Smokin’ In The Boys Room
And by “boys room”, I mean the outside. While I work this weekend, my BF has decided to do many manly things, like, work on his motorcycle, cut large tree limbs with a chainsaw, and smoke much meat. It sounds like so much fun I just wish I could have had these days off to be here for all of it. Ahem. No, really. (Not really). I like to spend my holiday weekends working and taking care of sick people and listening to their families tell me what a crap job I’m doing. It’s what I got into this profession for. That rewarding feeling of spending more hours with other people’s families instead of my own. Without sarcasm, I really do like my job. It’s just some families make it very difficult to keep calm. The patients are fine. It’s just the families sometimes. Still, I think it will be better than the manual labor that needs to be done here. Sweaty, with heavy lifting. Oh wait, that’s my job too. Ha. OK. Enough. That’s my work rant. Back to the meat!
Apparently this is stuff you need. Along with a starter tube thing that gets the coals going, a temp gauge, (actually two temp gauges, one for the cooker and one for the meat), water for steam, spices, herbs, liquids, “rubs”, side dishes, buns, etc…and of course: The Meat. This will all cost you approx. 90 dollars or so. If you had to buy your own smoker, that could be an extra 100-500 dollars, depending on quality and advanced smoking technology. Or something. This smoker in the picture was the gift the BF got for working so hard at his job for this many, past 15 years. It seems like it’s nice smoker machine. I have just been informed that the meat is at 162 degrees. The number we are looking for is 190 I believe. We are doing pulled pork as the maiden smoking. I keep typing “we”, but I literally have done NOTHING except take the pictures and type this. Soon, I will get dressed and leave, so I won’t even be here for the big finish. But, of course I have a preview. Please feast your eyes below on three hunks of pure animal flesh, cooking and smoking, slowly, and at a certain temperature, for maximum tenderness and pullability. It really smells good too:
Two on top, one below. That sounds like a good name for a band or a book title. The key to cooking this right, I am told, is slow and low. Also, coincidentally a good band name or book title. At any rate, what we want is to put it in our mouths and not even have to chew. The meat should literally pull apart and melt like butter on our palates and slide juicily and effortlessly down our throats to our waiting tummies without any pesky chewing involved. But usually it’s on a bun with sauce, so please, family, while I am gone, chew a little, please. Bread mostly needs to be chewed, somewhat, to break it down. Then swallow. No need to ruin a good weekend with “Heimlich’s” or “ambulances” or “hospitals” or “morgues”. Thank you.
Thus ends the meat post for today. I hear and smell lots of manly things going on in the neighborhood today, so I need to get the hell out of here! The outside temp is up to 75 degrees. Sunny and beautiful for the Midwest. The meat temp is at a cool 165. The BF is cutting sticks with the chainsaw. The boy/son is playing XBox in his room enjoying none of the outside weather. The daughter is still at my sissy’s house and will prob go from there to her cousins house to spend the night, after she stops here first to eat meat. She loves meat. Yes, I see what I typed there, but I’m leaving it. It’s too early (for me) to try and fix the innuendo. She’s 14 for cry-yi. Some girls are salads and try a vegetarian phase, not mine. She is steak all the way.
Let them eat meat! And don’t forget it’s Memorial Weekend. Hug a vet! Thank a soldier while you are grilling those hot dogs and drinking that beer! Even if you just send up a big toast and a cheer into the great unknown. It’s all good karma to the universe. Later.
No storms so…
I guess I’ll just go on ahead and clean up all the branches then. Once we got started, the kids and I, we were able to do all the sticks and clear the area. It was about 90+ degrees, humid, no wind. We were dripping sweat so I used it to replace our workout for the day. And now we are free and clear on tree debris until the rest comes down in a few days. And as a bonus there was no complaining and no bribery involved!
Look at all that nice, clear, open space!
Anyway, that was Tuesday and I’ve been hoping for a rainy day so I can sit on my ass and do nothing. But no. Sunny and 95 degrees. It’s actually pretty nice. It’s real summery that’s for sure. What’s really good is you can sit outside and do minimal moving and feel like you are burning boatloads of calories. It’s like steam-room-sauna-P90X. Update is coming up!
OMG! We are having the problems this week!!
Be aware that if you try and fix up the place you live in, AND spend money doing it, you will have to spend even MORE money to fix all the OTHER new things that break while fixing the original broken things.
Electric pole. Downed in the storm/fallen tree limb 5 years ago. Put up a brand new one. Ooops! Old power lines don’t reach anymore! No electricity. Call Com Ed. Yay! New lines!
Phone goes dead. Along with internet. Horrors!! We cannot live without internet! Seriously. What do people do anymore?? Call AT&T. Yay! New lines!
The neighbors must think something weird is going on over here. We’ve had giant service trucks here, coming and going, all week! Crews of manly-men carrying tools and belts and ladders and boxes of mysterious wires and cables and clip things. I personally don’t mind. I’m a sucker for a uniform and a hard hat, so whatever…I’ll go around breaking extra stuff to have utility workers show up here! Kidding. Slightly. But…My house is super-powered now. I got new lines for everything!
Seriously it wasn’t that bad. The service guys were all awesome! They came pretty fast and fixed the probs with no trouble! I have no complaints!
So now I will post the things I wanted to post last night. Missed my desired “hit count” by 2 stinking people! I hate to live and die by internet popularity, but there it is. Thank goodness I’m not an actual celebrity. I might read about myself negatively in a gossip magazine and be depressed! Those people really DO have it rough.
Anyway. We are up and running. (We have plans to go out into the real world for material that I can post during the next week–exciting!–while my kids are gone again on yet another vacation with their daddy. Here’s a hint: Benches of Love. Hmmm??? But we can’t go until Mason cuts all his grasses!! So it’s just me for now). Please enjoy all the useless, dumb things I have to say for the next few hours until my son is done!
Mason’s New Lawnmower
I usually like to type, but it’s been so long and Mason just wants this darn thing on the nets…Don’t go all thinking we’re just moneybags galore over here…it’s used…it’s on credit (no finance charges for a year) and we got THE super-duper-can’t-believe-we-said-it-and they-suddenly-had-one-at that-price deal! And if Mason can earn a few bucks over the summer cutting lawns all the better!
Flirty
Arty
just shy of pretty 