How am I supposed to do homework with this?

October 11, 2011 at 2:15 pm (Day to Day, Homemade, Wasting Study Time Posts, Weather) (, , , , , )

October 11 and I can sit outside in the morning and drink coffee and try to take pictures of birds?? October 11 and I can sit outside in the afternoon and drink water (?) and read a magazine and try to take pictures of birds?? October 11 and I can sit outside in the evening and drink wine and try to read a magazine in the dusky dark while STILL trying to take pictures of birds?? And not get bit by a hundred mosquitoes??

I may have taken some artistic license with that coffee/water/wine analogy. Since I still don’t have a job and school is only on Wednesday, it’s pretty much coffee to wine, on a daily basis. The direct route to alcoholism is usually the straightest and quickest way to get nothing done in a day. (I also use the term “wine” loosely here. Wine can be vodka or whiskey, and even actual wine depending on what is in the house. Lately I find myself experimenting with tequila. No. Not good with a variety of things like its versatile friend vodka. And Gin. Also no. It has a fruity, plant-like taste that I do not find appealing. So that’s probably a good thing right?)

Anyway. It’s gorgeous out. We never get to have this nice weather so late in the year. I say it’s extra good because I don’t have to turn on the furnace or the air conditioner. Open windows all the time. Ahhh. Nature. But it’s also extra bad because who wants to stay inside and do boring crap when you know this won’t last?? Also I have been sick for the last week so I am glad for nowhere to go but my head hurts and I can’t do my homework. But I can type here….hmmm…that’s because this is supposed to be short and from my brain, without needing editing or spell check or fonts and spacing. It’s Tuesday and I said I would have it done by the time the kids got home from school. Well unless I can wrap this up and squeeze out a miracle 3 page paper plus observation notes in one hour it’s not going to happen. I have successfully pressured myself into staying up late to finish something that I could have had done hours ago. Poop. At least I am dressed and prepared to leave the house if I had too. That’s something.

Besides, my fans—all two of you—want to know, “How was that delicious looking pie??” Well, it’s gone. That’s how. As I commented to my cousin in the previous post, that pie did not last 24 hours. It really was good.The apples were sweet and tender, the juice was thick and cinnamony, the streusel topping was crunchy and sweet and buttery. Even my kids who declared that the pie was way too big and tall and that the topping was way too much and looked thick and weird, agreed it was the best part. They can’t believe I somehow made this magical pie with the crumbly top. And they watched me do it. Making stuff from scratch is fun but it takes a long time. I didn’t even make the pie crust. I am not ready for that kind of homemaking. But the store kind works really well and I don’t think it took away from the pie at all. As a bonus to making the pie, when I took it out of the oven and let it cool on a wire rack I felt just like some old-timey, Wizard of Oz, O Brother Where Art Thou, country cook. Cooling pies in the window sill. Hilarious.

I really better get started on that homework. I’m feeling uncomfortable with the stress of underachieving and the anxiety of joblessness so I better do something productive to soothe my nerves. FYI, for all the kids out there, alcohol DOES NOT take away the underlying current of manic desperation from not contributing to society in a useful way. Especially when you work hard to be able to do just that. And it doesn’t help you sleep at night either!

But, I do think it helped speed this cold along…germ killing effects or something like that. Kidding. My cold has been progressing in it’s normal pattern without the added benefits or the hindering properties of any alcohol related treatments.

Serious disclaimer: (before my other sister jumps all down my throat): All alcohol related content and posts about over consumption and drunkenness are HIGHLY exaggerated for story telling purposes. I find it much funnier to talk about drinking and the effects it can bring about than the actual drinking part. I mean, please, there is no way I could do half the repetitive, boring, day-to-day, household crap I actually do do,  if I sat around all day drinking alcohol. Nice role model for the kids too huh?? Ha. I said doo-doo. Immature!

If I post more later it means I finished my school stuff and I can relax for a few hours. In the meantime, here’s another picture of my beautiful sky from the back patio sitting-chair. Enjoy!

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Stevie’s Joke of the Day! Double Fun!! Quadruple Improvements!!!!

