Happy March 32nd!
Just kidding. There is no snow. What a jokester I am. I actually took current, up-to-date, real-time pictures of the backyard and that table, to show you what the outside really looks like right at this moment. 5 pm Central time. Midwest America. It’s not warm today. (We only get the stuttering sixties at this point in the year.) It’s back in the 40’s again and it feels cold. But it’s sunny. Warning! The pictures below are uncut and unedited (for time) and are not very pretty. The yard is a sticks and stumps mess like a graveyard for bark parts or the lost world of tree limbs and branches. And all that sunshine blazing down is just lighting up the debris like a Christmas tree. Look here! Crap attack! You will NEVER be free of the Park Forest Tree! That may be a little dramatic, but you really have to live here to know why that is so scary. And true. Read back a bit on this site or just click over on the right there to “Tree Trouble” and you can see what I am talking about. I dare say I may have had an above average amount of bad luck in the breaking/cracking/ falling down department of tree instant removal and upheaval. They like to fall in my backyard. And they like to fall slowly. One piece at a time. Every few months or so. We started out with 3 very large 50 year old trees with many many branches limbs sticks and leaves. Now we have 2 tall “trunks”, at best, that still give me a run for the money when the wind blows too hard. They barely have proper branches on them anymore. Maybe a few limbs, that are very high up and thin, but that still sway on a windy day like drunk gymnasts trying to land on the roof of the house if they could only get the right arc. It’s ridiculous and my own private natural ghost story. The Tale of The Malevolent Maple Tree! The Evil Box Elder! The Horror of the Hackberry! The Horror of the Hackberry is right. That’s the tree ID that is presently lounging around all over the backyard in various shapes and sizes, providing a fine winter home for all kinds of bunnies and squirrels and skunks and probably opossums and racoons. I think those last two actually live up in the tree, but I can’t be sure and I do not have time to check. I see I have gone on and on like I always do and this was supposed to be quick and fast and funny. April Fool joke and all that.
Anyway my original point was to mention that I had been looking back at some of my earlier postings (4 years in March!) and I was pretty funny if I do say so myself. Go ahead and read some vintage posts if you have some time. You will not be disappointed. I also noticed that I had written about the BF’s birthday at that time and even posted about wrapping his present in the Jewel Foods sales paper. Which is what I did again this year! I thought I was so clever. Turns out I am clever. And I have been for at least 4 years, maybe more! Ha. I took a new present pic:
It’s like a birthday/posting/cheap present wrapping flashback. Now, the BF is on his way and we are going to dinner and celebrating the big 4-0 one day early. Presents and cake when we get back. Yes. I made a cake. He doesn’t even know! It’s his fav I think, at least of the cakes that I make. It’s the “Better Than Sex” cake that I also mentioned many years ago. That cake was only presented in a written description posting. This year I have pictures of the process and the results. That cake weighed 10 pounds I think. I will weigh this one before we cut it and let you know. Ok. Better go.
Thank you to all my new friends and followers! I appreciate the time it takes to find or stumble on something new, give it a few minutes to sink in and then actually do the work to “like” and “follow”. I mostly “like” back and “follow” when I get here. Which as you have seen from these last 2 days is like, once every 2 months. So sad. And I like hearing my own voice and seeing my own words. I think that is also pretty obvious if you have spent even one minute of time reading just one of my posts. They get “wordy”.
Ok. Really now. Here’s the real-time pics of today. Enjoy the evening and I’ll be back. I see some long spring days ahead of me, typing deep into the dark warm nights. Later.
Why is this funny to me??
Since I am not being very original today. This is from D-Listed. One of my very favorite sites. It’s in the sidebar. Michael K is always funny. He makes me laugh even when I don’t want to. So I am re-posting his post, with all his words. (None of it after “enjoy” is mine.) It’s mostly for Amanda because I know you can answer my question!
Enjoy!
Would You Hit It?
Well, blog of the devil… Here’s Kid Rock marching on the beach in Cabo and looking like if Gollum got out of rehab for his ring obsession and found a new addiction in the bottom of a Pabst keg and in a bottle of Rogaine. Since 2011 should be a non-stop shameless slut orgy before the end-of-the-world storm (aka 2012), I’d cut a hole in the back of my Wranglers and hit it on the airbrushed hood (think of a bald eagle wiping a single tear off his cheek with an American flag paper napkin) of his El Camino in the back parking lot of a NASCAR rally.
