Just because this starts a whole new year. One week late.
And because I get to combine all my favorite things. A chunk update. Another weather update. And pictures from my phone. Of the sky. At sunset. With a lot of skeleton trees. This is what 55 degrees in January at dusk looks like this year. It was warm today too. I don’t generally go for the no jacket thing just because it’s hotter than usual. I’m the first one to yell pneumonia. And we’re all being lured into poor health by good weather. But I’ll admit I was only wearing a zip-up hoodie and I was getting kind of hot outside. The sun was shining down so bright that I was getting crabby and drowsy. The warm sun just makes me want to lay down in it and take a nap. Like a snake I guess. Or a fat middle aged non exercising chunk of fun. Here comes the chunk part! It’s a tough week. I’m more tired than usual. Kind of achy and greasy. And I was particularly sick of feeling sad and depressed. So I spruced up this old carcass a bit with some new hair color (sorry Amanda…I know you are the only one who should be allowed to fix my hair but I swear I cannot drive for two hours, pay for gas and tolls and feel good about myself until I get a job…the box has to be the cure for now…it looks good by the way. The kids didn’t even notice. They thought something was different but couldn’t put their fingers on it until after I told them. My theory on home hair coloring, or anything really that you try to do yourself, is that if no one notices anything different it’s a good job. Only the glaring mistakes or radical change gets any attention) and some good hygiene and hair removal. However I also ate a bunch of crap that I shouldn’t because it was here and I had to get rid of it by next week when the real work on chipping away the fat cells begins. You will all be happy to know that I managed to eat, er, get rid of, all the chips and dip and most of the cheese/sausage/cracker stores. I also disposed of an entire box of Whitman’s Dark Chocolates, with my daughters help, who interestingly enough HATES dark chocolate but was able to power through and help me save our household for the greater good. I also drank the rest of the wine from the other night and am currently working on the final two bags of Ghirardelli chocolates while washing them down with Jack Daniels. I haven’t cooked in a week or worked out. In fact we have been staying up way too late watching the bad movies we love so much. The kids have to go back to school Monday and I should be working by the next week. (That’s very wishful thinking as I am making it my sole purpose in life–well besides eating all the food in the house—to have a job in another week or two.) I will have a full report on the snacks because I took pics of them. Really. For instance, I found this GIANT potato chip in the bag. I mean it was really big. I don’t think I have ever seen one this big. So of course I took it’s picture. With the dip container and the TV remote for scale. I also took pics of the sky and some more trees, big surprise. And I have a movie list if you’re interested! We watch BAD movies. Like B movie bad. With old stars like Debbie Gibson and Tiffany in them. Or Lorenzo Lamas. Remember him? And they usually are battling a giant crocodile or a sharktopus, you know a shark-octopus hybrid, or a giant squid against a giant snake. Some are better than others and some are just terrible. This is how we spend family time. As for tonight, I have to try and hurry this along, because the BF is on his way with another sack full of fast food from the local greasy spoon and we have a special night of, All New Releases!, to watch. They have to be back tomorrow so we have to plan our time carefully. I actually feel a little sick right now from the food I ate today. I know this is not something I should even say out loud, but I cannot wait until I get my dang period! (pardon my french). My appetite will disappear, I can get some energy back and hit the gym instead of the Dunkin Donuts, and burn off the winter weight. From about 10 winters but who’s really counting anymore. I only have about 10 pounds to lose (for each winter) so it’s pretty do-able! I’m excited. Oh! I almost forgot! I finished a book! A reading book. Not a school book. It was the Denis Leary one. You might have read about it here two years ago or so. Sadly, that’s how long it has taken me. I finished it last year. Made it just under the mark too. Like December 29th or something. I still recommend it for anyone who likes Denis Leary. It is funny and easy to read. Even my mom’s brain surgeon said, “that guy is something else…” and he chuckled. So there you have it, a brain surgeon endorsement! I’m just not good with the whole concentration thing in sentence and paragraph form without a lot of pictures to break up the words. Except for when I type. I can really string some letters together huh? I put a picture of the book below so I wouldn’t ruin my sunset shot. Oh! And I also found my first street money of the year. One penny and one dime. I will try and keep that up to date now. Just as soon as I tally up last year and post it under its proper heading. There’s just no excuses for letting all you loyal readers down. You want to know these silly mundane things that have no benefit to anyone. And I cant even keep up. And truthfully I am not doing much else besides sitting around and thinking about doing stuff. I’m lucky we have laundry. Alright, seriously, let me wrap this up. I know the BF will be here any minute and I want to catch up on my Words With Friends (evil evil evil—addiction in smart phone form) and BeJeweled (the other evil in the world of computers and high tech gaming–that was meant to be funny. BeJeweled is hardly high tech. It’s really no-tech. It’s pretty though. Match the gems for one minute. Try to score as many points as possible. Why, oh why, would that ever be addicting??) Ok, I think I hear a car in the driveway and my liquor glass is empty. Using the words from my son’s first book that he really liked…breathe and think…relax and run…om shanti shanti…Until later…
Conspiracy!
Now, if I really want to push the issue, I could blame my chest cold on my complete lack of trying–training–for the Warrior Dash. (And not just the weather). It’s legitimate. However, if I need someone or something to blame for my complete lack of STUDYING for this test I’m supposed to be taking, well then, I HAVE to blame the cable companies 100%. That’s right I said it. How dare they give us free movie channels?!? All weekend long! With free HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Starz, TMC, Flix, and other stations that I’m not even sure what they are, how in the hell am I EVER supposed to go study?? Half the movies are crap anyway, but…I haven’t seen them or I have seen them but they suck you in, and they’re free. Freeeeeeeeeee…..I haven’t seen that movie on the list but I’m sure if they play it I will watch it. Ugh. Here’s a little re-cap of how I wasted Friday night:
Scary Movie (still pretty d-a-m-n funny)
Transformers. 2. (s-u-c-k-e-d, but I never saw it, and glad I didn’t waste any money in the theater to see it. It really was bad. sorry.)
Salt (saw it about 5 times already, and even watched it on DVD a mere three days ago with Stevie, but watched it AGAIN)
And we are already planning for later tonight. Easy A is being recorded (only saw that one 3 times and the BF has never seen it, so that makes it ok and a good excuse, plus, it’s really cute. I recommend that one for people exactly my age and with children, particularly girls…I won’t turn this into a giant movie review but trust, it’s good.)
Stevie wants to see Tooth Fairy and Grown Ups, (not interested and also seen 3 times) but I say, half the fun is just scrolling thru the guide and picking at random! Crazy Saturday nights! Man, I need to get a job quick! I should prob go study so I can make that happen.
Looks like Vegas may not be where I wake up tomorrow
Not for $2000 per person. Just for the airplane. How can that even be the right price?!?
Anyway…In my vodka haze I must have misread the channel guide. 2½ Men was done at 7 pm. But hey! Role Models! And I’m recording Turistas. I think I remember hearing that it was scary, so that should be good in a few hours after more of the vodka soaks in.
For now, here’s a picture of my Pocket Poker game. I have been playing it non-stop throughout my school year but never with the big wins like I had last summer. Well guess what?
That’s right. I hit the Royal Flush. Again. It’s not quite as satisfying since I was at, like, ZERO points, but I still got 5000 for it! Now I’m trying to hit it again to beat my all time high score. What? Did you say you needed a picture to remind you of what that was? