Happy March 32nd!
Just kidding. There is no snow. What a jokester I am. I actually took current, up-to-date, real-time pictures of the backyard and that table, to show you what the outside really looks like right at this moment. 5 pm Central time. Midwest America. It’s not warm today. (We only get the stuttering sixties at this point in the year.) It’s back in the 40’s again and it feels cold. But it’s sunny. Warning! The pictures below are uncut and unedited (for time) and are not very pretty. The yard is a sticks and stumps mess like a graveyard for bark parts or the lost world of tree limbs and branches. And all that sunshine blazing down is just lighting up the debris like a Christmas tree. Look here! Crap attack! You will NEVER be free of the Park Forest Tree! That may be a little dramatic, but you really have to live here to know why that is so scary. And true. Read back a bit on this site or just click over on the right there to “Tree Trouble” and you can see what I am talking about. I dare say I may have had an above average amount of bad luck in the breaking/cracking/ falling down department of tree instant removal and upheaval. They like to fall in my backyard. And they like to fall slowly. One piece at a time. Every few months or so. We started out with 3 very large 50 year old trees with many many branches limbs sticks and leaves. Now we have 2 tall “trunks”, at best, that still give me a run for the money when the wind blows too hard. They barely have proper branches on them anymore. Maybe a few limbs, that are very high up and thin, but that still sway on a windy day like drunk gymnasts trying to land on the roof of the house if they could only get the right arc. It’s ridiculous and my own private natural ghost story. The Tale of The Malevolent Maple Tree! The Evil Box Elder! The Horror of the Hackberry! The Horror of the Hackberry is right. That’s the tree ID that is presently lounging around all over the backyard in various shapes and sizes, providing a fine winter home for all kinds of bunnies and squirrels and skunks and probably opossums and racoons. I think those last two actually live up in the tree, but I can’t be sure and I do not have time to check. I see I have gone on and on like I always do and this was supposed to be quick and fast and funny. April Fool joke and all that.
Anyway my original point was to mention that I had been looking back at some of my earlier postings (4 years in March!) and I was pretty funny if I do say so myself. Go ahead and read some vintage posts if you have some time. You will not be disappointed. I also noticed that I had written about the BF’s birthday at that time and even posted about wrapping his present in the Jewel Foods sales paper. Which is what I did again this year! I thought I was so clever. Turns out I am clever. And I have been for at least 4 years, maybe more! Ha. I took a new present pic:
It’s like a birthday/posting/cheap present wrapping flashback. Now, the BF is on his way and we are going to dinner and celebrating the big 4-0 one day early. Presents and cake when we get back. Yes. I made a cake. He doesn’t even know! It’s his fav I think, at least of the cakes that I make. It’s the “Better Than Sex” cake that I also mentioned many years ago. That cake was only presented in a written description posting. This year I have pictures of the process and the results. That cake weighed 10 pounds I think. I will weigh this one before we cut it and let you know. Ok. Better go.
Thank you to all my new friends and followers! I appreciate the time it takes to find or stumble on something new, give it a few minutes to sink in and then actually do the work to “like” and “follow”. I mostly “like” back and “follow” when I get here. Which as you have seen from these last 2 days is like, once every 2 months. So sad. And I like hearing my own voice and seeing my own words. I think that is also pretty obvious if you have spent even one minute of time reading just one of my posts. They get “wordy”.
Ok. Really now. Here’s the real-time pics of today. Enjoy the evening and I’ll be back. I see some long spring days ahead of me, typing deep into the dark warm nights. Later.
Spring is Sprung. 61 on 61.
That would be 61 days since I posted last. That’s really bad. Does anyone but me even click on this site anymore? I seem to be my only audience these days and I am getting tired of looking at that blue sky picture. And so much has happened in those 61 days. And the 42 days before that. Time flies. Believe it. But of course I don’t have time right now to type it all.
Anyway, the other 61 is the the temp outside. Yep. Chicago. 61. March 31. It’s pretty nice. And it’s Easter! Happy Egg Day or Ham Day or Jesus Day. However each of you beautiful people celebrate. It’s Work Day for me. Not considered a “holiday” in the med world, at least not the med world I work in, but money is money. I’m just going to enjoy the weather on the drive to work and be grateful that low census was put on hold for the weekend.
My kids are in Kentucky as they usually are this time of year and the BF is just chilling at home, waiting for Tuesday (April 2) to creep around, and change his 39 year old ass into 40. Welcome to the dark side honey. Finally. It gets depressing being the only old lady around these parts. One of my CNA’s keeps reminding me that I am the same age as her mother. I’m like, could you please stop telling people that?? Anyway I am a bad GF because I have to work, and I did not plan a super surprise for this special start to the birthday journey that takes you onto the path of old age. And wisdom. Let’s not forget all the wisdom we get when we flip the big digits. He’s not complaining or anything, but I still feel bad. I did get him a present though. It’s been here for a week. AND it’s wrapped, and sitting on the kitchen table taunting him! I’m off tomorrow, so dinner and a present to open on your last day of being able to check the “under 30” box on documents and survey forms. I’ll get him with a surprise 41. They never see it coming!
But I need to go. Now. My uniform is dry and I need to shower. Here is a pic from my daughter that she sent from Kentucky where the air is actually colder. And it was raining. More posts to come. I hope. Later.
It’s Your Birthday! It’s Your Birthday! (One Week Later)
For a girl who cannot take enough pictures of herself, she would not let me get even one picture of her for her birthday. This is the best I could capture, taken under extreme protest. And she looked so cute in her new birthday pj”s from her grandma. Teenagers. Just when you think you know a girl, the 14 year old life truck hits them hard and you can’t push them out of the way fast enough. Sigh. Anyhoo. This is my girl. She turned 14 a week ago on the 21st. The day before Thanksgiving. And a Wednesday. So there wasn’t a lot we could do by way of party or celebration. She had a few dinners and saw a few people, spaced out over the week, so I think it actually worked out better. Her birthday lasted way longer than most. And here is one more day, and a post just for her, to acknowledge the joyous occasion of her birth! She is fully entrenched in teenageville now. And what you can’t see behind the pillow is her new best friend, I-Phone. I hope that little device doesn’t put out any serious UV radiation rays, because if it does we are looking at a generation of young adults that are going to have major face skin cancer in a few years. And probably some crippling finger arthritis too. They hold it so close to their faces. Pushing those tiny keypads with their poor little crampy fingers and thumbs. Tip of the day: Wear sunscreen while operating your mobile device. Slather it on good and thick, especially over the face and neck area. Just in case. And maybe give those hands a break every few hours. Extend those digits outward. All that cracking you hear when you first do it is not always a good thing! Flex and extend. Flex and extend. Jazz hands. Whatever it takes. Alright I need to wrap this up. Shower and work. Must make more money to support the daughters other obsession: fake nails. Oh yes. We buy too many packages of this addiction in a box. I think that I will start posting all the nail work that Stevie has dedicated the rest of her waking time to creating. It will be very easy to make this the new winter feature on this site because she takes a picture every time she sticks any new nails onto her hands, which is practically every day. I am not exaggerating. Stevie’s Nails. Watch for it. In conclusion:
Happy happy birthday! I love you my beautiful, little girl! Hope the day and week and weekend were the best you have ever had! At least until next year! XO Mom.
Your Boogers Are In The Chicken
This is the kind of thing I say on a regular basis in my house. We stay up way too late. When we stay up way too late, we get silly. When we get silly, we laugh and make jokes. When we laugh and make jokes, we sometimes say hurtful things to each other. When we say hurtful things to each other, one of us storms out of the room like a little bitch. When one of us storms out of the room like a little bitch, the rest of us just laugh harder. Don’t make the rest of us laugh harder. Stop being a cry baby. Put in a tampon and get back in the game. Wait. No. I think I might be mixing up my metaphors with commercials and football pep talking. At any rate, this whole scenario just played out in the living room about 10 minutes ago. Well, not that scenario. That scenario was based on the above chicken and my sister’s birthday present to my son. Cash and a box of Boogers. Leave it to my sister Noelle to find something gross and hilarious. And we keep all our “back-up” candy in the chicken. (That’s the candy that won’t get eaten right away, but we don’t throw out because you never know when you might need some sugar in any form available. You know, stuff like DumDum’s, Smarties, LifeSavers, Cheap Chocolate Coins, etc.) Like my cousin Linda just said to my daughter today, “We are silly people. It’s in our blood.” Yes. Yes we are. But sometimes it can be a curse. Deep sigh. Insert picture of “Boogers” here:
See? It’s my own fault. I am not a strict mom. I make too many jokes and am never serious enough. My kids like to run off the rails with their witty humor and fast comebacks. Because I let them. And they can. They have the good sense of humor that will be a bonus when they are older but can get them in serious trouble right now. And they like to use my own words against me. Usually I can get everybody back on track without a lot of effort. But this time there were too many wheels in the gravel and the cars were piling up behind the engine. Nobody was listening to the engineer. Me. And the only way to get the control back is to pretty much do a “Hancock” and stop that train dead in its tracks. What this means though, is that I have to get angry and abruptly end any kind of night we are having to get my point across and then send everybody off to bed. Unfortunately, just like in the movie it causes a lot of extra damage. Actually now that I’m thinking about it, it is exactly like that. Everybody starts complaining about the way the train was stopped and its like the train is still moving but now its slowly sliding down the side of a cliff into a ravine with a rapid river at the bottom. (Say that five times fast) It’s no good. Then the train falls into the water and lays there, still complaining, filling up and sputtering for air instead of just getting up, saying it’s sorry and being glad we are all still alive. I might have mixed up my metaphors again, but you get the idea. Focus is obviously not my strong point, at least not here, or when I write stuff down. I have lots of thoughts and slow typing fingers. And I can really lose my own track when I get going so I am not surprised that my kids may act the same way on occasion. Especially when it’s late. And they are tired. My kids have these crazy, smart, dazzling personalities that I am so impressed and fascinated by. I want them to have the big life. But sometimes they have got to just stop when I say stop. And that’s where our weak spot is. We don’t have a good switching system in place. We need a better way to flip the switch and change the direction of the train before it crashes into the abyss. We are working on that. Everyone is still in bed and this night is most definitely over, but we are all thinking about it a little more. And since we never end the night on a bad note, because you just never really do know what might happen, here’s another picture of that Booger box:
Picked out especially for you! Maybe tomorrow I better just post a breast cancer thing. I have a store display, so unmagnificent, to put up here, that you will be sorry you wasted any of your valuable computer time clicking over to my site to even look at. But it’s like a train wreck. You have to look. The picture. Not the site. Well, maybe the site too. Come on! What else are you gonna do?? Click. Scan. Move on. Oh, hey, one last stopping-the-train thing. Spider Man 2 has an excellent train stopping scene in it. I was going to use that as my movie reference but it’s not really a “dead stop” and the people are all grateful in the end. Not applicable to my situation. Plus I don’t feel tired after. I am just glad it’s finally quiet. Anyway it’s a good part in the movie. And finally, here’s one more, completely random, and unrelated to any of the above 900 words, picture, of my children doing something together, and in sync (Comma alert! That last sentence may be a record holder for me. Count em’ and weep.) Here’s that pic:
Happy Birthday, Take 15!
This is from his Homecoming dance last week. Yes, he is that good looking. Period. I will take a break from the pink posts today (and yesterday and the day before, tsk tsk) so I can put up a picture of my handsome son on his birthday. My site. My rule. Besides I think I’m scraping a barrel bottom with some of these forced “pink” postings. Seriously. Cardboard food displays? Toilet paper? It’s getting kind of dry over here. Another picture. It’s just a big awesome face…
Anyway, he’s an easy birthday boy. He played football this morning. It was raining. It was windy. The ground was wet and getting muddy. A fight broke out between the teams 34 seconds from the end and everybody rushed the field. And we lost the game. Plus, there were 4 hardcore October bees buzzing around in the stands trying to sting a fan like it was their job. Isn’t it too cold for bees? Shouldn’t they be flying south for the winter? I mean, even when the rain really started pouring down, those bees hung out, hovering around our heads like we were going to forget they were there. At any rate, the game was over and the team had to wait , dripping outside, for the bus to come and take them back to school. Picture time…
At home, my mom (who did not sit in the cold and miserable rain–ya’ big chicken!) came over with a card and some cash, which is really the only way to go at 15. He got a few more cards in the mail. More cash. He requested a Pepe’s dinner with an XBox afternoon before and an XBox chaser after. So here we go. He’s showered and fresh and ready for the food part of his big day. I imagine the XBox part of tonight is going to be a long one, unless I can get him to curl up with me on the couch while I tell him sentimental stories of the day I birthed him. Yeah right. Sleep in Sunday. We can dig it. Alright, the natives are restless. And hungry. One last picture. Happy birthday my beautiful boy! I love you! XO Mom.
The Pain And Poop Principle
A principle is a law or rule that has to be, or usually is to be followed, or can be desirably followed, or is an inevitable consequence of something, such as the laws observed in nature or the way that a system is constructed. The principles of such a system are understood by its users as the essential characteristics of the system, or reflecting system’s designed purpose, and the effective operation or use of which would be impossible if any one of the principles was to be ignored.
Examples of principles:
- a descriptive comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption
- a normative rule or code of conduct,
- a law or fact of nature underlying the working of an artificial device.
The above is literally copied and pasted from Wikipedia because I am lazy and I wanted to make sure I had the right “principle.” I will try not to make this long and drawn out because I am leaving in about an hour to celebrate the BF’s Birthday!! I have gathered a rag-tag bunch of friends and family to come out to dinner with us and have drinks and cake!
Happy Birthday darling!!! Sorry I included your birthday wish in a post with poop! But that’s why we love each other so much right?!? Hey…there’s gonna be drink-ing…Sing-song…
Anyway. It’s also my day off. And what I have learned from my latest week of workhell is that when your body fails, and then as it tries to recover itself, life pretty much comes down to two, basic, all-consuming issues:
Pain and Poop.
Do you have it? Do you not have it? How can we get rid of it if you do? How can we get it going if we need to?
Just think about it for a minute and you’ll see what I mean. Like, really think about it. Insert the pain and poop theory into the above “principle” definition. You see? We, us, my people, are obsessed with their pain and with their poop. And one usually causes the other. In any combination. Regardless of whether its a problem of going or not going. Pain because you can’t go. Pain because you go too much. Pain meds that constipate. Pain meds that liquidate. It’s a horrible, never-ending cycle and a delicate balance that takes up, at least, half my time on the job. Maybe even three-fourths. It can never be “just right”. I don’t think I ever posted about this, but my first day on the job, I had to give a rectal suppository. And I haven’t looked back since. Every day is just a new spin on the same two problems.
And here is an update before this post even makes it to actual publication: The above was written on Monday. Today is Wednesday. I have so little time now, that I can’t even ramble on properly, the way I like to. I have to divvy it up now into days and days. Ridiculous. But. Here’s the wrap of Monday: We had a fun time at the mini-party! That day is over. We went, we ate, we drank, we had cake, we had more drinks, everyone went home. Happy birthday again, my darlingwhoputsupwithsomuchandhardlyevercomplains! Love and kisses! Tuesday, yesterday, Stevie and I chilled at the house while Mason went to school. The girl was not feeling good and she needed a day to re-coup and re-group. I went to work in the afternoon. Wednesday, today, (technically it is today, as it is 1:24 am) I just got off work and I wanted to finish this post before the week is out. And luckily it will actually tie in with what I was saying earlier.
Besides all the normal, routine things that get done on a daily basis, my work has an extra book of things that also need to be done, or things that need to be clarified or scheduled or fixed, or whatever. Tonight there were 5, FIVE, separate notes about someone NOT having a BM. That’s a “Bowel” “Movement” for the uninitiated. Luckily, two of my peeps resolved the situation on their own before I got there. One, who wasn’t as lucky, complained to the doc and won herself a grand prize Fleet Enema! King MD Order to get yourself into the express lane on the way to Poopville. The sad part, is that she wanted the enema. They always want the enema. So guess what I had to do? I mean, someone has to give the enema. And that person is usually the nurse.
Or so I thought. Dun dun dun. Surprise ending!!
HA. See, not where you thought it was going right? I know. I did that on purpose. So funny at two in the morning. Anypoo…(see what I did there? heehee) turns out, just as I was going in to give ye olde enema, the fine lassy had worked the issue out for herself. The BM had arrived, and just in time. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t soft, but it was enough to change her mind, take the lactulose liquid that had also been prescribed, and wait until morning when the rest will probably work its way out. Literally. The option to have the enema is still on the table so it’s a win-win situation all around. Except maybe for me. Butt, whatever, I’m cool with it. Whatever route I have to use to get the medication in is fine with me just as long as I do get it in there so it can start working.