And if Gollum humping still isn’t your thing, here’s a few pictures of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber with Kid Pebble.
OVER!
For the semester! Thank God! It wasn’t as bad as the last one and I sure didn’t want to kill myself this time like I did after the last final. I was going for the A this time. It’s all about the points. And I was THIS close. I was up, I was down; I lost a few and gained them back. It came down to the last points on the final exam and I just couldn’t do it. FAIL. Well, not fail. I passed the test and the class with a really really (really) high B. I keep my Honor Society and I get that damn pin they have been dangling over our heads the entire semester.
But still….last thing I said to Stevie today before she left for school was that I hope when I see that grade, if I do miss the A, let it be at least by 2 points. It can’t be just one. One point is wrong. One point is one foot from the shore and drowning anyway. It’s like falling flat on your face one foot from the finish line. That’s alot of F’s in that sentence. OK. Re-focus.
So you know, YOU KNOW, that is exactly what I missed that shit ass A by. One stinking lousy point! One point too stupid!! And I can’t even blame the test because someone only missed 6 total and I missed double that! Something to strive for next year right?? UGH!! It’s almost too much. Maybe I was sabotaged?? Maybe I should have studied just a few more hours…
All in all I am thankful and grateful to be moving on. School is hard. And it just gets harder. For all you youngsters out there…and I KNOW there are some that read this:
DO NOT WAIT to go to school!! Do what you must to make it happen while you are young. And childless. And free to move anywhere, at anytime, and get that career before you do all the things that make life so much harder as you get older. The boyfriend/girlfriend WILL wait for you to be done if they are the one. The children will be better off if you are not struggling along with them to grow up and figure out what you want to do with your life. You can always change careers after 20 years. It’s not even unusual anymore! But you need to start with SOMETHING first!! You need to listen to me. I am smart, remember?!?!
I am also lucky. I have the best family, and the best kids, and the best friends that are helping me thru every single day, and hopefully I am helping them somehow too.
And most of all, I have the BEST boyfriend EVER! (That’s the best “husband” to all my patients–the older folks don’t like the term “boyfriend” for some reason) Without him, really, this just wouldn’t even work at all. And even though I NEVER say it….I am so thankful and so grateful you are with me through all of this, and I love you very, very much. (And no…not ONE drop of alcohol…this is ALL me!)
And that’s it. It took me all day to get up and do anything. I reorganized my papers for school next semester when I have to take the BIG test. I paid the bills that needed paying. And I did some laundry. I am now about to troll around on the internet for awhile and then read some trashy magazines that have been piling up. I also started a book. Yes, an actual book that is not a textbook. It’s just funny. It’s Dr. Denis Leary, in case you were interested. “Why We Suck”. I think it’s actually listed in my sidebar under “stuff that we like” or something like that. Yes, I bought it over a year ago, maybe even 2. I am reading it now. Like I said, school is hard and all consuming. I am on page 10 and I have laughed out loud at least 10 times already and the first non-numbered pages are just acknowledgments and the table of contents. He is just THAT funny. Seriously.
So I am off to it now. Again, thanks for hanging with me. Definitely more posts to come. For at least a few weeks anyway.
WHAT?!?!?! (Language Alert)
You’re f*cking high! Are you out of your mind? This sucks! This house is a f*cking prison! On planet bullsh*t! In the galaxy of this f*cking sucks!!
What are we gonna do now????
This is for the BF. I know I should be reading. Infections can be fun! But this is funner. Here is the clip you were looking for. Fast forward to the 5:30 mark. We are a little behind in the movie watching…but hey, it was still on the new release wall even if there were only two copies. It counts!
(This is from the website Funny or Die. Off the Starz special from the movie. (Thanks for putting it on the web) If you can’t see it directly, which is most likely the case because I can’t embed it here, click on the link below. Hopefully I got it to work somehow. You are welcome!)
FYI This contains VERY BAD language! Not for the youngsters!!
Today is the first day of Christmas in my world
UPDATE 12/17/09: I am finally done with this semester of school! And I am registered for January. Stress, money, stress, books, stress, start studying NOW for next semester(that’s basically what they told us today), stress…my point is that I obviously wrote this in the throes of desperation for panicked finals and four tests in a row. I am appalled at all my bad grammar and weird use of words (melee’ ?? WTF? I don’t even remember typing that word!) I never say it out loud! So strange. But I’m leaving it. For fun I thought you could read it and tell me how many errors I made! Best, most creative slap down gets a shout out and…I don’t know…something. Maybe a free vital sign check-up?!? It’s hard to give stuff away when I am here and you are wherever you are! Ok…go!
