Damn Those Fluffy Pancakes!!!
The American Rag Jean Company and its affiliates are working overtime today! Thank you thick and heavy denim material. Thank you unknown zipper and spandex corporations! Thank you for not bursting at the seams when I put you on and started walking around upright. I look like a lumpy bump in too tight pants. But it’s the only pants I got. I am also counting getting dressed today as exercise. If you break a sweat trying to wrestle your body into something it clearly does not want to naturally conform to or raise your heart rate by attempting to defy the laws of physics, it counts. I used to do a “pants dance” that my kids thought was pretty funny. It was just me hopping around, kicking and flailing my legs, while yanking my jeans up and over my thighs and gut. These days it’s more like the pants “death dance”, with me laying on the bed very carefully, slowly and steadily maneuvering 20 pounds of sausage into a 10 pound sack. Without ripping the belt loops off or blowing a pocket out. It’s a game of inches. And speaking of inches, football is on. I squeezed into my Peyton Manning because I didn’t know if I should wear my Clay Matthews or my Eli. They all make me look like a tank, but I think the blue jersey is the least unflattering. Now I must hobble to my shame and face the family and the food buffet I have whole heartedly agreed to contribute to. In about one hour and two drinks I won’t care anymore.
I ♥ 52!
GO PACKERS!
just shy of pretty 
Leave a Reply