Stevie’s Joke of the Day! Double Fun!! Quadruple Improvements!!!!

September 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm (Stevie's Joke of the Day!, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , , , , , )

That headline is no joke. I have made a break through on this new computer and I feel like I have won the lottery! Besides the hilarious jokes I am about to unleash upon you unsuspecting readers, I have uncovered the elusive mystery of the Windows Photo Gallery editing secrets. You will all be thanking me now! Mere hours ago that picture above would have had a giant arm in it because ever since we got the new computer (with the 2010 Microsoft Word program, which is also awesome!! Seriously. I was a die hard lover of 2007. Seemless transition, more options, excellent results in all my papers. Speaking of which…I have again successfully done every pointless, time-wasting activity I could do today in order to not have completed my school assignment. If only I could find some magic editing button/function to type these damn papers for me…what was I interrupting again with extra random thoughts?? Oh yeah…) I have been unable to figure out how to crop a picture or alter it in any way. This has distressed me greatly. But. No more! I have the key to the kingdom now! And it’s even cooler than you can imagine. It not only crops but it can add effects, change the colors, tone it up, tone it down, make it brighter, unblur it…(I hope unblur it, because in my attempts at framing the perfect shots, because I was unable to crop or fix a pic, they don’t always come out clear and sharp as they appear in my camera screen. OMG, I can go on an on about nothing.)

Paragraph. For all your trouble you can have two hilarious jokes today. And they go with the picture! That’s the double fun. Those jokes, plus my ability to now use newer technology AND find a reason to use that picture of the glass duck is the quadruple improvement part. Lucky day! Now if only I could get this paper done. Time is a ticking. Laugh at this (with title credits–who told it, who laughed hardest):

1. Three guys walked into a bar. The fourth guy ducked. (Mason, nobody. No one ever gets this joke. Think about it…..)

2. Why didn’t the hen cross the road? Because she was too chicken. (Stevie, Mason. I admit I didn’t really get this one. The kids thought it was really funny and tried to explain why, but I think it might be a Jr. High thing.)

The Bonus Joke. For reading all the way to here, and because I made this one up and the kids laughed so I’m throwing it in the ring as a freebie:

Why did the duck cross the road? Because he wasn’t a chicken.

Feel free to share the love. These jokes are feathered gold. Sure to quack you up. I will stop now.

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Cheap Red Wine Update!!

September 27, 2011 at 1:25 pm (Cheap Red Wines, For Amanda, Updates, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , , , )

For those of you who might not read the comments. Although for my site, you really should read them. First of all, there’s hardly any. Second of all, IF an article even HAS a comment, most likely it is: 1. Very Important. 2. Very Hilarious. 3. From my sister, which is why it would BE #2. Or 4. From my mother. And don’t you want to see what a big time blogger like me gets scolded about publicly from her mommy?? Moving on…

My sister has replied to my plea about the carton of wine. And these are the real deals:

NOT bought at Walgreen’s. Was in fact, bought at JEWEL. So sorry for all of those I misled, thinking you could just run down to the corner drug store and pick up good, cheap wine that will actually get you buzzed. You’re gonna have to haul your lazy butt’s a few more miles to the closest Jewel store. Where they will have an alcohol section and most likely someone that knows it’s the good stuff, so bring I.D. We don’t promote underage drinking here. Seriously. Alcohol isn’t THAT great. Believe me you can wait until you are 21. You won’t be missing anything.

Next up…it WAS $5!! I figured it had to be close. I’ve purchased full size bottled wines for the same price that weren’t nearly as good.

And…my sister says they have other flavors! Well, alright! I’d say next trip I make to the grocery store I will go check that out.

In the name of really knowing how to waste some study time here, descriptive terminology, and reading the little box before I threw it out last night, I thought I would tell you how the winemaker explains the way it tastes. It reads much more professional than my words, but I’m not always sure I know exactly what some of these flavors and aromas are. This is an equal opportunity site though, so judge for yourself.

The wine company first describes the company and carton itself before the actual wine enclosed inside: Vendange Wine Cellars have a “passion for crafting approachable wines with true varietal character for everyday enjoyment” and this tradition continues with the “exciting new package that offers the ultimate in freshness and convenience.” Already sounds pretty good huh? Although I did say that yesterday, before reading this. It is convienient and it does stay delicious. Although my package did not last beyond 4 hours or so.