If you are like me, and I bet most of you are these days…you have divorced parents. And you have been traveling to various families for most of the holidays for most of your childhood. And then YOU got married, had kids, and got divorced, and now you have two, three, four, five….etc…MORE families to travel too during the holidays. And even if you managed to get out of a few visits in the melee’ these days, your kids haven’t. Their just starting the roller coaster of holiday family dinners and fun that defines our holiday memories and ideas. Personally, for me, my dream is to have enough money to leave Chicago the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and not come back until after New Years, to a country that doesn’t celebrate the holidays. Or at least one that has a beach and an ocean as its primary geological features. My last thoughts were the Maldive islands. Any and all are welcome to come with me. I’ll even pay. Tahiti is my second choice. Just imagine yourself in the South Pacific, water so clear you can see right to the bottom, warm breeze and temperate weather, and you are in your own bungalow high above the water, relaxing on the deck with a steaming cup of exotic coffee, planning a day that has nothing to do with snow or sweaters or candy or decorations or presents or giant dinners of ham and turkey and pie….and all your family is there with you, happy and getting along, tan and healthy and relaxed…it’s a lottery dream. Trust me, I know. So today starts Christmas with my dad’s side of the family. It’s fun, actually, but the dream remains….
Merry Christmas Everybody!
Since Stevie said it was here…
I better post a video that we think is funny and everybody else does too. And if you have never seen this commercial, then I say, “WTF?? You may declare yourself a better person than I, because you obviously NEVER watch TV. Congratulations on having a life!” I give you, The Geico Pothole, and junk….
Well that didn’t last long
UPDATE 8/31: That headline is psychic. I think the Wal-Mart site is already down. You can try it, but I think it’s over. Sorry!
Back from the deep, philosophical place I was at (with zero study time) and firmly re-planted in the place where I usually reside.
I apologize for my sense of humor.
Click here or to the right in the link column. People of Walmart.
It’s all that you think it is.
Severe Weather Wednesday
It’s all about tornado’s, fierce lightning strikes and those crackling, rumbling, low-in-the-throat, crashing, thunder rolls. And what’s worse is when the wind picks up out of nowhere, a leaf here and there, a branch on the roof, another branch…a limb…holy hell! And your BF’s friend is trying to do you a favor and fix your WW II, rooftop, chimney pipe that is crumbling to shit, but it’s pouring down rain and the clouds are moving fast across the sky looking like they are taking aim directly at the soaking wet guy kneeling on a high roof holding sheet metal pieces, a screwdriver and a drill. Not good. Pretty damn scary actually.
I appreciate the attempt, for real, but I can’t have him being killed in the effort. Rain is one thing, this was another.
And the day started out so…semi-sunny. Storms were predicted. I went to school. Got the final info before the real work begins. Have some assignments. Reading. The usual. I feel good though. It’s the same at school, semi-sunny then storms. (To definitely mix metaphors. See Zero Effect) Mind set is what they talked about today. (And by “they”, I mean all our teachers that we met today, the speeches, the handouts, and the rundown of the schedule and how the classes are actually coordinated. All the good stuff before you are bumping around in the halls looking lost and feeling like a failure. Graduation will never come.) “They” said, “Think of yourself as the nurse. In all future questions, studies, clinicals, tests…you will be referred to as the nurse. The program doesn’t ask what you will do in two years when you become a nurse, it asks what you will do right now as the nurse. That’s a tough mind game. But not as tough as this, also told in a story, (from my memory to the page):
“An evil wizard was always trying to get rid of the beloved prince. The wizard was always thinking of ways to outsmart the prince and show him for a fool to the rest of the kingdom. But the prince was smart and he knew the wizard was always tricking. One day the wizard had a plan that couldn’t fail. He would hold a bird in his hand and ask the prince if it was dead or alive. If the prince answered alive, the wizard would crush the bird to death and show the dead bird proving that the prince was wrong. And if the prince said dead, the wizard would let the bird fly away to prove his error. The plan could not fail. So the wizard, in front of all the kingdom, said, “Prince, is the bird in my hand dead or alive?” And the prince thought about it, knowing he was being tricked somehow, and answered the wizard finally, “It is what you make it.”
