain about something I have worked so long and hard for, but almost every day is a new nightmare until I get back into my shift and truly can’t think about anything else until it’s all over for the night. They tell me it gets better. They tell me I will hate it for a long time and dread it until suddenly, I just won’t. Well two months in, apparently, is not enough time yet. They tell me just stick with it. And keep getting experience. I will. In fact I have to go get showered and head out again. At least I have tomorrow off. At this point, I only work for my days off.
One more good thing…because you should always end on a positive note! Those weights in the picture represent the weight I have lost in about six weeks. It’s probably closer to 25 now. It’s the bonus I didn’t expect. Unfortunately it’s a combo of a goofy schedule, non-stop moving the entire time I work, and not eating, either because I don’t have time, or because my stomach hurts from stress or because I can’t get my body regulated yet to this goofy schedule and when I should eat, I just can’t. Hopefully I can keep it off once that “good working feeling” arrives! And if I can throw in some actual “exercise” I could be pretty buff for summer. Like, bikini buff! That would be nice for once!
The buzzer is buzzing. I have to go take a shower. In about 12 hours from now, I will be done and I can relax for a day! I also have to go buy Mega Millions tickets tomorrow. 500 million dollars! That’s definite retirement money. I will try and get some more kid news up tomorrow and all the pictures and fun stuff I have been saving for this site whenever I get the chance. Let’s make our own fortune! Right?!?! Have a great day everyone! Later!
Blooming Daffodils!
By the time these daffodil sprouts turn into flowers I hope I will be properly work-a-fied. It’s been one week now and I am still trying to figure out how to re-organize everything again. At work and at home. The work is just plugging along. Trying to get the routine. Trying to figure out how to manage my time so that everybody gets everything they need in my time on the floor. I’m going to try a new system tonight and see if I can help myself stay on track better. Thank goodness for the people who are precepting me. They are awesome.
Here at home, I have given myself 30 minutes to complete this post and go to the large pile of laundry that is sitting on the couch and, sort of, in one basket on the floor. That’s where it originally started. Nice and small and contained to one location. But as the days go by and people need specific clothes and I have to keep washing my same uniform, the pile grows. So that certainly hasn’t changed since school or even after school was done. I fear this may be one of those things that never change. The grocery accumulating has also suffered. I have a list. I meant to go. But I believe I am now getting my PM schedule-body-energy-alertness-shift-in-sleep-pattern thing going and it’s really messing up my daytime-energy-sleep thing. I slept yesterday AND today after the kids left. That should be enough right? I know my nights are getting better because I can actually see to drive home now. My contacts still felt fresh Tuesday night. And that’s a good thing because the weather keeps threatening to be crappy and it seems to be giving it it’s best effort at 11 pm when I’m trying to get home. Rain, sleet, snow and icy highways. It took me almost an hour the other night and I saw two accidents that looked slip and slide related. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow too, during the exact hours I will be at work. Perfect timing I say. Another challenge.
Ok. I missed my 30 minute cut-off. I set it for another 15, and I am at 13 right now. I would have done these boring home tasks yesterday on my day off but I chose to go to the school and see my kids play volleyball and then stay to cheer on the 8th grade basketball team as they won their conference championship game! They are going to state! It was very exciting and the gym was packed with people from both schools. Even the high school basketball team and coaches were there to cheer them on and probably to check out who’s coming to them next year. I believe the football coach was there too. I only mention it because I think he looks like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Seriously. And he was sitting right behind me with his knee in my back for most of the game. But you know, that’s just fine. I mean, come on, he’s not an ugly man. And it was a very muscular knee. I can’t wait for football season to start. I mean, I can’t wait until Mason is on the football team. I’m sure it’s not unusual for the moms to want to “talk” to the coach all the time about their kids right?? (I love you Jeff! But come on. You know he is good looking! Let me just have this!) Anyway, speaking of sexy football coaches and their muscles, I need to start working out to build my muscles. The weight thing is already happening and now I need to tone it all up. Again. For my health. Summer practice starts in 4 months.
Time’s up! Everyone have a great day! Next time I see the outdoors it will almost be Friday! 2 more days and I’m off for the weekend! Later.
Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt
I will let you decide which noble and majestic, wild beast I will be currently comparing myself to. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not Marty. (That was a layered hint. See, you have to know first of all, that that is a pic of an elephant and a zebra. Then you need to know about the very funny, but child-oriented, movie called Madagascar–the first one–which means you either: have to have kids, have no kids but love cartoon movies, or either have kids or not have kids but LOVE Chris Rock. “Oh I could hang here. I could hang here!” That’s my favorite quote and I have been perfecting my perfect Chris Rock impersonation. It is magnificent!) Much like that elephant above.
I do have a fantastic memory. And I am strong and powerful. And coincidentally, I kind of have a big nose. Luckily, my teeth are good and no tusks are growing out of my head just yet. Unfortunately…I am in current possession of a larger-than-life body to lumber around in. I can deny it no more.
The catalyst for this sudden realization, was clothes shopping at the mall over the weekend, as it most always usually is. It was not, as previously reported here, my mother’s gentle and loving, reality wake-up call, that she gave me a few weeks ago. You can read the whole post here if you want, but if you don’t like to jump around, I can sum it up by telling you she pretty much told me I was a big fat, fatty-bo-batty, in plain, clear English and said I should do something about that. Even though that doesn’t sound funny, it was actually VERY funny. In fact, it still is pretty funny. It makes me laugh just typing it. Only a mom can tell you that you are a cow and it only stings for a second, then it turns into hilarious laughter and a trip to the Starbuck’s to add another winter layer to the protective hide. But back to the mall.
A while back I went to buy some “interview” clothes. And I had the chance to wear them to a job fair and to Thanksgiving dinner. Then my daughter helped me wash the clothes and shrunk my perfectly fitted blouse into a shirt that I could barely get over my arms and shoulders, much less button again. When I say, perfectly fitted, I mean that it was already snug. EXCUSE ALERT!! I have very broad shoulders and a large ribcage with extra boobage, that none of my sisters or mom have. So that’s what I tell myself when I can’t find a nice button up blouse to fit me properly. No matter, that when I look at past pictures, I don’t seem extra large (in women’s clothes–yes, shameful secret, I have to shop in the misses or the women’s section. The juniors are mostly beyond my range and style threshold now. Also, I like my pants unripped and not looking like they got dragged through a dirt pile before I wear them.) Anyway, the point here, is that I was looking for something to wear in case I need to go on an interview. I kind of decided to look on a whim. We were there because my son wanted a suit coat and shirt and tie to wear for his 8th grade graduation pictures this week. (Yay!! Almost there!! He found everything he wanted in 15 minutes. Fits perfectly. Looks sharp. Not so for his mom. Sad face.) I know I know. Just get to the point.
As I was wandering around from store to store, department to department, trying to find a basic blouse to go with plain black dress slacks, I realized that:
1. I felt like a giant dumptruck. I was grossly dressed in ill-fitting jeans screaming for mercy, ripped up shoes and a hoodie, with frizzy hair (sorry A, I know that hurts, it will get better), little make-up and a bad attitude. My own fault. Plus that dread cycle coming up has put me in pity mode for a few days. I hate it, but at least realizing it helps make it go away for me.
2. Patterns are the staple in women’s clothing and they can not only be ugly as hell, but they have the ability to make you instantly feel like an old lady with one bad color scheme.
3. My son and BF are hilarious. They meant to be funny with their comments about the clothes and my size issue. I was gently told I should consider something “not so fitted” especially if the buttons will be straining to stay buttoned. Even when I am standing. OUCH. What??? I have not been totally in the dark about this, but you know, bloating and not drinking enough water, and blah blah blah. My daughter’s new favorite phrase is, “You just got hit by a reality truck!” Well, I got hit by the truck, run over, and then it backed up and ran over me again. It was really the, “Are we going to have to go to Lane Bryant?” comment that pushed me out into traffic. It was said in a totally joking manner with no sarcasm or malevolence at all. But that one stung. Like, I almost cried, stung. And I have a pretty thick skin, like an elephant, metaphorically speaking. Sometimes it completely sucks to be female. For the record, I do still fit in the regular store sizes, I even have a two to three size leeway before I have to give up the general department store or move to the Plus size section. I tried the clothes on, so I know. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with Lane Bryant stores or clothing. It’s just the next level of dressing nice for the bigger girl and NOT resorting to stretchy pants and sweatshirts. Which IS terrible. But that’s not going to happen.
