This Is Not The Way.

June 15, 2013 at 11:16 am (Day to Day, Food News, Losing the Fat) (, , , , , , )

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Sorry Doc. I guess I will have to start that diet next week. I haven’t had those delicious breakfast burritos in soooo long. With that spicy good Hot Picante sauce that the McDonald’s Corporation is being super stingy about handing out with their breakfast foods. Signs everywhere restricting the “sauces per order per item”. It’s so stupid. And even when you ask for more packets, AND are willing to pay for the extra sauces, they act like it’s a huge inconvenience, or that you are committing a crime against the purity of their food preparation. Where are these sauce packets that it takes so long, and three different people, to get? Are they stashed away in a secured vault with a time lock or some kind of multiple employee fingerprint/eyeball unlocking mechanism? Seriously they aren’t that good. This is the truth: Sometimes, even when I really really want McDonald’s, or the kids do, I’ll just skip it because I know what a pain in the ass it will be to get what I actually want. Plus the two stores closest to my house are terrible with service, speed, and getting the orders right. Even with the nuggets, the sauce is wrong or missing altogether, more times than not. Doesn’t McDonald’s have enough money without over doing the sauce thing? Its a sauce conspiracy! But I don’t want to have a whole post complaining. I mean, I did get it today. Spent my money. And ate all of it. And tonight the Charmin Corporation will be thanking me for using lots of their fine product. Gross Point Ending. Play on words. Later.

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Let’s Take It Down A Notch With My Third Pic From The New Phone

June 10, 2013 at 10:24 am (Blood Pressure, Cheap Red Wines, Day to Day, Exercise, Family, For Mason, For Stevie, Getting Old, Giant Food, High School Football, High School Volleyball, Losing the Fat, Movies, Phone Camera, Picture Posts, Posts In Pictures, Summer Break) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Life is not all that serious. But you know, I get caught up in the typing and before you know it, a five paragraph essay on mortality appears. The above picture illustrates the life-shortening things we did on my last weekend off. First we went and saw Fast 6. It’s a good movie. If you like those kind of movies. And we do.

Spoiler Alert! Seriously. I will be typing info of the spoiler variety right now. If you have seen any of these movies, you know they tease you at the end. Well, guess what? There’s gonna be a Fast 7. I won’t say how they do it, but if you are like me, you might say to yourself, “You know who they should get for these movies? Jason Statham.” And you would tell all the people around you, right away, at the beginning of the movie, because it’s a British, military-type bad guy in this one, and be really annoying about it. But then you’d be totally validated at the end and all self-satisfied ’cause you’re so smart. You could totally be a movie producer person. Whatever.

After the movie we went and got my new phone. Yay! Not gonna lie again. It’s awesome! It’s a beautiful phone. Samsung Galaxy S4, in case you missed that bit of info in my last mush post. It’s all Otter Box’d up so I don’t ruin it at work or in life. Plus it’s not very recognizable in it’s case so bitches can’t steal it! Ha. I also have it functioning now the way I like it, except for a ringtone. I am still trying to figure out if I should go back to my previous one (PriceTag–Jessie J or Peace Of Mind–Boston) or pick a new one altogether. Life is sooo hard right?

Then we went to Sam’s Club for alcohol and hot peppers to bring over to the BF’s mom’s house, because she was making dinner, roast beef sammy’s, because the BF’s brother, was in town from Oregon where he lives now. Whew. Got all that? I could have summed that up better, but I have a little time here to spread my typing wings. So obviously we got wine. Apothic Red–the best mixed red, for the best price, hand’s down, in my opinion, of all the brands that I have tried, right now. I posted about it before. The other wine. Ehh. It was OK. I think we got a bad bottle. Smelled and tasted almost like it was spoiled. Compromised. The cork was really dry and it had that sharp vinegar whiff to it. We drank it though. No ill effects noted. And since we were at the big warehouse center for giant, low-cost items, and we needed more Jack, we bought the economy size bottle. I mean, come on, that’s just smart money. And the peppers. Which were tasty and pretty hot actually and pretty much the smallest jar you can buy there. And a pair of jeans for the boy. He can never find Levi’s in his size, because most stores only get, like, 2 pairs of his, per shipment. But there they were, on the giant table of Levi’s, just waiting for him to come along and riffle through the pile. If you have ever been to Sam’s, you know they check your receipt and your items before you walk out of the door. So we were all carrying something; the wines, the giant Jack, the giant pepper jar; and the lady that checked our stuff said, “Ok, you got, what…wine, bottle, peppers, OK, well yeah, it looks like you got everything you need right there, uh huh.” And off we went. Layed everything so nicely in the trunk and snapped the pic with my new toy. Then we went to the dinner (delicious) and drove the kids out to their dad’s for an overnight.

Sunday was kind of lazy but chore driven. Laundry. (Which honestly, got done, completely–folded and put away–but is now back with a vengeance. I HATE laundry so much.) Breakfast. Where I met the 102 year old lady and her younger sister, a sprightly 95. Then more laundry when we got back home. (This was a before and after session of laundry. There was a lot.) Then we had pizza for dinner and waited for the kids to get home. That was their first and last week of summer vacation. Athletic camps are now in session, starting today, and they will be busy for the duration. I believe school starts for them about August 11 or 19. Yet to be determined. I don’t have a schedule yet anyway. So it’s a mystery. Well, it’s not really a mystery. I could spoil the surprise for them by looking on the school website, but I will let them dream of long, lazy, summer days and nights for a few more weeks.

