Desolation Row
Another one and a half months goes by…and here we are again.
That pic above is from the BF’s 2 week, cross country, gorgeous scenery, motorcycle trip I had previously written about, oh say, 4 or 5 months ago. (And perfectly illustrates the vast emptiness that can be found here in this rolling, hilly, disaster of a website as well.) He planned it, funded it, took the vacation time, rode it, and came back home. And I didn’t post a word about it. I had such big plans: tracking him across the country, mapping out the route on a day by day basis, posting all the cool pics he sent back…but no. I am a bad GF. Besides completely ignoring this site, I barely even went ON the computer, much less the internet for fun. I checked money and paid bills. Thank goodness for a system that allows you to pay anything instantly and at the very last minute. The checks I actually have to mail now, are always soooo late. I stink at maintaining the high level of entertainment and info all NONE of you expect. Oh yes. I see my numbers. I see my site visits. ZERO. But that’s cool. Nothing to see here anyway folks. Let’s just keep moving along.
Maybe another day…maybe in a few more hours…if I stay up really late and use my time to be productive instead of sitting on the couch watching Sex and the City reruns over and over. That’s another picture from the trip that I really like. Lots of loose ends. Raw material. Big sky. It’s solid and unstable at the same time. Like this site. Like it’s owner. And now I’ve discovered this fab new game called Coin Dozer and Coin Dozer-World Tour that I can play on my smart phone. (See how I added that “smart” thing in there?, to ironically point out that I am participating in the polar opposite of anything that would be considered “smart”.) I am done for. I have sunk so low that I cannot even be bothered to form words (sorry Words with Friends–you are too hard on my few last functioning brain cells) or draw even the simplest of pictures (stick men, bow your heads in shame, Draw Something is also too difficult for my slowly atrophying brain to handle at this time), only you, Coin Dozer, are the thing keeping my mind from total mush. Like a bad melon. Drop coins on tray. Coins push forward. Coins barely move. Coins drop into prize area. Coins drop off side gutter. Get more coins. That’s it. Drop and roll. Nothing to it. I use up all my coins and I quit the game. When I come back in a few hours, I magically have more coins! I drop them all on the tray and quit again. So easy. So effortless. No stress. Takes about 5 minutes. I can switch back and forth between the two games (I hear that’s what some people do) but I prefer to just drop them all in one big load and come back later. I’m sure that’s a metaphor for something, but I am not going there. I’ve typed too much today already. Picture moment.
Anyway. This was just a quick hey and how ya doing until I can somehow get back on track with life. Again. It’s not bad, it’s just busy. And if I haven’t said it enough in the last 6 months, the shift I work sucks for social time. My schedule blows but I’m learning to adapt. Slowly. But things have been happening. I got a raise. The difference is literally in change…you know…cents. But it’s more. And I accrued 2 whole days of sick time if I need it! Nice. I never call off, but you never know. Winter is a coming. And I have managed to lose a nonfluctuating, solid, thirty pounds now, with a high/low weight differential of about 33-35 pounds total. And I have somehow managed to keep it all off. Even when I actually have time to eat food. Healthier choices, blah blah blah. I really need to add that exercise thing in again. Then I can really put up some numbers. But that kind of talk is for another time and place. BF vacation insert. Oregon. At the ocean. Just lounging.
Besides me, the kids are gearing up for school again. The boy is already back. Freshman year. Started Monday. Jumped right in. Full day with football practice for 3 hours after that. And then every day this week. And every day next week. And so on until football season is over. Adjustment. But he’s such a cool kid I know he can handle it all. The girl is on reprieve until next week. I do need to get her up and out of this house though because we need school supplies and some pants. Notebooks and jeans, notebooks and jeans, notebooks and jeans……Yeah! Notebooks and jeans! That’s a Target commercial. In case you were wondering what that was all about. High fives if you totally sang it in your head. Bonus if you sang it out loud!
I really need to finish here.
Since my last post even more crap happened that I have pics of, and words for, but no motivation to put into action.
A second water main break, two weeks after the first one, in my front yard. It’s just dirt now with a patch of grass.
Some fence damage from another, separate, tree limb throwing itself to its death on the same stormy day. It landed in the neighbors driveway. Rude.
Another tree in my back yard decided it had enough of all that “standing” and “staying rooted to the ground” type nonsense, and forced me to take her down professionally before she split herself in two and took out the neighbors garage and house and the main power lines to the block.
Now I have an entire 50 years and 60 feet of tree laying all over my grass.
And I paid $1500 for the privilege of helping out this lazy tree!
Gratuitous product placement. That’s one big chainsaw!
In action.
Debris.
Parameters. At least it all fit in the yard.