4. My daughter is hilarious and dashed around the clothing racks looking for the perfect blouse because, “It’s not a big deal mom, just start exercising and eating better and it will be fine. You know you can do that.” and just like that, on and on, while she picked stuff out, matched things up and made me try them on while she determined which is the best. All while trying to cheer me up and soothe my hurt feelings with humor and the promise that after we shop we can go eat our last meal of fried greasy food because fried food always makes you feel better. My little Buddha.
I will say, for myself, personally, or for anyone who has the variety pack of kids, and this is most definitely a MUSH ALERT (skip it if you must): I feel extremely lucky to have a boy and a girl to raise and be raised by. They each bring their own unique personalities, and, still being formed, world views to the table along with some staggeringly stereotypical behaviors and ideas, that I can only attribute to their basic gender and gene pool that combine to make them the perfect balance between never wanting them to grow up and leave my sight and life or sending them packing to their dad’s for a long vacation. The definitely keep you grounded and aware of the world even when you don’t want to be. And most of the time they don’t even know they are doing it to you. Yes, I would like to order two of the offspring reality trucks to be delivered to the mall on Sunday. Schedule a drive-by and then a basic run-and-back-over, for about 2 pm. I’ll also take a Diet Coke while I wait. Thank you!
In the end, I bought a few different blouses. I need to dress better anyway. I look like a…well, I don’t know what I look like. I have no style whatsoever. I have been counting on the fact that the whole rest of my life will be in a scrub uniform so who cares. My daughter says I am just a real basic mom. I stay the same. “You’re just the standard jeans and black t-shirt mom. The simple mom. With the same clothes every day and the black shoes.” She struggles with the words but she means it in the most positive way. And since I’m so evenly proportioned, body wise, symmetrical, is what she means. I don’t really get fat in any one area, I just kind of “puff up”.
Now, tell me, who would NOT like to be described as “puffed up”? To make a long story, even longer, I faced my fear. Woke up yesterday, sent the kids to school, did my usual coffee/Words/computer/job search/money search/throw in a load of laundry morning and then suited up to hit the trail for a brisk four mile walk/run. Break the barrier. Start the exercise process again. Ease back into good health and healthy eating. Again. But, before I left the house, I took pictures. Horrible, shameful, lumpy pictures. So bad, I already warned my children to stay off my phone and not to be looking at all my pictures lest they be scarred for life. Nothing naked. It’s clear enough, without the nudity, that I need help. I mean, if we are facing our fears the proper body image is necessary. I have a distorted view of myself as my BF will gladly tell you is true. It’s not what you are thinking though. I see myself as far BETTER looking and THINNER than I actually am. Weird right? I always think I am smaller and weigh less than I actually do. AND, I am always very surprised when I see myself in a picture or in a mirror because that is not how I view myself in my own head. I don’t think I look like a model or anything. I know I don’t. I just over estimate my looks and body size. Probably my sense of humor and skill at writing too, but that never stops me from typing word after endless word. Let me just pause here, to say thank you, if you are still reading this, because with my attention span, I am not so sure I would still be reading me. And also, I hope there are not too many errors, because I really doubt I will go back and check it. Also, I am getting nervous this is taking so long because I have to walk to the library today as my exercise. Briskly, walk to the library. Change it up. Stay fresh. So I don’t quit on the second day.
Back to the post: I did good yesterday. One hour for four miles. Not groundbreaking. Not record setting. But it was outside (45 degrees—50-55 today! Unbelievable) and I did sweat. Then I came home and did something even crazier. Even more dangerous and fear inducing. I weighed myself. On a scale. An actual scale, with numbers, that tell your weight in pounds. I usually judge my weight by the jeans I can fit into. I have the 8-10-11 multi-pack of jean sizes. Different company’s but surprisingly accurate in helping me gauge my weight to within a few pounds. The only problem with my system is that I only have 5 pairs of jeans total to wear and weigh by. Four now. I lost the 10’s in the thigh rub incident of a few days ago (a tragedy I transcribed here some days ago, in far more words than necessary, as is my custom). It’s really a complicated system and sounds kind of confusing when you say it out loud, but the 10’s were the fat jeans. Pushing the highest weight I could go basically while staying UNDER 200 pounds. That is very important as that is the magic number for me. I have never, and will never (hopefully) see that number on a scale. Even pregnant I never hit it. And I tried. Long story…my boy decided to come three weeks early and spoiled my gain plan. Anyway, the 11’s are stretchy. Spandex is a wonder material. So even though the size is technically larger, my butt needs to be smaller to fit in them. But one of the 11’s is stretchier than the other. So it’s a matter of how stretchy do I want them and how comfortable will they be for the whole day? That’s the middle weight. The 8’s are the smallest. Again supposedly with Spandex, but one pair is decidedly stretchier than the other, by far. One pair I feel perfect in.