And that’s it for now. Exciting re-cap of a day-in-the-life, huh? Now do you see why I fear getting old? Boring. Laundry. Breakfast. Alcohol. Oh. Alcohol. That must be the key. Drink and you will forget that you are getting older. As I said yesterday, I really do have a doctor appointment to get to. So I need to end this. My hip still hurts, but I think alcohol could probably fix that little problem too. Hmm. I suppose exercise might achieve that same result. Build up some strength to stave off the decaying process. Maybe I’ll try both. Drinking would probably make the exercise easier and more enjoyable, with less pain. Or send me to the ER with a dislocated hip ASAP. Still, with less pain. Did I mention that I have to get weighed, along with the B/P check and whatnot? That’s what is really going to cause me pain. I will follow up. Expect a new series of exercise-healthy-losing-weight-live-forever-type posting to start appearing in this lazy space. Later.

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Stevie Pic #5! And Updates Galore!

May 24, 2013 at 10:37 am (34 Day Summer Slim Down, Day to Day, Exercise, Family, Flowers, For Amanda, For Jeff the BF, For Mason, For Stevie, Graduation, Losing the Fat, Picture Posts, Posts In Pictures, Run. Walk. Weights., Running Stuff, School News, Stevie Pics, Summer Break, Wasting Time In General) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

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Posting to stay in the web site game today. Trying to get hits. It’s a total head thing. Posting because Stevie takes good pictures. Posting to use up all the ideas that are rattling around in my head and driving me crazy. While, in between, doing laundry. That damn laundry.

I have actually had 2 days off. This is my third. Third. (!) Why am I not all posted and getting tons of new followers? Why do I have a giant pile of crappy clothes and never worn shoes on my bedroom floor that are supposed to be purged? Why have I not seen my new little nephew in person?? Why is the laundry NOT done yet???

I have been doing things. Things like, helping my kids with this last week of real school. The boy’s last final is today. He is stressing big time too, trying to finish without any D’s. It’s been a tough and lazy year for this kid. His XBox is riding on this last grade. All he needs is a C. Seriously. And the girl has Algebra and her state Constitution to worry about. Math is killing her, but I told her to focus on the Constitution and forget the rest because at this point 8th grade is all about getting out and moving into high school. She needs to pass the Constitution, everything else, realistically, does not matter. No one EVER asks for your 8th grade transcripts. It’s all about the high school now. Fresh start. I may not be the best mom on the planet today, encouraging my kids to do mediocre, but at this point, on this Friday, with nothing left to lose or gain, passing is going to have to be good enough.

On a more “me” note, I exercised. Yes. I said, and typed, ex-er-cise. I did a workout AND ran a 5K. Yes. Ran. (Jogged. Shuffled. Walked a little. And maybe missed about 1/2 mile of the course…for a total of about a 3.9K) Two and a half miles at least. The course was kind of confusing and didn’t have clear markers at every point, but that’s not too bad. It wasn’t an official timed race, mostly fun. I finished in approx 40 minutes. Not a record breaker, but not last! And it was exercise. Outside, with other people as witness. My daughter helped organize a charity/community run for her school and I took the day off to participate. It was actually quite fun and I feel extremely proud and impressed by my daughter and her school and the whole event in general. There was about 60-70 runners and 100’s of spectators. That may not sound like a lot, but it is pretty damn good for Jr. High. My girl came up with the name and the theme and even designed the facebook page to promote it. Of course it helps that her aunt is a professional event planner and fixed all the details, but hey she’s only 14. Today the little village, tomorrow the big city! Check out the site here, if you like, just to get a feel for the kind of thing it was, and maybe next event you can come too! Here is my number bib as proof:

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And holy poo-poo, my legs are killing me! The tops of my thighs seem to have taken the brunt of the exercise fall-out, and they are not allowing me to walk properly, or sit and stand with any kind of grace or fluid motion. I have to push myself up and lower myself down using my arms as brace so I just don’t fall over. So stupid.

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The other thing I have been trying, “trying” being the key word in this sentence, is a new exercise craze you may have heard of called: Hip Hop Abs. More like Hip Hop Flabs for me (Sorry, that’s my one joke I keep repeating. It’s not the most original, but it usually gets a laugh.) and Hip Hop Jiggly Butt. (On another rambling side note, I have to say that when I was running, the most distracting thing was my jiggly butt. I could feel it moving. Yuk. So gross. I need to use this burst of exercise rejuvenation and keep doing it. It’s bad when you can feel all the flab actually moving. Yuk again.) My friend at work is like the new spokesperson for Hip Hop Abs or something, and texts me everyday harassing me about this shit. So I finally did it. I have discovered that I may be too old for the hippity hop, or any form of exercise that requires me to dance like a young person in a club and jerk my body all over, and into weird contortions that I probably couldn’t have done even when I was younger. My hips and shoulders don’t necessarily hip and hop in those directions. I just don’t have the rhythm or moves and ability to dance and exercise at the same time, and I never really did. Butt. I am going to try and continue anyway. If you are following along on the body pain tally, this particular tape set hurts my shoulders and arms. My abs are actually fine with this. They have probably just given up and are like, whatever lady, the layer of fat you kindly blanketed across our middle will protect us. Nice try though! Stupid abs. One day I will have a sort-of six pack and a non-30-year-old-ass. That last sentence is all for you Amanda. One day Vegas will see us again and we will ROCK that pool. We will cut through the water like sharks in the ocean. Although I will have to upgrade to a non-40-year-old-ass. Eeek. Time is a ticking.