We had some real ugly weather around here too. And I posted nothing! Everyone who knows me, knows I love talking about that weather! 100+ degrees! Tornados! Microbursts! Scary ass lightning! I had a car break down. Stevie got trapped in a safety belt. The kids went on vacation. Madison, Wisconsin. Benches. Bugs. Birds. Racoons. Skunks. Opossums. Football. A car museum. The list goes on and on. Without looking at all the pictures I can’t even remember what we did, what I’ve already talked about and what I’ve missed. I will sum up safely with, probably not much. It’s all preview and hints and expectation. No substance. No meat. Speaking of meat, I really really really need to finish this “quick” post, because I also have to go “shopping” shopping too. Down to the last rolls of TP and some spoiled milk. I want to make a nice dinner tonight and possibly drink some wine. Dream big! Besides I think I have more coins I could be dropping. Here are some more pictures. Without comment. They really don’t need anything else.
Thanks for hanging. Now get out there and do anything else besides staring at your computer reading fluff pieces like this. Life is too short! 11 AM! I have got to go! Here is another random pic from the big trip! It’s a monument! Later!
And then, THREE MONTHS later…
Yada yada yada. I’m back. Just like that.
Let me explain. No. There is no time. Let me sum up.
Still dealing with the poop and the pain on a daily basis. It has been 5 months now and I believe that I am finally settling in. Relaxing. Using the skills and critical thinking tools I was armed with from the start. They said it would all make sense. They said it would get “better”. And it has. It is. I no longer go into panic mode every day at 2 pm when I am about to walk through the doors of hell and into the fire pit. It’s not hell. It’s my job. And so far it’s good. And from what I have been reading from some of my fellow classmates who have been working in various other locations, my job ain’t all that bad. Plus, I lost 30 pounds! Bone. Ass. (!!) Seriously.
The kids are great. My son graduated, as scheduled, from the 8th grade and is now moving onto high school. We had him a little party two weeks ago that I think was an awesome success. Most of you all were invited. And most of you all came! He had a blast and was super thrilled to see how many people would come over to our tiny little house and pack in and eat every last scrap of food, including the cake (a full sheet). And then stay through the ever hilarious, gods of weather, thunder and lightning show and torrential downpour of rain that we hadn’t had for over two weeks, but picks our party night to decide that the clouds are full enough.
The next day, we wake up to a burst water pipe in the front yard. Flowers and landscape timbers floating all over the front. A giant mound of grassy water bursting through the ground. Like a giant pimple on the day of the big prom. But we had our moment. One day earlier and all would have been lost. I still cried though. I pictured the sidewalk gone, the driveway gone, most of my front grass…it truly looked like water was pouring out from everywhere.
But in the end it was just a few hours with no water and no toilet, some splattered mud, and 100 degrees of fun for the village workers who fixed it asap. Luckily for them we had cases of water chilling in the backyard coolers. Now I just have one, big, muddy spot near the front of my grass where it meets the sidewalk. And two, square, bracer divots where the back hoe sat digging up the nearly perfect lawn that my son had been working on all spring.
Next up, football training camp. For the boy. Not me. It has already started and ended for the first session. Those first few days were not good. Lots of work. Lots of drills. Lots of getting knocked down. The mandatory vomiting due to extreme physical exercise that one is unprepared for. Could never be prepared for. But now I think he likes it. He’s part of the team. And the team is good.
It also helps that he’s the second biggest player on the whole team. Freshman and Varsity. Respect for the linemen. Especially when they get right back up and don’t complain. Plus, they get free lunch! Football player perks! FYI…that, above, is a good illustrative picture and an excellent book for teenage boys. Read it if you want a fast story with humor and drama and sports. Young adult is the way to go lately and I am not the only one that thinks so.
But I digress. Moving on…
The girl is just as cool as ever. An awesome little chick that is fast maturing from girl to teenager to young adult. Transitioning this year from 7th grade to 8th. Last year of Jr. High. Of course she’s in the NJHS, (National Junior Honor Society), and they had a great ceremony at the school to celebrate the smarticles of all these hard working kids.
And did I mention FIRST place, OVERALL, at the Science Fair this year? Yep. First. Place. Over. All. She’s interested in her friends, boys, clothes, hair and makeup, but still found the time to go hang with her aunty and her bestest cuz Elexa for a week, just because she hasn’t been there since spring break, and she missed her!
Good kids I got, for real. As for today, this very minute, they are gone from me again. As they do every year, they have left for Kentucky, with their dad, to visit their grandma and stay for the week over the Fourth of July. They left at 10:30 am and the house is quiet. The way it used to be, before the BF, and after my little ducks would leave the pond for a long trip somewhere else. It’s non-stop, fishing, swimming, and boating, on the lake or in the pool. I don’t expect to hear from them because the days blend when you are on that kind of vacation. Plus they’re 13 and 14. They go where the day takes them. But they have technology now and pictures will be posted. So we can all follow along. Yoodle yoodle yoodle yoodle! Live action!
Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Another tree limb fell in the back yard! You can see it in the picture hanging on the phone line.
And here you can see it denting the metal table we have on the patio. It pretty much fell straight down into the yard from the tree. Luckily we were able to move it ourselves and get it off the AT&T line. The real tragedy would have been losing internet access. And that is no lie or exaggeration. Ipods and XBox really don’t work very well without it. Our whole life revolves around those wireless connections. But we still need the wire outside to connect us. The tree did pull it down pretty low though. AT&T came out and pulled it up tight, just in time for the party. And one of the BF’s friends came and removed all the extra stumps and wood logs we had lying around from the last year. It’s scary empty in the back. And it’s weird not to have the constant reminder that we live with these insidiously malevolent trees that decay from the inside, but attack on the outside. No warning. You can see how sunny and pleasant it looks in the picture. Because it was. You hear a loud boom. A rattling jangle of metal. A heavy thunk. It’s not even windy. Whatever. Pick it up. Move it to the back. Plus, it’s the perfect opportunity for your son to use the chain saw for the first time. Yes. He was super excited. Yes. There are pictures.
And because I just scrolled through all my pics in the last few months…
A random crawfish strolling across our back patio. Big too. Don’t know where he came from. Don’t know where he was going. Haven’t seen another one since. I might have even already mentioned him. If not, there you go.
Mother’s Day.
Found money. Seriously. We found this 100 dollar bill folded up, laying on the ground outside of a store in the parking lot. Most money we have ever found in our silly game. (Street Money. You can click the link to the right or this whole sentence, and read all about it.) For the record, we did go back and try to see if anyone had lost any money. Nope. Ours to keep. I promised it to the kids, to split, if they would remove every single weed from the bricks on the back patio in preparation for Mason’s party. They did. In fact, they removed every single paver and brick individually, weeded all around them and put them all back in place. In about 4 or 5 hours. Money. The great motivator.
The Avengers!
Best red blend and white blend. Ever. And I don’t like white wine. Never drink it. Tried it on a whim because it got reviewed deliciously. Not even going to explain why. Just buy them and try them. Good price too. Less than 15 dollars. You will not be sorry.
As for me, I thought I would finally catch up here. I don’t have time to really do anything any more because my work schedule is shit. 3-11. Not conductive to a social life. You work, you sleep. You go back to work. If you make the effort to get up in the day, you will be tired by the night. But you really won’t. You get that second wind. And because you stay up those few hours after work like you would if you worked in the day, the hours eventually start to run into each other and you spend your day off sleeping until noon. Or later. Then the only thing you can do is play phone games (highest score for me so far!) and watch old re-runs of shows you used to love and try to take back the life you once had.
So, I couldn’t help but wonder, am I going to wrap this up or keep typing like I have nothing else to do?
Truth is I do have something else to do. The BF has booked us a nice hotel room away from our town and made reservations at a restaurant that we have never been to. We have a birthday party, with drinks, to go to after and then, who knows? He is out with his friend test-riding a motorcycle trip right now in preparation for the 4000+ mile motorcycle trip they are going to take at the end of the month. And I promised I would be ready by 3. I am lucky. For the first time since I started this job, I have had two, whole, glorious days off, that I got to spend, every minute, with my kids. And soon I will have these two more, glorious days off to spend with the BF. And I have received the ultimate gift of 4 whole hours, of pure alone time, smack dab in the middle of a long weekend off. The house is clean. The dishes are done. The beds are made. The laundry is washed. And dried. Folded. And put away. My overnight bag is already packed. The flowers are watered and weeded and dead-headed. The grass is cut. The sky is blue. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. (And happy and fat with lots of food available in all the feeders.) My legs are already shaved and my hair is the perfect color. Finally. Let’s just type this last sentence and go hop into the shower.
That’s the motorcycle. Which just pulled up and is my cue to really put this thing to bed so I can go have a nice night out on the town. “Out on the town.” That’s funny sounding right? Kind of old fashioned.
And for those playing along with my TV/Movie reference game, I’d like to thank Seinfeld, The Princess Bride, Call of the Wildman, and Sex and the City. There’s another one in there, I think, that I cannot place. I even called my girl for help but she’s already on vacation time and the connection was lost. It’s kind of funny how in this saturated media world we can never be sure anymore if our words are even our own.