This is the wine: “Satisfyingly robust with notes of black cherry and toasted oak. Enjoy!” Now I wish I had read this first so that I could try and identify those notes.

I hope this helps round out my review now. Tasty cherry and oak notes via the vineyard, and a two-thumbs up, “Wine. Good.”, from the drinker. (Drinkers…the BF said it was “good” too.) We can all agree on the “Enjoy!” part. Thanks sissy!

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Cheap Red Wines!! But, this cheap?!? Are you kidding?

September 26, 2011 at 6:56 pm (Cheap Red Wines, For Amanda) (, , , , )

As you can see from the picture, this is a Cabernet. From California. Called Vendange.

And if you can’t tell, this wine is in a cardboard carton. The kind of carton that school milk comes in. Really. I have NO idea how much this cost. My sister bought it for me, for my birthday, from WALGREEN’S. The drug store Walgreen’s. So I am going to go out on a limb and say about $5 or so…maybe cheaper?? She said that when she took it up to the counter, she didn’t think the checkout kid even knew that it was alcohol. While I was unwrapping it, I swear I thought she had bought me some Ensure or some other kind of food supplement drink. She’s hilarious like that!

Here’s the review part: It’s actually good. No kidding. It tastes like it should, kind of bitter, a bit fuzzy and dry, but not too dry. It has a slight fruity flavor. It’s a thin wine and easy to drink. When I say thin, I mean that it tastes like it had an ice cube melted in it, but in a good way, if that makes sense. At any rate, the alcohol is present. I poured myself one of the three servings it says is in here for myself, and I am feeling the heat. Granted, I am cooking spaghetti and meatballs on the stove and garlic bread in the oven, (real food), and it’s hot in the kitchen over here…but this wine is definitely giving me the warm, happy feeling that people want in a good wine.

Yes, it’s good. If I go to Walgreen’s I would buy it. The only thing I find funny is that it shows three little wine glasses on the front. As if. Because it looks like the size of a soda can. But I bet it’s cheap enough that everyone could just get their own and be good for the evening. I classed it up a bit and poured mine into a glass, but you could easily drink it right out of the carton. It has a nifty little cap that kind of sucks back onto the top and keeps it closed tight. You could take it with you very easily to the beach or a concert or wherever. The more I think about it, you could probably literally take it anyplace you wanted to drink wine. It’s as portable as a plastic water bottle and nobody realizes it’s alcohol!

It’s official, it’s my new favorite. Give it a try and let me know what you think.

And sissy…Thank you! I love the present!! If you are reading this, leave a comment and let me know how much you paid! My vast, wine drinking audience NEEDS to know!!

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Bummer. RIP Arch West.

September 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm (For Amanda, News, RIP, Tips to Live) (, , , , , )

The man who created the delicious snack chip near and dear to our collective family hearts has passed away, last week, in Dallas, Texas. Arch West was 97 years old. He came up with the idea for the Dorito, on a family holiday to San Diego, in 1961,  when he visited a food truck selling fried tortilla chips. Genius is recognized! He took his idea back to Frito-Lay where he was a marketing executive, and said, hey….big idea here! They said, hmmm…not sure. But thankfully, in 1964 when they rolled out those cheesy chips, the world said, HELL YEAH!! And a legend was born.

My family personally loves the Dorito. My sister in particular, has been known to snack on a bag or two from time to time…it’s the never-ending story from our past…Amanda eats Doritos! Sorry sis, it’s just too good to pass up and I know you’d feel a bit sad to hear the news and maybe want to pay your respects by having some and NOT feeling guilty! Or care what OTHER people think about your Dorito loving habit!! Be proud! Besides you are an adult now and you can eat as many as you like! Haters are always gonna hate!

My son loves them too. He switches back and forth from Nacho Cheese to Cool Ranch, so we get them both in the Frito-Lay Lunch Pack. My personal fav is the Taco flavor. (Coincidentally, also the very first flavor of Dorito to be introduced) Seriously, they just rolled them back out over the summer. Before, if you wanted them you really had to search them out. They’re even in their original packaging. I don’t know why. All I know is they are THE essential component of this Taco Dip that I make and without them, the dip just tastes like taco-flavored cream cheese with nacho chips.