“This adventure, and it is an adventure, you are about to embark on, is only what you make it. You hold in your hand the power to make it anything you want. To give and take what you will from the next few years. How much effort or how little effort you devote to this goal. It’s all up to you. No one can force you to participate or not. You will have in your hands the power to care and to comfort, and the power to heal the sick. But you will also have the power to make someone even sicker and to possibly even kill them if you are not very careful. Is it scary? It should be. But it is worth all the sweat, every drop of blood, and every shed tear”
So they say.
Truly.
I may not have it written word for word, but that was the basic story and summary. The woman who spoke it is very powerful, but quiet to listen to. She is very calming, while at the same time, managing to scare the poop out of you. But I feel that it’s all true. Why would they lie? It’s hard. But the reward is great. That’s what they say. That’s all and that should be enough. Everything else after is extra. I believe it. I worried about the whole life/death, mistake/error, kill the patient thing, and the teacher said that we should be worried. We should always be a tiny bit wary and prepared for what could happen, because anything can happen at any moment and at any place. Now isn’t that comforting? Luckily, amazingly, and more miraculously, it’s a wonder things don’t go bad more often than they do. It’s a fine line.
But I think that is enough for tonight. It’s late, and my kids have their first day of school, and I need to get up to be with them. My daughter is fine. Same school, same friends, same schedule. She’s the top class now! But my son is in Jr. High. New school, the bus (again), new classes, new schedules, new teachers, new students. Small fish in the big pond!
So, the weather is calm right now, the storm has passed for the next few hours. They say the morning might be rough, but then smooth sailing through all next week. Is this a weather report or a damn soul-searching, reflection-on-a-life-yet-lived, or what? I need to lighten it up with some kind of image. This is just the thing to restore your faith in my (ill-advised representation) sense of humor and shallow/callous self.
When we went to the zoo, so many days ago, (more pictures, I swear.) we got a few pictures of the lions. The animals were really animated that day. Like, ALL of them. It was weird. I have video of the apes and they were acting crazy. (You Tube soon, I swear.) Usually they just lay around looking like they all want to commit suicide, but for some reason, everyone was jacked up and pacing or jumping or chasing or playing…whatever the various species to do to get us humans close enough to attack. And the lion was working it! He was walking back and forth in front of this “viewing” window. Right against the glass. Stopping, looking, staring (evilly and maliciously) most likely devising some way to get from where he was to where we were. Well, not us, exactly. We were waa-aayyy in the back, trying to figure out what the lion was up to. The lady lion was trying to get a ball out of the water. But the man lion had something cooking. You could just tell. Stevie would barely let me take the pictures I took because she was sure that the lion was about to chuck it all, go for broke and try to bust out of that glass and kill us all.
At any rate, when you think about it like that, these pictures are kind of funny. The people are so colorfully dressed and so interested and amazed by the lion being so close, that I have no doubt, any one of them would say they were completely surprised and shocked that the nice little kitty would try to hurt them, even while he was chewing on one of their legs or ripping out their intestines. But you judge for yourself.
Curious animal/performer/vegetarian, aka, Alex from Madagascar OR bored/angry/ bloodthirsty, carnivorous lion, hell-bent for destruction?
Look into his eyes and then decide.
Oh!! Isn't he cute?!?!
All I see is: lunch, lunch and more lunch!
Won't all those colorful clothes, torn to shreds, covered in blood and scattered all over the ground, add that extra oomph! to the news story later when they pan the scene 50 times for our sick sense of viewing enjoyment??
Snack time! You know that lion is NOT posing for a picture. He's thinking, "I could get a head AND an arm."
The picture BELOW ↓, was taken after he walked away from the window to go take the ball away from the lady lion, in between canvassing for people. She would get it out of the water and he would roll it back in. But not that last time. He finally quit that bitch and took the ball and rolled it right off the rock wall, into the protective moat that separates the people from the lions. Then he went and laid on a rock. Playtime was over. That’s when I took my picture.
Dumb-ass, crazy humans. I'll kill them all as soon as I get big enough.
Feel better? Me too!!
Sweet dreams! Goodnight! Don’t let the man-eating lion bite!
Attempting a “quick” post. Yeah right.
Hopefully. Had school today. Told my joke. It was funny enough.
Maybe you want it? There’s a blonde on one side of a river, and another blonde on the opposite side of the river. The blonde on the right yells to the other blonde, “How did you get on the other side of the river??” And the other blonde yells back, “You’re already there!” Ha and Ha.
