The Pain And Poop Principle

April 4, 2012 at 2:34 am (Birthday Wishes, Day to Day, Employed Posts!, Nurse News) (, , , , , , , )

A principle is a law or rule that has to be, or usually is to be followed, or can be desirably followed, or is an inevitable consequence of something, such as the laws observed in nature or the way that a system is constructed. The principles of such a system are understood by its users as the essential characteristics of the system, or reflecting system’s designed purpose, and the effective operation or use of which would be impossible if any one of the principles was to be ignored.

Examples of principles:

  • a descriptive comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption
  • a normative rule or code of conduct,
  • a law or fact of nature underlying the working of an artificial device.

The above is literally copied and pasted from Wikipedia because I am lazy and I wanted to make sure I had the right “principle.” I will try not to make this long and drawn out because I am leaving in about an hour to celebrate the BF’s Birthday!! I have gathered a rag-tag bunch of friends and family to come out to dinner with us and have drinks and cake!

Happy Birthday darling!!! Sorry I included your birthday wish in a post with poop! But that’s why we love each other so much right?!? Hey…there’s gonna be drink-ingSing-song

Anyway. It’s also my day off. And what I have learned from my latest week of workhell is that when your body fails, and then as it tries to recover itself, life pretty much comes down to two, basic, all-consuming issues:

Pain and Poop.

Do you have it? Do you not have it? How can we get rid of it if you do? How can we get it going if we need to?

Just think about it for a minute and you’ll see what I mean. Like, really think about it. Insert the pain and poop theory into the above “principle” definition. You see? We, us, my people, are obsessed with their pain and with their poop. And one usually causes the other. In any combination. Regardless of whether its a problem of going or not going. Pain because you can’t go. Pain because you go too much. Pain meds that constipate. Pain meds that liquidate. It’s a horrible, never-ending cycle and a delicate balance that takes up, at least, half my time on the job. Maybe even three-fourths.  It can never be “just right”.  I don’t think I ever posted about this, but my first day on the job, I had to give a rectal suppository. And I haven’t looked back since. Every day is just a new spin on the same two problems.

And here is an update before this post even makes it to actual publication: The above was written on Monday. Today is Wednesday. I have so little time now, that I can’t even ramble on properly, the way I like to. I have to divvy it up now into days and days. Ridiculous. But. Here’s the wrap of Monday: We had a fun time at the mini-party! That day is over. We went, we ate, we drank, we had cake, we had more drinks, everyone went home. Happy birthday again, my darlingwhoputsupwithsomuchandhardlyevercomplains! Love and kisses! Tuesday, yesterday, Stevie and I chilled at the house while Mason went to school. The girl was not feeling good and she needed a day to re-coup and re-group. I went to work in the afternoon. Wednesday, today, (technically it is today, as it is 1:24 am) I just got off work and I wanted to finish this post before the week is out. And luckily it will actually tie in with what I was saying earlier.

Besides all the normal, routine things that get done on a daily basis, my work has an extra book of things that also need to be done, or things that need to be clarified or scheduled or fixed, or whatever. Tonight there were 5, FIVE, separate notes about someone NOT having a BM. That’s a “Bowel” “Movement” for the uninitiated. Luckily, two of my peeps resolved the situation on their own before I got there. One, who wasn’t as lucky, complained to the doc and won herself a grand prize Fleet Enema! King MD Order to get yourself into the express lane on the way to Poopville. The sad part, is that she wanted the enema. They always want the enema. So guess what I had to do? I mean, someone has to give the enema. And that person is usually the nurse.

Or so I thought. Dun dun dun. Surprise ending!!

HA. See, not where you thought it was going right? I know. I did that on purpose. So funny at two in the morning. Anypoo…(see what I did there? heehee) turns out, just as I was going in to give ye olde enema, the fine lassy had worked the issue out for herself. The BM had arrived, and just in time. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t soft, but it was enough to change her mind, take the lactulose liquid that had also been prescribed, and wait until morning when the rest will probably work its way out. Literally. The option to have the enema is still on the table so it’s a win-win situation all around. Except maybe for me. Butt, whatever, I’m cool with it. Whatever route I have to use to get the medication in is fine with me just as long as I do get it in there so it can start working.

And that’s where I think I’ll end this tonight. I apologize ahead of time to all those that will be reading this in the morning. Potentially with breakfast. It’s a fact of life and if you have learned nothing, or taken nothing from this entire posting, at least keep this small bit of info or advice in the back of your mind: Have a bit of fruit with that breakfast. Something citrusy, if possible. Maybe something warm and fibery too, if you can work it in. It’ll really help keep things regular and moving. And as human machines, that’s all we can ask for.

Also, stay tuned for my next, equally exciting, medical article, featuring the two most popular oral medications, beloved by almost all of the patient population in healthcare. Can you fathom a guess? Are you over 50? If not, you have no clue. If you are, you are going to be offended at first. Then you are going to say to yourself, “But I do have a scratchy throat and it keeps me up at night.”

The correct answer to the question of popular medicine is, ding ding ding:

Cough syrup and sleeping pills! Truth. If I was a rich girl I would buy as much stock as I could in any company that produces cough syrup, sleeping pills, laxatives, diarrhea medicine, enemas and narcotic pain medications. If you have some extra cash, there you go. My totally unprofessional, non-educated economy/stock market lesson. For freeeeeeee…..We also watched Bedtime Stories today. Always end it on a positive note! Later!

