Christmas Eve Eve
This is the kind of sky we have tonight in the Midwest. This was at sunset. I looked out the kitchen window and everything seemed pink. So when I went outside this is what I saw. Facing southwest. This is taken with the camera and the color has not been altered at all. It’s the color of all my dreams. As it is, and has been every year, for most of my life, Christmas is really more than one day. All the prep stuff is done. The kids are finally off of school. They kept them down to the wire this year. They leave with their dad tomorrow and return to me Christmas Day in the afternoon. We try to keep it as stress free as possible for them. Lots of people travel and my kids have spent many a Christmas Eve traveling on long, cold, dark and icy roads to get shuttled back and forth between his family and mine. Thanks to my sisters and brothers and their new families, compromises needed to made, and I am able to now forfeit the 24th in order to get the 25th and more. Once you give up the notion of Christmas morning it’s really quite magical and it seems like Christmas lasts, like it’s longer somehow. Christmas night, when all of the lights are on and everyone is warm and cozy and tired from the last two days, is when I finally get my real gift. Just us. Being together. Talking about everything that happened while we open our little presents to each other. Laughing so hard that sometimes I just can’t believe I brought these two clever and humorous children into this world. As the years have gone by they started focusing more on the stockings and what was inside them. It’s funny because even though Santa fills them up, I seem to spend an awful lot of time thinking about the things that go into them. They’ve become more important than any actual present. It feels so quiet and peaceful to be awake as most everyone else is getting ready to sleep and say goodnight to another Christmas. This year my family is celebrating on Monday the 26th. It works out really well with family and work schedules. No stress of other places to go or a big meal to cook. We’re doing appetizers and desserts only. Which makes it even better! Everyone is always sick and stuffed to the gills with fat Christmas dinners and we all know that appetizers and desserts are the best part of a party anyway. I get to hang out with all my sisters and brother and all the kids. It’s loud and crazy and never boring. Then on Tuesday we all get to go back to our regular lives for another year. Every year I say I would love to go to a place where they don’t celebrate Christmas at all. Preferably a place that is warm and has a beach and an ocean, because it just becomes too much and not very special at all. But secretly…no, even secretly I still wish I could go anywhere else but here. Luckily though I am easily persuaded. With a few good songs and some well placed advertising and sitcom episodes, that Christmas spirit grabs me by the heartstrings and yanks me right back in. What a sucker. As usual, I have typed way too much and I am tired. Besides it’s Christmas Eve now. I am going to try and post pictures throughout the next few days as this holiday wraps and folds around me, but you know how that can go. So, from me and mine, to you and all of yours, I wish you the very merriest of Christmases. Pay attention and find the joy wherever it may be. I believe in the good. I truly truly do because you just never know. Peace.
Doctor Rita has diagnosed my ailment!
After extensive research that included reviewing all my symptoms, observing my behavior, and a long wait in her brain surgeon’s office, she delicately broke the bad news to me that I was, what they like to call in the medical world: F. A. T.
Thanks Mom! And yes, that is a picture of a slug up above. It was crawling on our garage one balmy autumn morning as we have had quite the unusual temperate temperatures around here lately. So much so that slugs are actually slime-ing all over the buildings to remind me of my dread disease. I figured it was appropriate now that I am aware of the root of all my medical problems.
Believe it or not, it was pretty funny when she kindly said to me, “You know, all these problems, I think it’s just because, you know, you’re really starting to put on the weight…” As she trailed off while pointing to my overall fatness and touching her lower face and chin area at the same time, remarking, “You’re getting more chins than me…you should probably do something about that.” It really was hilarious. I was so surprised. Not shocked. Because she is right. I have kind of porked up these last few months despite my strict exercise program of working out once every two weeks or so. But it really wasn’t what I expected her to say. And it was so matter of fact that we just sat there, across from each other for a minute and then I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. We were laughing like truly brain damaged people in the brain surgeon’s office over my giant fat body…I said, “Geez mom, way to break it to me gently: ‘Oh, by the way, you have more chins then a Chinese phone book, do something about that would ya…’ ” No offense intended to anyone, but that made us laugh even harder.
