Happy 30th To Me!
The 30th anniversary of me getting my driver’s license! So here’s a picture of my Jeep and all our new Jeep friends doing Jeep stuff last weekend.
Why is this funny to me??
Since I am not being very original today. This is from D-Listed. One of my very favorite sites. It’s in the sidebar. Michael K is always funny. He makes me laugh even when I don’t want to. So I am re-posting his post, with all his words. (None of it after “enjoy” is mine.) It’s mostly for Amanda because I know you can answer my question!
Enjoy!
Would You Hit It?
Well, blog of the devil… Here’s Kid Rock marching on the beach in Cabo and looking like if Gollum got out of rehab for his ring obsession and found a new addiction in the bottom of a Pabst keg and in a bottle of Rogaine. Since 2011 should be a non-stop shameless slut orgy before the end-of-the-world storm (aka 2012), I’d cut a hole in the back of my Wranglers and hit it on the airbrushed hood (think of a bald eagle wiping a single tear off his cheek with an American flag paper napkin) of his El Camino in the back parking lot of a NASCAR rally.
And if Gollum humping still isn’t your thing, here’s a few pictures of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber with Kid Pebble.
I got the ENEMA.
Of course. I knew it when they told us we would have to do this skill set. And I knew it as I was sitting at the desk waiting to pull it out of the bedpan. (Not really, it was a plastic baggy–random draw of a skill to demonstrate.)
But I did not panic. I studied. A lot. I took all the skills, from enema’s to bed-making to ROM to safety devices, positioning and transfers…I did them all. Over and over until I was comfortable. Mason helped ENORMOUSLY! He let me practice everything I needed (with the exception of enema and rectal temp…big baby) and when I sat down, picked enema, faced the nurse evaluator with ALL that experience, I just…relaxed. I knew the material. I knew the process. I knew WHY I knew the process. She said I seemed very competent. That is good enough for me. Relief. I did forget one thing, but not a failure. And that’s good because I feel that this is my calling. Does that sound lame?
Every time I learn something, or every time I do a skill, even just practice for fake, I feel like I am right where I should be. Like I can really DO this job and be good at it and want to work. It feels real natural. All these years…and now I figure it out. Well, better late than never right?
And speaking of all these years, to get off all that serious, it’s my birthday! Yay Me! I got some pictures….but first, I have to share with you some other people that share my birthday. I turn to D-Listed, as always, and the shock of celebrity birthdays. I knew about Salma and Keanu, but Shauna was a surprise! I think I might be changing what I want for my birthday. Perhaps a couple of chest implants instead of I-Tunes cards?? I’m not getting any younger ya’ know! What could I do with these?? What COULDN’T I do with these?!? This is copy/pasted directly from the website. Even the picture. Observe:
Birthday Sluts
The Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand (Forever Young)
Aimee Osbourne (26)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (40)
Camille Grammer (41)
Cynthia Watros (41)
Salma Hayek (43)
Tuc Watkins (43)
Lennox Lewis (44)
Keanu Reeves (45)
Mark Harmon (58)
Terry Bradshaw (61)
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand’s perfect toes touched Earth’s soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called “lucite” before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!
Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!
You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick’s, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!
And Shauna didn’t wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.
One more celebrity bit from the internet and I’m done
Why am I looking at 30 pictures of this vehicle?? All pretty much the same. In various stages of food-order/pick-up. Sitting in a McDonald’s Drive Thru?? Oh yeah, because these are pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie taking their kids to McDonald’s using the drive thru! Just like a billion other people in the world. I feel sad for myself that I wasted 10 minutes looking at every one. Celebrities are just so interesting, even when their not. Nice vehicle though.
The site I got these from is:
Socialite Life if you want to see more celebrity stuff.
Picture credits go to: Flynet
Stealing…Borrowing…Copying…Pasting…D-Listed says it’s for real and I trust his research.
Copied the You Tube Video off You Tube.
Copied/Pasted D-Listed Content because it’s way funnier than anything I would have come up with. Credit: Michael K. Check out the site (Adult Content)
His words:
Got an ass so stanky that it makes flies commit mass suicide (don’t look at me)? Got a pair of feet so rank that all your socks disappear from your drawer in the middle of the night? Got a coochie so rancid that the Department of Sanitation declared it a toxic waste zone (Paris, this one goes out to you)?
If you answered yes to one of those questions and are allergic to water and soap, this product is for you! It’s called the Aspray and it’s like Fabreeze for your bits! Apparently, this is a real-life product created by someone named Doc Bottoms (which is also one of Tommy Girl’s pet names).
My words:
I’ll just leave it at that and let the commercial speak for me… I’m thinking Christmas presents for the whole family!?!?!
Full Disclosure:This is blatantly copied and pasted from D-Listed. There is a link to the right if you want to check it out. Adult content.
Michael K./D-Listed. His words:
Open Post: Hosted By Brendan Fraser And His Five-Month Old Fetus
Does Brendan Fraser have something tell us?! Or maybe he doesn’t even know himself and we’ll soon see his ass on an episode of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” after he pops out a baby in the toilet of a public bathroom? Or maybe he’s starring as the pregnant dude in a Lifetime biopic? Or maybe he sort-of, kind-of swallowed a beer keg during a drunken night? Eh, it happens.
End of copied work.
So this is me now. I totally copied and pasted the part I wanted to keep. That would be the above. The rest that Michael K. wrote and the actual site are a little too adult for my children who might see it on the front page. But please click on the link to the right and get ready to laugh. It’s my go-to web place for guaranteed humor. (Please don’t be mad. I gave full credit!)
Anyway, the reason THIS is so funny to me, is one, tipsy on the beer fuzz, and two, Brendan Fraser with a beer gut? It can’t be. We just watched Journey to the Center of the Earth a mere 36 hours ago. Seriously. My daughter loves him. She asked if he was married. I said he was. She said, “Awww..” She’s ten. These crushes happen. We watch at least one movie of his every few weeks. No kidding. We are waiting for Inkheart from Netflix right now.
The third reason this is so funny is that I have just recently noticed this disturbing trend in our white male population of the 40-year old range. It seems like every time I see an older, somewhat attractive white guy walking around, he’s carrying that lump along with him. What the heck??
Maybe it’s just me? Maybe America is producing some new super-junk-food-sensation sweeping the nation that our white middle-aged boys can’t resist? And that women and other races know nothing about? I don’t mean to sound prejudice, I’m sure every nationality has a male gut problem…no offense intended…but it’s seeping over into our action stars!! Our sexy, muscle-y, looking-like-they-are-working-out action stars! Oh, the humanity.
At any rate, we still love Brendan, and this gives me a new idea. I’m going to keep an extra sharp eye out now and take a sneaky picture of anyone I see carting this belly thing around with them. It’s very specific in shape and seems to ride high up on the waist. It’s weird. And it looks unnatural.
But, it gives me something to do.
just shy of pretty 