Neverending Halloween will be ending shortly.
Don’t be fooled by those fake pumpkins. But they look so real! This is the last of the pictures I took in the same area as the bench. So I guess I can declare Halloween and the rest of the Holy Days over for another year.
Also, it would seem I have picked up a few more fans in the last few days. It’s a peculiar medium, and a strange way to communicate with the outside world. It’s usually just me, alone, typing whatever pops into my head, and then putting it out there, never really knowing where it will land. Sometimes you get lucky, like these last few days, and I know some one is connecting with something I’ve written, but usually it just floats. That’s ok too because I write it for me anyway. I know it can’t possibly be just my family generating so many “hits”, there aren’t that many of us. So to everyone out there that keeps checking in, whether you comment, or like me, or just read and move on…
THANK YOU!!!
I should go do something weekend-like now. It’s pretty nice out for November in the Midwest. And my jaw is only hurting a little bit now. Teaser. Updates coming later! Everyone to the outdoors!
Good Morning America!
You look beautiful today! Sunny and bright with a clear blue sky. Very still. As if our morning is trying to pause itself for a while and stay in this moment. It’s early here in Chicago. No one is up yet. I just thought I would take a quiet moment to be thankful that I live in a country that allows me to have something so public like this to say whatever I want, whenever I want. And to be thankful that I am alive. My kids are good and healthy, my family and friends are well, and I have someone great to share these days with. I was avoiding TV and internet programs about today because I don’t like to cry very much. I remember enough. I worked in the city at the time, right across from the John Hancock building. I used to take the train and I had no technology available to listen to a radio or TV or internet, and when I got to work, our friend from New York was running through our hallways crying hysterically because he knew people that had been involved in whatever the hell was going on over there. We had no clue. We were evacuated and sent home. The whole city practically was. I got my kids from daycare and I sat home and watched like everyone else, what had happened, on TV. My kids were about to turn 3 and 4. They remember practically nothing. And I think that’s OK. Everything they have to do, everything that came from that period, as a result of that time, is just normal for them. It’s good. They understand enough right now. School is doing a good job of making them understand the what and maybe some of the why and how it impacted the world, our country, and our people. I just want them to know that tragedy strikes and the world keeps spinning. Take your moment and feel that pain. It’s amazing the support that you will receive, but it’s heartbreaking because it’s you, and some people just won’t care. Always move forward but with the occasional eye-check on that past so you don’t go there again. Do what needs to be done. Help where you can. Sometimes you never know what kind of impact you have. Hope for the positive. I definitely do not want to go on and on today because I am no authority on these kinds of things and tons of other people can tell a ten-times more interesting story with a better philosophical ending. I have none. And I’ve been trying to think of something! I am just going to enjoy the silence for a bit longer, drink my coffee, and be happy for this particular moment. It’s good to remember. Don’t let it freeze you in time though. Never forget.
I can finally use my cup!!!
It’s officially official!! I am an RN!!!
I passed NCLEX and even got my official letter in the mail telling me I passed and would I please fill out this one last form and send 50 more dollars to the state and we will issue a brand new fancy official nurse license!!! GLADLY I will. I had that check written and mailed within an hour!
I took the test at the end of July, got my internet result in 2 days and got the official letter last week. I haven’t posted because, one, the shock and numbing disbelief that it could really be done and true still hasn’t worn off, and two, the BF was on vacation so we took that week to do TONS of back breaking, hard labor on the house and catch up with all the chores we have neglected up to this point. I cannot begin to tell you how good (and suspicious) it feels not to have ANYTHING to study for. Literally. Nothing. I am done with that whole part. Now it’s just adding letters to my name and RN status. I will just become MORE of a nurse, with specialized skills and advanced degrees. That feels so good to type.
Anyway, the house looks great. Nice and fresh and up-kept. We even ordered the last of the windows to be put in before winter. Laundry is done. House is clean. I went thru my school notes and recycled the things I will never need again. And I am weeding out the closet-crap that has built up from many months of shoving things away, out of sight. Even my mom and sister were shocked at how clean the house actually looked! That means it must have been pretty bad. Oh well, no time to worry now. It will stay this clean for approximately 5 more days as the kids are due home from their very, seemingly, long vacation. I miss them a ton, actually. This particular 2 weeks seems extra long this year. Time ticks. They keep me up and moving forward.
There is still much to do, but I feel happy. And hopeful. The hard part of my 1000 day journey is over. I have 38 days left of it to get a job. Then school must start again. For all of us. Kids are rounding out Junior High, 7th and 8th grades this year, and the BF and I are in a race to the Bachelor’s. Who will get theirs first?? My classes start next week and I think I have fewer to take. The BF’s start the week after, but his courses are shorter AND online. So I will keep you posted. Then we have moving to think about and a whole other 1000 day plan to institute, although I think I am going with 500 days this time, with possible extensions.