Here’s the recipe to try for next weekend if you like, or tonight! Monday Night Football! That works. Super easy, NO cooking required! In fact once you make the core dip you can basically do whatever you want to it. It’s low maintenance. This is one batch. Just double the amounts for more. One bag of chips is good for one batch of dip.

8 oz. Cream Cheese (Does not matter what kind, unless you like a particular brand. I’d use full fat though for this and the sour cream and just suck it up. The dip hold better with the extra fat. Much like everything right??)

8 oz. Sour Cream (Again, whatever brand you like. Stick to full fat.)

1 packet of Taco Seasoning Mix (Any kind. Your choice.)

That’s it! Blend them together in a bowl. Use a hand mixer if you have one because sometimes the cream cheese can be hard to smooth out. It should be thick enough to hold a shape, but not solid.

Now you can let it sit in the fridge, melding flavors (cover it up), while you chop up the toppings to add to it. Remember this is a Taco Dip, so add stuff that you would put on a taco. There is no limit to how much of any one ingredient or what kind/flavor of cheese. These are my suggestions:

Shredded Cheese. I started off with just plain cheddar or colby, but they make so many different kinds now, you can really get creative. My kids like more flavors now too, so things like the cheese blends with taco spices adds extra oomph. Queso’s are good too. Get a crumbly kind. My only real advice is to stick with the taco flavor theme, or it’s gonna get confusing.

Lettuce, Tomato, Onion, Black Olives. These are my main tops. Lettuce even comes in a bag shredded for you and olives come pre-sliced. Onions are hit and miss, as are tomatoes, and I guess black olives too, but they’re easier to pick off. It’s all up to you and what your particular audience likes and won’t whine about.

Additional add-ons can include: Avocado, Sour Cream (as an extra topping), Salsa, Hot Sauce, Jalepenos; anything you can serve up on a taco. I would also offer the advice to stick to COLD items. Things that taste good cold. Hot toppings or meats aren’t all that great with this and it makes the whole thing way harder than it has to be.

Now get a disposable pizza pan or a big plate or serving platter if you aren’t concerned about losing any dishes in a traveling party situation. I started using disposable cooking pans or roasting pans because they have sides and the dip doesn’t get lost to the edges. Keeps it in nice and tight.

Take your dip from the fridge and scrape it out onto the platter, in the center, into as tight of a ball as you can manage. Basically just try to keep it in one big lump. Then add the other stuff to the top. I start with cheese. I use enough to cover the whole dip ball. I like to put everything in smaller containers or sandwich baggies to take with if I am making it somewhere else or leave it on plates until I am ready to assemble. You can make the core dip ball ahead but I wouldn’t add the “taco” stuff until just before serving, otherwise it gets kind of runny, and that’s no good. Then I dump on the other stuff. Kind of layering it and adhering it to all sides of the dip. Eventually you will have a core lump of dip covered in many different ingredients. It should be colorful and look pretty impressive. Don’t worry about any of the toppings falling to the edges of the pan. Here’s where the “Greatest Dorito Chip Of All Time!” comes in!

(We really took the long way today) Break out your bag of Taco Flavored Doritos. I have to stress the Dorito kind here because they do have this very specific flavor that cannot be matched. Now just put them all around the edges of the dip like a life preserver. This is where the pan with sides comes in handy. I used to use a flat platter, but the chips would always end up falling off or getting shoved off trying to scoop up dip. The pan keeps it all in and gives you something to brace against when scooping. And it’s super-easy to move around if you are trying to steal it away from the crowd and keep it all to yourself.

That’s it. It’s really simple even if the instructions have taken up 10,000 words. And it’s really good. People seem to love it wherever I bring it and it usually gets eaten first and to the last cheese shred. I may have a picture of it somewhere on this site already. If I do, I’ll post it later. If not, next time I make it, I will for sure.

This ends my tribute to the man who invented Doritos. I have done my best to research the details of Mr. West’s awesome creation to the world, but if I have missed anything or gotten something wrong just drop me a line and let me know. His funeral will be held on October 1 in Dallas.

One more fun fact: His family, daughter and sons, will be tossing Dorito chips over his urn, into the ground, where he will be buried. As of my posting, the flavor is still undetermined. Taco was first, but Nacho Cheese was most successful. They say he would have loved it!

