Your Boogers Are In The Chicken

October 14, 2012 at 11:48 pm (Birthday Wishes, Bowling, Candy, Day to Day, Family, For Mason, For Stevie, For The Cure, Pink October) (, , , , , , , , , )

This is the kind of thing I say on a regular basis in my house. We stay up way too late. When we stay up way too late, we get silly. When we get silly, we laugh and make jokes. When we laugh and make jokes, we sometimes say hurtful things to each other. When we say hurtful things to each other, one of us storms out of the room like a little bitch. When one of us storms out of the room like a little bitch, the rest of us just laugh harder. Don’t make the rest of us laugh harder. Stop being a cry baby. Put in a tampon and get back in the game. Wait. No. I think I might be mixing up my metaphors with commercials and football pep talking. At any rate, this whole scenario just played out in the living room about 10 minutes ago. Well, not that scenario. That scenario was based on the above chicken and my sister’s birthday present to my son. Cash and a box of Boogers. Leave it to my sister Noelle to find something gross and hilarious. And we keep all our “back-up” candy in the chicken. (That’s the candy that won’t get eaten right away, but we don’t throw out because you never know when you might need some sugar in any form available. You know, stuff like DumDum’s, Smarties, LifeSavers, Cheap Chocolate Coins, etc.) Like my cousin Linda just said to my daughter today, “We are silly people. It’s in our blood.” Yes. Yes we are. But sometimes it can be a curse. Deep sigh. Insert picture of “Boogers” here:

See? It’s my own fault. I am not a strict mom. I make too many jokes and am never serious enough. My kids like to run off the rails with their witty humor and fast comebacks. Because I let them. And they can. They have the good sense of humor that will be a bonus when they are older but can get them in serious trouble right now. And they like to use my own words against me. Usually I can get everybody back on track without a lot of effort. But this time there were too many wheels in the gravel and the cars were piling up behind the engine. Nobody was listening to the engineer. Me. And the only way to get the control back is to pretty much do a “Hancock”  and stop that train dead in its tracks. What this means though, is that I have to get angry and abruptly end any kind of night we are having to get my point across and then send everybody off to bed. Unfortunately, just like in the movie it causes a lot of extra damage. Actually now that I’m thinking about it, it is exactly like that. Everybody starts complaining about the way the train was stopped and its like the train is still moving but now its slowly sliding down the side of a cliff into a ravine with a rapid river at the bottom. (Say that five times fast) It’s no good. Then the train falls into the water and lays there, still complaining, filling up and sputtering for air instead of just getting up, saying it’s sorry and being glad we are all still alive. I might have mixed up my metaphors again, but you get the idea. Focus is obviously not my strong point, at least not here, or when I write stuff down. I have lots of thoughts and slow typing fingers. And I can really lose my own track when I get going so I am not surprised that my kids may act the same way on occasion. Especially when it’s late. And they are tired. My kids have these crazy, smart, dazzling personalities that I am so impressed and fascinated by. I want them to have the big life. But sometimes they have got to just stop when I say stop. And that’s where our weak spot is. We don’t have a good switching system in place. We need a better way to flip the switch and change the direction of the train before it crashes into the abyss. We are working on that. Everyone is still in bed and this night is most definitely over, but we are all thinking about it a little more. And since we never end the night on a bad note, because you just never really do know what might happen, here’s another picture of that Booger box:

Picked out especially for you! Maybe tomorrow I better just post a breast cancer thing. I have a store display, so unmagnificent, to put up here, that you will be sorry you wasted any of your valuable computer time clicking over to my site to even look at. But it’s like a train wreck. You have to look. The picture. Not the site. Well, maybe the site too. Come on! What else are you gonna do?? Click. Scan. Move on. Oh, hey, one last stopping-the-train thing. Spider Man 2 has an excellent train stopping scene in it. I was going to use that as my movie reference but it’s not really a “dead stop” and the people are all grateful in the end. Not applicable to my situation. Plus I don’t feel tired after. I am just glad it’s finally quiet. Anyway it’s a good part in the movie. And finally, here’s one more, completely random, and unrelated to any of the above 900 words, picture, of my children doing something together, and in sync (Comma alert! That last sentence may be a record holder for me. Count em’ and weep.) Here’s that pic:

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NEW FEATURE!!!

September 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm (Joke, New Features, Stevie's Joke of the Day!, Tips to Live, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , , , , , )

VEGETABLES OF THE DAY!!