Lots of good ones were given! Didn’t buy any more books. Going to check online and buy the rest there. I have the main ones so its ok for now.
Driving home I find out I have to take my mom for her eye surgery at 6:30 am. Which means I need to be at her house by 5:30 am. Which means I have to leave my house at 4:45 am. Which means I get to see every spectacular shooting star and debris from the meteor shower at the most opportune time of all the viewing hours here in North America! Click here for the link. Just making lemonade out of my lemons! I actually think that meteors are pretty cool. Pray for good weather. No clouds or rain please!! I don’t want to be getting up just in the plain old dark!! I need entertainment!
After I got home I changed and did a quick (ha) five mile run around the neighborhood. My goal is less than one hour for the 5-mile race on Labor Day. I did one hour and 15 seconds, non-stop, except where I got stuck at lights going across a main road. (There was too much traffic for me to just run across) So based on today’s jog, I believe I can easily achieve my goal. I probably would have been under by about a minute or two save for the stoplights. Promising!!
That led me to a cool down walk where I found change (oh yeah!) Street Money next!
And that led me to coming into the house to do a quick weigh-in. Shouldn’t have done that! No good. Not losing. I know why. Too much crap. The days are ok, but dinner just sucks. Greasy spoon hot dogs, pizza, quesadillas and guac, ice cream, McDonald’s! It’s not enough to run and bike, I gotta eat healthy. And I have really fallen off the wagon. (I think my legs look really good now though. They feel solid and muscular and look good in shorts (all my opinion) but who else’s should really matter??) Anymodestway…
It also led me to here, the internet, where I wanted to post, but not really because I can never keep it short enough! As I opened the WordPress page there was a picture of delicious looking chocolate cake, right on the front! How terrible of them, and right at dinnertime when people are out there sweating and starving. Anyway, I click on it of course, and the site is full of good looking food and recipes and amazing photos and so I included it in my side bar. You can click here for the fast version. You know it has a complicated name. I listed it as Beautiful Food. Very elegant though. Again, makes mine look like the ramblings of a crazy out patient, but we can all have our space in the airwaves. I will be using it as my food porn because I have to cut it back down before the race. Dr. Ian I’m looking at you! And your Extreme Fat Smash. Just for the three weeks. Then BFL. Life on the hamster wheel!
Alright, one more bad dinner is on the way, so I better finish up. I haven’t forgotten all the other stuff, I’m just losing time. Let me end with a lite joke from class today for when you are feeling like life sucks and it can’t get any worse (it can always get worse). This is no reflection on me at this particular moment, things are stable, but you can see the relevance for the future:
The Toothbrush says, “Somedays I feel like I have the worst job in the whole world!”
“Ya, right.” says the Toilet Paper.
Chicago Support! And something funny after all the sadness! (By season, because I may have overdone it and I need some kind of purpose other than my lack of self control)(I also may have taken some liberties with the whole “season” thing too…)
Summer Time, summer time, sum sum summer time…
I have to say I am hitting that “celebrity” Tag a lot lately…but it’s getting into August…dog days of summer…my life is kind of boring…seriously, this is my day: Run and finish painting the kids room. I’ll post pics later of my progress. (Don’t roll your eyes)
Winter Time. There’s no song for that.
Since I am feeling out of touch with the world, I started getting up early again to watch the news which then segways into Regis & Kelly. Channel 9. WGN News/Station, Chicago, Illinois. I love the morning team. I think they are all pretty funny. I suppose I should shout out: Robin Baumgarten, Larry Potash, Ana Belaval, Dean Richards, Valerie Warner, Paul Konrad.
Forward Time. No, it’s not a season….YET.
But I especially love Pat Tomasulo! The Sports Guy. So funny! And apparently America thinks so too, or at least Chicago America because they voted him to be a co-host for Regis & Kelly when Regis is on vacation or days off or whatever! I didn’t even know there was a contest!! Local news people all over the country, men and women, (for when Kelly is gone). Anyhow, I have been laughing at him way back when I still had a job! This was my:
First Time. (with Pat)
So, in honor of him winning I turned to good old You Tube and posted just a few videos, so you could laugh too! As you may have guessed. Don’t give up right at the end here! This is one of the best! Come on! 3 more minutes of your life is all I’m asking!
Good Time.
just shy of pretty 