I got the ENEMA.
Of course. I knew it when they told us we would have to do this skill set. And I knew it as I was sitting at the desk waiting to pull it out of the bedpan. (Not really, it was a plastic baggy–random draw of a skill to demonstrate.)
But I did not panic. I studied. A lot. I took all the skills, from enema’s to bed-making to ROM to safety devices, positioning and transfers…I did them all. Over and over until I was comfortable. Mason helped ENORMOUSLY! He let me practice everything I needed (with the exception of enema and rectal temp…big baby) and when I sat down, picked enema, faced the nurse evaluator with ALL that experience, I just…relaxed. I knew the material. I knew the process. I knew WHY I knew the process. She said I seemed very competent. That is good enough for me. Relief. I did forget one thing, but not a failure. And that’s good because I feel that this is my calling. Does that sound lame?
Every time I learn something, or every time I do a skill, even just practice for fake, I feel like I am right where I should be. Like I can really DO this job and be good at it and want to work. It feels real natural. All these years…and now I figure it out. Well, better late than never right?
And speaking of all these years, to get off all that serious, it’s my birthday! Yay Me! I got some pictures….but first, I have to share with you some other people that share my birthday. I turn to D-Listed, as always, and the shock of celebrity birthdays. I knew about Salma and Keanu, but Shauna was a surprise! I think I might be changing what I want for my birthday. Perhaps a couple of chest implants instead of I-Tunes cards?? I’m not getting any younger ya’ know! What could I do with these?? What COULDN’T I do with these?!? This is copy/pasted directly from the website. Even the picture. Observe:
Birthday Sluts
The Empress of Lucite, Shauna Sand (Forever Young)
Aimee Osbourne (26)
Cedric “K-Ci” Hailey (40)
Camille Grammer (41)
Cynthia Watros (41)
Salma Hayek (43)
Tuc Watkins (43)
Lennox Lewis (44)
Keanu Reeves (45)
Mark Harmon (58)
Terry Bradshaw (61)
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant Birthday Goddess In The Universe And Beyond!
38 years ago today, angels came down from heaven carrying a brilliant lucite pearl, because they believed the world needed more elegance and glamour. As soon as Shauna Sand’s perfect toes touched Earth’s soil, stripper poles got shinier, titty implants got harder and lucite was born. Yeah, anything they called “lucite” before then was just cheap low-grade plastic, because it had not been blessed by Shauna!
Last night, The Empress of Lucite and her greasy baguette went out to celebrate the most important day in history by gracing the streets of Hollywood with her gorgeous presence. Shauna is so pure of heart, because she is thinking of others on her special day. Speaking of, why are you at work? This is the most important day in history!
You must immediately leave the office, head to the nearest Frederick’s, purchase a pair of exquisite lucite heels, go home, place them in the middle of the room, decorate them with lights, kneel before them and thank the heavens above for giving us the gift that is Shauna Sand!
And Shauna didn’t wear her main lucite heels last night, because they like to spend the evening before her birthday handing out heels to less fortunate whores on Hollywood Blvd.
Let’s do some sushi! And a little school news…
I need to post. You need a picture. Otherwise…too boring!
Monday: First quiz of the season. I’m not even going to drag it out. Success. Thank God! First is always the hardest because you never know how the teaching will reflect into the testing. As long as I continue to study the way that I did, I should be ok.
Tuesday…however…first Skills Test. Just the basics please, but that’s what can trip you up. Seems so simple, and yet…you freeze up in front of all that experience, feeling intimidated. And I really HATE feeling like that. So, practice the skills, learn the rationale, and do your best. My son says, “Mom, that’s all you can do. I know you’ll do the best you can.” Thanks Mason 🙂
(I think those little icons turn into the real thing…smiley face…that’s cool.)
Anyway, here’s some sushi. Mason went to the truck race and Stevie, the BF and I went for food. Stevie tried everything we ordered. And even liked it! Enjoy the picture, I got skills to do.
Jump in the line!
Rock your body in time!
Oh no! I believe it!
Jump right in…start the body line… shake, shake, shake, Senora! Work it all the time!
I’m kind of making up words and moving them around. I am home from the first official day of school. Short and sweet. Serve it up and push me out the door. This. This. This. Test Monday. Skills Tuesday. See you tomorrow. Don’t be late. Two hours in, and the hand holding portion of the program is over.