If you can’t count on your mom to give it to you straight who can you count on? So I weighed myself when I got home. It’s bad. And I just weighed myself today and I think it’s worse. I actually went to the gym too. Several times. So I am going with my original diagnosis which is a growing, but benign tumor that is adding weight to my body without my knowledge. Too bad the tumor is probably made of cookies and pizza and alcohol. Anyway, I got three days of exercise in last week and three days in this week, but I haven’t reduced my intake by enough to make me hungry and crabby. That’s how you know. Get ready for some crabby ass posts next week because it will NOT be pretty. That first week is going to SUCK. I hate starving myself but it seems to be the only way to jump start any kind of weight loss and to kill the taste for those delicious fatty, greasy, sugary, sweet, savory treats that are so available this time of year. I will only say that I have remained inside the 100’s weight-wise, but if I don’t stop the train now, I am going to careen off the track into the 200 pound valley of pain. It’s bad enough that my skin is stretching to its maximum limits. It’s letting loose and I can tell it wants to go all floppy. But I can’t be weighing more than my mother now so the end is near. Damn. Why does food have to taste so good??
Alright. Speaking of food, I have to go and have breakfast with my sister-in-law since it’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday Carole! Even though she doesn’t read this, but she would appreciate the shout out none the less. I will try to order healthy and prepare myself for the coming days. A lot of damage can be done when you give up and say, “What the hell.” I don’t want to have to lose any more weight than I already have on me.
So, to sum up: I am not dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. Not having strokes. Probably don’t have lupus. No MS or any one of the degenerative nerve diseases. No tumors. My mom has ruled all these serious illnesses out and has slapped me back to reality. My name is….and I am a fat ass.
I love you mom. See you in a few days.
Thank you unemployment for this Merry Christmas!!
Yep, still don’t have a job! Humiliating. Sad. Depressing. We finally got some snow today and all my decorations that I will bother to put up are up. It looks really cheerful despite my lack of employment outside my own house! I dread going anywhere that I might know someone because they always ask…Job?? And I have to say…No. And then they say…Ohhhhh, really? Well…don’t worry…blah blah blah…in that sad, feel sorry for me, but wonder what the hell is wrong with me, voice. I can’t take it anymore. Everyday I have to think of a new reason not to hang myself from the rafters. And then I remember, one, I don’t have any “rafters” and two, even if I did, my house isn’t big enough or built well enough for me to be successful at the hanging thing. My ceiling would probably just come down all around me and then I’d be alive but with a giant hole in my ceiling that I would have to clean up! Better just to stay alive and wait.
Anyhow, at least I got to put up decorations this year. I have been neglecting them because of school and what not. I even decorated the inside too. With all my stuff. That includes things like Christmas figurines, stockings, lights, candles, snowglobes…all the things that I never want to drag out and hang or put up because I will have to put it all away again. And speaking of snowglobes, we had a modern day tragedy this season. I stupidly put one of my snowglobes in the large, plastic, lidded (and taped) container I store all my decorations in, including the white tree we had last year (we only get a 4 foot table top one because our space is limited here), and then put the whole thing into the garage last winter. The garage that is outside. Away from the house. I imagine that snowglobe froze right away and then burst and leaked and dumped its water all inside the bin the minute the temperature let it go back to liquid. Then it sat there freezing and unfreezing all winter. As summer began, I see that bin just heating up and broiling and molding for months. We had rain, humidity, extremely high temps. My decorations didn’t stand a chance. When I dragged the container into the house, untaped the lid and pulled off the cover and saw that there was condensation on the underside, I knew it was too late. You would think the smell would have hit me first, but no. And it did stink. If you know what damp, musty, black spotted mold smells like, times that by 5 and unleash it in a 12 by 20 foot room. Yuk. I ALMOST cried. The white tree was totally ruined, brown and black and moldy. All our stockings. The tree skirt. Some frames with baby pictures swirled into colorful destruction. The star. Mason’s mini tree. Stuffed animals. Most of our hanging things. We had to start from scratch. I managed to save a wreath that was made for the kids and me many years ago, that I could not bear to get rid of despite the smell. And I saved the star Mason uses for his tree. Everything else is gone now. But I think it was fine in the end. Fitting really. New beginnings and all that.
I have been exercising too. Might as well right? I can’t get much fatter or I will have no pants to wear. My jeans are at maximum hold. My abdomen protests every day because of its loose, unelastic shape. I can’t even suck it in anymore without giving myself a cramp. But that still didn’t stop me from baking cookies! I really had no choice. Stevie starts these things and then loses interest, which is probably key to her “trouble” with recipes and getting her baked goods to come out tasty and delicious. (If you scroll down a few posts you can read all about her cookie adventures—pretty funny stuff actually) So I help but then end up having to help more and eventually just finish the whole process or have various bowls of flour mixes and melted butter and sugar granules all over the place. And we end up with cookies that look like dangerous weapons or dog droppings. (You really have to scroll down now don’t you?)