The other pair though, gives me, what I like to call: The JMT’s. That would stand for Jumbo Muffin Tops. Or “Juffins” as me and Stevie like to cackle about. One day, recently, the muffin tops were really spilling over and we were laughing about how they jiggle when I laugh and get worse when I sit and how I need a tighter buffer shirt to wear under my real shirt to try and skim them over, like frosting on a messed up, cracked and crumbly lumpy cake. I said, ” I don’t just have muffin tops, I have jumbo muffin tops. I have Juffins!” and we laughed hysterically. I am sure I am not the first or only person to have come up with that, but I’m taking credit in my world because I never heard it before and I said it and my daughter and son were there when I did. So that makes it official!
Got all that? Here’s the key to the whole thing. The weight was not as bad as I thought. And even if it was, who cares. I was ready to cry and curse all the delicious food in the world and my lack of willpower and laziness anyway. I still will. Probably forever. Nobody can be good ALL the time. Nobody. The point is I am aware. It is reality. It is not nice or pleasant but it’s OK. I will not reveal the number. It’s too much. But I will say that it is less than my top preggy weight and that is a miracle in itself I will not take for granted. And in the spirit of almost-full discretion, I weighed after the exercise and butt ass naked. Not pretty but I needed any help I could get for this. On the other hand, I am pre-menstrual though and I am a gainer beforehand. I have gone as high as five or six extra pounds. Which I always thought was such a croc and makes no difference, but when you are only 5 foot 5 on a good day, standing rimrod straight and you are over 40, it makes a whole hell of a lot of difference. Obviously I have enough sense of self to not let things go crazy crazy and it also means my jean theory works pretty good. But I need to go buy smaller jeans if I want to keep this up. I read in a magazine that the French ladies tie a ribbon around their waist before they eat and when it gets tighter they stop. Same concept with my jean system. That waist band can only dig into your belly flab for so long and for only so far before it becomes painful and medically dangerous and you must stop. I could bust a spleen sometimes, I wear them so tight.
Alright. For real now. I have to end this. I have stuff to do and miles to walk. My legs is sore! And the temp is up to almost 50 degrees! And it’s sunny! I must go outside! I must stop using so many exclamation points! Thanks for making it all the way to the end! You all get 100 bonus calories to use as you please! Have a great afternoon and I’ll chat back here later with the rest of the stuff I had planned. See you on the sidewalk.
Doctor Rita has diagnosed my ailment!
After extensive research that included reviewing all my symptoms, observing my behavior, and a long wait in her brain surgeon’s office, she delicately broke the bad news to me that I was, what they like to call in the medical world: F. A. T.
Thanks Mom! And yes, that is a picture of a slug up above. It was crawling on our garage one balmy autumn morning as we have had quite the unusual temperate temperatures around here lately. So much so that slugs are actually slime-ing all over the buildings to remind me of my dread disease. I figured it was appropriate now that I am aware of the root of all my medical problems.
Believe it or not, it was pretty funny when she kindly said to me, “You know, all these problems, I think it’s just because, you know, you’re really starting to put on the weight…” As she trailed off while pointing to my overall fatness and touching her lower face and chin area at the same time, remarking, “You’re getting more chins than me…you should probably do something about that.” It really was hilarious. I was so surprised. Not shocked. Because she is right. I have kind of porked up these last few months despite my strict exercise program of working out once every two weeks or so. But it really wasn’t what I expected her to say. And it was so matter of fact that we just sat there, across from each other for a minute and then I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. We were laughing like truly brain damaged people in the brain surgeon’s office over my giant fat body…I said, “Geez mom, way to break it to me gently: ‘Oh, by the way, you have more chins then a Chinese phone book, do something about that would ya…’ ” No offense intended to anyone, but that made us laugh even harder.
