On the way to dinner last night we ran into the CIRCUS! Seriously.
We received the free tickets. We knew it was coming. We forgot all about it. Boom. Big Tent. Calliope music. Small ponies. Dancing horses. And elephants!
Oh yeah! Three, huge, giant elephants wearing colorful vests waiting in the parking lot for their turn in the big top. A tent the size of a football field in the Steger, K-Mart parking lot! Come one. Come all. My kids were P.O.’d that we didn’t go. Next year for sure. Here’s the pictures to prove it.
So basically we couldn’t park anywhere near the area. We ended up going to McDonald’s. They were very nice and friendly. They had a really cool mural on the wall of the Chicago skyline. Of course I took the pics to share.
I got the ENEMA.
Of course. I knew it when they told us we would have to do this skill set. And I knew it as I was sitting at the desk waiting to pull it out of the bedpan. (Not really, it was a plastic baggy–random draw of a skill to demonstrate.)
But I did not panic. I studied. A lot. I took all the skills, from enema’s to bed-making to ROM to safety devices, positioning and transfers…I did them all. Over and over until I was comfortable. Mason helped ENORMOUSLY! He let me practice everything I needed (with the exception of enema and rectal temp…big baby) and when I sat down, picked enema, faced the nurse evaluator with ALL that experience, I just…relaxed. I knew the material. I knew the process. I knew WHY I knew the process. She said I seemed very competent. That is good enough for me. Relief. I did forget one thing, but not a failure. And that’s good because I feel that this is my calling. Does that sound lame?
Every time I learn something, or every time I do a skill, even just practice for fake, I feel like I am right where I should be. Like I can really DO this job and be good at it and want to work. It feels real natural. All these years…and now I figure it out. Well, better late than never right?
And speaking of all these years, to get off all that serious, it’s my birthday! Yay Me! I got some pictures….but first, I have to share with you some other people that share my birthday. I turn to D-Listed, as always, and the shock of celebrity birthdays. I knew about Salma and Keanu, but Shauna was a surprise! I think I might be changing what I want for my birthday. Perhaps a couple of chest implants instead of I-Tunes cards?? I’m not getting any younger ya’ know! What could I do with these?? What COULDN’T I do with these?!? This is copy/pasted directly from the website. Even the picture. Observe:
Birthday Sluts
The Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand (Forever Young)
Aimee Osbourne (26)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (40)
Camille Grammer (41)
Cynthia Watros (41)
Salma Hayek (43)
Tuc Watkins (43)
Lennox Lewis (44)
Keanu Reeves (45)
Mark Harmon (58)
Terry Bradshaw (61)
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand’s perfect toes touched Earth’s soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called “lucite” before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!
Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!
You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick’s, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!
And Shauna didn’t wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.
just shy of pretty 