I am exaggerating for dramatic and humorous effect. The teachers are all quite friendly and helpful, actually, but, they are not slowly walking us along the education path. They warned us of the fast pace, rapid start, rapid finish; fall behind and you might not be able to catch up. There just isn’t time. Time is fluid. Sometimes we forget when it thickens up. It’s really more like water, and it flows the same whether you are standing in it, sitting in it, swimming in it, being dragged along unmercifully by it, or drowning in it. Unless you cry for help, no one is going to hear you. And even if they do, no guarantee they can always save you. They might be able to get you out of it, but you won’t really be o.k.
But that is a little too much for the first day. I’ll save that little rumination for about, October, when I am failing the math test! Just kidding. Positive thoughts. (Not going where you think) I’m only taking it one week, one day, one class, one hour, at a time. Small doses. Even using a teaspoon eventually fills up the bowl. And my bowl is empty!!
So why the heck am I typing on this time wasting website?? Because I like it. And I need it. I need to put all the crazy thoughts somewhere so I can make room for the technical stuff I need to do a job and do it well. I don’t think this writing thing is going to pan out in the way that I had hoped and I only won $3 bucks on the Mega Millions and $2 on a scratch off, and that’s the most we have won on lottery in like, two years.
So this is my future. I will be busy with school, in 16 week chunks, for the next two years. But I’ll still try to post to keep updated and sane. (You should subscribe to me! Top right column…and you won’t miss any of the fun. And you can comment and give me encouragement and make me feel warm and fuzzy!)
In about 20 minutes, when my daughter gets home, we will be going to the store to get me a detailed schedule planner, for the minute day-to-day things I need to do (tests/skills/exercise–yes, I still do it, just don’t talk about it as much—next race is Labor Day!) anyhoo…we need groceries and breakfast food and cash for my son’s gym uniform and sports physical….it seems kind of scattery right? (Run on sentence anyone???) But I have already done laundry and cleaned the house and did the dishes, prepped for dinner and bedtime…I am never more productive than when I have less time for the tasks planned.
Here is a picture of a nurse coffee mug I was given 2 years ago when I started this mess. (Thank you Nancy!!) I tentatively bring it out now in anticipation of success. I am normally superstitious about cart-before-the-horse and all that, but what the hell. I have to pass. Failure is not an option for me.
I also threw in the picture with all the books I was told I would need for the first semester. Semester. 16 weeks. Hey! You keep them, FOREVER! And if you are like me, you’d want to know this too:
Height of books: 17 inches
Weight of books: 42.4 lbs.
You never have to bring them all anywhere, (so they say) but I still think it’s interesting to know the stats.
You can't see it exactly, but it's about 16" tall. AND I forgot a book! I took its picture all by itself. So that brings the total to 17".
The missing book from the pile. I included it in the weight though. I should have taken a picture of the scale! I'm not going to now because I don't feel like moving all those books again. Too heavy. Too many.
It’s Official!
Just checked the website and the scores were posted for the Final Exam I took today. I was sure I was in the “A” category, but not positive. I am not above making a read-back error (although I will strive to never do that in my professional career).
I worked real hard for this. Just like all my classmates. The mood was serious and intense. We were all first-course nervous.
The professor posted a message saying a few of the questions were reviewed and modified for accuracy. You may have an additional point or two on your score.
Click over to the grade section…yes! Official! I am now solidly in “A” territory! What a boost for the next semester! Longer and harder I hear. More intense. We’ll be getting right into the good stuff. I have to keep up!
Thank you, all, again, for the suh-port! It helps when you know you have people out there pulling for you!
Thank you professor! Now I can say how awesome she was without sounding like I am sucking up.
Good luck fellow students! If any of them might happen to ever stumble upon this: I hope you are just as happy as I am!
I feel like I took a marshmallow pill or something. I’m getting all soft and gooey.
Drink time! I’ll make it a beer. We only have one in the house so it will be a short celebration, but it’s all mine!
I’m going to go outside, fill up the bird feeder, take a seat, watch the wildlife and soak it all in enjoying the moment. Talk later.
Here’s what I should be doing…
Studying like there isn’t enough time in the world…First Nursing Final is next week and it’s twice as long as the other tests. I think I’ll just be able to squeeze in all the work I need to do in 6 days. Must stay ahead of the curve!
And running around outside, at the big, paved, circle in the Forest Preserve (with reading material). I have 10 days until Warrior Dash!
Feeling Yucky and Feeling Happy
I still feel a little gross. Throat hurts, but thankfully not as bad. I was at my sissy’s yesterday and there was a woman there with a worse throat than mine, really awful—hope she gets better quick!—so I promised I’d give up the complaining. I will only say that I am losing my voice. It’s not a complaint. I like my voice all gravelly and whiskey soaked.