I will continue now, to update my exercise status, again. I just re-read that, and I didn’t mean right now, but in the days and weeks to come. I even have a plan. I mean, I always have a plan. I just need to carry through. I even have a goal. Fer reals. Wanna see? I might as well just post it now, since this is already long anyway.

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It’s a pair of jeans. That’s pretty much it. My entire weight loss/get healthy plan around a pair of Hollister Laguna Skinny 9L’s. I can almost squeeze my ass into them. Literally. They go right on up, and over my legs and thighs, but then stop dead at the ass portion of my body. I can almost tuck it in but then my front poochy area tries to make a stand and it’s just all-around ugly. There is no way I could zip them up and I feel bad for anyone near if I did. The pants would suffer, my flesh would suffer, anyone who has eyes and was looking at me would suffer. The jeans seem to be made of very high quality, strong denim and fasteners, but I don’t know, wearing these right now would require a lot of tensile strength that might be asking too much of a simple pair of pants. But that’s the ultimate goal.

The goal was also to have these on by my daughter’s graduation party in, oh, 22 days. I had a slim-down plan, like I did a few years back. The category heading is still over to the right there. 34 Day Summer Slim Down. Obviously I was going to modify that to account for my new timeline, but guess what? 34 days came and went and now I have 22. I aimed for that date so I could impress my whole family, current, new, and old, with my skinniness, because that’s healthy, right? Like my daughter’s teacher just said to me at the race when we were talking about it, “Oh well as long as you are doing it for the right reasons.” HaHaHa. We laughed. No one loses weight to impress themselves. Anyhoo. I am also trying to grow out my bangs. Which is taking way longer than I want. But I was using her party as goal for that too. I figured if I could keep them longer, and survive the bad stage where they poke at my eyes, without cutting them, at least until then, I could probably make it the rest of the way to the long stage again. So far so good on that goal! I use headbands at work. I feel weird about my open face but half my patients can’t see me clearly anyway so who cares. As I always say, I look much better blurry.

Well I should wrap this up. Hours have been spent here. I swapped a few loads of laundry, but I need to fold all that crap and put it away and try to clean up this house a bit. I defiantly told the BF that I would have all the laundry done by the time he got home. I am so stupid sometimes when I am trying to be all smart. I think I hit all the major updates. No, wait…

Thursday was my daughter’s Spring Band Concert. Done. Today is the 8th grade dance. Exciting! We had Mother’s Day. I had to work. There was the annual Crawfish Boil my sister and her hubby have every year. Fun! Here’s a pic:

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I have GOBS of bird pictures and wildlife in the backyard. The bird feeders are back. The fat squirrels are eating everything and making me mad. The hummingbirds are back too. I saw them. I have street money that I am still collecting. My niece graduated high school!! Congrats Jesse!! I have new things involving trucks with crazy stuff on them. And tires. Lots of tires. I don’t even know why. I probably have more random things that I can’t even think about because now I am trying to hurry and finish so I can do a fast clean sweep and get back to the computer. My son just texted. Geometry final is over. He’s one class away now from sophomore year. I need one last picture though to end this mish mash. And there are always more pictures. In my phone and on my desktop. Hmmm. How about superheroes? My kids are a daily reminder that you are never to old to build a blanket fort in your room to keep out the bad guys:

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Or too old to goof around in Target. Hurry up mom, and take the picture!! Come on now…

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I. Am. IronMan.

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You won’t like me when I’m angry.

Saving the world one word at a time. “Mommmmmmm.”

“Come on already.” Later.

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Well It Sure Feels Like A Brand New Start

January 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm (Blood Pressure, Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Exercise, Job Search, Losing the Fat, Skeleton Trees, Weather) (, , , , , , , , )

I know it’s not February first yet, but according to the air temperature it’s like a whole new season. We need to come up with some kind of phrase to identify this trend in unusual, possibly alarming, weather system changes. I can do 50 degrees all “winter”.  I’ll even take the occasional one day snow storm followed by three days of melt. However my little daffodil buds are getting confused. Here’s a picture of them looking sad and sort of green-yellow in the grey and dirty dirt. The ground is not ready for them to sprout yet, but the heat says, “Come on up! The air is fine!” But it’s not.