And that’s where I think I’ll end this tonight. I apologize ahead of time to all those that will be reading this in the morning. Potentially with breakfast. It’s a fact of life and if you have learned nothing, or taken nothing from this entire posting, at least keep this small bit of info or advice in the back of your mind: Have a bit of fruit with that breakfast. Something citrusy, if possible. Maybe something warm and fibery too, if you can work it in. It’ll really help keep things regular and moving. And as human machines, that’s all we can ask for.
Also, stay tuned for my next, equally exciting, medical article, featuring the two most popular oral medications, beloved by almost all of the patient population in healthcare. Can you fathom a guess? Are you over 50? If not, you have no clue. If you are, you are going to be offended at first. Then you are going to say to yourself, “But I do have a scratchy throat and it keeps me up at night.”
The correct answer to the question of popular medicine is, ding ding ding:
Cough syrup and sleeping pills! Truth. If I was a rich girl I would buy as much stock as I could in any company that produces cough syrup, sleeping pills, laxatives, diarrhea medicine, enemas and narcotic pain medications. If you have some extra cash, there you go. My totally unprofessional, non-educated economy/stock market lesson. For freeeeeeee…..We also watched Bedtime Stories today. Always end it on a positive note! Later!
A photo so nice, I'm using it twice! Besides, is it not perfect?? You are welcome!
Oh Pardon Me, My Polish Seems To Be Showing
I cannot believe I almost missed Fat Tuesday. Or Paczki Day as some of us more ethnically challenged folks call it. This job stuff is really getting in the way of me being able to process any other information in the greater world outside of myself and my immediate life. I am living hour to hour and not the good hours. I sleep for most of the day hours and then if I work one extra day/night in my work week, I get all confused about if it’s Sunday or Monday. True story. I could not remember what day it was yesterday. Felt like Sunday, was actually Monday. And since the kids were off school, there was no normal week-day structure to help me out. And even though today is Tuesday, I was unable to drag my ass out of bed at 6am to get the kids up for school. Thank goodness the BF gets up at the same time. I was out out out. Plus…I have a burning chest cold or something that I probably got from one of my people coughing in my face. Didn’t know it was coming. Couldn’t get out of the way fast enough when it did. Gross I know, but it’s a hazard of the job. You just try not to think about it and realize that there are greater things that can kill you faster. But truthfully, the odds are in your favor that you’ll live.
Anyhow, besides being Fat Tuesday, it’s also my Mother’s Birthday.
Happy Birthday Rita!! Shout out to the lady that gave me life! Love and hugs and kisses!
Since I missed her actual family party, I thought I’d take her to breakfast this morning, but sadly, I slept right through anything that would be considered “morning”. Eleven-thirty is still technically before the afternoon. But it’s too late for breakfast. She is the one who reminded that today is Paczki Day when I called her to tease her with that free meal. I didn’t believe her until I looked at the calendar and saw that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. For me, time seems to be moving fast and slow at the same time these days. Irritating and confusing.
At any rate, I was able to shake off the sleepies, put on real clothes and venture forth into the world to get a big fat, fatty dinner to cook and buy myself some of the best Paczki’s I could find at the local Jewel. We ended up having spinach and artichoke dip with pasta and chicken and wine and our delicious, thick, doughy doughnuts for dessert. And we will probably eat them for breakfast tomorrow too. We aren’t really big on the religious aspect of the day, more so just the eating part. Sinners everywhere I tell ya. But we did manage to get the last package of chocolate covered ones with creme filling! We had to stalk the display table and stand watch from the produce section because another lady and her daughter had them in their hot little hands while talking on a cell phone to someone about how they had just gotten the last package of chocolate paczki’s, and did whoever they were talking to want them or not?? Apparently it was a no because I suddenly saw them both walk back out of the store through the in door and me and my daughter swooped in and snatched them up! It’s a dog eat dog world out there when it comes to donuts most people eat only once a year.
