Why is this funny to me??

January 3, 2011 at 6:29 pm (Celebrity, For Amanda, Lifted) (, , , , , )

Since I am not being very original today. This is from D-Listed. One of my very favorite sites. It’s in the sidebar. Michael K is always funny. He makes me laugh even when I don’t want to. So I am re-posting his post, with all his words. (None of it after “enjoy” is mine.) It’s mostly for Amanda because I know you can answer my question!

Enjoy!

Monday, January 3rd 2011

Would You Hit It?

Well, blog of the devil… Here’s Kid Rock marching on the beach in Cabo and looking like if Gollum got out of rehab for his ring obsession and found a new addiction in the bottom of a Pabst keg and in a bottle of Rogaine. Since 2011 should be a non-stop shameless slut orgy before the end-of-the-world storm (aka 2012), I’d cut a hole in the back of my Wranglers and hit it on the airbrushed hood (think of a bald eagle wiping a single tear off his cheek with an American flag paper napkin) of his El Camino in the back parking lot of a NASCAR rally.

And if Gollum humping still isn’t your thing, here’s a few pictures of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber with Kid Pebble.

  • Posted by: Michael K.

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What do these things have in common? Me, Vodka, and Olives.

July 31, 2009 at 6:59 pm (Day to Day, Drunk Posts, Pictures) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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This drunken post should be all the answer you need.

It’s Friday. My children are safe, away, with their daddy. Mother Nature has left the building. And I’m as smooth as George Clooney in a roomful of cocktail waitresses at a Vegas Casino. (That’s for Michael K. He’s not a reader, but he’d appreciate the effort)

It’s 6:30 PM Chicago Time and I’m going to hit publish and make Number 2. Wait a minute.

Let me re-type. I’m leaving it though because it’s funny. At least it is when you drink a giant cup of vodka.

Re-phrase: I’m posting, hitting Publish, and making my second Dirty Martini, minus the dirty, the olives and the glass.

And……

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Stealing…Borrowing…Copying…Pasting…D-Listed says it’s for real and I trust his research.

July 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm (Celebrity, Lifted, Unusual, Video) (, , , , , , , , )

Copied the You Tube Video off You Tube.

Copied/Pasted D-Listed Content because it’s way funnier than anything I would have come up with. Credit: Michael K. Check out the site (Adult Content)

His words:

Got an ass so stanky that it makes flies commit mass suicide (don’t look at me)? Got a pair of feet so rank that all your socks disappear from your drawer in the middle of the night? Got a coochie so rancid that the Department of Sanitation declared it a toxic waste zone (Paris, this one goes out to you)?

If you answered yes to one of those questions and are allergic to water and soap, this product is for you! It’s called the Aspray and it’s like Fabreeze for your bits! Apparently, this is a real-life product created by someone named Doc Bottoms (which is also one of Tommy Girl’s pet names).

My words:

I’ll just leave it at that and let the commercial speak for me… I’m thinking Christmas presents for the whole family!?!?!

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Full Disclosure:This is blatantly copied and pasted from D-Listed. There is a link to the right if you want to check it out. Adult content.

July 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm (Celebrity, Lifted, Pictures) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michael K./D-Listed. His words:

Open Post: Hosted By Brendan Fraser And His Five-Month Old Fetus

Does Brendan Fraser have something tell us?! Or maybe he doesn’t even know himself and we’ll soon see his ass on an episode of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” after he pops out a baby in the toilet of a public bathroom? Or maybe he’s starring as the pregnant dude in a Lifetime biopic? Or maybe he sort-of, kind-of swallowed a beer keg during a drunken night? Eh, it happens.

End of copied work.

So this is me now. I totally copied and pasted the part I wanted to keep. That would be the above. The rest that Michael K. wrote and the actual site are a little too adult for my children who might see it on the front page. But please click on the link to the right and get ready to laugh. It’s my go-to web place for guaranteed humor. (Please don’t be mad. I gave full credit!)

Anyway, the reason THIS is so funny to me, is one, tipsy on the beer fuzz, and two, Brendan Fraser with a beer gut? It can’t be. We just watched Journey to the Center of the Earth a mere 36 hours ago. Seriously. My daughter loves him. She asked if he was married. I said he was. She said, “Awww..” She’s ten. These crushes happen. We watch at least one movie of his every few weeks. No kidding. We are waiting for Inkheart from Netflix right now.

The third reason this is so funny is that I have just recently noticed this disturbing trend in our white male population of the 40-year old range. It seems like every time I see an older, somewhat attractive white guy walking around, he’s carrying that lump along with him. What the heck??

Maybe it’s just me? Maybe America is producing some new super-junk-food-sensation sweeping the nation that our white middle-aged boys can’t resist? And that women and other races know nothing about? I don’t mean to sound prejudice, I’m sure every nationality has a male gut problem…no offense intended…but it’s seeping over into our action stars!! Our sexy, muscle-y, looking-like-they-are-working-out action stars! Oh, the humanity.

At any rate, we still love Brendan, and this gives me a new idea. I’m going to keep an extra sharp eye out now and take a sneaky picture of anyone I see carting this belly thing around with them. It’s very specific in shape and seems to ride high up on the waist. It’s weird. And it looks unnatural.

But, it gives me something to do.

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Cool Word of the Day! Spelling Bee Edition!

May 29, 2009 at 5:48 pm (Cool Words, Video) (, , , , , , , , , , )

This section here is lifted copy/paste from DListed/Michael K. (Thank you. Please don’t be mad. You are the smarmy, younger, alter ego brother I never…oh wait, I do have one of those already…but he’s straight! Rock On!)

13-year-old Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, Kansas beat out 11 finalists for the title of the greatest speller who ever spelled (under the age 14) at the Scripps National Spelling Bee last night. Kavya won $40,000 in cash and prizes as well as a giant trophy/fruit bowl/dust collector. This was Kavya’s fourth time at the bee and it will also be her last, because of her age.

The word that won it for Kavya was laodicean.

End of DListed/Michael K Post Part. (Thank you again–I owe you a froo-froo drink!)

Now this is mine. In order to find the above word, I had to put away my Riverside Webster’s II Dictionary that I normally use for this and break out the big guns:

Random House Webster’s College Dictionary.

I never heard of the word, nobody I know ever heard of the word and I couldn’t spell it to save my life or my children’s lives. I did let my future french fry makers stay up late to watch the big finish though! As a bonus for the Spelling Bee people, I bet they taught half of America a new word last night! Yay TV! Stay in school!

Smart kids are awesome!

Laodicean (adjective)

Definition: Lukewarm or indifferent, especially in religion, as were the early Christians of Laodicea;  such a lukewarm or indifferent person.

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