NO. Just kidding. The new feature, as with ALL the new things I try on here, will hopefully be a daily thing. I use the word daily in it’s broadest definition, like, close to every day, possibly every other day, but something posted ON A day. That doesn’t necessarily have to mean all the days are in a row…anyhoo, the new feature shall be called:

STEVIE’S JOKE OF THE DAY!  Brought to you by various sources, among them, popsicle sticks and her science teacher. Only the best will be placed here. I am talking the good jokes, the ones that are actually funny. These will make you laugh out loud (or at least chuckle to yourself), and they are short. Seriously, riddle short. Really.

For those of you still actually following this blog thing, I apologize for the serious lack of posts and dedication to this medium. I love sharing all the thoughts in my brain with random strangers because it’s fun and good to get these things out of my head. I really do have lots of stuff keyed up and ready to go, but 3-D life keeps interfering with my 2-D need to chatter endlessly about stupid sh*t all day! Pardon my harsh language. I am well aware of the non-importance of a site like this, but it is great to have an outlet for a racing mind.

Here’s the fast update: Became RN. Still registered for school to obtain BSN. Class is one day a week. Wednesday. Have to write a paper every week. Have procrastinated until Tuesday, to do such paper, every single week so far. Took the ACLS class that I talked about in a previous post. PASSED the class!! Certified! Refief! So nervous!  STILL DO NOT HAVE A JOB! Stevie, the girl with the jokes, joined cross country and has meets every other day, and for two more weeks. Luckily, I have been able to attend all. In fact, she has one today. In about a half an hour so I need to get this up and out there. I need to update resume. Send out more applications. Do that paper. GET A JOB! I got money on my mind, and you’ll see that in a later post when I get back from the run thing. I should prob make dinner too. It’s not all bad. In fact it’s pretty good and I need to enjoy the time instead of freaking out because it can all change in a fast second. (That’s another post).

Let’s do this joke thing. Again: STEVIE”S JOKE OF THE DAY!! Are you ready??

Why was the mushroom the hit of the party?

Because he was a fun guy! (FUN-GI)

See how it all ties in?? Mushroom picture, mushroom joke…this is the kind of high level entertainment you can expect from this site on an almost daily basis. We think these are pretty funny. Tip to Live/Rule of life: You must have jokes you can tell at any time, to any crowd. These are those jokes!

Alright, gotta…runyuk yuk…later.

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Severe Weather Wednesday

August 20, 2009 at 1:23 am (Day to Day, Pictures, School News, Zoo) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

It’s all about tornado’s, fierce lightning strikes and those crackling, rumbling, low-in-the-throat, crashing, thunder rolls. And what’s worse is when the wind picks up out of nowhere, a leaf here and there, a branch on the roof, another branch…a limb…holy hell! And your BF’s friend is trying to do you a favor and fix your WW II, rooftop, chimney pipe that is crumbling to shit, but it’s pouring down rain and the clouds are moving fast across the sky looking like they are taking aim directly at the soaking wet guy kneeling on a high roof holding sheet metal pieces, a screwdriver and a drill. Not good. Pretty damn scary actually.

I appreciate the attempt, for real, but I can’t have him being killed in the effort. Rain is one thing, this was another.

And the day started out so…semi-sunny. Storms were predicted. I went to school. Got the final info before the real work begins. Have some assignments. Reading. The usual. I feel good though. It’s the same at school, semi-sunny then storms. (To definitely mix metaphors. See Zero Effect) Mind set is what they talked about today. (And by “they”, I mean all our teachers that we met today, the speeches, the handouts, and the rundown of the schedule and how the classes are actually coordinated. All the good stuff before you are bumping around in the halls looking lost and feeling like a failure. Graduation will never come.) “They” said, “Think of yourself as the nurse. In all future questions, studies, clinicals, tests…you will be referred to as the nurse. The program doesn’t ask what you will do in two years when you become a nurse, it asks what you will do right now as the nurse. That’s a tough mind game. But not as tough as this, also told in a story, (from my memory to the page):

“An evil wizard was always trying to get rid of the beloved prince. The wizard was always thinking of ways to outsmart the prince and show him for a fool to the rest of the kingdom. But the prince was smart and he knew the wizard was always tricking. One day the wizard had a plan that couldn’t fail. He would hold a bird in his hand and ask the prince if it was dead or alive. If the prince answered alive, the wizard would crush the bird to death and show the dead bird proving that the prince was wrong. And if the prince said dead, the wizard would let the bird fly away to prove his error. The plan could not fail. So the wizard, in front of all the kingdom, said, “Prince, is the bird in my hand dead or alive?” And the prince thought about it, knowing he was being tricked somehow, and answered the wizard finally, “It is what you make it.”

