Tip for Tuesday / Lunchtime Version / Tongue in Cheek
My children are cold-lunchers. Whereby they bring their lunch to school every day, instead of paying for the school-cafeteria hot-lunch. Over time I have come up with these easy-to-follow instructions to make this daily process much faster and maintain the flow of our busy mornings. This may seem second-grade, but beware the simplicity. There is a boy version and a girl version. As follows:
HOW TO MAKE A SANDWICH
BOY:
I like to start with 2 pieces of bread. Any kind. (I find the thinner, wheat kind is popular with my son, but not the overly-grainy kind. Avoid any bread with actual seeds or oaty pieces inside or attached)
GIRL:
NO bread.
BOY:
Using a knife, spread Miracle Whip, on the inside of both pieces of bread for the first half of the school year. Then inexplicably, switch to Mayo for the remainder. Remember to cover the whole slice, edge to edge; thick enough to taste with every bite, but not overpowering and squeezing off the sides.
GIRL:
NO condiments.
BOY:
Place various meat slices on top of one spread bread. Turkey or ham exclusively and separately. Never together.
Two slices or three depending on meat choice and addition of mustard or a nice piece of lettuce, which you will not be asked to add to the final product until sandwich is completed and already in lunchbox and book bag. Thereby voiding the request and eliminating the need for this sub-article.
Arrange meat slices in such a way that they cover the bread but avoid the dreaded “hanging off” fashion. Choosing the right kind of lunch meat is key here. Shape-Wise is Brand specific. You’ll have to commission that for yourself. It takes time, several grocery outlets and a bit of skill, but 3 months in, give or take, you will be expert.
Fit together, the one slice of bread with meat along with the other spread-only slice, and form the “sandwich”. The meat and spread should be inside, while the outside remains dry and handle-able. Put sandwich in plastic zip-lock type baggie. Place entire structure in lunchbox.
GIRL:
Put two pieces (3 if she’s hungry) of lunch meat (any kind, any shape) in plastic baggie. Place in lunchbox.
FOR BOTH:
Now just add various other things into the lunchbox. This portion is not part of the actual “sandwich making” but it can be equally helpful. I like to add in water bottles, ice packs, napkins, a salty snack and a sweet snack. The boy gets a quarter for milk. (The girl doesn’t like milk). Lately, they’ve also had a string-cheese stick.
Please keep in mind that these instructions are generalized for the elementary set, but specific to MY kids. Change any ingredients/additions according to your own personal child’s preferences.
It may seem intimidating at first or time-consuming, but with practice, two or three times a week, it becomes like second nature!
7 months into the school year and my children enjoy a sandwich almost every day! How many mom’s can say that?
I hope this post was very helpful. Feel free to leave a comment or suggestion to better improve this site. Thank you.
Disclaimer: This was written in a highly satirical and hopefully comical style for the complete benefit of my son who has the best sense of humor of anyone I know in the 11 year old/fifth grade range. XO. Now eat your lunch!
just shy of pretty 
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