I believe the word you are looking for is “MASTICATE” !!
Thanks cuz!! You crazy lady!! But, for the effort, here is a giant piece of cake for you to chew on!! This is also your birthday gift! Doesn’t it look delicious? Can you see how big it is?? America has problems with these giant desserts.
Anyway, I didn’t realize your birthday was the same day as “Leftover Halloween.” Another fine holiday that I made up yesterday. If I had known I would have included you in the festivities.
So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! To my cousin Lorraine!!! Wooo…..you are my most consistent reader and commenter!! (Throwing out that challenge to the other five….step it up people!!) And an all around cool chick on her own! (If anyone is confused, she’s the one who lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere, but they do have internet, so win-win!) Hope the day was great! And thank you for giving me an excellent opportunity to post that picture of the giant chocolate cake. I seriously had just moved it to my “extra pics” file a few days ago, heartbroken, because I had no good reason to put it on here. In your honor, I have created a special category “For Lorraine” (to the right) just for you! YOU ROCK!!
Coincidentally, I might have to start “macerating” my food just so I can eat! Jaw pain stinks!! I’m still undecided if it feels better or worse yet. Let me choke on a few more food items today and I’ll let you all know! I figure that if I can swallow, I’m good! I would re-phrase that or take it out all together, but I’m keeping it in there for the fringe crowd. Spicing it up on a Friday with some edgy humor. Trying to grow a larger fan base. Oh snap! There it is!
Now I have to go drive to the airport!! What, wha…??? I know. It’s not funny and it wasn’t meant to be. I literally have to go and drive someone to the airport in like, 4 minutes, so I guess I better go now. Keep reading! Tell your friends! Post a comment! By the time I get home it will be socially acceptable to start drinking for the weekend! Later!
Forgive Me, My Queen
I always think it’s weird too when people shout out a birthday wish to someone they do not know.
But I’m doing it anyway.
Happy Birthday!
You are my favorite and I named my daughter after you.
I should not be here. And, belated, posted, birthday wishes.
I should be doing mad blood pressures and apical pulses.
Another week of school, another set of tests and skills! Today is the written. Complete. Passed. Still in A category. It is only fourth week though…I feel good and I love this stuff! Tomorrow are the skills. And a mini-written test. That was a surprise, but I am prepared. I got pulses down. Blood pressures can be tricky, especially if the equipment is bad or I make a sudden move! All the noises blob into one big bump! And that ain’t right!
At any rate. Yesterday was the sissies B-day!
Happy Birthday N.!! (Sorry you had to be lumped in with my news!)
I have two sissies. This was the closer-aged one. The whole family was there for the par-tay and the whole family let me practice squeezing them and pulsing them. Sounds so dirty and yet it was not. I think I did pretty good considering the noise level (loud) and the activity going on around (crazy loud) and the participants unwillingness to be quiet and calm for one minute in a row! Love!
It all worked out perfect. The real world is not quiet and willing to sit still for me. And it makes me better(?!?) TBD.
Here’s a picture of an Oscar, probably wishing for freedom (or death). Fish are calming.
Let’s start past to present…like a “birthday” present…haha
When last I left you…we were at the circus. We weren’t actually at the circus, but we saw the tent and we took the pictures (POST BELOW) and we were on our way to dinner. But it still wasn’t my official birthday yet.
Well, that day has come and gone. I moved into a new age bracket, some insurance rates went up, some went down. The various commercial organizations that I get e-mails from, sent me lovely birthday wishes, as if they know me. I have special rates to Vegas, money off if I purchase some shoes, I even get free dessert from Friday’s! Oh yeah, I am living the life.
I only bring it up now because I actually took a picture of all the cards I received and the presents I got. It was a landmark year. One with a zero. I am saving all my acknowledgments, so if I get depressed in the near future or discouraged, I can look at them and remember a good time.
After this we can move on.
Thank you thank you thank you to all who helped me celebrate! I appreciate everything! XOXO
These are my cards
These are my presents. You really can't go wrong with candy, coffee, music and money.
The real birthday celebration was a little different…
And a little more savage. Ewww…sorry. Hooter’s. That was last Saturday. With the family. There was carnivorous behavior occurring. They were good though, even though it looks disgusting in this picture. Check out that clarity! Guess who took it? Picture(s) below:
It's just not a camera file without a picture of Mason. Or his new hat that he loves. From the truck race in Joliet last Friday.
Giant, creepy spider waiting on the wall to grab our leftovers. Yes, there were leftovers. Hard to believe, I know.
I got the ENEMA.
Of course. I knew it when they told us we would have to do this skill set. And I knew it as I was sitting at the desk waiting to pull it out of the bedpan. (Not really, it was a plastic baggy–random draw of a skill to demonstrate.)
But I did not panic. I studied. A lot. I took all the skills, from enema’s to bed-making to ROM to safety devices, positioning and transfers…I did them all. Over and over until I was comfortable. Mason helped ENORMOUSLY! He let me practice everything I needed (with the exception of enema and rectal temp…big baby) and when I sat down, picked enema, faced the nurse evaluator with ALL that experience, I just…relaxed. I knew the material. I knew the process. I knew WHY I knew the process. She said I seemed very competent. That is good enough for me. Relief. I did forget one thing, but not a failure. And that’s good because I feel that this is my calling. Does that sound lame?
Every time I learn something, or every time I do a skill, even just practice for fake, I feel like I am right where I should be. Like I can really DO this job and be good at it and want to work. It feels real natural. All these years…and now I figure it out. Well, better late than never right?