If you can’t count on your mom to give it to you straight who can you count on? So I weighed myself when I got home. It’s bad. And I just weighed myself today and I think it’s worse. I actually went to the gym too. Several times. So I am going with my original diagnosis which is a growing, but benign tumor that is adding weight to my body without my knowledge. Too bad the tumor is probably made of cookies and pizza and alcohol. Anyway, I got three days of exercise in last week and three days in this week, but I haven’t reduced my intake by enough to make me hungry and crabby. That’s how you know. Get ready for some crabby ass posts next week because it will NOT be pretty. That first week is going to SUCK. I hate starving myself but it seems to be the only way to jump start any kind of weight loss and to kill the taste for those delicious fatty, greasy, sugary, sweet, savory treats that are so available this time of year. I will only say that I have remained inside the 100’s weight-wise, but if I don’t stop the train now, I am going to careen off the track into the 200 pound valley of pain. It’s bad enough that my skin is stretching to its maximum limits. It’s letting loose and I can tell it wants to go all floppy. But I can’t be weighing more than my mother now so the end is near. Damn. Why does food have to taste so good??
Alright. Speaking of food, I have to go and have breakfast with my sister-in-law since it’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday Carole! Even though she doesn’t read this, but she would appreciate the shout out none the less. I will try to order healthy and prepare myself for the coming days. A lot of damage can be done when you give up and say, “What the hell.” I don’t want to have to lose any more weight than I already have on me.
So, to sum up: I am not dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. Not having strokes. Probably don’t have lupus. No MS or any one of the degenerative nerve diseases. No tumors. My mom has ruled all these serious illnesses out and has slapped me back to reality. My name is….and I am a fat ass.
I love you mom. See you in a few days.
I’m sensing a theme here…
From the Zimbio website. It's entertainment info if you want to check it out! Thank you!
I’ve stepped up all the way into the 90’s. And he’s closer to my age! Justin Smith. San Fran 49’ers. Defensive Tackle. They lost big time and he got ejected, but you know, football is not for the faint of heart. Big men pushing other big men around.
Before I get too far off the track here…I wanted to congratulate myself for actually exercising again, after a really long time (shame) and on Friday no less. I am back to P90X. Core Syn to start because I need to start back in fast. Sucks too because I have to do it tomorrow too. Blah. Who likes working out on Saturday?? No one that’s who. I am on the clock here tho. I got 46 days approximately. Day 1 is done. I’ll prob go to the gym too. Double workouts. Half the food. So far so good today. Only cheated with a few potato chips. Small steps. At least they made me thirsty so more water!
So here we go together for awhile. I would have posted a weight but, oh too bad, the battery on my scale is only strong enough to tell me that it’s low and won’t give me a number. Sad face. I guess I’ll just have to guess. Hmmm….110. I like that number. But I’ll settle for the one on my driver’s license.
I’d love to go on and on and I did have more, different things to post, but I have to go pick up my kid. He’s after school making up work to improve a grade. Not much to argue about there. Be back later with some holiday cheer!
Transition week!
Day 30 for me and I think I found my new favorite workout! It’s Core Synergistics. And it’s sweaty good fun. I need to make this somewhat short…my short I guess because I have got to get to bed. Besides school and the P90X I’ve recently devoted my life to, I am going to take a motorcycle class in the early a.m. (and then the next day and the whole next weekend…I mean if you’re gonna do it…) with the BF and get my license to ride, all official like. I even went to my first Harley store to purchase some gloves (they’re required for class) and got on the mailing list and a rewards card! I suppose it’s not really bad ass to take a riding class thru the state but…I get to ride a motorcycle!
So P90X. Day 29 and 30. Start of Week 5. I added an extra week of Phase 1 because I wanted more of a boost into hardcore fitness. Plus, I have to run 5 miles in three weeks so I need the weight help. And I didn’t feel like I was really “getting” the exercises and I missed a few days here and there. Also my diet was not the greatest. Besides, Tony says you can!
So now I am in transition week to Phase 2. Yesterday was Yoga X. Oh man! What a workout! I had sweat dripping in my eye! I was super warm and stretchy!