The yucky is from being overwhelmed. I was just going over my school work to review the handouts and read some chapters when I realized that there is A LOT of reading and material to go over. And there are still 3 more weeks of handouts to learn before the Final.
Panic. Apprehension. Scaredy pants.
Starting in on the work is always the hardest. And I have a CPR class and test to take. I don’t know why it always makes me nervous to take that written test. It’s like the Driver’s Test. You know the material but you just have an awful feeling you are going to mess it up big time! Crazy.
Plus I bummed myself out a little bit with that previous post. Sad days.
I think I need pizza. Pepperoni Therapy with a Vodka Kiss on the cheek.
On the other hand, we had our first brand new non-metal, non-crank window installed today! Finally, the Modern World catches up to our house!
No more 50’s post-war row-house window for my kids! After 6, yes SIX, long years, they can finally OPEN a window in their room and get some fresh air. They won’t even know what to do with all this outside access!
I have to go and clean up the mess on the inside—happily!–and get it ready for a drywall patch and trim painting! I love it! It looks awesome!
Thank you John!!! You Rock!
Feast your jealous eyes below:
Outside!
Inside!
Pilfer isn’t just the word of the day, it’s a way of life!
Not for me, but for some, I’m sure.
This happened days and days ago but it’s still funny.
I received my uniforms (for school clinicals–nursing–just in case it’s been too long) in the mail, or UPS, or Fed Ex; some delivery system, and when the box arrived it had “Pilfer Proof” Tape on it. I kid you not.
I worked and managed a mailroom for, like, the last 10 years of my life, and I never saw this! I totally would have ordered it for my crew just cause it’s cool! And I would have used it on EVERYTHING!! I love it.
This is what it looks like:
That’s right. WARNING! You can just poke a giant hole in the side of this box and take all the crap out all day, but you WILL NOT bust through that tape!
I know what it’s for. My stuff was not tampered with or stolen and resealed, etc. etc., I get it. But that’s not as funny. My main goal in life is always end with a laugh. (Hopefully)
HA!
And now for a little break.
It is Tuesday at 11 am. I am home from school and my second test. Nervous, sweaty, fear does not describe my total feelings, but it’s a start. It is really hot again today. Summer did come in with its usual vengeance. Sudden and swift. The first day of 90 degrees actually started during the night. Yes, it got hotter as the night progressed. It makes no sense. I think about it, but I have to stop. How can the temperature rise despite the setting sun and darkness, when theoretically it should get cooler. I know it’s a weather question and I am going to be a nurse, so, who cares? I will when I’m working emergency and it’s 100 degrees and everyone is over heated and ticked off and people start doing crazy things that end them up in the ER for me to work on. And I say, “How can it get hotter???” I’ll be praying for bad weather. It keeps people indoors and off the streets!
Anytesting…Second one was today. I literally studied most of the day Saturday, some Sunday, and hours more on Monday. In the day and the night. I can’t imagine when I have to do paperwork and skills. I’ll be sticking everyone I see with needles and taking their blood pressures and trying to give them enemas. I kid.
Unofficially, I missed zero questions on this test. All correct. That is good news. Without details, know that it is essential to miss as few as possible to achieve passing, for one, and higher scores, in the A and B range, for another. But I was sweating. You only have so much time, and I try not to second guess myself, and I studied for, like, 15 hours! Pressure.
(Personal revelation to follow, if you care.) I’ve always been strong with the book skills and pretty good with the hands-on. But I still get too nervous. I have a CPR class to take in the next few weeks and I want to go in strong. I know the whole thing has changed again since I did it last, but it still makes me jittery. I’m not sure if there is any breathing now, or if it’s just compression. I stink at the breaths. Luckily, for someone out there; experience-only-unlucky for me; I’ve never had to do it on a real person and when I was EMT (many many many years ago—very briefly) we used a bag. No mouth contact. Anyway, I’ve only used lifesaving once on a baby, choking. And that was just taps on the back. That’s a good thing. With more experience comes more ease of care. So we’ll find out.
Anyway, there’s a few more weeks left of school for the summer and one Final Test. Yikes.
As celebration I got McDonald’s–yay! I haven’t eaten those delicious burrito’s in WEEKS! For shame! I should have celebrated by running a fast four miles. Oh well. Don’t want to get heatstroke. And, I had to wait for my humiliation! It’s those hash browns. They take forever. But, it cost less than 5 bucks so, fair trade for my fat butt.
Next up are the butterflies. I have pics from the party. You didn’t think I forgot did you? I really have been focusing on school. I love it. And I want to do good. Stay tuned!
just shy of pretty 