And speaking of all these years, to get off all that serious, it’s my birthday! Yay Me! I got some pictures….but first, I have to share with you some other people that share my birthday. I turn to D-Listed, as always, and the shock of celebrity birthdays. I knew about Salma and Keanu, but Shauna was a surprise! I think I might be changing what I want for my birthday. Perhaps a couple of chest implants instead of I-Tunes cards?? I’m not getting any younger ya’ know! What could I do with these?? What COULDN’T I do with these?!? This is copy/pasted directly from the website. Even the picture. Observe:
Birthday Sluts
The Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand (Forever Young)
Aimee Osbourne (26)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (40)
Camille Grammer (41)
Cynthia Watros (41)
Salma Hayek (43)
Tuc Watkins (43)
Lennox Lewis (44)
Keanu Reeves (45)
Mark Harmon (58)
Terry Bradshaw (61)
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand’s perfect toes touched Earth’s soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called “lucite” before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!
Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!
You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick’s, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!
And Shauna didn’t wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.
Since we are on the subject of BIG things…
What…Were YOU thinking??!! I mean like, big bugs, big benches, big fish…I have another example of BIG FOOD. Sheesh.
It was for my sissy’s birthday dinner (I have to mention it again to tell the story) that we all went to the night before the Warrior Dash (no more link–it’s over). And the BF ordered carrot cake. Seems harmless enough right? Little did we know! Needless to say, when it showed up after having no indication it would be THIS big, we had to take the shot!
It took three separate eating sessions to finish it! No kidding.
The restaurant is Rock Bottom Brewery. In Orland Park, IL. Excellent food, drinks and service.
Hungry?
Kind of looks big right?
With the standard issue cell phone for scale.
These are some of the other giant foods we have encountered since starting this site. (Just for all-inclusiveness sake–because I’m anal)
The birthday that NEVER ends…
Ok sissy, first off, THANK YOU! for reading my posts. Without all this good family material what would I really have to talk about??
So, here it is from me, C-Bip, (that’s my new internet handle–get used to it–stands for Chicago-Based Internet Personality…???…from the previous post???…does anybody READ this thing???) (haha. i’m just kidding. not.)
Even though her birthday was 11 days ago now, we still have to talk about it! The Sox!, blah blah blah, Baseball!, blabbity blabbity, Pictures!, blab blab blab, With players!, me me me…enough already! Here’s your stinking post! With pics!
My only regret is that she only sent three fabulous pictures out of 200 for me to share with my new world-wide celebrity fan base!
So, one more time, HAPPY B-DAY SISTER!! Here’s you, hubby, AJP (can’t spell the last name, too lazy to look it up) and the Sox! Love, L. C-Bip to my peeps.
Hey, I just noticed AJP's last name is spelled perfectly on that guys shirt in the first pic above! So, there ya go!
Wacky Water Weekend With… / Saturday Swim
The Birthday Pool Party!
What a nice day! Not too hot, not too sunny…although I got pretty scorched along with my brother-in-law, that semi-cloud cover can be deceiving…
They belong to a Park District Pool where they live and Elexa’s B-day Party was there! Friends, family, food, fun…the usual.
This place had many pool areas: a party room, snack bar, diving boards, a drop chute, water slides (2) open/semi-closed, slow/fast, kids or adults. Nothing crazy. Some Lily Pad jump things, Dumping Buckets of Water, and Sprays. The kids loved it.
(I did the slides, the drop chute and the high dive, making me the coolest mom who participated and didn’t just sit on the sidelines…their words, not mine.)
One more time:
Happy Birthday Elexa!
Happy Birthday Jesse!
Birthday girls (to the left) and an extra to the right
The high dive
The drop chute
Lily pads with slides in the background
Better water slide shot with extra ACTION!
Party food
Party kids
Party Over! See you next year!
And we are back…it’s Wednesday afternoon, pre-running post…More Warrior, with updates!
As I was flipping thru the internet I noticed that the Helmet Cam video is on You Tube now! Thank goodness! I can’t get the other formats to work or convert or whatever people do to make things show up here. So I am posting that here. It’s long, but it gives a really good playback of what we were doing. Makes you wish you were there huh??
I went to my sister’s yesterday to babysit for her and her house full of children, including my own, because this year her birthday NEVER ends!
The hubby went and bought her tickets! Awwww….
It was a secret, she didn’t know she was going to the SOX game AND sitting behind the dugout–so close to the players she could feel their sweat (Eeeww for me, Yay! for her). She’s kind of a fanatic. At any rate, they took, like, 200 pictures of players I couldn’t identify on threat of death if they were standing right in front of me with their jerseys on, much less standing at home plate facing the other way swinging a bat! But whatever…she had a good time. If she sends me any of her favorite pictures I can add them here as kind of a Sox player-sister-tribute thing. So look for that later too!
Now that’s it. Happy Birthday. It’s over! Sheesh…
Also, they got the pictures back from the Mud-Cam and some are really good! Some are really bad too. Two in particular have me going over the Wall with my ass looking like I put two beach balls in my pants! It’s funny but not TOO funny. I confiscated the actual prints and they are currently residing in my fridge and food cabinets with a serious note to myself asking if I REALLY want to eat anything inside these areas of the house?? Maybe I should go have a big glass of water, run around the block, and reconsider eating any kind of solid food for the next few weeks. But I’m waiting for the digital to show up in my e-mail so I can post, so we’ll see if those two make it to daylight…maybe if I get a few subscribers??? Hint, hint. (Pathetic grab for attention!)
How long can I drag out this Warrior Dash to get more hits for my site? At least a few more days!
We have to go hit the trail now. Third day of the new fitness regiment. Mason doesn’t want to–he’s still sore, and Stevie doesn’t really get it yet…so this should be fun! Mommy has to be the bad guy. Exercise is good! In a month or so they’ll thank me!
I will post later with any new pics and such. Stay active!
just shy of pretty 