Anyway. Hopefully. This post, after so long without, will bring me back to every day. I have been taking pictures and keeping a list of ideas and things to write about this whole time. And I’m telling ya’, some of it is pretty good. And some of it is a lot of birds. I am still obsessed with getting pictures of all the birds that fly into my backyard. Cardinals, hawks, woodpeckers, mourning doves, red-winged blackbirds, hummingbirds, and this year, we have blue jays! I’ll try to minimize the pictures of the sky though. The kids have already told me no more sky pictures. No one cares. It’s enough. And be funny. Funnier. Only the laughs. So here’s to turning a new leaf while still hanging off of the old tree. Birds. Lots of birds. Sitting.
And in the sky.
I hope you enjoyed today and will continue to follow again through the summer and beyond. I appreciate all my readers for hanging through the flood and the drought. This is me, in my life again. I mean, it’s the same life as before, but with better time management. Have a great day and night wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Stay safe. I will talk to you. Later.
L.
The Pain And Poop Principle
A principle is a law or rule that has to be, or usually is to be followed, or can be desirably followed, or is an inevitable consequence of something, such as the laws observed in nature or the way that a system is constructed. The principles of such a system are understood by its users as the essential characteristics of the system, or reflecting system’s designed purpose, and the effective operation or use of which would be impossible if any one of the principles was to be ignored.
Examples of principles:
- a descriptive comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption
- a normative rule or code of conduct,
- a law or fact of nature underlying the working of an artificial device.
The above is literally copied and pasted from Wikipedia because I am lazy and I wanted to make sure I had the right “principle.” I will try not to make this long and drawn out because I am leaving in about an hour to celebrate the BF’s Birthday!! I have gathered a rag-tag bunch of friends and family to come out to dinner with us and have drinks and cake!
Happy Birthday darling!!! Sorry I included your birthday wish in a post with poop! But that’s why we love each other so much right?!? Hey…there’s gonna be drink-ing…Sing-song…
Anyway. It’s also my day off. And what I have learned from my latest week of workhell is that when your body fails, and then as it tries to recover itself, life pretty much comes down to two, basic, all-consuming issues:
Pain and Poop.
Do you have it? Do you not have it? How can we get rid of it if you do? How can we get it going if we need to?
Just think about it for a minute and you’ll see what I mean. Like, really think about it. Insert the pain and poop theory into the above “principle” definition. You see? We, us, my people, are obsessed with their pain and with their poop. And one usually causes the other. In any combination. Regardless of whether its a problem of going or not going. Pain because you can’t go. Pain because you go too much. Pain meds that constipate. Pain meds that liquidate. It’s a horrible, never-ending cycle and a delicate balance that takes up, at least, half my time on the job. Maybe even three-fourths. It can never be “just right”. I don’t think I ever posted about this, but my first day on the job, I had to give a rectal suppository. And I haven’t looked back since. Every day is just a new spin on the same two problems.
And here is an update before this post even makes it to actual publication: The above was written on Monday. Today is Wednesday. I have so little time now, that I can’t even ramble on properly, the way I like to. I have to divvy it up now into days and days. Ridiculous. But. Here’s the wrap of Monday: We had a fun time at the mini-party! That day is over. We went, we ate, we drank, we had cake, we had more drinks, everyone went home. Happy birthday again, my darlingwhoputsupwithsomuchandhardlyevercomplains! Love and kisses! Tuesday, yesterday, Stevie and I chilled at the house while Mason went to school. The girl was not feeling good and she needed a day to re-coup and re-group. I went to work in the afternoon. Wednesday, today, (technically it is today, as it is 1:24 am) I just got off work and I wanted to finish this post before the week is out. And luckily it will actually tie in with what I was saying earlier.
Besides all the normal, routine things that get done on a daily basis, my work has an extra book of things that also need to be done, or things that need to be clarified or scheduled or fixed, or whatever. Tonight there were 5, FIVE, separate notes about someone NOT having a BM. That’s a “Bowel” “Movement” for the uninitiated. Luckily, two of my peeps resolved the situation on their own before I got there. One, who wasn’t as lucky, complained to the doc and won herself a grand prize Fleet Enema! King MD Order to get yourself into the express lane on the way to Poopville. The sad part, is that she wanted the enema. They always want the enema. So guess what I had to do? I mean, someone has to give the enema. And that person is usually the nurse.
Or so I thought. Dun dun dun. Surprise ending!!
HA. See, not where you thought it was going right? I know. I did that on purpose. So funny at two in the morning. Anypoo…(see what I did there? heehee) turns out, just as I was going in to give ye olde enema, the fine lassy had worked the issue out for herself. The BM had arrived, and just in time. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t soft, but it was enough to change her mind, take the lactulose liquid that had also been prescribed, and wait until morning when the rest will probably work its way out. Literally. The option to have the enema is still on the table so it’s a win-win situation all around. Except maybe for me. Butt, whatever, I’m cool with it. Whatever route I have to use to get the medication in is fine with me just as long as I do get it in there so it can start working.