Arch West (1914-2011)

Rest In Supreme Nacho Cheese Peace.

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Street Money Update! WTF-It’s-Been-19-Months!! Edition

September 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm (Day to Day, Money, Shameless Self Promotion, Street Money) (, , , , , , )

So I checked back over my pages and yes, it has been 19 months. I know some of you are out there shaking your heads because you just can’t believe that it has been THAT long. And that you have been reading this crazy blog for longer than that. AND that you actually remember that I pick up loose change off the ground whenever I see it and keep a running log. And that I have my kids and BF sucked into the madness too!

It’s all true. The last posting was for February of 2010. I would say that’s pretty bad. We have still been collecting the money, in fact, that picture above is the bowl we put all of last years loose change into. (I have a separate container for the 2011 money). Stevie just found a dime today! I will picture and post that whole mess later tonight! Are you excited?? Are you going to change your plans and stay in just to see if I actually do it?? I am on a roll here. I think this is three consecutive days. But don’t change your plans—Shameless Self Promotion Alert—just subscribe to the site (upper right corner) and you can get an e-mail whenever I add my “two-cents” to the world. See, with laughs like that how can you NOT subscribe. Let’s just get to the count shall we?

Now, before I fell off the money wagon, I would post amounts as found, on what day and where. Intimate details about this dirty, filthy, left-behind money that you may or may not have cared about. I used to even write all that stuff down, Major OCD, the date/place/amount/condition…it really was/is a sickness. Takes alot of time too. Obviously I ran out of all that time during school, which is good thing so that I was able to re-direct that mental focus on more important tasks, like getting my degree. So it just got put in a random cup and here it is.

It’s still all 100% off the street. Or sidewalk, store floor, vending area, bowling alley, etc., etc. You get the idea. We found it. We picked it up. Pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. That’s all we scored last year. Nothing big like previous years, and no bills. As the economy has buttoned down so has the available loose change. People are holding on to it. And when they do drop it, they pick it up. It’s still pretty slim this year too. We have some, and I will update the main pages to the left and try to keep track now with random posts as the money enters our lives in real time.

Unless of course I win the lottery. We have Mega Millions here and I just found out it rolled over again. I have a good feeling for Tuesday….and in that case, I will never post again. No wait. I will. But I’ll change the blog and format to:

All The Places You Can Go To And All The Things You Can Buy When You Are Filthy Stinking Rich And Just Shy Of Pretty.

It’s a working title. I can always tweak that later. Here’s what you read all the way through for:

Current date: September 24, 2011

Money found from 2/21/2010 to 12/31/2010 (that’s LAST year):

Total= $7.09 Seven Dollars and Nine Cents. Anti-climactic for sure.

BUT…If you add that giant number to the previous amount from the first few weeks in 2010, you get the equally unimpressive number of:

GRAND TOTAL= $10.89. Woohoo. Ten dolla and eighty-nine cent! Sad.

Hey it’s a way to pass the time. Here are some loose change stats you might be interested in, and super easy to list because all the money is sitting right in front of me!

First of all, this money is DIRTY. Seriously, it’s gross. Dusty and rusty and covered in white powder (road salt? I hope) and corrosion. Some of the coins are hard to read. They’ve lost their definition and edges. I had a hard time determining the denomination. With enough wear a penny can wear to the size of a dime and they both take on a sick grey color.

Second, the money stinks. Really. It just smells bad. Like rusty metal covered in dust. Gets in the back of your teeth and makes your mouth water. Yum.

BREAKDOWN:

124 Pennies

9 Nickels

14 Dimes

16 Quarters

So the pennies have it, but look at those quarters! Using that ability to roll away fast and lodge somewhere inconvenient and out of reach. Good for them! They’re still no match for my money-hunters. My kids will move all kinds of stuff to get at the coins they spot on the ground. They will squeeze in and work together, stuntman style, to retrieve that lost change. But never dangerously or with risk to life and limb. I mean it’s still just garbage on the ground, whether it’s money or not, and that’s not worth an injury.