September 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm (Stevie's Joke of the Day!, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , , , , , )

That headline is no joke. I have made a break through on this new computer and I feel like I have won the lottery! Besides the hilarious jokes I am about to unleash upon you unsuspecting readers, I have uncovered the elusive mystery of the Windows Photo Gallery editing secrets. You will all be thanking me now! Mere hours ago that picture above would have had a giant arm in it because ever since we got the new computer (with the 2010 Microsoft Word program, which is also awesome!! Seriously. I was a die hard lover of 2007. Seemless transition, more options, excellent results in all my papers. Speaking of which…I have again successfully done every pointless, time-wasting activity I could do today in order to not have completed my school assignment. If only I could find some magic editing button/function to type these damn papers for me…what was I interrupting again with extra random thoughts?? Oh yeah…) I have been unable to figure out how to crop a picture or alter it in any way. This has distressed me greatly. But. No more! I have the key to the kingdom now! And it’s even cooler than you can imagine. It not only crops but it can add effects, change the colors, tone it up, tone it down, make it brighter, unblur it…(I hope unblur it, because in my attempts at framing the perfect shots, because I was unable to crop or fix a pic, they don’t always come out clear and sharp as they appear in my camera screen. OMG, I can go on an on about nothing.)

Paragraph. For all your trouble you can have two hilarious jokes today. And they go with the picture! That’s the double fun. Those jokes, plus my ability to now use newer technology AND find a reason to use that picture of the glass duck is the quadruple improvement part. Lucky day! Now if only I could get this paper done. Time is a ticking. Laugh at this (with title credits–who told it, who laughed hardest):

1. Three guys walked into a bar. The fourth guy ducked. (Mason, nobody. No one ever gets this joke. Think about it…..)

2. Why didn’t the hen cross the road? Because she was too chicken. (Stevie, Mason. I admit I didn’t really get this one. The kids thought it was really funny and tried to explain why, but I think it might be a Jr. High thing.)

The Bonus Joke. For reading all the way to here, and because I made this one up and the kids laughed so I’m throwing it in the ring as a freebie:

Why did the duck cross the road? Because he wasn’t a chicken.

Feel free to share the love. These jokes are feathered gold. Sure to quack you up. I will stop now.

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Hmm…even school one day a week can be avoided w/out much effort!

September 13, 2011 at 1:58 pm (Big Bugs, Day to Day, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , )

Here, I didn’t think I would need that category, “Wasting Study Time Posts”, and yet, here it is! I have one class. At night. With one paper to write every week. And here I am again, waiting until today. Actually right now. Well, after I post this. And make a meatloaf. And put away dishes and do some laundry. It’s not even a paper. It’s two paragraphs. Of my opinion on an article that I read. (I did read it—bonus!) and I really need to be done so I can get to my serious work for an ACLS class I am taking. I really want to pass that one. I really need to read the material. Really really really…But, since we’re all here….

This is a grasshopper that jumped onto the car as we left the 7-11 Sunday afternoon. We were on the road, waiting to turn at a stoplight, when I took this with my phone camera. YES. The HTC ThunderBolt phone camera. From inside the car, through the window, inches away:

Then he kindly gave me his better side to photograph:

Once we started driving, he braced himself, picked his moment, and leapt off the car to destinations unknown. We hoped that he didn’t get run over by another car.

Happy Tuesday!

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It is cold cold cold…

January 21, 2011 at 5:57 pm (Animal Deaths, End of the World, News, Phone Camera, Pictures, Random Images, School News, Updates, Wasting Study Time Posts) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

This is a picture I took with my phone of some crazy ice melting/freezing thing that happened and I don’t know why. You could almost fool yourself into thinking this is way out in nature instead of in the Wal-Mart parking lot. City folk  got to get their outdoors from somewhere. Hey. You really can get everything from Wal-Mart!

Before you get too cozy with it, here is the other shot, where you can clearly see the Best Buy thru the trees. How enchanting!

And yes, I have all kinds of other things I could be doing right now. Like school. School is sitting in the kitchen, scolding me because I haven’t cracked a book for two days and I have a test Tuesday. Procrastination is a bitch.

Speaking of…in case you think I have no follow thru, the News of the World claims there is nothing to worry about with all those animal deaths that were occurring a few weeks ago. Oh, what? You forgot? Just because it is totally and completely gone from the news? Refresh your memory and scroll down my little blog here. I posted a whole bunch of stuff. But not to worry, it’s a natural thing that happens ALL the time. Practically EVERY day, all around the world. No big deal. No poisons, no accidents. Not because of fright or fireworks or lightning or even someone doing it on purpose. And most definitely NOT environmental or related to global warming or the end of the world or any other crazy conspiracy theory you crazies have out there. Crazy! It just is what it is. Animals die in mass numbers, at random times, in random locations, every day. No need to look into it any further! Hey look! Kittens playing in a box! Adorable! Let’s roll one more phone photo!

Here’s a picture of my car. With some snow gently falling on it. Its pretty. Especially when you don’t have to go anywhere.

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