And that’s where I think I’ll end this tonight. I apologize ahead of time to all those that will be reading this in the morning. Potentially with breakfast. It’s a fact of life and if you have learned nothing, or taken nothing from this entire posting, at least keep this small bit of info or advice in the back of your mind: Have a bit of fruit with that breakfast. Something citrusy, if possible. Maybe something warm and fibery too, if you can work it in. It’ll really help keep things regular and moving. And as human machines, that’s all we can ask for.
Also, stay tuned for my next, equally exciting, medical article, featuring the two most popular oral medications, beloved by almost all of the patient population in healthcare. Can you fathom a guess? Are you over 50? If not, you have no clue. If you are, you are going to be offended at first. Then you are going to say to yourself, “But I do have a scratchy throat and it keeps me up at night.”
The correct answer to the question of popular medicine is, ding ding ding:
Cough syrup and sleeping pills! Truth. If I was a rich girl I would buy as much stock as I could in any company that produces cough syrup, sleeping pills, laxatives, diarrhea medicine, enemas and narcotic pain medications. If you have some extra cash, there you go. My totally unprofessional, non-educated economy/stock market lesson. For freeeeeeee…..We also watched Bedtime Stories today. Always end it on a positive note! Later!
A photo so nice, I'm using it twice! Besides, is it not perfect?? You are welcome!
It’s Not Just A Job, It’s An Adventure! And A Nightmare. Sometimes At The Same Time. Yay Me.
I was going to save my whiny, work related, complaining post, until tomorrow when I have a day off, but I thought, why not? I’m already on the computer being super jealous of all the fun things my kids are doing. But so happy at the same time because otherwise their spring break would be spent sitting in this boring house with nothing to do because I have to work every damn day and it’s really been beautiful over here, weather-wise, in the Midwest these last two weeks. The girl is with my sister, and her kids, doing something, outside, every day, the zoo and hiking at Starved Rock, to name two, and my son is on his way to Florida with his dad. He’s helping to move his grandma back to Illinois, but they still get to take a mini vacation at the same time! I will be working. Monday, yesterday, today, then for the weekend. B-L-O-W-S.
I see I haven’t posted since Leap Day. That stinks too. Work is harder than I thought. And I seriously miss school. They really do not prepare you for the stress and intensity and anxiety that actually working this job brings on. I HATE to complain about something I have worked so long and hard for, but almost every day is a new nightmare until I get back into my shift and truly can’t think about anything else until it’s all over for the night. They tell me it gets better. They tell me I will hate it for a long time and dread it until suddenly, I just won’t. Well two months in, apparently, is not enough time yet. They tell me just stick with it. And keep getting experience. I will. In fact I have to go get showered and head out again. At least I have tomorrow off. At this point, I only work for my days off.
One more good thing…because you should always end on a positive note! Those weights in the picture represent the weight I have lost in about six weeks. It’s probably closer to 25 now. It’s the bonus I didn’t expect. Unfortunately it’s a combo of a goofy schedule, non-stop moving the entire time I work, and not eating, either because I don’t have time, or because my stomach hurts from stress or because I can’t get my body regulated yet to this goofy schedule and when I should eat, I just can’t. Hopefully I can keep it off once that “good working feeling” arrives! And if I can throw in some actual “exercise” I could be pretty buff for summer. Like, bikini buff! That would be nice for once!
The buzzer is buzzing. I have to go take a shower. In about 12 hours from now, I will be done and I can relax for a day! I also have to go buy Mega Millions tickets tomorrow. 500 million dollars! That’s definite retirement money. I will try and get some more kid news up tomorrow and all the pictures and fun stuff I have been saving for this site whenever I get the chance. Let’s make our own fortune! Right?!?! Have a great day everyone! Later!
One Extra Day of Life!
What are you going to do with it??
Unfortunately for me this time around, I will be at my job. I started today at work, midnight found me trying to finish the things I could not get done during shift, and I will most likely end my day at work. My driving goal and sole focus tonight will be to leave before midnight and as close to 11 pm as possible. It is attainable. With a little luck, some fast footwork, a steady pace, few complications and no admissions, I might actually do it too. I might actually have just jinxed myself here at the same time but I sure hope not. Then I will have Thursday off. One glorious day and back on for the weekend. But that one day does make the difference.