I shall monitor their early progress for you. Via words and more pictures. Although be prepared for this site to take another sucky turn. As you know, I pride myself on posting just about every day with brilliant and insightful, meaningful, inspiring words and positive vibes and energy to you and the world abroad. Uh. huh. Well, I post every few days. And it’s almost always positive. That won’t change. The new issue is that I may actually have something else that I will need to be doing, full time, and for a good amount of money. Hint hint. Cough cough. Ahem. If I ain’t being too subtle here. Something worthy enough to give up my day job as resident blobber, blogger, desperately searching for an outside gig. I will let you know by the end of the week if I can finally change my Facebook status to: Works. Period. Anyway, February is always my lucky month for work related stuff. That’s when I got my last job too. It’s weird when stuff happens like that isn’t it?

I’m about to go get some food with the family and have a margarita. Just one. And it will be small. Well, smaller. We have an awesome place very close by. And I checked my med info. Moderate alcohol is ok. One drink every week or two will probably be just fine. And FYI, in case you were wondering, I have my next doc appt. this week to check on those meds, and even though it seems unlikely, I really think I feel better. Like, not sick feeling. Clear headed and without any throbbing or eye and temple pain. Maybe that BP was killing me. Sometimes drinking the kool-aid isn’t always a death sentence. Hard lesson to learn. In just a few days, I have tried to overhaul my sodium intake and step up the exercise regimen. We, me, everything, that you eat for convenience or that comes in a processed package is LOADED with mg’s and mg’s of that sneaky sodium. I spent my last few days buying some snazzy new jeans and t-shirts to transition myself slim again. Thanks to the new spandex and technologically advanced textile manufacturing, my jean size didn’t change! And no one will ever see the tags that say “high stretch fabric” or “extreme tensile strength materials”. Those labels are on a big old garbage truck heading for the dump. And I purposely shopped for colorful fruits and vegetables today.  I think I shall be more boring to hang out with, but, I shall be hanging out a lot longer. Alright, one more picture because I like to take pictures of the skeleton trees. Later.

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Are You Down With OPP??

January 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Losing the Fat, My Mom) (, , )

Cause I’m DOWN with OPP! Yeahhh baby…Too bad the OPP in this post means:

Old People’s Problems.

I’m definitely down with something. How I must chuckle these last 24 hours at my naive and childish posting from a mere two weeks ago. You’ll recall, I claimed to be in denial about my weight issues and diet and exercise and such. And I was in denial, and clearly still am. You can read it here if you want or just move forward with this post because it’s really not that hard to follow. Click on the link right here.  FATTY BO BATTY IN DENIAL.  Anyway, that was just a poke and a tap compared to the major slap down I received yesterday morning.

As I have been merrily skipping through job interview after job interview in the last two weeks, I have been landing on an offer more than not. (Thank goodness. I needed the boosts.) For one position, I needed to go get a physical. In case you don’t know, I am a registered nurse, and my job does require a certain level of fitness to perform well. It’s not anything too crazy; ability to lift and bend, some physical strength and tone, good eyesight, hearing, no drugs, etc…pretty much an overall general well-being. And I have all that. Sure I’m a little porky, but I have the strength and the muscle tone under there. And I could probably use an updated eye exam, it’s been 2 years, but I read all the letters on the chart. So what do you think did me in?? My @!#$%^&!@ blood pressure!! Excuse my shift key!!

Like a record scratching to an immediate and ugly halt, the B/P done me in. No clearance. It’s too high. End of physical. Go to your doc. Get some meds. Get this form signed. Call us when you’re done. (Ooh…here’s a good place to put in a TV quote I’ve been keeping in the hopper): So Long, See Ya Sucka, Bon Voyage, Arrevaderci, Later Loser, Goodbye, Good Riddance, Peace Out, Let The Doorknob Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya, Don’t Come Back Round Here No More, Asta La Vista Baby, Kick Rocks, And The Get Hell Out!

It’s not even that high. I mean, it’s not good, but it’s not crazy, stroking out, in the hundreds, off the cuff high. But it’s too high for the doc to feel safe letting me pick up a bunch of heavy things. It’s all about the heart disease. The silent killer. And oh, by the way, you of all people should know better. Yeah. I got it. For real this time.

By some twist of fate, my mom had to get an x-ray, and she missed her first opportunity because she decided to drive around aimlessly lost a few days ago, and couldn’t find the health center. So we planned to be there at the same time and we could go to breakfast after. Well, it’s true what they say, you are never too old to need your mommy. A fact, my mommy reminded me of, as we sat in the vestibule area after we were both done. Moms do like to keep driving that point home whenever they get the chance. When the receptionist told me to go get a follow-up with my doctor because this one isn’t clearing me, and she handed me the form I need to get filled out, and told me to not worry, it happens all the time, I will tell you, I was stricken. And I am not ashamed, maybe a little ashamed, to say that I cried like the biggest baby in the whole wide world right in that atrium area, sitting next to my mom on a cozy little couch in front of warm toasty fire. It would have been quite the touching moment if not for my complete mental breakdown. In public. Kudos to my mom who didn’t even bat an eye. Crying loudly in the middle of a health center? Whatevs. Probably happens more than I think anyway.

So here’s the thing. What it breaks down to is that I am OLD. Older. It is inevitable. I have to lead the pack of my sisters and brothers down the path of old age and I DO NOT want to. Before you think I have completely lost touch with my reality and my mortality, I realize it is only blood pressure. It’s not cancer or an illness that will start the end of my life. It is a very common and very treatable thing that can be managed for basically the rest of my life. And I was in big time denial, because I didn’t want to take medication. Sometimes you need the help until the diet and exercise can kick in with some help. But guess what? Wasn’t really following any kind of good plan. My name is…and I am a dumb ass. Well, my eyes are wide open, and screaming for help. Hell, the high B/P is probably why they are screaming. But it still sucks being first.

