Late Summer Bug Out
Late July, early August. This is the time to be careful. Every day I step outside to see some new type of bug (or snake–HA) trying to give me a fright.
Not because they are soooo scary but because they surprise me with their quiet, non-moving, oddly, and sometimes ominously, colored presence in the places that I was the day before and they were not. And because of my schedule. I get to see day bugs, like that one above, and night bugs, which seem even bigger and buggier in the semi dark of my backyard.
I have to look up on the doors and walls and down on the ground. I keep thinking that my lost snake will return like a cat or a homing pigeon, back to stay with the family forever or exact its revenge for abandoning it to the wild. As a bonus, I usually get to be the first one to walk through the webs that our wolf spiders are always trying to build across the door frame.
Yuck yuck yuck. Three different kinds that I was able to get a picture of, not to mention the countless other spiders I don’t see. This moth (?) was just sitting on my flower pot while I dead headed.
Did not move or even try to fly away even when I was shaking the planter. Standing his ground. It knows that I am not going to touch it. I mean, look at it. Eeesh. I also have some kind of giant bee or wasp or something buzzing around my butterfly flowers in the front. I am not exaggerating when I say “giant” either. It’s bigger than the average bee/wasp. Probably, conservatively, 2-3 inches in length and with a wider body. It does not sit long enough yet for me to get its photo, but, you know, I will devote the rest of the season to trying. My son just moved some sticks from our small branch pile in the back, and uncovered a swarming bee’s nest. He got stung three times. Luckily he is not allergic and has been stung several times before in his young life. Both of my kids have. I think that might be kind of weird just by itself. Some people never get stung by bees. And yet my kids get stung practically every summer. Hmm. I don’t really have any more reflecting to do on that. Just throwing it out there because I mostly type what I am thinking. The BF has planned an actual weekend for us. With a schedule and list of things to do and places to go. And I have one more day of work to get through before the fun begins. I may or may not get to post as we go. I plan on putting the actual list here if I can but I don’t want to jinx our plans so I may have to do it after and let you know what we did or didn’t do. Plus, I have to send it to the computer and download and blah blah blah. So here are a bunch of bugs to enjoy while I am gone. Have a nice creepy day.
FYI. Ending on a positive. This last bug is NOT a real bug. It’s a display from the zoo. But what if it was? Think about it. Later.
What do these things have in common? Me, Vodka, and Olives.
This drunken post should be all the answer you need.
It’s Friday. My children are safe, away, with their daddy. Mother Nature has left the building. And I’m as smooth as George Clooney in a roomful of cocktail waitresses at a Vegas Casino. (That’s for Michael K. He’s not a reader, but he’d appreciate the effort)
It’s 6:30 PM Chicago Time and I’m going to hit publish and make Number 2. Wait a minute.
Let me re-type. I’m leaving it though because it’s funny. At least it is when you drink a giant cup of vodka.
Re-phrase: I’m posting, hitting Publish, and making my second Dirty Martini, minus the dirty, the olives and the glass.
And……
Chevy Camaro. Trying to look cool…
Or as I like to refer to it: The Dodge Nemesis
Following me home on Tuesday night.
At the same time, Mason and I said, "What car is that??"
Picture time. It's 1 a.m. so we don't want to flash right into the guys window. But we're slightly crazy.
This is as flashy as I let Mason get.
The required arty-looking-back-in-the-side-view-mirror shot. Buh-Bye!
It was a nice car. Very sleek looking, with nice wheels. Good color too! Not too flashy.
Heaven help me, I might actually be falling for it!
Ass Water, Slyder and Freddy. I hate when nights end like this!
How DO some people get their cute little nicknames?
Take two parts alcohol, a late running party, one over-tired kid, and a bag of BK cheeseburgers. Fold in one ingredient after another and try to have an innocent conversation. Then mishear one word and suddenly everyone has a new nickname and the night has taken a seriously wrong turn.
It probably won’t SEEM funny typed out here…and I’m sure my sister will be calling any second to tell me how NOT funny I am, but let’s try!
Sissy and hubby come home from party I babysat for with BF and kids. Girl is sleeping. Boy is ready to go. I say, “Ready Freddy?” He says, “Who’s Freddy?” My sissy says, “You now. We’re going to start calling you Freddy…hahahaha…”
Lots of laughs, extra jokes, T-shirts will be made…the whole thing.
As we are leaving, my boy says, “Bye Aunty Amanda” My sister hears, “Bye Aunty Enema” “What? What did you say? Did you say enema?” Laughing of course, because it’s funny. And it did sound like that. We all make a joke about enemas…and my son says, “What’s an enema?” We basically fall over each other to tell him, water up the butt.
“You just called Aunty the water you put up your ass”
Yes, here it comes. Are you laughing? “You just called Aunty ‘Ass Water’ ”
That WAS funny. We all laughed, and I said that would be her new nickname. We could put that on a shirt.
The hubby already had the Slyder nickname from a motorcycle mishap early in his riding career. The “Y” just adds that extra level of cool.
The BF pointed out that the three names makes an excellent group together. And here’s where you all came in, hence the headline. Sounds…intriguing, does it not? Are you side-splitting? Pictures might help.
Then my son expanded it out, so he could say it without getting in trouble, to “Aunty Ass (as in donkey) Water” It still got the laughs, but by then the booze was wearing off, and we had an hour to drive. Another family memory noted in our collective books and saved here forever on the internets.
Was it as good for you as it was for us?? Yeah right. I recommend pouring yourself a LARGE shot of Vodka (or whatever liquor floats the boat), and then RE-READ. Is it funny now? No? Repeat above step until it is! Then you can drunk-type me with YOUR new nickname and I PROMISE, I WILL laugh!! Swear.
Get to bed. School and work people. We’ll have fun after that! See you tomorrow. Love you Ass Water…I mean, Amanda. Goodnight!
Poker? But I hardly know her…HA…sorry…there was alot of ways I could have gone here…
My first choice isn’t AS funny, considering I’m a girl, but that’s for all you dudes out there. You’re welcome.
This is my next choice:
HA! The Elusive 500!
A little more cryptic…what could I be referring to? And…you keep reading!
Next headline (actually typed, then deleted, so I could go with the above):
Poker Night for Everyone!
Kind of boring. Obviously referencing some kind of “poker” game.
So, that’s it for the headlines. Here’s the meat:
Pocket Poker is my downfall!
Well, ONE of my many downfalls (if you ask the BF—hardy har har) and I have just been playing and playing. My ex hubby bought it years and years ago for me, and then one day, it disappeared.
Fast forward to last Christmas, in Florida, at the great Grandma’s house. Grandpa has been gone for a year plus, and Grandma was just now cleaning out some of his “junk” drawers.
POOF! Like a magical gift from the heavens, it returned to me. It was in Grandpa’s drawer all these years. I remembered then, that when he was sick, he liked to play it, and I left it there for him. Grandma didn’t want it, and it was back with me.
I searched for some years for it, and I searched the stores for one just like it. Nothing. This is the best. The most straightforward. The easiest. You can play for many mind numbing hours. And I do. My goal (sights set high over here) was to get 500 points.
Well, today is that day! Mere hours ago, I achieved this spectacular feat! I don’t get anything for it except satisfaction, and the next time I play I’ll probably lose 100. But, I’m no quitter. On to the next “level”….SIX hundred points!! OMG! I could be up all night!
Here’s a picture of my outstanding achievement in Hand Held Pocket Poker Gaming (505 points with a Full House):
just shy of pretty 