Anyway, I hope you all are out there doing what you love or working hard toward something great. I was working hard 4 years ago and even though I am actually working harder now, I am doing something that I love. Tomorrow marks one whole month on the job. Feels like forever and nothing at the same time. And even if you don’t do anything else today, try to go outside for a quick minute. It may be February 29 but it feels like summer. Here in the Chicagoland area we have a clear and sunny sky and the temp just pushed past 62 degrees. Amazing. Drop me a comment if you have the time and let me know where you are at and what it’s like in your world and what you are doing on this bonus day to celebrate just being alive. My timer is beeping so I have to hop in the shower and hit the road. Love and a Leap Year for all! Later! (Bonus pic included!)
A Saskatchewan Screamer? Really?
Rain, sleet, then snow. That sounds like every night that I have been driving home so far. Tom Skilling, from WGN, says this is the thing we have to look forward to tonight. A storm being driven by a fast-moving, low pressure system out of the Saskatchewan province in south-central Canada. Although technically, Paul Konrad said it first this morning at 6 am. Apparently it consists of “thundery snowfall” and “accumulation of heavy thick snow, the likes of which we have never seen before, arghhh!” I added that last part for effect. It’s basically a big blob of crappy weather combinations that lead to lots of wet, gross, heavy snow that will fall for all of the hours I will be at work, so that I can be the first to drive in it! Because I don’t have enough to worry about tonight. (It’s just a day like any other. Get in, get report, pass those meds, call any docs, do the paperwork, chart on the computer, go home. My day. My pace. I can do this.) I won’t complain too much about the weather reporting though because I am a huge fan of the terminology being thrown around. Stuff like, “wintry cocktail of precipitation” and “embedded thunderstorms”. All fancy ways of saying the same ominous things to scare the hell out of us because we haven’t had enough “winter” in our winter this year: rain, sleet, snow, then lightning in the night with heavy snowfall. Plus, I get to use all the pictures of sloppy roads and weather-type shots I have been saving for just such an occasion. This post has to be quick because I need to shower and go. The best cure for a nervous stomach is to just face the fear and get it over with. Eleven hours from now, I can officially call myself a full fledged, independant, non-orienting, unprecepted nurse. Chief in charge of my own destiny. But I can’t finish if I don’t start. Later.
Oh Pardon Me, My Polish Seems To Be Showing
I cannot believe I almost missed Fat Tuesday. Or Paczki Day as some of us more ethnically challenged folks call it. This job stuff is really getting in the way of me being able to process any other information in the greater world outside of myself and my immediate life. I am living hour to hour and not the good hours. I sleep for most of the day hours and then if I work one extra day/night in my work week, I get all confused about if it’s Sunday or Monday. True story. I could not remember what day it was yesterday. Felt like Sunday, was actually Monday. And since the kids were off school, there was no normal week-day structure to help me out. And even though today is Tuesday, I was unable to drag my ass out of bed at 6am to get the kids up for school. Thank goodness the BF gets up at the same time. I was out out out. Plus…I have a burning chest cold or something that I probably got from one of my people coughing in my face. Didn’t know it was coming. Couldn’t get out of the way fast enough when it did. Gross I know, but it’s a hazard of the job. You just try not to think about it and realize that there are greater things that can kill you faster. But truthfully, the odds are in your favor that you’ll live.
Anyhow, besides being Fat Tuesday, it’s also my Mother’s Birthday.
Happy Birthday Rita!! Shout out to the lady that gave me life! Love and hugs and kisses!
Since I missed her actual family party, I thought I’d take her to breakfast this morning, but sadly, I slept right through anything that would be considered “morning”. Eleven-thirty is still technically before the afternoon. But it’s too late for breakfast. She is the one who reminded that today is Paczki Day when I called her to tease her with that free meal. I didn’t believe her until I looked at the calendar and saw that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. For me, time seems to be moving fast and slow at the same time these days. Irritating and confusing.
At any rate, I was able to shake off the sleepies, put on real clothes and venture forth into the world to get a big fat, fatty dinner to cook and buy myself some of the best Paczki’s I could find at the local Jewel. We ended up having spinach and artichoke dip with pasta and chicken and wine and our delicious, thick, doughy doughnuts for dessert. And we will probably eat them for breakfast tomorrow too. We aren’t really big on the religious aspect of the day, more so just the eating part. Sinners everywhere I tell ya. But we did manage to get the last package of chocolate covered ones with creme filling! We had to stalk the display table and stand watch from the produce section because another lady and her daughter had them in their hot little hands while talking on a cell phone to someone about how they had just gotten the last package of chocolate paczki’s, and did whoever they were talking to want them or not?? Apparently it was a no because I suddenly saw them both walk back out of the store through the in door and me and my daughter swooped in and snatched them up! It’s a dog eat dog world out there when it comes to donuts most people eat only once a year.