I don’t even like to post here anymore and my numbers have gone wayyyy down! I feel so disconnected! And so neglectful of my readers! After I spend hours filling out applications at various hospitals, I do not feel like typing one more thing. This happens every day. I check all my job apps, apply for any new ones, and then re-check later. Believe me, I should get paid for just doing that all day! It sure feels like a job!
But enough about that. I am not one to sit and mope for too long and I have new and exciting features to brag about and never actually follow through on!!
Birds of the Yard! I finally caught my hawk!! You know, the bird. I have been trying to get pics of it all summer. Success! And my cardinal. And the hummingbirds. And the woodpeckers! Blue ones (not sure what they are called) and the red-headed one!! Even got a yellow goldfinch…somewhat blurry, but so beautiful! I am too obsessed with getting pictures of birds. It drives me crazy. I finally downloaded all the pictures from the camera from the last few months (over 1000) and it was like re-living my whole year in picture form! I forgot we did half the stuff we did!
Which also leads me to ANOTHER new feature: Looking Up! Photo posts featuring the city of Chicago that will actually hurt your neck if you look at them all at one time. Apparently we took A LOT of pictures of the buildings looking up at them. And as I was going through them all, I really felt like I was looking up at them all over again. SO of course, I will share with you! My one or two still loyal fans. Or someone. Strangers probably. I manage to get about 3 hits a day now. Most likely random searches that come up when you are looking for something else. But I’ll take it. Zero is too heartbreaking.
So much more… I have football stuff and car stuff and pictures of the sky and trees. If it’s not a picture of a bird, it’s a picture of a tree. Or the sky behind the tree. Or a cloud. I really have too much time. Period. I MUST share! Really, you’ll thank me. My little site will give you nothing but fluff to ease you through the long winter. Who could ask for more?
Alright, I must now go out to the malls today with my kids. They got early X-mas gift cards that are burning holes in their pockets! Here is my tree below. I also have a really good picture of a wreath with lights. I mean, truly, a REALLY great picture. It was a fresh wreath that we adorned with lights because it looked so plain and boring. The picture was just a bonus and a credit to my awesome skills. The suspense! But for now, here’s that tree (ornament/decoration close-ups later!):
Happy Thanksgiving!
It always starts and ends with them! Grateful for the two best things I ever did! And as you can see by the joyful looks on their faces this is likely to be the ONLY picture I can get with both of them in a somewhat holiday-type scene!
I know it’s a little late in the day but we are just getting ready to go and have dinner with the family. And this time I get to have my kids too! They usually hang with their dad, but we are shaking it up this year! Crazy right?? I think we are even going out later to brave the Black Friday shopping frenzy with all the maniacs trying to get an 80 inch TV for 5 dollars. I will not be trampled for low priced electronic merchandise! However, these kids of mine want tablets and the stores are going nuts with the cheap prices and my children have burning hot pockets full of birthday cash they can’t wait to spend. Long night ahead.
Love to all my family, friends and fans wherever you are in your world! Thanksgiving is a day that kicks off a holiday season that feels like hope and new beginnings! Anything is possible!
Everyone, be safe. Be merry. And if you are going out too, BE CAREFUL!! Maybe I’ll see you as we are all running for the doors at midnight! Later!
Torn! X-Mas Catalog Number 2!
It’s a Christmas catalog. But it’s the NFL Christmas catalog.