So that’s it. I hope you enjoyed this update from nearly two years ago. Click on these words to go to the main 2010 page of money and if you still crave a little more money fun, feel free to check those numbers above. Do the math. See if the coins add up to what I said. I counted in dollar increments, then separated by denomination and counted those, but I’m not re-checking my math. It all gets dumped into a giant Pepsi bank anyway that we are trying to fill up so we can take to the bank and see what it will hold. Coins only. It’s an OCD within another OCD. The fun just never ends over here. Cha-Cha-Cha-Ching!

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Stevie’s Joke of the Day!

September 24, 2011 at 1:17 pm (Stevie's Joke of the Day!) (, , , )

Why are cowboys bad at math?

Because they are always rounding things up.

(And you thought they were all gonna be about food!)

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Yuk! Sorry for that ugly picture of strawberry jelly in a bottle. I blame the booze. And speaking of booze…I sense ANOTHER new feature coming!

September 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm (Cheap Red Wines, Day to Day, New Features) (, , , , , , , , )

The booze to blame is that bottle of wine above, and the martini kicker I had earlier that evening.

I think I may have over done it yesterday because I was feeling tipsy overnight and into the morning. Now in my defense, I think I may have an allergy problem, but since I don’t like to go to the doc or take medicine I will never know for sure. I was thinking a summer-transitioning-into-fall cold, but I tried some Benedryl and timed myself for 30 minutes and lo and behold, my eyes stopped running, throat stopped itching, nose cleared up and I wasn’t sneezing anymore. I use Benedryl with extreme caution because it makes me very tired. Possibly more than most people. So I buy children’s Benedryl, in the liquid form, so I can take as little as possible while still getting the good effects without the sleeping thing. And when I woke up this morning to get the kids up and out, I must have sneezed 100 times, so I took the Benedryl again, and waited. It stopped the allergies, but knocked me right back out. I crawled back to bed after the kids left and slept until 11 am. I hate to waste the morning, but I could not get up! Thank goodness I have nowhere to go! And luckily, thanks to the dog that lives behind us, I didn’t have the chance to sleep too long. It’s a Basset Hound that HOWLS, for real, non-stop, every single moment that it is outdoors. It literally stands in one spot in their yard and bark-howls until someone comes out or lets that damn thing back in.

But I’m up now and in fact I need to get dressed here and do some actual life-stuff. The wine picture is because I had this other idea for a NEW FEATURE, called: CHEAP RED WINES!! So what the heck, let’s just launch it right now!

CHEAP RED WINES!!

The above bottle is from Target. Uh huh. When I write: cheap red wines, I actually mean, cheap red wine. The Targets (usually SuperTargets) that have alcohol sections have a pretty good variety. Lots of hard liquors, beers and wines. I will be focusing on only reds because that’s what I like. I’m not really a fan of white or pink wine. And I like to buy variety wines. Things that are mixed together. So I try whatever looks good. My system is very simple. I look at price, usually under 20 dollars (most are around 10 or lower) and what kind of label they have. Lame I know. But a good label might have a good wine. Advertising is everything. I also like to see what wines they threw together. I guess that can be my third rating point. Sometimes you can guess what it will taste like based on what types are in there.

This particular wine is vin Parfait. From California. I don’t know if it’s a reputable wine company or a Target brand. I know that I did have a coupon for it. Yes. A coupon for wine. Wine in a bottle, not even a box. I picked the wine though, BEFORE I knew I had the coupon. (The coupon had come in a mailer weeks ago and I forgot all about it until I went to pay and saw that I had it!)

This wine was $12.99, but with my $3 dollar coupon, it was $9.99. So 10 bucks or so. and it’s a mix of 5 types. Cabernet, Zinfandel, Syrah, Petite Sirah, and Merlot.

It was smooth and easy to drink. No sharp flavors or a strong alcohol burn. It wasn’t overly dry or overly fruity or without flavor altogether. Some wines have an overwhelming flavor of one kind. They can taste peppery or spicy. I liked it. The BF did not. I ended up drinking most of it.

As you can tell by my descriptions I am a total professional wine connoisseur. I am not claiming any kind of extra knowledge and I am not going to look up terms and adjectives to describe these wines. In fact I will probably limit the next post to the name, price, content and drunk factor. This particular wine is a buzzy wine, not a drunk wine. I’ve had some where you can feel it after one glass. This is not that wine. But I think it would make a good wine to bring to someone’s house. It’s low ground but not gross tasting. And it’s good with food. We enjoyed it with some gourmet Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper. It’s a classy household over here.