A photo so nice, I'm using it twice! Besides, is it not perfect?? You are welcome!

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November 7, 2009 at 9:18 pm (Day to Day, Drunk Posts, Pictures, Scandal! Naked!) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Seriously. Analgesics and opioids. I feel like I am sedated right now. Of course I am on my third vodka martini. I call it a martini but it’s just vodka swished around in some ice and poured into a glass. Euphoria.

Saturday night. Kids are gone. I am waiting for my BF to get back from a night with the boys. A short night. We have the house and we need to catch up on some medical procedures.

While I am typing this I am watching the movie, “The Notorious Bettie Page”. Pretty interesting. I hardly even notice that it’s in black and white. I think it keeps changing into color and then back again. Marvin thinks its abnormal. It’s just costumes, she says. I think it’s ok. She was cutting edge…

Good vodka.

The movie is talking about taking a vacation. Florida of all places! I am there. There is nothing like having drinks on the beach near the ocean!

Here’s a pic. Let’s all pretend together.


Persecution fear complex! Nice word combination. If you know what I’m talking about…make a comment.

Bondage and sexual deviation. I better stop. The 50’s were quite scandalous. Murder and psychosis…reminds me of the wax museum. Pure evil.


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So, based on the number of hits I got today, you actually like the site BETTER when it’s all screwed up!

August 3, 2009 at 4:30 pm (Day to Day, Exercise, School News, Shameless Self Promotion) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Sick! Sick people. Everyone loves a train wreck! Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I think I have fixed the problem. My earlier posting of some benches didn’t sit right with Mr. Internet, so it went all loopy.

I just took a break, went to go run (had to anyway) and now I am back with a clearer head and a better idea of what and how to fix these little problems. So, now we can get back to my monotonous life!

This an exercise update: Bike ride. We did 19+ miles on Saturday and I thought we would do it again on Sunday, but no. The BF had a better idea: Riding along the Old Plank Trail. Click on the name to see what it is and then finish reading, or just skip ahead and pretend to know what this means. Either way, it’s just a long-ass bike ride.

If you look at the site and click on the map, you will see Richton Park to the right and New Lenox to the left, that’s what we did. Rode from Richton Park going west to New Lenox. I too was like you, phhhtt…what’s the big deal?? We just rode 19 and it wasn’t even a problem (except that my butt bones are sore to the core) I can barely sit on that stupid bike seat much less ride it for 12.5 miles. In one direction. And then you have to ride it back, all 12.5 miles, because it’s not a loop. And your car is now 12.5 miles in the exact opposite direction. OMG. Easy on paper, quite a struggle on the path. I was sure I wasn’t going to make it. My knee was hurting from the ever-so-slight bending action required to peddle (not good–I think I need to raise my seat) and my butt was screaming! Everytime it would get nice and numb we would have to stop to cross a street and then, to sit back down, or even move the bike forward from a stop position was like pushing boulders up a hill with someone poking a red-hot pointy stick in your butt cheek, if I can get a little graphic here.

By the time we crossed Central and went under 57 I was ready to cry. Tears for the pain and tears because we were so close. As we came around the final turn to the parking lot where the car was you have to go down a curb bump. I think tears did spring to my eyes as I hit that last one and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get off of the bike. I wasn’t sure I could swing my leg up high enough to get it over the middle bar. Obviously, I did.

We even recovered enough after a few hours to go get sushi and walk around a car show, how’s that for diverse?

All in all, we logged a little over 25 miles in about 2 hours and 15 minutes. The only good thing was I was able to eat pretty much anything for dinner and not feel bad. I’m back to the calorie count and the eating plan. With the exception of no dairy now. That was the culprit in my terrible skin rash that kept breaking out on my face and cheeks (face cheeks, people! sheesh!)

Don’t worry, I took lots of pictures from sushi and the car show, but I have to post those later because I have a school meeting to attend and I can’t be late!

In case you were wondering, I ran 4.2 miles today. Legs were just fine. Did it in <49 minutes. (I hope that symbol means “less than”–I’m kind of beat–and dizzy from running—and I always get them confused when there’s only one of them—so forgive me for not knowing)

Stay tuned for later! Seriously. I have the kids room finished, Japan, Germany, some You Tube, the Oscars (fishes–in our tank), cars, words, quotes, and anything else that happens between now and 7 pm.

Keep me viable! My goal is 6000 hits by 6 months (September 17, anniversary) and only YOU can make it happen!

Thanks for staying to the end! Be back in a flash. L.

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Come On People! Help me break 3000 Hits! Tonight! July 30, 2009.

July 30, 2009 at 6:03 pm (Day to Day, Shameless Self Promotion) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Tell your friends, call your family, leave it on at work, link me to something, hook me up, pass me around…I only need 50 plus people to click on my silly stories. You know there’s fifty of you out there who like to laugh! I’m pretty funny!

We have booty pictures, fancy cars, animals, life, death, love, joy, struggles, pain, triumph…it’s all here…for free!

Hang around. Keep coming back! There’s definitely something for everyone! My words are like bacon. Everybody loves bacon!

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