I’ve noticed other stuff too. Like my close vision, lately, requires me to do the whole, move the words closer in or farther away from my face, until the letters come into focus. Sucks. Can’t see that tiny red print on a black background without a beam of light. Sucks. Sweating my pits off in a 75 degree room when everybody else is complaining its cold. Sucks. Night sweats. Sucks. Shorter periods, less cramps. Yeah! But longer or shorter in-betweens, kinda sucks. I keep track, because I’m sure I will have to eventually. Just like I should have been keeping track of my B/P. I figured it was fine. It’s been under the danger level when I do check it, but obviously the docs machines say different. And before my smarty pants cousin types in a “menopause” comment (again…thanks cuz…at least I’m still a little bit younger than you!! haha) I am sure that horror is looming ahead, but the B/P issue is all it’s own thing I think. Well, not a totally isolated thing. The added weight and the poor diet probably contributed greatly to the cause.

I have an appointment today. In about an hour actually. Not really looking forward to it. My doctor is going to yell at me. Why didn’t I follow-up a year ago?? Have we learned anything from all this?? Why are you still the same weight?? (Actually, I was being soft on myself there. I believe I might actually weigh more than the last time I was there.) Ugh! So embarrassing. Time to grow up. I think the phrase people like to use is, “Put on the big girl panties,” (not my fav but this site is for the people) and suck it up. It’s my turn to start contributing to the global health and pharmacological economy with my hard earned dollars.

Anyway, I am down with OPP. But not for long. Thanks Mom! I Love You! I am very glad you were there to see me crack open the giant egg of UNFAIR!!!

I will end with something funny, as I must always do, and because I just remembered what my mom said to me while I was balling my eyes out like a little bitch. And it wasn’t mean or anything, It was just my mom being consoling and compassionate. I need to come up with a word to describe her wisdom nuggets. Anyhoo, when I get upset, I usually don’t eat. It makes my stomach hurt too bad, and I usually can’t swallow. So I’m crying and crying, and I manage to sputter out a wailed, “Now I don’t even want to go to breakfast anymore. I’m too fat and it’s just gonna make it worse! Boo hoo. Sob sob.” Disgusting.

And my mom says, while she is patting my head and trying to stop me from crying, “Well, honey, missing one meal isn’t going to make any difference. Now come on.”

That’s funny right?? I thought it was. Is that what you expected she would say? What would you say to someone? I don’t even know. But it always catches me off guard. The laughs ensued. She followed that up with the basics: You just lose the weight, cut out the junk and exercise. Not all crazy exercise like you do, just simple. Walk. Don’t eat potato chips. This is a blessing in disguise. Blah blah blah. I know it. Still stings to have to walk the walk.

I’m going to wrap this up. I want to be back later to update, but no guarantees. I get to take my son to a high school registration/orientation meeting today that I cannot miss. Got to start getting him ready for the big school. I am so excited for him! It’s the next step! Everyone be safe out there. The weather is acting crazy again, and you don’t want to miss anything new on my site of silliness!

So…Later Gators. After While Crocodile. Adios Amigo. See yuh. Buh Bye. Seriously, enough. Toodles. And Cheerio. That’s it I swear.

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Damn Those Fluffy Pancakes!!!

January 15, 2012 at 3:41 pm (Day to Day, Football, Losing the Fat) (, , , , , , , , )

The American Rag Jean Company and its affiliates are working overtime today! Thank you thick and heavy denim material. Thank you unknown zipper and spandex corporations! Thank you for not bursting at the seams when I put you on and started walking around upright. I look like a lumpy bump in too tight pants. But it’s the only pants I got. I am also counting getting dressed today as exercise. If you break a sweat trying to wrestle your body into something it clearly does not want to naturally conform to or raise your heart rate by attempting to defy the laws of physics, it counts. I used to do a “pants dance” that my kids thought was pretty funny. It was just me hopping around, kicking and flailing my legs, while yanking my jeans up and over my thighs and gut. These days it’s more like the pants “death dance”, with me laying on the bed very carefully, slowly and steadily  maneuvering 20 pounds of sausage into a 10 pound sack. Without ripping the belt loops off or blowing a pocket out. It’s a game of inches. And speaking of inches, football is on. I squeezed into my Peyton Manning because I didn’t know if I should wear my Clay Matthews or my Eli. They all make me look like a tank, but I think the blue jersey is the least unflattering. Now I must hobble to my shame and face the family and the food buffet I have whole heartedly agreed to contribute to. In about one hour and two drinks I won’t care anymore.

I ♥ 52!

GO PACKERS!

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What’s that old saying? Feed a fever and starve a fat cell?