Of course I wanted to get this typed and posted on the actual day, but alas, it is not to be. Midnight, one am, is not too bad though, I guess. I’m still up anyway. I see many late nights to come in my very near future. I’m off today, or was off today, Tuesday, and I will be off tomorrow, on Wednesday. Then when I go in to work on Thursday afternoon, they are basically throwing me to the wolves. Solo. On my own. No more orientation. No more preceptor. Training day is over. It’s going to be me and my patients. And probably lots of overtime. When I do get to leave and go home, some time Thursday night, hopefully before midnight, (pleasepleaseplease let everything go good and smooth with no admissions pleasepleaseplease) then I get to go back on Friday and do it again. I’ve noticed after about 3 to 4 days I finally start remembering the people, their meds, their personal likes or dislikes, etcetera etcetera, and the job becomes a hair bit easier. Luckily I will have ALL my future days to learn the people. Then thankfully, blessedly, it will be my weekend off. Two days to re-coupe, re-boot, and return to the anxiety show. If I can make it here, truly, then I can make it anywhere. That’s what all the other nurses I encounter tell me and they seem to have a confidence in me that I may not have in myself just yet. Most everyone has been helpful. Some have been wary. Some aren’t talking much. And some are warming up to me more and more every day that I keep showing up. But nobody acts like they want me to fail. In 13 short days I feel like I may be a part of something bigger than just a “job”. Or it could be that I just haven’t quit. She’s scrappy, this one. Hardy har har.
So, in the end, wish me stable patients with normal labs and no emergencies. Wish me a steady and organized pace at which to work in. Wish me NO admissions until next week so I can at least have two days of solo time without any extra work to worry about messing up. Wish me good weather to drive through in those late nights when I finally do get to go home. And throw me just a small wish for a little luck to get me through the rest of it. It took a lot of school and a lot of sacrifice and time to get this, exactly what I wanted. That’s what my son said to me on Monday when I found out about my new solo status. I wanted to cry. But he said, “Isn’t this what you wanted mom? Isn’t this what you were going for? You should be happy!” You know it baby. I am happy. And I’m still scared too. But not nearly as much as I was. Yesterday was my final swimming lesson and in 2 days I’m going to jump in the deep end, both feet first, and as far out as I can go without a life preserver. Even if it takes me longer than the others, I know I can make it to the other side. And just in case that last bit of writing got to be a little too much “King of the World” or “I Believe I Can Fly” inspirational mushy mush, here’s a picture of those Paczki’s I talked about earlier, and really, the star of the entire posting day!
Mmmm…Donuts.
This Is That Sunrise I Was Talking About
I just realized, while driving home last night from work, that I will always be driving home in the night. It will always be dark. At least while I am working where I am. And on this shift. I guess I will have to get used to that. Luckily the weather has crash-coursed me in the various types of hazardous and generally all-around crappy driving conditions it could give me in a mere 2 weeks. Dry, sunny, overcast, misty, drizzly, rainy, downpoury, icy, sleety, snowy, and foggy, with varying degrees of mild to sub-zero temps, sometimes all within the same night. And let’s not forget the wind. I have experienced stock-still air and winds so strong I could feel the car being pushed to the side of the road. The other night it was a mixture of pretty much all those things, kind of a snow watch thing, and the wind was blowing so hard, it looked like a blizzard through the windows. Luckily I was safely inside my workplace. I was going to go clean my car at lunch but the wind was blowing so much, the snow never really stuck. That was kind of nice. Now it’s sunny again and pretty mild, but I don’t have to go anywhere. Work is trying to get me to go solo but I’m really not ready. In preparing for my alone time, I have been staying after to do the paperwork part. It’s nice because I get paid to stay but it’s bad because that puts me later home. And I still have to get up at 6 to get the kids up for school. I am trying to stay up right now and fight the urge to just go lay down for a minute or an hour. I hate wasting all this beautiful daylight but I don’t want to be a zombie at 7 pm. What to do??
I’m going for the awake time. I can sleep all I want when I’m dead right? Better go pay some bills and get ready for the kids to be home. It’s my only week day off and they want to go to the store for stuff that they need to live. The long work weekend is next. I’m excited for the day when I no longer feel nervous and panicky but confident and professional. I guess that won’t come until they throw me in the water without any floaties. And I survive the night. Eight hours is the shortest time on Earth when you are alone with the people and all their medications. And that’s easy part.
You can feel as scared as you want on the inside, but you better look cool, calm and collected on the outside. It’s the confidence credo: Fake it til you make it. Later.
Good Morning Nicor!! Thanks For Scaring The SH** Out Of Me!!