Here are my big accomplishments:
1) I was able to do the standing leg extension, one leg, TOE GRAB!!, and balance for almost 30 seconds! That felt great! What a difference! I almost had to take a picture for proof. I still might actually.
AND:
2) I was able to do crane! Oh yeah! I did it. I did it for, like, 2 or 3 seconds! Then I fell. Then I did it again. Then I fell. For one minute. Up and down. But it was feet off the ground! What’s funny about this yoga though is that I did alot of these moves in grade school. We used to balance on our elbows all the time and do plough and shoulder stand for fun. But that’s the key probably. We didn’t know what the hell we were doing and we weren’t aware we were “exercising”. Now it’s like work. Dammit.
Then we (kids and I) did Tony & the Kids for about 30 minutes. It’s an older DVD geared towards kids and it takes all the P90X moves, funs them up, lowers the reps, but keeps the cardio aspect. It was goofy at first but we were sweating by the end. Plyo, Kenpo, Yoga, Core, it’s all there.
Then today. Day 30. Core Synergistics. My first time. Holy Ab-A-Rolly I don’t even know what this is! Everything. Arms, legs, abs, weights, pushups; Ridiculous. WTF. Pushups. I was so beat by the end of the hour I could barely lift my arms for the cool down. Now that’s crazy and that has got to be X enough!
So after I’m done and I can lift my pen and my arm has stopped sweating all over the paper, I can write in my exercise/diet notebook. I like to keep track daily of what I’ve done and how I feel and all that good stuff. It’s kind of like this but much much shorter and to the point. This is the expanded version of…everything. Anyway, it’s about diet. I tell myself to eat better, drink more water, keep exercising, don’t overweigh, etc., etc. Then I give myself a pep talk along the lines of: if you stop eating crap you can get more muscles/tone/definition and less flabby/shaky/jiggly/cottage cheesy/dimply. I can be smooth and firm! I’m brutal!
Clothes Alert!! Final boost of the day!
After my shower and personal hygiene thing, I prepared to put a pair of jeans on with the usual tug and pull maneuver I named the “Pants Dance”. My kids think it’s pretty funny. I jump from foot to foot, holding onto the beltloops for dear life, while thrusting a limb through a pant leg until they basically work their way up to my waist then I can stand or lay into them with a classic scootching, twisting, wriggling shimmy, so I can get them high enough to zip and button and adjusted to fit around the thigh and knee and crotch and waist all at the same time. Occasionally (every single pair of jeans I own) the loops break and leave the telltale hole at the seam. Don’t need beltloops when your pants are almost too tight to even put on. A belt really doesn’t add anything to the party when there’s already too many people there!
But today, lo and behold, those pants slipped right on! My weight hasn’t changed beyond the 6 pounds (maybe 7) I lost already, but my body feels different. Those pants went right up very comfortably with little to NO muffin top! Now that is worth pushing play everyday! P90X! Bring. It.
And that’s where I am ending it tonight. It is way too late and I am way too close to 5 am! I’ll post more about all the other stuff and pictures too after I get my three hours of sleep and finish my class and go bowling and eat and school supply shop and all the things that everyone does everyday.
Wherever you are…enjoy the day, for it is glorious! And I love a good sunrise.
Thanks for hanging through to the end. Until later then. X it.
Storms are rolling in…
And it is dark at 4 o’clock. I posted yesterday morning but I never did come back. I apologize to all those breathless to read more about my long, boring, days of summer until school starts again…it’s a me thing.
I did complete Day 22 and Day 23. That would be some chest and back–so misleading–when it’s just endless push-ups and pull-ups and ab exercises–and Plyo, the jump stuff. I managed to half-ass my way thru that too today. I have a theory on my lack of energy and it’s not pretty. Reading the books that come with the program (P90X–got it in there for ya’ Amanda) They talk about the diet, eating healthy, I get that. They also talk about eating enough. Yes, eating more than you want to because you are burning the cals and you need the food to help you make it thru the workouts. I thought that was a load of crap. I have plenty of food stored in me that I should be able to go for many more days without any extra. But I might be wrong. Hardheaded. It’s all written. I read it. Didn’t believe it.