I want to say this one came the next day after the Target one. We were all pretty excited for this one. Including me. I think I even vocalized an “oooh” or two. Being the proud owner of three NFL Reebok Women’s Premier Jersey’s, I am loving the fact that I now get a catalog mailed to me for easy shopping reminders.Well, it was technically mailed to the BF, but since it’s the same address…what’s yours is mine right?? I was going through quite a football phase the last two years. It probably had a lot to do with the extreme stress I was feeling with nursing school. I needed something to focus on other than failing out. Which of course, if you’ve been reading this website for any length of time, you know that I did not. I am an RN, even if I don’t have a job to prove it. Anyway, the point is, I kind of lost my manic devotion to football this season, as I underestimated how much more intense the feeling of failure would be when I couldn’t find a job right away. Football is not helping this time. It’s not diverting like it used too. Probably because even though I’m still in school, my class is Wednesday and there is no football anywhere near that day to distract me from my homework. I do that all on my own now. So it’s not like much has changed. Again, if you read this site, even occasionally, you know that I spend all day chasing after jobs and all night wasting study time goofing around here or just watching TV. It’s sad really. I got to take someone to the doctor last week and I had a long opportunity to read that never ending book by Denis Leary. I was hoping to finish it so I could finally post about it and be done. Seeing as I originally talked about it 2 years ago. Anyway, you would think I could just take an hour out of one afternoon and finish the stupid thing already. It’s embarrassingly easy to read, with fairly large type and lots of short, double-spaced sentences. It even has pictures in the middle! I’m not kidding when I say I could have read that book in a few hours many years ago, but my brain has altered its core function so that it is now only able to concentrate in short, random bursts. Like firecrackers. Not even. More like snap pops, those things you throw on the ground that make a popping noise. My brain kind of bubbles gently rather than erupting violently anymore. See? I just typed an entire paragraph in a direction that nobody saw coming. Not even me.
Let me see. Scroll back up. Re-read. Pick up original topic. I don’t even know what my original topic was going to be! I guess it was about the catalog. It’s football. I still want another jersey to add to my collection. My sister says they are quite flattering and very fashionable. I know she is being sarcastic, but it gives my mom something to buy for me. Actually this year, I might need a new stethoscope and some work shoes so I may go with that instead. (hint hint Rita) The other thing about the catalog is that they have the Green Bay Packers featured on the front. SuperBowl champs you know. 8 and Zero at this posting time. With my favorite player in the NFL right now, Clay Matthews. Number 52. He’s the jersey I got for my birthday. It’s so pretty and green. Really brings out the color in my eyes too. I included the Green Bay thing because, 1, Clay Matthews really is my fav right now. 2, they are undefeated. And 3, I wanted to talk about football in some post, so it looks like this is it! My original favorite, and very first jersey, was Peyton Manning, of the Indianapolis Colts, who I still love, but sadly has been injured this year and is unable to play. His past winning SuperBowl team is now Zero and 9. It’s painful to watch and the news is always saying how bad Peyton wants to come back, and how he keeps trying to find ways to play, but I just want to call and tell him it’s just not worth it. He could be paralyzed with one wrong hit and no football game or amount of money is worth that risk. I feel so strongly you would think that we were actually friends. We’re not. Or that I at least knew him or his family. I don’t. Or that I knew someone that knew him or was friends on Facebook. Nope. This is probably how the “casually following” type person begins the “dedicated stalker” journey to crazy. My last contribution to this football paragraph is to say that my third jersey is an Eli Manning. It was really the second one I got, but third in this list. Eli is Peyton’s little brother and quarterback of the NY Giants. Interesting that I have both brothers. One step closer to the evening news!
Ok last thing. Well, two last things. I just typed another whole paragraph NOT on the subject I wanted too. And it was almost as long. This will be it for the night. I was going to try and read while I keep watch on my daughter, who is pretty sick tonight, but I can’t concentrate with the worry. I think I better try to sleep. We will be going to the doctor in the morning so it’s a good thing I didn’t finish that book today because now I can bring it with me tomorrow when I take her.
The very last thing is, that I noticed the NFL Shop catalog also threw out the word “holiday.” It’s an epidemic.
Holidays to all and to all a goodnight!
Because Christmas will be starting promptly at…..NOW!
NEVER underestimate the power of the TOY catalog for Christmas! Even if your kids are teenagers now. Even if they are 6 feet tall. Even if they begrudgingly dress up for Halloween and complain that trick-or-treating is lame, but still go out there and then eat so much candy that they are sick the next morning. Even if they barely let you take a picture of them in said costumes. These children are powerless against the allure of the magical and colorful, red-ringed, fake wreath of holiday, dunt, dunt, dunnnn, TOYS!! No child can resist. Mine could care less about anything other than video or audio products, but they still like to look. They get all excited and starry-eyed. It’s sick. And truthfully, I think parents like to look too. What else would you have to talk about with the other desperate parents just before you shoot yourself in the head after the second hour of potentially paralyzing, soul killing fun at the Monkey Joe’s or Extreme Trampoline?? Yeah yeah….I signed the waiver…it’s my own damn fault.