Holy Hell! Dreaming dreaming dreaming. The last few nights it’s always about giving medications. Trying to get everyone done before I have to go home. Although technically, I was having this particular dream at 10 am this morning. But now I hear, what sounds like a tree branch falling on the roof and rolling down. And then I hear it again and realize I am NOT dreaming and something is happening outside. So I jump out of bed and start running around the house looking out the windows to see if trees are falling. Nothing. Calm. Looks nice out. But I still hear what now sounds like someone bumping against the house on the bricks. I dash back to the front, see the Nicor truck on the street, run to my bedroom window and see the Nicor guy hunched down in front of my meter doing something that I can’t see from my angle. So I get my coat on, put some shoes on and run out to the side of the house. I say, “Uh hello?? What are you doing??” He says, “Oh sorry. I’m just painting your pipes. I should have knocked but I don’t like to wake people up if they’re sleeping.”
Thinking: Oh yes, good call. I’d hate to be woken up with a knock on the door. Jumping out of bed terrified that the roof is caving in is much better. Then: Really? On February 13? Just my house? Seems kind of random. And I’m looking around like it’s a joke. So I said, “Oh ok thank God. I thought a tree was falling on the house or you were turning it off or something.” Then he looks at the tree. He says, “That tree??” It’s the tree that already fell. The one that we cut to basically just a trunk. Obviously it really can’t “fall” but still, I don’t know. I was dead asleep. So I say, “Well, it had fallen over the summer and blah blah so you are just painting the pipe??”
“Yep. Sorry ’bout that.” Ok. Well thanks. And I went into the house. Then I took his picture so you could see what I saw and then I poured myself a big cup of coffee and decided I am up for the day. And here’s your post. Not the one I originally planned for either. I had a beautiful picture of the fabulous sunrise I captured this morning. But I guess it can wait until later. I have to go get in the shower. I have work now for about, oh, the next week in a row. I know that’s what lots of people do, but I’m still feeling green about the whole thing. See you after midnight. Later.
Blooming Daffodils!
By the time these daffodil sprouts turn into flowers I hope I will be properly work-a-fied. It’s been one week now and I am still trying to figure out how to re-organize everything again. At work and at home. The work is just plugging along. Trying to get the routine. Trying to figure out how to manage my time so that everybody gets everything they need in my time on the floor. I’m going to try a new system tonight and see if I can help myself stay on track better. Thank goodness for the people who are precepting me. They are awesome.
Here at home, I have given myself 30 minutes to complete this post and go to the large pile of laundry that is sitting on the couch and, sort of, in one basket on the floor. That’s where it originally started. Nice and small and contained to one location. But as the days go by and people need specific clothes and I have to keep washing my same uniform, the pile grows. So that certainly hasn’t changed since school or even after school was done. I fear this may be one of those things that never change. The grocery accumulating has also suffered. I have a list. I meant to go. But I believe I am now getting my PM schedule-body-energy-alertness-shift-in-sleep-pattern thing going and it’s really messing up my daytime-energy-sleep thing. I slept yesterday AND today after the kids left. That should be enough right? I know my nights are getting better because I can actually see to drive home now. My contacts still felt fresh Tuesday night. And that’s a good thing because the weather keeps threatening to be crappy and it seems to be giving it it’s best effort at 11 pm when I’m trying to get home. Rain, sleet, snow and icy highways. It took me almost an hour the other night and I saw two accidents that looked slip and slide related. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow too, during the exact hours I will be at work. Perfect timing I say. Another challenge.
Ok. I missed my 30 minute cut-off. I set it for another 15, and I am at 13 right now. I would have done these boring home tasks yesterday on my day off but I chose to go to the school and see my kids play volleyball and then stay to cheer on the 8th grade basketball team as they won their conference championship game! They are going to state! It was very exciting and the gym was packed with people from both schools. Even the high school basketball team and coaches were there to cheer them on and probably to check out who’s coming to them next year. I believe the football coach was there too. I only mention it because I think he looks like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Seriously. And he was sitting right behind me with his knee in my back for most of the game. But you know, that’s just fine. I mean, come on, he’s not an ugly man. And it was a very muscular knee. I can’t wait for football season to start. I mean, I can’t wait until Mason is on the football team. I’m sure it’s not unusual for the moms to want to “talk” to the coach all the time about their kids right?? (I love you Jeff! But come on. You know he is good looking! Let me just have this!) Anyway, speaking of sexy football coaches and their muscles, I need to start working out to build my muscles. The weight thing is already happening and now I need to tone it all up. Again. For my health. Summer practice starts in 4 months.
Time’s up! Everyone have a great day! Next time I see the outdoors it will almost be Friday! 2 more days and I’m off for the weekend! Later.
just shy of pretty 