This Is That Sunrise I Was Talking About
I just realized, while driving home last night from work, that I will always be driving home in the night. It will always be dark. At least while I am working where I am. And on this shift. I guess I will have to get used to that. Luckily the weather has crash-coursed me in the various types of hazardous and generally all-around crappy driving conditions it could give me in a mere 2 weeks. Dry, sunny, overcast, misty, drizzly, rainy, downpoury, icy, sleety, snowy, and foggy, with varying degrees of mild to sub-zero temps, sometimes all within the same night. And let’s not forget the wind. I have experienced stock-still air and winds so strong I could feel the car being pushed to the side of the road. The other night it was a mixture of pretty much all those things, kind of a snow watch thing, and the wind was blowing so hard, it looked like a blizzard through the windows. Luckily I was safely inside my workplace. I was going to go clean my car at lunch but the wind was blowing so much, the snow never really stuck. That was kind of nice. Now it’s sunny again and pretty mild, but I don’t have to go anywhere. Work is trying to get me to go solo but I’m really not ready. In preparing for my alone time, I have been staying after to do the paperwork part. It’s nice because I get paid to stay but it’s bad because that puts me later home. And I still have to get up at 6 to get the kids up for school. I am trying to stay up right now and fight the urge to just go lay down for a minute or an hour. I hate wasting all this beautiful daylight but I don’t want to be a zombie at 7 pm. What to do??
I’m going for the awake time. I can sleep all I want when I’m dead right? Better go pay some bills and get ready for the kids to be home. It’s my only week day off and they want to go to the store for stuff that they need to live. The long work weekend is next. I’m excited for the day when I no longer feel nervous and panicky but confident and professional. I guess that won’t come until they throw me in the water without any floaties. And I survive the night. Eight hours is the shortest time on Earth when you are alone with the people and all their medications. And that’s easy part.
You can feel as scared as you want on the inside, but you better look cool, calm and collected on the outside. It’s the confidence credo: Fake it til you make it. Later.
just shy of pretty 
Mom...aka Rita said,
February 18, 2012 at 6:41 am
You can do this baby girl……………I have confidence in you!!