The Pain And Poop Principle

April 4, 2012 at 2:34 am (Birthday Wishes, Day to Day, Employed Posts!, Nurse News) (, , , , , , , )

A principle is a law or rule that has to be, or usually is to be followed, or can be desirably followed, or is an inevitable consequence of something, such as the laws observed in nature or the way that a system is constructed. The principles of such a system are understood by its users as the essential characteristics of the system, or reflecting system’s designed purpose, and the effective operation or use of which would be impossible if any one of the principles was to be ignored.

Examples of principles:

  • a descriptive comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption
  • a normative rule or code of conduct,
  • a law or fact of nature underlying the working of an artificial device.

The above is literally copied and pasted from Wikipedia because I am lazy and I wanted to make sure I had the right “principle.” I will try not to make this long and drawn out because I am leaving in about an hour to celebrate the BF’s Birthday!! I have gathered a rag-tag bunch of friends and family to come out to dinner with us and have drinks and cake!

Happy Birthday darling!!! Sorry I included your birthday wish in a post with poop! But that’s why we love each other so much right?!? Hey…there’s gonna be drink-ingSing-song

Anyway. It’s also my day off. And what I have learned from my latest week of workhell is that when your body fails, and then as it tries to recover itself, life pretty much comes down to two, basic, all-consuming issues:

Pain and Poop.

Do you have it? Do you not have it? How can we get rid of it if you do? How can we get it going if we need to?

Just think about it for a minute and you’ll see what I mean. Like, really think about it. Insert the pain and poop theory into the above “principle” definition. You see? We, us, my people, are obsessed with their pain and with their poop. And one usually causes the other. In any combination. Regardless of whether its a problem of going or not going. Pain because you can’t go. Pain because you go too much. Pain meds that constipate. Pain meds that liquidate. It’s a horrible, never-ending cycle and a delicate balance that takes up, at least, half my time on the job. Maybe even three-fourths.  It can never be “just right”.  I don’t think I ever posted about this, but my first day on the job, I had to give a rectal suppository. And I haven’t looked back since. Every day is just a new spin on the same two problems.

And here is an update before this post even makes it to actual publication: The above was written on Monday. Today is Wednesday. I have so little time now, that I can’t even ramble on properly, the way I like to. I have to divvy it up now into days and days. Ridiculous. But. Here’s the wrap of Monday: We had a fun time at the mini-party! That day is over. We went, we ate, we drank, we had cake, we had more drinks, everyone went home. Happy birthday again, my darlingwhoputsupwithsomuchandhardlyevercomplains! Love and kisses! Tuesday, yesterday, Stevie and I chilled at the house while Mason went to school. The girl was not feeling good and she needed a day to re-coup and re-group. I went to work in the afternoon. Wednesday, today, (technically it is today, as it is 1:24 am) I just got off work and I wanted to finish this post before the week is out. And luckily it will actually tie in with what I was saying earlier.

Besides all the normal, routine things that get done on a daily basis, my work has an extra book of things that also need to be done, or things that need to be clarified or scheduled or fixed, or whatever. Tonight there were 5, FIVE, separate notes about someone NOT having a BM. That’s a “Bowel” “Movement” for the uninitiated. Luckily, two of my peeps resolved the situation on their own before I got there. One, who wasn’t as lucky, complained to the doc and won herself a grand prize Fleet Enema! King MD Order to get yourself into the express lane on the way to Poopville. The sad part, is that she wanted the enema. They always want the enema. So guess what I had to do? I mean, someone has to give the enema. And that person is usually the nurse.

Or so I thought. Dun dun dun. Surprise ending!!

HA. See, not where you thought it was going right? I know. I did that on purpose. So funny at two in the morning. Anypoo…(see what I did there? heehee) turns out, just as I was going in to give ye olde enema, the fine lassy had worked the issue out for herself. The BM had arrived, and just in time. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t soft, but it was enough to change her mind, take the lactulose liquid that had also been prescribed, and wait until morning when the rest will probably work its way out. Literally. The option to have the enema is still on the table so it’s a win-win situation all around. Except maybe for me. Butt, whatever, I’m cool with it. Whatever route I have to use to get the medication in is fine with me just as long as I do get it in there so it can start working.

And that’s where I think I’ll end this tonight. I apologize ahead of time to all those that will be reading this in the morning. Potentially with breakfast. It’s a fact of life and if you have learned nothing, or taken nothing from this entire posting, at least keep this small bit of info or advice in the back of your mind: Have a bit of fruit with that breakfast. Something citrusy, if possible. Maybe something warm and fibery too, if you can work it in. It’ll really help keep things regular and moving. And as human machines, that’s all we can ask for.

Also, stay tuned for my next, equally exciting, medical article, featuring the two most popular oral medications, beloved by almost all of the patient population in healthcare. Can you fathom a guess? Are you over 50? If not, you have no clue. If you are, you are going to be offended at first. Then you are going to say to yourself, “But I do have a scratchy throat and it keeps me up at night.”

The correct answer to the question of popular medicine is, ding ding ding:

Cough syrup and sleeping pills! Truth. If I was a rich girl I would buy as much stock as I could in any company that produces cough syrup, sleeping pills, laxatives, diarrhea medicine, enemas and narcotic pain medications. If you have some extra cash, there you go. My totally unprofessional, non-educated economy/stock market lesson. For freeeeeeee…..We also watched Bedtime Stories today. Always end it on a positive note! Later!

A photo so nice, I'm using it twice! Besides, is it not perfect?? You are welcome!

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1 Comment

  1. Linda :-) said,

    OK…… soooooo…… Good Morning to me. That is alittle disturbing at 6:30 in the morning. Lisa…Pain and Poop.. that is a really crappy subject… lol.

    Here are my observations of your poop-tastic post…
    1. Stay away from Wikipedia at 1:24AM
    2. I, for one, am glad that you and your people are obsessed with pain and poop seeing you may have to give me an enema some day 🙂
    3.Happy Birthday JEFF!
    4.Why isn’t that box written in Spanish? The pictures are all we need.
    5. OJ with breakfast will now be a regular part of my morning diet.
    6. I will soon buy stock in narcotics based on your freeeee advice.

    Can we talk about the weather instead.. How bout those tornados in Texas? I guess that can kind of be on topic with your post… what! I didn’t say that.

    Thanks for being you Lisa, you’re so wise!
    Smile…

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