“This adventure, and it is an adventure, you are about to embark on, is only what you make it. You hold in your hand the power to make it anything you want. To give and take what you will from the next few years. How much effort or how little effort you devote to this goal. It’s all up to you. No one can force you to participate or not. You will have in your hands the power to care and to comfort, and the power to heal the sick. But you will also have the power to make someone even sicker and to possibly even kill them if you are not very careful.  Is it scary? It should be. But it is worth all the sweat, every drop of blood, and every shed tear”

So they say.

Truly.

I may not have it written word for word, but that was the basic story and summary. The woman who spoke it is very powerful, but quiet to listen to. She is very calming, while at the same time, managing to scare the poop out of you. But I feel that it’s all true. Why would they lie? It’s hard. But the reward is great. That’s what they say. That’s all and that should be enough. Everything else after is extra. I believe it. I worried about the whole life/death, mistake/error, kill the patient thing, and the teacher said that we should be worried. We should always be a tiny bit wary and prepared for what could happen, because anything can happen at any moment and at any place. Now isn’t that comforting? Luckily, amazingly, and more miraculously, it’s a wonder things don’t go bad more often than they do. It’s a fine line.

But I think that is enough for tonight. It’s late, and my kids have their first day of school, and I need to get up to be with them. My daughter is fine. Same school, same friends, same schedule. She’s the top class now! But my son is in Jr. High. New school, the bus (again), new classes, new schedules, new teachers, new students. Small fish in the big pond!

So, the weather is calm right now, the storm has passed for the next few hours. They say the morning might be rough, but then smooth sailing through all next week. Is this a weather report or a damn soul-searching, reflection-on-a-life-yet-lived, or what? I need to lighten it up with some kind of image. This is just the thing to restore your faith in my (ill-advised representation) sense of humor and shallow/callous self.

When we went to the zoo, so many days ago, (more pictures, I swear.) we got a few pictures of the lions. The animals were really animated that day. Like, ALL of them. It was weird. I have video of the apes and they were acting crazy. (You Tube soon, I swear.) Usually they just lay around looking like they all want to commit suicide, but for some reason, everyone was jacked up and pacing or jumping or chasing or playing…whatever the various species to do to get us humans close enough to attack. And the lion was working it! He was walking back and forth in front of this “viewing” window. Right against the glass. Stopping, looking, staring (evilly and maliciously) most likely devising some way to get from where he was to where we were. Well, not us, exactly. We were waa-aayyy in the back, trying to figure out what the lion was up to. The lady lion was trying to get a ball out of the water. But the man lion had something cooking. You could just tell. Stevie would barely let me take the pictures I took because she was sure that the lion was about to chuck it all, go for broke and try to bust out of that glass and kill us all.

At any rate, when you think about it like that, these pictures are kind of funny. The people are so colorfully dressed and so interested and amazed by the lion being so close, that I have no doubt, any one of them would say they were completely surprised and shocked that the nice little kitty would try to hurt them, even while he was chewing on one of their legs or ripping out their intestines. But you judge for yourself.

Curious animal/performer/vegetarian, aka, Alex from Madagascar OR bored/angry/ bloodthirsty, carnivorous lion, hell-bent for destruction?

Look into his eyes and then decide.

Oh!! Isn't he cute?!?!

Oh!! Isn't he cute?!?!

All I see is: lunch, lunch and more lunch!

All I see is: lunch, lunch and more lunch!

Won't all those colorful clothes, torn to shreds, covered in blood and scattered all over the ground, add that extra oomph to the news story later when they pan the scene 500 times for our sick sense of viewing enjoyment??

Won't all those colorful clothes, torn to shreds, covered in blood and scattered all over the ground, add that extra oomph! to the news story later when they pan the scene 50 times for our sick sense of viewing enjoyment??

Snack time! You know that lion is NOT posing for a picture. He's thinking, "I could get a head AND an arm."

Snack time! You know that lion is NOT posing for a picture. He's thinking, "I could get a head AND an arm."

The picture BELOW ↓,  was taken after he walked away from the window to go take the ball away from the lady lion, in between canvassing for people. She would get it out of the water and he would roll it back in. But not that last time. He finally quit that bitch and took the ball and rolled it right off the rock wall, into the protective moat that separates the people from the lions. Then he went and laid on a rock. Playtime was over. That’s when I took my picture.

Dumb-ass, crazy humans. I'll kill them all as soon as I get big enough.

Dumb-ass, crazy humans. I'll kill them all as soon as I get big enough.

Feel better? Me too!!

Sweet dreams! Goodnight! Don’t let the man-eating lion bite!

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