January 13, 2012 at 8:02 pm (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Exercise, Giant Food, Losing the Fat, Run. Walk. Weights.) (, , , , )

So hungry!! Why is food so tasty?? FYI, I am not eating that right now. That was last week. When I was unhealthy. Remember? I talked about finding the giant chip? Well, that’s it. I put it next to the remote for perspective. And that’s the 16 oz. dip container. Which I threw out yesterday because it does not need to be in the house anymore. I am trying to be good. So far, I am averaging out to about 1500-2000 cals a day. Which I also already said, but thought I would say again so I can lead into the whole starving myself thing. In the days leading up to my big interview (No call at all today. Is that Friday the 13th good luck or bad luck? We’ll never know) I tried to drink buckets of water and eat minimal food quantities. Well that plan backfired on Wednesday because I felt sick as a dog when I finally did eat. I was so hungry that as soon as I started eating some food my stomach cramped and I thought I was going to throw up. Plus I had a raging, pounding, piercing headache because I drank coffee in the afternoon like a dumb ass. I have been trying to limit my coffee drinking to about noon. I have been getting heartburn and headaches if I try and drink it all through the day like I used to. At one point I was even drinking it on the ride home from work at 5 and 6 at night. That’s crazy right? Anyway, I notice it more now, especially if I stop for awhile in the morning, like to exercise or shower, or drink more water and eat. If I try to have coffee on an empty exercised and watered stomach in the afternoon, I feel like someone is trying to stab me in the head with a knife. That’s probably NOT a good thing. So that’s one more thing to add to the “old” list.

Anyway, that’s it really. Just wanted to talk about the correlation between food and exercise. Definitely works better and delivers more results if you do both. Eat the healthy way. And in evenly spaced increments. No starvation tactics. And exercise every day. 30 minutes plus, if you can. I also needed an excuse to post these potato chip pictures. The other one is below. The giant potato chip is sitting over the top of the dip container! We are the party people. Dinner is on the way so I gotta go, but keep reading if you haven’t today and find a related post below that! Eating less+ exercise = Bones! Later!

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BREAKING NEWS! Did any of you guys know that there are bones UNDER your skin??

January 13, 2012 at 3:09 pm (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Exercise, Losing the Fat, Run. Walk. Weights., Unemployed Posts) (, , , , , )

Sorry if I alarmed you with my punctuated and capitalized headline. This is supposed to be a funny site. If you build it, they will come. More like if you wish for it in one hand, and **BLEEP** in the other…

Yes, already off topic, funny site, although you really couldn’t tell from the last few days or weeks. I still haven’t heard anything about that job, so let’s just get that right out of the way first. Maybe later. Maybe Monday. It’s frustrating and nerve wracking. I mean I can take rejection. That’s one of the reasons I post here. Nobody would pay for this, (I’ve tried—although I might be better at it now, and I should try again) so I just give it away for free. Besides it makes me feel better. Free psych sessions courtesy of the internet. Put it out there and it can’t bother you anymore! Anyway, like I was saying, I can take rejection. I am all for the school of  “rip it off fast.” You know, the whole band-aid metaphor. Give me the bad news. Or the good news. Then we can start making plans for the next thing. But it’s the waiting that kills me every time. So, nothing there yet.

As for these, so called, bones, I am happy and surprised to see that, 1.) Most of mine are still nestled safe and secure under the layer of “thick” skin I posses and cultivate all over my body. And 2.) A few of them are trying to surface for air. As I stepped out of the shower and started combing the rat’s nest on my head that I refer to as my hair (although my mom will, definitely and loudly, stick with the “rat’s nest” description. Or, maybe not a whole nest. Perhaps just a slightly built nest. But I digress.) Anyway, I noticed as I was moving my arm up and down I could see this sort of, roundness and pointiness, at my shoulder level. As I investigated further, I recognized that it was my long lost shoulder muscle and the end part of my collarbone. The parts that give you the look of having a “ball” on the top of your arm and a bone that kind of sits on top. I also noticed my collarbones are trying to make their way out from under my neck fat. Nice image! But there it is.

Again, I was going to give up and NOT exercise today because I hate it. And I want to sit on my butt and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to listen to a cheery girl tell me to “give it all I got.” I got nothing. So I forced myself to get up and just start. I told myself I could always do it half-assed or quit altogether. I did not wear anything good or even put on shoes. The funny thing was, it did feel like crap at first, no lie, but then it felt good and I felt less bad. So I finished Miss Firm, did some extra ab stuff and some girl push-ups (I had too. The man ones are making me feel like a weakling, the count is still under “1”), took a shower and was amazed to notice these extra bumps trying to make space on my body. It’s subtle, to be sure. No Miss Universe contests just yet. But it made me feel really good that after only 5 days, I can still snap back to even a small semblance of good health and shape. My years are numbered here and I have got to just stay at a livable place, so I don’t have to keep re-building the boat every time I go out onto the water. That’s some kind of mixed metaphor or something, but I like the way it sounds so it stays in without editing.

That makes Day 5 of exercise. In a row. In case you missed that count. And Work Out 2, of the Firm’s, “see results in 10 workouts” sticker promise. I have low hopes for tomorrow. It’s Saturday and we have plans. Bowling starts again and there are things to be done, but maybe if I plan it right, I can keep the pace. Gotta keep the ship sealed tight if you don’t want any leaks. Rump frump frump. That’s supposed to be like a stodgy man giving you the business. Huuh-rumph! Later.