Now don’t you feel like you may have learned something new today? If anything, you’ve learned that I am terrible at describing how wine tastes! That’s gotta be good enough for Friday! I’ll get to work on another wine to review right away! Cheerio!

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Stevie’s Joke of the Day!

September 22, 2011 at 11:05 pm (Joke, New Features, Stevie's Joke of the Day!) (, , , )

ooooh…almost 2 days in a row! Whatev’s. Here it is:

Why are strawberries such bad drivers??

‘Cause they always get into jams.

Thank you and goodnight.

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HAPPY FRIDAY!! Oh. Wait.

September 22, 2011 at 6:30 pm (Day to Day, Drunk Posts, Shameless Self Promotion) (, , , , , , , )

Well globally it’s Friday somewhere right?

It’s amazing how hard puberty hits and also how annoying it can be at times. But with my magical, greenish-yellow elixir, of all that is calm and serene, two teenagers doing everything in their power to drive me crazy seems all so wonderfully “after-school special”.

I just thought I’d take a minute to acknowledge a fellow blogging site who took time out of their postings to “like” me! This is what I get sent to me:

Howdy,
imonthebandwagon recently read your post, titled NEW FEATURE!!!, and enjoyed it enough to click the ‘Like’ button. Congratulations.
Here is the post they liked:
  https://masnstevy.com/2011/09/19/new-feature/?sn=l
and here is their info:

 Name: imonthebandwagon
    We think they’re from: London, England, United Kingdom

(Click on their name to check them out!)

You might want to see what they’re up to – perhaps you will like their posts as much as they liked yours.

(I did look them up and you might like them too!)

Thanks guys or gals, I appreciate the feedback! Good luck with the number 1 thing!! Cheers!

JSOP

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Day Quote…talking about that whole money thing…edition.

September 22, 2011 at 3:31 pm (Day Quote, Money, Video) (, , , , , , , , , )

I need some. Well, I need a job anyway. Sent out lots more applications yesterday, that took a long time actually, so I couldn’t switch over to here before the never-ending-afternoon/evening/night-day ended. I have more places to try today too, but since I am here and I did take the time to go find the quote I was looking for, I might as well stay and share.

I think that after my kids and BF, and school, as applicable, the thing I think most about is money. I could be considered shallow I guess. Or one-track-minded. But you need money to live. I just heard a quote on TV about it, I think it was from 30 Rock, Jack’s line, “Money doesn’t buy happiness. It IS happiness.” That’s not my quote, it’s just an extra. Feel free to repeat it all you want, it was on TV!

Anyway, I don’t want money just so I can buy a bunch of crap. I want it so I can pay all my debt and pay off my house and buy another one if I want to. And I would like to have some extra in a bank somewhere that I can go online and look at whenever I want. And you can’t depend on other people for that money. Even if they owe it to you from, like, forever. Sometimes you have to let that crap go. I mean, don’t get me wrong, totally take legal action if you can, but don’t beat your head against that brick wall until you’re bleeding and stupid. Serves no purpose because most everyone’s in it for themselves anyway. But this is not a complaining site. It’s just a little lesson I learned over the summer. And it gives the quote some backbone. A little “meat” if you will. It’s like, all relevant, and junk. Hmmm. I may be building this thing up too much. Hopefully I haven’t already used it. I checked back a ways, but not ALL the way. Besides, I am about to recycle a few more anyway and if you’re like me, you’ll just read it, like it’s all fresh and new, maybe say to yourself, “I heard that somewhere, I think. Where did I hear that? Oh well….” and move on. So without further ado, let’s, a do this.

FYI, the picture above has NOTHING to do with money. I just like it. I will be posting the pics from the cross country meet locations. They were all outside and the skies have been beautiful the last few weeks. See? Multi-tasking! Progress!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

How we treat our money and the things that money buys is exactly how we treat ourselves and the people in our lives.

–Suze Ormon

Were not wiser words ever spoken? Ooh look at me. Fancy. And just so you know I don’t take all this too serious, here’s my new favorite song/slash/video, off of the You Tube and hopefully not pulled from my site. I even made it my ringtone. Cha-ching!

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