Here’s the unpretty part: (Turn away if you are squeamish, it’s about to get too personal) This is my first period, menstrual cycle, whatever you want to call it, while doing this program, and since I am a bit older than I’d like to be, things can be fast, slow, heavy, light, if you get my drift, AND I was trying to burn up the cals with some double workouts (got one tonight) and some leaner eating–by which I mean NONE. No food. Just some fruit and a chicken breast with some steamed beans…like literally, I cut my cals by three-fourths. Well, lo and behold, I can’t get up and once I do, I can’t do the exercises. I can’t get the same intensity because I have no energy. Like none. It’s strange. No food in, lots of draining body fluids (sweat and other things, sorry) and I am dogging it. My booty is not lifting, as much as sagging, around the living room trying to keep up with the gang on the TV.
But I think I got it now. I’ll increase the food or at least go back to my normal diet. Normal, healthy, low-fat, no-dairy, diet, I mean. Of course.
I’m excited though because I weighed yesterday too. I am trying to do it about every two weeks. Nothing drastic. Slow and steady. It’s good. I am down 5.5 lbs in 27 days. It is not noticeable on me whatsoever. It’s just the way I’m shaped I guess. And I’m not starving myself or starving at all. My appetite is less lately. Although that could also be because it’s 90+ degrees every day now and that kills any urge to eat or move or breathe. But I don’t care anyway because it’s for the long haul and I don’t have alot of years left to be getting down to little old lady size. Gotta do it now.
Last night we did dinner with the family. Pizza–so good. Tried to eat the smallest, crustiest pieces I could, as slow as I could. I even had dessert. Key Lime pie. Not my fav but it was ok.
Here is a fun fact for you: One eighth of that pie had 450 calories. I wasn’t cutting so I tried to get a small piece, but isn’t that alot?? I thought so. Sometimes all that labeling is evil.
So hopefully I will go to the gym again tonight and run my miles…do I even dare try the 55 mins.? I don’t know. I’m scared thinking about it. Have to do something as my sister Amanda and my friend Beth are trying to kill me in the next two days. Garage sale tomorrow, nice and early, all day and an hour away…I have to get up sooooo early and I don’t even get any of the money!
Then Friday is my cardio-fitness-trainer-tag-a-long workout with Beth. Again with the early. 7 am. People are crazy. Who can exercise that early? I’m really not an early morning kind of girl for doing stuff. Any stuff. I like to lay and drink coffee until my eyes open better. I am already overly worried about my school schedule and I still have three weeks! I’ll be getting up early for sure, but it’s mostly moving the kids around and putting on clothes. Then driving in the car. The nursing part is not nearly as hard as balancing on half a ball for a minute holding dumbbells and jumping 50 times. Or sitting at a garage sale in the sweltering sun bargaining down my sissy’s belongings, praying for death or at least a big rainstorm. (Just kidding…I’m sure it will be fine. And fun!)
Anyway…I’ll wrap it up for today. It’s longer than I thought, as always. I can’t even shut up typing! And the sky has cleared. I’m going to go back outside and finish sitting in my chair, looking at the backyard. We have hummingbirds!
There’s some pictures around because I took them and it looks better than just all words. I may be back. (She says mysteriously) Later.
Hot in the City….
It is Sunday, May 23, in Chicago. It’s a blazing 90 degrees and I have been drinking margarita’s all afternoon. This is my first post, post-nursing, first year. I am done for the summer! Passed successfully the course, the final and the final-final for the past year of material. I will be enjoying this afternoon and evening and start reading some more stuff on Monday. It’s recommended. But, no pressure so its really more for fun. Haha.
Anyway, let me rewind the week, but fast-forward the boring parts (zip it Amanda…some people do not think this is ALL boring like you…har har) anyhoo…let’s see…oh yes…my sister (Amanda) squeezed out yet ANOTHER child into this world…good job! Welcome Everet Jase! Congrats to the family!
I passed my classes, I registered for fall, I paid for fall (lots of money I don’t actually have…and don’t even qualify for using student aid…but hoping for good luck with some working scholarship money, and I bought some lottery tickets also as a back up plan.