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One winter snow storm, after weeks of unseasonably and globally warming temperatures, delivered as predicted!

January 13, 2012 at 12:40 am (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Exercise, Losing the Fat, My Mom, Run. Walk. Weights., Unemployed Posts, Weather) (, , , , , )

No snow pictures yet. Maybe tomorrow. Please enjoy this decoration from the kids winter band program.

As for that snow prediction, you can thank me. Or blame me. Or call me a witch. I predicted this days and days ago. I told everyone who would listen that there will not be any snowfall, no matter what the news says, until the day I get called for an interview. I haven’t had one really important place to travel to for months. No place to go that would really matter if I couldn’t make it for any reason. I said the day that I have to go on my first job interview will be the day the snow comes to call on our humble community. Welp…they called me last Thursday to set me up for today at 9am and the weather men started predicting, “Snow Watch! Doom! 2012!” on Monday. It never fails. Monday Tuesday Wednesday, 50, balmy, sunny…Thursday: RAIN! SLEET! ICE! SNOW!! Turn off the lights.  Lock your doors. Leave town. Buy all the supplies at the CVS.  You can NOT escape SNOW in the Midwest in the WINTER! Seriously. I had to go to the CVS to get toilet paper and I kid you not, the cold case was completely empty. No milk, no eggs, no meats, butters, etc. And alot of the shelves looked all bare and picked over. Scary.

As for me, I really did have an interview today and I really did drive in the snow. But it was only going home. To make a boring story even less anticlimactic, it was just starting to mist a bit on the way in and it was lightly flaking when I left. However, as I got closer to home and side tracked towards my mom’s house in Beecher, which is more south than me, it really was coming down thick and wet and sticky. (I had also gotten another call from another place and I had to go fill out an app. Maybe two’s the charm?? We’ll see…) Then I decided to go see my mom. Cause I’m cool like that. And she did not disappoint.

I’m already feeling down in the dumps because of the weight issues, the job issues, the general lack of a life issues, and the fact that even though I think my interview went well, and I brought in all of the info that they asked for, and I got a mini tour of the place in addition to meeting HR and the managers, they still just thanked me for coming in and told me they would call or e-mail. I guess that’s how it goes, but I don’t know. I hate to jinx it by saying anything but I figure it’s after the fact so it probably doesn’t matter. And even though my mom knows all these things, because she read my last few posts, the first thing she said to me, the very first thing, and I am not exaggerating in any way, shape or form, when I walked into her house was, “Oh! You should have put your hair up instead of wearing it down like that. Oh it looks so messy! Pulled back would have been so much better!” And she made some hand gestures while pulling on her frosted scrags. Really mom?

Don’t worry, I said that right to her face. I even told her I was gonna write about our little visit. (Hi Mom! Hope that internet is back up and running so you can read this!) I even wrote down all the other gems she had to share with me because I didn’t want to deprive any of you, especially my sissy Amanda, of my mother’s supreme hilarity and lack of tact. I guess technically, her other comments were meant to be nice. But, well, I’ll let you guys judge that.

Let me just get my notes here. Ok. After she criticized my hair and made us coffee and put out some cookies, we tried to get her computer to work. No luck. As we sat down at the kitchen table, my mom picked up the cookies and said, “You probably don’t want these right? I’ll put them away to make it less tempting.” She had been reading my posts so she knew I probably wouldn’t want them but it was the only snack she had that goes with coffee. Then she said, kind of off-handed, “I expected you to be bigger.” I said, “What? What do you mean?”

“Oh well, the way you made it sound I expected you would come lumbering into my house looking like a big stuffed elephant like you put on your website. I was wondering, ‘how much weight did you gain in the last month?’ I mean, I just saw you.” While she’s telling me this she is also gesturing with her hands and kind of holding them out in front of her to indicate how “stuffed” she expected me to be. And she went on, “I would say you’re not like an elephant. More like a baby moose.”

Uh huh. I said, “Well geez mom, thanks. We were just at Cabela’s and the moose they had there was actually bigger than the elephant. So thanks a lot. I’m as big as a moose. That’s much better.”

Bring it home mom: “No, I said a baby moose.” Just holding her coffee cup, sitting across from me, drinking and comparing me to the wildlife. I stared at her for what seemed like a minute, and I really don’t remember if I was actually thinking anything. But for some reason when my mom says stuff like that it just makes me burst into laughter. I guess maybe because I never expect it. So I laughed and I said that I am writing all of this down so I don’t forget and I thanked her for giving me my next article here. Cause really, let’s face it now, some of these posts are turning into mini-novels already.

But back to Rita. She said, “See? What would you do if I didn’t give you something to write about?” Hmm. I just don’t know.

So that’s my mish mash story for today. Haven’t heard anything back from the interview. So I wait. I felt so bad I wasn’t even going to go exercise, which is exactly the time I should go. Thanks to a movie due back to the video store today, my unwillingness to drive on the unplowed streets where I live, and the fact that my daughter suggested it to begin with, we were able to sneak in almost an hour of walking, about 1.7 miles, in unshoveled snow. It’s like walking on sand, but in boots and jeans and coats and hats and gloves. It was actually quite fun and a pretty good work out. My legs were burning! And my calves are sore. But that makes FOUR days in a row. Now I need to go to bed because I am tired from the stress of worrying about everything and nothing.