It’s exciting to go down a brand new road, I’ve been on that other one a long time now. Even though I said it publicly on facebook, I will say it here too…this whole trip was not possible without the love and support of my kids, my BF, my family and friends, who constantly had to hear every detail and live thru every one of my ups and downs, passes and failures, and fears of failing, whether warranted or not. All the late nights, the early mornings, the constant brokeness; the take out food, the dirty house, the piles and piles of laundry and stacks of books; for all the stuff I missed and all the things I was too tired to do; for wearing all those wrinkly clothes and never complaining!! I love my kids. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my BF. Without him by my side and patiently waiting for the end, and taking care of everything that I couldn’t…thank you. I love you. I could not be here without you.
And that’s really it for now. Last chapter of this gripping tale coming right up. Where will I work??? Mystery! Stay tuned! Here is one final shot of the proof that I had to have to believe my dream had finally come true!
What a glorious, beautiful 4-letter word! Say it with me….PASS!!! Cheers!
Just breathe and relax. I am almost done!
A few soothing pictures in my favorite colors to help me maintain some peace and calm. All is well. And hopefully all will be better in about 72 hours. I am signing off of here for the next few days. Thank you for any and all support, well wishes, etc! It’s been a crazy few weeks (and years) and it’s so close to the end of this particular ride! Congrats to Noelle–I’ll prob see you Wednesday. Mom–I will call you on Tuesday, after I am done. And a special thanks to my sissy Amanda…you kept me nice and straight and soothed my very last nerve! You rock. Later.
Graduation! Anti-climactically followed by MORE school!
I spent two hours, apparently looking like a non-stop-grinning-photo-posing idiot, at my first formal graduation ceremony, preceded by two hours of standing around in very high, very painful shoes (but looking sexy–winkity wink), waiting for said graduation. I will say that I greatly disappointed my mother by not attending my high school graduation, (although our recall of the reason why differs–another wink there)….but…. hopefully, this kind of makes up for it!
After the ceremony…we took some pics, hung out for a bit, talked and laughed, remembering the good times and the bad, exchanging well wishes and promises to keep in touch….one last look around….and we left the school, tears in our eyes, painfully hobbling toward the car (my shoes were REALLY killing my feet!!) to my future….
For one whole day!! HAHA. I know my sissy was probably reading that, like, “WTF?? What the HELL is she talking about??!!??” Hee hee…As you can see I am still just as funny as usual. Anyhoo…we went to a restaurant with my family and had lunch. Then we all went home. I have never wanted to sit on my ass and do absolutely NOTHING more than that moment. I think I said that after my finals too. I think I probably say that alot. Hmmm. So I did. It was a nice night. The BF went to hang with his friends and play poker and I watched terrible movies with my kids. Like really terrible. Sharktopus. Dinoshark. Mongolian Death Worm—kind of a Tremors rip off but who are we to complain when we willingly pay money to rent them?
I just got home from my extended class, that I voluntarily registered for so I can prepare for the Nclex. Graduating is good, but it doesn’t get me a job. I need a license for that. So please hang out with me four more weeks!! It will be fun! Less pressure, more downtime. I am just making sure that I know all that I need to know, and everything I don’t know I won’t feel so stressed about because I did what I could to prepare!
So anyway, I want to put a few more pics around this site but my phone doesn’t want to cooperate. High tech photography is what I rock over here! But this is some of the loot…Flowers!—More flowers!—(Mommy and BF and children!) Shiny, helium, Mylar balloon! (Sissy!) A box of chocolates! (Sissy!) A card that tells me I cannot talk about school anymore for at least 2 family parties! (Sissy!) A beautiful angel figurine with a “don’t kill anyone” message—but much more poetically phrased! (Other sissy! And my almost-driving, little (?) bigger than me, niece!) A big, fat, check…cha-ching! (Other mom!) T-shirts with RN on them (Beth and Wayne!)—that I can never actually wear in the general public! They tell us that advertising is not always the best option. And it’s not because we don’t want to help people—of course we do! I would not have gone through all this stress just to ignore people! The problem is that I am still just a person, without a medical degree and without access to hospital type stuff when I am not at the hospital! I would LOVE to think that I am so smart and so brilliant enough, that I can diagnose or answer any and all questions anyone might have about anything! Sadly, I am not. Not even close. Bummer. But I do LOVE my t-shirts! They make me so proud to be just who I am! Another nurse! It’s awesome!