Saturday, myself and the family (kids and bf), babysat for the new bean so my sister could go to a wedding and try to wear sexy clothes and drink for the first time in 9 months. She looked cute but the alcohol didn’t take. She tried her best but we are thinking that the bartender thought she was still a pregnant lady and gave her non-alcohol drinks! We have to get that baby weight off! Which leads me to our next big thing…Warrior Dash! It is coming fast and neither of us is ready and I don’t have a baby as an excuse for my chub…only fast food and laziness. So that means you get to follow along on the progress all summer! I may have pictures…they are guaranteed to be funnier this year because they have that same wall for me to not be able to climb over again AND a new net-wall-army-thing that I will probably never get my big booty up on. So you’ll definitely want to stay tuned.
After the babysitting, 3 am, yikes, and an hour drive home, we get to bed at 4. Kids leave at 11 ish to go to an other-family-thing with their dad, and I get the idea to go for a nice bike ride with the bf, you know, get a jump start on the massive diet and exercise program that begins tomorrow for this entire household. The “Summer of Slim”, the “Focus on Fat”, the “Abolishment of Adipose”…we need a catchy slogan for my program, especially since we will all be crying by Tuesday about how hungry and tired we are of this horrible plan…and how we’d rather just stay fat…no no, not this year. My goal is my son. Slim by seventh…that’s good too…hmmmm….anyway, it’s happening and I will be unliked for some time this summer.
Back to the bike ride…we decided on a modest 9 miles (thank goodness the bf doesn’t listen to me, because I first suggested the 19 mile loop we were doing last year, which we would still be doing right now). So, to the trail, on the bikes, riding, riding, riding, sweating, hills, 90 degrees, more hills, sweating, still riding…9 miles is really long, even on a bike, if you haven’t done it in a year, finally down to 2.8 left, I was like, what???, man I thought we were done, but we made it back to the car and even went past and back to make it a nice even 10 miles. Felt good. Felt sexy, in that sweaty, I-just-exercised-don’t-I-glisten-in-the-sun kind of way! And then driving home we go right past this Mexican restaurant with awesome margarita’s and I said that’s what we should do…have margarita’s for the rest of the day. So we change, drive back, drink margarita’s, eat guacamole and enchilada’s with green sauce, and watch the Hawks win it for the city! But the fun doesn’t end there….we need home margarita ingredients!
To the liquor store…got it all, Tequila, mixer, salt, limes….and more heat. It’s still like 80 something outside, no air conditioning inside, wouldn’t put it on anyway because it’s only May, and it’s 8 o’clock pm. I’m on, like my third glass, but it’s hard to tell because it’s never really an empty-fill thing, it’s more like a continual addition to what is already in the glass thing. At any rate, it’s lovely, and it’s getting hard to type or see, because dusk is upon us here in the Midwest. My kids should be home soon. Dirty and sweaty from their day and needing showers for school in the a.m. Well, shower for one anyway…the girl broke her arm again and is limited to baths with her cast sticking out…I have pictures!
I have lots and lots and lots more stuff to tell and write and show and post, I have missed so much since Easter because of school, but I shall have the whole summer to amuse my loyal fan base!
I also have pictures but cannot post any because I am not typing this on my computer where the pictures are. My computer is trying to get reconfigured for better speed and quality of content. So this will have to be good for now.
I have money to post! I have found alot of spare change in the last few months. I have saved it all for you in one location so I can total it up and be very dramatic about it. And I have Cool Words galore thanks to my girl…she has been saving them and is anxious to start helping me. I have Warrior Dash training, and PF 5-Mile training, and get-my-son-slim-by end-of-summer training and healthy cooking (?) attempting, and music! Music music…I have been so slacked…playlists and inspiration….you do not want to miss any of it!!
Also I want to thank my followers, particularly the one who sent me the notice about the creator of my favorite coffee cup…the New York Coffee Cup….we are happy to serve you…blue with gold trim….passing away recently. I have the Time magazine write-up abut it and him and the iconic piece of history he left behind. Thank you for keeping me informed when I cannot! If you want to see more about the cup, click here, NYCC, and if you just want more, I will be back soon with all the good stuff…hopefully late late tonight or tomorrow once the computer is fixed, the kids hit school and I hit the gym (training starts NOW), I also need some healthy food items in the house…we are down to coffee, 4 slices of bread, almond and rice milk, and eggs…which I am going to go boil right now for tomorrow.
Until then, have another drink, maybe one more for tonight, and enjoy the heat wherever you are. It’s good to be back! Cheers.
just shy of pretty 