Of course I wanted to get this typed and posted on the actual day, but alas, it is not to be. Midnight, one am, is not too bad though, I guess. I’m still up anyway. I see many late nights to come in my very near future. I’m off today, or was off today, Tuesday, and I will be off tomorrow, on Wednesday. Then when I go in to work on Thursday afternoon, they are basically throwing me to the wolves. Solo. On my own. No more orientation. No more preceptor. Training day is over. It’s going to be me and my patients. And probably lots of overtime. When I do get to leave and go home, some time Thursday night, hopefully before midnight, (pleasepleaseplease let everything go good and smooth with no admissions pleasepleaseplease) then I get to go back on Friday and do it again. I’ve noticed after about 3 to 4 days I finally start remembering the people, their meds, their personal likes or dislikes, etcetera etcetera, and the job becomes a hair bit easier. Luckily I will have ALL my future days to learn the people. Then thankfully, blessedly, it will be my weekend off. Two days to re-coupe, re-boot, and return to the anxiety show. If I can make it here, truly, then I can make it anywhere. That’s what all the other nurses I encounter tell me and they seem to have a confidence in me that I may not have in myself just yet. Most everyone has been helpful. Some have been wary. Some aren’t talking much. And some are warming up to me more and more every day that I keep showing up. But nobody acts like they want me to fail. In 13 short days I feel like I may be a part of something bigger than just a “job”. Or it could be that I just haven’t quit. She’s scrappy, this one. Hardy har har.
So, in the end, wish me stable patients with normal labs and no emergencies. Wish me a steady and organized pace at which to work in. Wish me NO admissions until next week so I can at least have two days of solo time without any extra work to worry about messing up. Wish me good weather to drive through in those late nights when I finally do get to go home. And throw me just a small wish for a little luck to get me through the rest of it. It took a lot of school and a lot of sacrifice and time to get this, exactly what I wanted. That’s what my son said to me on Monday when I found out about my new solo status. I wanted to cry. But he said, “Isn’t this what you wanted mom? Isn’t this what you were going for? You should be happy!” You know it baby. I am happy. And I’m still scared too. But not nearly as much as I was. Yesterday was my final swimming lesson and in 2 days I’m going to jump in the deep end, both feet first, and as far out as I can go without a life preserver. Even if it takes me longer than the others, I know I can make it to the other side. And just in case that last bit of writing got to be a little too much “King of the World” or “I Believe I Can Fly” inspirational mushy mush, here’s a picture of those Paczki’s I talked about earlier, and really, the star of the entire posting day!
Mmmm…Donuts.
I believe the word you are looking for is “MASTICATE” !!
Thanks cuz!! You crazy lady!! But, for the effort, here is a giant piece of cake for you to chew on!! This is also your birthday gift! Doesn’t it look delicious? Can you see how big it is?? America has problems with these giant desserts.
Anyway, I didn’t realize your birthday was the same day as “Leftover Halloween.” Another fine holiday that I made up yesterday. If I had known I would have included you in the festivities.
So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! To my cousin Lorraine!!! Wooo…..you are my most consistent reader and commenter!! (Throwing out that challenge to the other five….step it up people!!) And an all around cool chick on her own! (If anyone is confused, she’s the one who lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere, but they do have internet, so win-win!) Hope the day was great! And thank you for giving me an excellent opportunity to post that picture of the giant chocolate cake. I seriously had just moved it to my “extra pics” file a few days ago, heartbroken, because I had no good reason to put it on here. In your honor, I have created a special category “For Lorraine” (to the right) just for you! YOU ROCK!!
Coincidentally, I might have to start “macerating” my food just so I can eat! Jaw pain stinks!! I’m still undecided if it feels better or worse yet. Let me choke on a few more food items today and I’ll let you all know! I figure that if I can swallow, I’m good! I would re-phrase that or take it out all together, but I’m keeping it in there for the fringe crowd. Spicing it up on a Friday with some edgy humor. Trying to grow a larger fan base. Oh snap! There it is!
Now I have to go drive to the airport!! What, wha…??? I know. It’s not funny and it wasn’t meant to be. I literally have to go and drive someone to the airport in like, 4 minutes, so I guess I better go now. Keep reading! Tell your friends! Post a comment! By the time I get home it will be socially acceptable to start drinking for the weekend! Later!
just shy of pretty 