Are You Down With OPP??

January 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm (Body and Brains!, Day to Day, Losing the Fat, My Mom) (, , )

Cause I’m DOWN with OPP! Yeahhh baby…Too bad the OPP in this post means:

Old People’s Problems.

I’m definitely down with something. How I must chuckle these last 24 hours at my naive and childish posting from a mere two weeks ago. You’ll recall, I claimed to be in denial about my weight issues and diet and exercise and such. And I was in denial, and clearly still am. You can read it here if you want or just move forward with this post because it’s really not that hard to follow. Click on the link right here.  FATTY BO BATTY IN DENIAL.  Anyway, that was just a poke and a tap compared to the major slap down I received yesterday morning.

As I have been merrily skipping through job interview after job interview in the last two weeks, I have been landing on an offer more than not. (Thank goodness. I needed the boosts.) For one position, I needed to go get a physical. In case you don’t know, I am a registered nurse, and my job does require a certain level of fitness to perform well. It’s not anything too crazy; ability to lift and bend, some physical strength and tone, good eyesight, hearing, no drugs, etc…pretty much an overall general well-being. And I have all that. Sure I’m a little porky, but I have the strength and the muscle tone under there. And I could probably use an updated eye exam, it’s been 2 years, but I read all the letters on the chart. So what do you think did me in?? My @!#$%^&!@ blood pressure!! Excuse my shift key!!

Like a record scratching to an immediate and ugly halt, the B/P done me in. No clearance. It’s too high. End of physical. Go to your doc. Get some meds. Get this form signed. Call us when you’re done. (Ooh…here’s a good place to put in a TV quote I’ve been keeping in the hopper): So Long, See Ya Sucka, Bon Voyage, Arrevaderci, Later Loser, Goodbye, Good Riddance, Peace Out, Let The Doorknob Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya, Don’t Come Back Round Here No More, Asta La Vista Baby, Kick Rocks, And The Get Hell Out!

It’s not even that high. I mean, it’s not good, but it’s not crazy, stroking out, in the hundreds, off the cuff high. But it’s too high for the doc to feel safe letting me pick up a bunch of heavy things. It’s all about the heart disease. The silent killer. And oh, by the way, you of all people should know better. Yeah. I got it. For real this time.

By some twist of fate, my mom had to get an x-ray, and she missed her first opportunity because she decided to drive around aimlessly lost a few days ago, and couldn’t find the health center. So we planned to be there at the same time and we could go to breakfast after. Well, it’s true what they say, you are never too old to need your mommy. A fact, my mommy reminded me of, as we sat in the vestibule area after we were both done. Moms do like to keep driving that point home whenever they get the chance. When the receptionist told me to go get a follow-up with my doctor because this one isn’t clearing me, and she handed me the form I need to get filled out, and told me to not worry, it happens all the time, I will tell you, I was stricken. And I am not ashamed, maybe a little ashamed, to say that I cried like the biggest baby in the whole wide world right in that atrium area, sitting next to my mom on a cozy little couch in front of warm toasty fire. It would have been quite the touching moment if not for my complete mental breakdown. In public. Kudos to my mom who didn’t even bat an eye. Crying loudly in the middle of a health center? Whatevs. Probably happens more than I think anyway.

So here’s the thing. What it breaks down to is that I am OLD. Older. It is inevitable. I have to lead the pack of my sisters and brothers down the path of old age and I DO NOT want to. Before you think I have completely lost touch with my reality and my mortality, I realize it is only blood pressure. It’s not cancer or an illness that will start the end of my life. It is a very common and very treatable thing that can be managed for basically the rest of my life. And I was in big time denial, because I didn’t want to take medication. Sometimes you need the help until the diet and exercise can kick in with some help. But guess what? Wasn’t really following any kind of good plan. My name is…and I am a dumb ass. Well, my eyes are wide open, and screaming for help. Hell, the high B/P is probably why they are screaming. But it still sucks being first.

I’ve noticed other stuff too. Like my close vision, lately, requires me to do the whole, move the words closer in or farther away from my face, until the letters come into focus. Sucks. Can’t see that tiny red print on a black background without a beam of light. Sucks. Sweating my pits off in a 75 degree room when everybody else is complaining its cold. Sucks. Night sweats. Sucks. Shorter periods, less cramps. Yeah! But longer or shorter in-betweens, kinda sucks. I keep track, because I’m sure I will have to eventually. Just like I should have been keeping track of my B/P. I figured it was fine. It’s been under the danger level when I do check it, but obviously the docs machines say different. And before my smarty pants cousin types in a “menopause” comment (again…thanks cuz…at least I’m still a little bit younger than you!! haha) I am sure that horror is looming ahead, but the B/P issue is all it’s own thing I think. Well, not a totally isolated thing. The added weight and the poor diet probably contributed greatly to the cause.

I have an appointment today. In about an hour actually. Not really looking forward to it. My doctor is going to yell at me. Why didn’t I follow-up a year ago?? Have we learned anything from all this?? Why are you still the same weight?? (Actually, I was being soft on myself there. I believe I might actually weigh more than the last time I was there.) Ugh! So embarrassing. Time to grow up. I think the phrase people like to use is, “Put on the big girl panties,” (not my fav but this site is for the people) and suck it up. It’s my turn to start contributing to the global health and pharmacological economy with my hard earned dollars.

Anyway, I am down with OPP. But not for long. Thanks Mom! I Love You! I am very glad you were there to see me crack open the giant egg of UNFAIR!!!

I will end with something funny, as I must always do, and because I just remembered what my mom said to me while I was balling my eyes out like a little bitch. And it wasn’t mean or anything, It was just my mom being consoling and compassionate. I need to come up with a word to describe her wisdom nuggets. Anyhoo, when I get upset, I usually don’t eat. It makes my stomach hurt too bad, and I usually can’t swallow. So I’m crying and crying, and I manage to sputter out a wailed, “Now I don’t even want to go to breakfast anymore. I’m too fat and it’s just gonna make it worse! Boo hoo. Sob sob.” Disgusting.

And my mom says, while she is patting my head and trying to stop me from crying, “Well, honey, missing one meal isn’t going to make any difference. Now come on.”

That’s funny right?? I thought it was. Is that what you expected she would say? What would you say to someone? I don’t even know. But it always catches me off guard. The laughs ensued. She followed that up with the basics: You just lose the weight, cut out the junk and exercise. Not all crazy exercise like you do, just simple. Walk. Don’t eat potato chips. This is a blessing in disguise. Blah blah blah. I know it. Still stings to have to walk the walk.

I’m going to wrap this up. I want to be back later to update, but no guarantees. I get to take my son to a high school registration/orientation meeting today that I cannot miss. Got to start getting him ready for the big school. I am so excited for him! It’s the next step! Everyone be safe out there. The weather is acting crazy again, and you don’t want to miss anything new on my site of silliness!

So…Later Gators. After While Crocodile. Adios Amigo. See yuh. Buh Bye. Seriously, enough. Toodles. And Cheerio. That’s it I swear.

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