Now why does this seem so familiar?

May 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm (Day to Day, Drunk Posts, Holiday, Pictures) (, , , , , )

Another long weekend is upon us. Memorial Day! (Take a vodka soaked minute to honor and think about all our soldiers please, past and present, and currently serving to protect our right to drink too much and act stupid all weekend. Thank you.)

Anyway…long weekend, kids are gone (camping with their dad), no school, nothing to study, it’s getting dark, kind of cool outside, the BF is trying to find us a cheap flight to Vegas, we’re watching 2½ Men on TV, drinking martini’s and playing my favorite game–we drink when Charlie drinks–, and I’m posting about it!

It’s like the best kind of  déjà vu! Here’s the difference:

Swords! For the olives. They add a fun touch and they were the only kind of sticks available at the store. Rainbow colored!

Also, we are watching 2½ Men on TV, but….

We do own the last season on DVD. We watched it already though. Three discs. Three straight nights in a row. I probably shouldn’t let the kids watch it, but most of the jokes go right over the heads and my son looks just like Jake…really, and they think it’s pretty funny for what they do get. So I have a soft spot for the show. But I don’t want to get off the subject or start over thinking about my kids because then I’ll miss them and that really kills the buzz. But anyway, luckily, FX Network is playing the show tonight until 8 pm, so I can be pretty blotto-ed by then! (They’re also running a marathon on Monday, but sitting around all day watching that would be lame right…?)

Alright, well it seems that my glass is empty and this episode is almost over so I gotta go make another one and get ready for the next hour. Later.

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I blame the booze

December 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm (Big Fish, Day to Day, News, Oscars, Pictures) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

And messed up cosmic bowling. And a million people all driving towards the mall. And a long line at the liquor store. And that first, delicious, vodka martini with garlic stuffed olives (pretty good, not as over powering or breath killing as you might think). And the movie Elf. And the bottle of wine that I bought the other day. And the other bottle of wine that I bought today. And the sore muscles that prevented me from getting up and moving in a timely fashion. And the Wizard of Oz, with commercials, so that I could struggle to my feet and exercise my way to the kitchen for more drinks in between.

But not actually exercise. Or not eat. The moment I said I would just drink and not eat, all I could think about was food. So we ate pretty much all the leftovers in the house. And then some other stuff too. Sorry Mason, we ate the cheese sticks. I’ll buy more this week.

And then it was so late. I could stand and walk enough but I was not doing, like, a workout. And now it’s morning. For the record I slept like crap. And I had a headache all night long. And I was really thirsty. And I had strange, weird dreams about working in a hospital. A giant, multi-level, spread out hospital that doesn’t exist in real life. I had to put eye drops in a long list of patients scattered everywhere, and measure their pupil dilation. But I couldn’t find the rooms. And the patients were listed categorically by disorder and it seemed most were psychiatric. It took me 15 minutes just to get near the hospital rooms. There was a huge, 2 level, narrow, oddly stepped staircase I had to go down (and back up) and my kids were following me and I was wearing my school uniform.  AND I was drinking in my dream too! IN the hospital. All the other nurses and doctors were too.  I don’t know what that means but it’s probably not good. In the end I could only find one person on the list and he refused.

Thank god I woke up. I’m drinking coffee now without anything in it, although I bought something for that yesterday too. I’m going to wait until later. During football, to start drinking again. And I must try to exercise even though just trying to cough hurts at this point. That’s the problem with irregular exercise. Those muscles hate stretching out after you let them sit for awhile. Then they punish you big time by not letting you move faster than sitting and not lifting more than a fork or a glass. Thank goodness I can type, right Amanda??

I suppose I better get up now and do something. In celebration of school being over I got myself some fake nails. But I am not skilled on managing alot of personal hygiene things yet. Takes practice and some different moves. Like, for instance, it took me half an hour to put in my contact lenses. It’s stupid. I don’t know how the fancy girls do it 24/7. But in a week or so, I’ll have naturalized myself to the whole concept and I’ll be fine. I let my daughter get some too, but her’s are probably all broken and chipped by now. 2 days would be a record. She likes to tap them on everything and pull at them all the time. Anyway…my point was that it takes longer to do less.

And I have a crazy fish to deal with. My son’s Oscar has taken to swimming around the tank in circles. Not like around the outer edges, literally swimming in fast circles like he’s a dog chasing his tail. We can’t figure out what the problem is. One site said water issues, one says nutrition, one said maybe he broke the heater and he’s getting electrocuted continuously. Well, there’s another fish in the tank and he seems fine so I doubt it’s that, but we unplugged the heater anyway. Still spinning.   He also likes to attack the surface and throw water out. He just did it again. The other things are not easily fixable so I say just move him out. I think he’s too large for where he’s at and needs to be moved to the big tank. There are a variety of fish in it already and one giant Oscar. He used to be really aggressive, but he seems to be tamer now. I think it might be ok. It’s a pity though, because Mason’s fish is nice and smooth with no scars or damage and he’s probably going to get beat up a little bit if we switch him.

Anyway, these are the problems of a Sunday morning stall. Type long enough and something else will come up to do other than exercise. Like your mom calling you and asking when you planned on coming over. Hi mom! Thanks! Did you read all this? It’s funny huh?? So, since I didn’t make it clear when I called her earlier, and she won’t drive her scroungy butt to me, I guess I better really go get dressed and haul it out there! See? No exercise! Yay fat me!

I am posting a picture of the big Oscar that Mason took as companion to this fine piece of writing, except that its at the top, so you’ve already seen it. And I still have lots of Christmas pics I took from around my house when I was goofing around with the camera. And hopefully, I’ll have really old pics to post from when my dad was alive later too. Pretty exciting stuff. You do want to see those, I promise. In the meantime though, here’s a picture of Mason’s crazy fish:

He’s not as clear as he could be, but you get the idea. He’s about 8 inches long and 5 inches top fin to bottom. In a 36 gallon bow tank and looking mean, but we’ll see.

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What do these things have in common? Me, Vodka, and Olives.

July 31, 2009 at 6:59 pm (Day to Day, Drunk Posts, Pictures) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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This drunken post should be all the answer you need.

It’s Friday. My children are safe, away, with their daddy. Mother Nature has left the building. And I’m as smooth as George Clooney in a roomful of cocktail waitresses at a Vegas Casino. (That’s for Michael K. He’s not a reader, but he’d appreciate the effort)

It’s 6:30 PM Chicago Time and I’m going to hit publish and make Number 2. Wait a minute.

Let me re-type. I’m leaving it though because it’s funny. At least it is when you drink a giant cup of vodka.

Re-phrase: I’m posting, hitting Publish, and making my second Dirty Martini, minus the dirty, the olives and the glass.

And……

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