I only listed these things, not to brag, but because I want to say thank you. Again. I appreciate the time you spent with me Saturday, and the gifts are nice, but I would have been cool without anything!! So thank you for the “extra” stuff! You guys are all awesome! Love you!
Alright that’s enough. I never mean for these to be soooo long and they always are. My goal during (my last—forever) “pre-job summer” (besides study for nclex, prepare a resume, write letters, fill out apps, go on interviews, get a job, get a job, get a job) is to stream line this website again. Get it back to quick and mindless, BUT amusing and relevant, posts, that I can handle WHILE working a 12 hour/day job! High goals as usual. Especially since this may never have been considered amusing and certainly not relevant. But I have a degree now! I am one piece of paper smarter than I was last week! See?
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?! (c’mon that was the PERFECT segway…no??)
Alright look for some pics and some “found money” updates. I have about a year and a half of dirty, crusty street coins, sitting in little bowls waiting to be tallied. And I have to do a little reading for tomorrow….so how about this…abrupt end. Bye!
Next up, GRADUATION!!!!
What?!?! Already??!! HA!
Despite all my attempts to thwart my meticulous study habits by posting here way too much when I should have been pouring over nursing textbooks, I have somehow managed to pass every single test set before me. And on Saturday of this week they are going to let me walk across that big stage, with all my school friends, and family in the audience, and graduate and move onto the NEXT BIG THING!!
TWO YEARS! (and two years before that just to get to these two past years) I could cry. And I do. Every single time I think too much about how I got here. Where I was and where I am and where I am going.
Life is extremely unpredictable and I would advise anyone who feels like it won’t ever change, to wait. Wait one more day and I guarantee, it ALWAYS changes! We steer our own ships. We do. Talk to me and I will tell you. I am proof that any plan can be changed. I’ve had 5 year plans, 3 year plans, 1 year plans, 1 week plans, ONE DAY plans and they all have one thing in common: They have all been completely and totally “F’d” up, thrown out, re-planned and revised into unrecognizable versions of their original ideas, many times over. And here I am anyway at the end of the latest 1000 day plan. And guess what? Tomorrow I will have ANOTHER plan. It just goes on and on…
You have to excuse me, I am feeling even MORE mushy and sentimental because the hardest thing I have ever done is finally over. I reached for the dream and I didn’t fail. And I am never afraid of failing, because I always try 100%, and I never give up, but, I am always terrified of failing, because I always try 100% and I never give up! One of my school friends posted on her page today:
“Fall down seven times, get up eight.”
I say get up every single time you fall. It’s true that you can’t fail at anything if you never try anything, but you can’t win anything either.
So that’s it for tonight. I will go back to silly stuff later, but I have to say thanks now that it’s over.
Thank you to my family. My kids rock. They have been counting down all these days with me. We made it. All those days that stretched before us. All those days behind us now. And soon, we get to start a new count! Life is just that. Living. Every day. Keep moving and at least you are DOING something!
Thank you to my other family…mom and sissy’s and brother…listening to me talk for 2 years about lots of stuff that no one else cares about….thank you. I’ve said it before. Lots of times. And I promise, I will stop now.
Friends, school folk, family of my family…same as above! Even if you thought I was full of it, you let me talk and for that I thank you.
Fans, strangers, readers, people who accidentally stumble on this looking for something else more interesting…thank you for following the journey. This whole little blog thing started out kind of pointless and random. It has morphed from my general thoughts on different unassociated topics, to more of a place that I can record the things in my life that I can go on and on about and no one can stop me! Unless you click it off! Hopefully you find it as fun and interesting as I do when I write it! And if you don’t…thanks anyway for reading it and probably hoping it will get better! It’s like a car accident right?? Can’t. Look. Away.
And finally…most importantly….and my last bit of mush in high gear…thank you to my BF. That’s boyfriend. You are the most patient man in the history of the world. You have no reason to put up with half the crap I do (or don’t do…haha) and still you stay. I’m glad you stuck it out and like I have been saying all along…it is almost over! The future is here! Well mostly here…you know I still got that one, last, little test to take, that the state requires, eye roll, before I go working on real people! But hey…easy peasy lemon squeezy….we are as good as there! Anyway, to sum up: I love you. Thank you.
Ok. This is way longer than I wanted it to be (as usual). Tomorrow I get fingerprinted! I will be forever on the grid now. More importantly, I have to go and watch my son get inducted into the National Junior High Honor Society! We are a family of smarty smarty pants! The future IS here!
Dream big and do something awesome! For yourself and anyone else in your world! From the bottom of my heart….to all of you and yours….thank you. Have a great and wonderful night.
just shy of pretty 