I’ll throw in another animal shot to keep things even. I think they’re bucks, not moose, but you get the idea. And for those keeping count, my push up total still stands at about half of one. BUT, I was able to hover above the ground, in the down position for much longer than yesterday before my chubby gut hit the floor. Then I pushed myself back up and called it “one.” Have a good night.

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Ham String Curls!

January 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Exercise, Losing the Fat, Run. Walk. Weights.) (, , , , , , , , , , )

That headline is only going to be funny to one person, but I don’t care. I had a novel idea today to work out BEFORE I posted anything. The weather is supposed to be nice a again, and so far it is. Paul Konrad spoke of 50’s and warmer temps and clear skies. But it still feels cold to me. Plus I have a volleyball game to go to for Stevie. Second one. The first was Monday. It was very exciting and the matches were close, usually a point or two, but they ended up losing. I thought they did pretty good for only having 4 practices. And those were over Christmas Break. I’ll put pics up if the girl lets me. Anyway, I won’t have time later to work out and I don’t trust the weather to wait for a few more hours. Plus I wanted something fast and complete. So I went to my old standby: The Firm. 45 minutes of pure elevated heart rate and sweat. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t eat or because my heart hasn’t worked that hard trying to move me around in weeks, but I felt slightly sick in the middle and for a minute there, thought for sure I was going to throw up. My stomach flipped and all I could hear was my heart beating in my head but I just stood there lifting my stupid dumbbells until it passed. So you know this tape has got to be good right??

That picture above really has nothing to do with my workout besides the ham string curl, curled horns, thing. It’s a stretch I know. Anyway, I like doing the Firm workouts because they combine cardio and weights and they make me sweat because I am out of shape. Rebekah is the ring leader. She’s cute and so evil with her friendly, constant chatter about what we are about to do next. Ham String Curls is one of the things she says that gets into my nightmares while I sleep. She says it all sing-songy and I am lured into the abyss. You can see her devil eyes about halfway through the workout. She’s looking up at the camera and I feel her thoughts enter into my brain, “C’mon you fat ass, kick it higher, lift that heavier weight, burn burn burn!” I may just be hallucinating that last part though. I am working my way back into the P90X sets. I was doing them every day last year, but I totally fell off the wagon and rolled into the street, down a hill, across a stream and then down another hill until I landed in a giant hole of marshmallow middles, blubber butts and shame.

But I’m back. Three days in a row! It’s a new year record! It’s all part of the master plan: Run. Walk. Weights. And add some push ups. (The tape gives you some ab moves–not too crazy. You can always add more if you like) One of the new sites that I am following, linked over to the right there, or click on the name, called WhatUp Chickenbutt just did a post on girl vs. regular push-ups. She said skip the girl ones all together and go for the man ones. Do them every day and see what happens. Well I will tell you, I did lots of girl push ups when I started P90 because I could not do even ONE real pushup. By the time I quit the P90, I could 10 regular ones. Took about 40 days for me personally to get there. I tried one today….and I’d generously give myself about one HALF of a real push up. I went down. Skimmed the ground with my gut. Froze there shaking and tried to push myself back up. I would say I was on the ground longer than the up and down motion. Then I tried it again after my Firm workout and I’d say I improved to about a Three Quarter pushup. I felt more confident though! But I still couldn’t do one. It’s a good idea though and I like a challenge. Do what is right for you! It’s no fun to fail right out of the gate. Besides, the girl ones are not all bad because  they do allow you to build up some arm strength using half your weight until you can finally hoist your whole body up and down. So work up to whatever you can handle. Obviously I am one of those people that has to work out every day or I will not work out at all. One slip and I’m doomed to the couch. Anyhoo, the Firm is a good way to ease back into the hell of P90. The Firm box says you can see results in 10 workouts. I will let you know about that. It’s probably true. In fact I know it is because I used it last year too. It’s a nice break from the P90 intensity and it feels like you can dance. Rebekah does those old aerobic moves you used to see all the time. Things like plyo’s, switchups, wraps, it was all very confusing at first but I got it now. It makes me feel like I know what I’m doing and I enjoy seeing myself mirroring what the girls are doing on screen. I just can’t finish the whole thing yet. So close, but no cigar. I recommend this particular one because you get a good combo of cardio/weights that will make you sweat and feel good but won’t discourage you from trying it again if you can’t do everything all the way through. I put the pic below.

These pictures always turn out so gigantic. Well, I have lots more to write about, and I need to get some food. I’ve been good so far, keeping the cals at about 1500 to 2000. That seems like a lot but it’s not for me considering how much I was eating just a few days ago. And I’m trying to keep it as low-everything bad as possible, but this is the part that takes the most work. Jumping around like a wounded animal gasping and clawing the air for breath is easy. Shopping and cooking healthy for yourself and your family, under the whining protest that it’s “gonna be gross” and fighting against the constant, gnawing hunger for a few days (or weeks depending on how far gone you really are) is hard. Here’s to coffee and breath mints! My meal of choice for the newly turned fanatic. I’m just kidding. That’s my diet every day. Later.

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