The only negative comment I have on the greed of Christmas commerce being shoved down our throats two months early, and the fake anxious panic Target is trying to instill in parents everywhere by deadlining all these “great deals” by November 23, (not even Thanksgiving yet!), when they damn well know everybody who missed these first great deals will be flocking to their stores the Friday after for even better deals, is that their catalog is UGLY!! U-G-L-Y! You make your momma cry! You’re ugly!! Seriously. My picture is pretty true to life. And I tried to get it against a nice, dark background to make it look better. It’s not even a true white cover to give the red something to really “pop” against. It’s this sick, creamy, off-white, dingy pearl color. And speaking of the red, it’s too red. Like, dark red. It makes the green look like lime and not Christmas tree. I am NOT a fan of red and green together. Especially Christmas red and green. But if you’re going to print and mail the first toy catalog of the season you should make the cover bright and cheerful, and not some half assed attempt that looks like it got thrown together on somebody’s lunch break the day before Halloween. Not to mention the failure to use toys from this year. Buzz, Lightning McQueen, Elmo, Barbie, Rubik’s Cube, Etch-a-Sketch, Yahtzee?!?–thank goodness Hollywood cooperates every year with Christmas sales and releases another installment of the same movie so companies can use the same toys with new packaging.
That seemed kind of rough and harsh. I like Christmas actually. It always feel like something good is about to happen. But I kind of like my Christmas to wait until after Thanksgiving before it shows up and carol’s me to death. It doesn’t feel very special when it’s been going on for weeks and weeks and weeks. I also like Target. They do have good deals and they have had much better catalogs. It’s all about eye appeal. Luckily kids don’t care. The clever market research team probably told them not to bother with a fancy look because this is the catalog the kids are just going to flip and tear. Mine did.
All this rainy day, gloomy evening, dark-at-4:30 ranting post (Weather update! That’s for my newest official reader/cousin Linda. Shout out!) has made me thirsty! And since it is dark now, it must be nighttime, and that earlier talk of lime reminded me that I have Corona in the fridge. (That is some “chain of reference” for my other cuz Lorraine. Holler!) And just for the hell of it…Go Sox! (For my sissy, not forgotten, you were the first after all, and next year of course, ’cause baseball season is over. Woop! woop!) Later.
Quick extra note, without comment: The front cover does not say “Christmas” or reference “Santa” specifically. It does on the inside though. Holiday is all you get for now.
Early Christmas Eve…
8 am Chicago time. It’s about 32 degrees and drizzling the best icy rain you can get anywhere in the midwest. I know all around us gets snow but we get rain that freezes everything in its place. It looks pretty, covering all in a transparent shell, but it is hell to walk or drive on. Still, it’s peaceful. I’m inside though. In a few hours the two day blitz starts and for my kids this year they have three days of travel…it just worked that way. They are ready. We stayed up late making food for the days to come, mock chicken legs (its a polack thing–so delicious–always tweaking the formula trying to get them to taste just like my dads–they never do), pierogis, apple slices, cookies, the usual, just like you!…so I am enjoying the silence for a few more minutes. Drinking some coffee, of course, just thinking about…how nice it all is. To be mostly healthy, mostly happy and able to enjoy the small things, not just today, but everyday. I’m not really religious or spiritual much, but I wish the same for you. Have a safe journey if you are traveling around, or a nice warm drink for me if you’re not!, and thanks for spending a few minutes with me and mine today!
Yes, it's a white tree. Hello...Polish....we like it. And it fits in our limited space! It's pretty when its lit up which you will see later today. We keep the lights on all night tonight....
Catching Pieces of Christmas Spirit…
This was from last Saturday morning. It was snowing, really snowing for the first time this season. And sticking. I guess north of where I live has had it already and probably doesn’t feel all cheery inside when it happens on a Tuesday. I get that. Now that school is over I am fine with whatever day it wants to snow…but this was Saturday. The kids were home and we had no where to go. They played outside and I baked cookies. Yes haters…they were oatmeal raisin and from a fund raiser (dough balls that you place on the pan—it counts if you have to put them in the oven—I still have to make sure they don’t burn up). My little mouse was running back and forth with his belly full of poison (we have a mouse—been here since Thursday—eating poison and looking cute—haven’t seen him today though—it’s probably the end for him) and I think I even had some Christmas music on the ipod. It was nice. Here’s a few pics:
just shy of pretty 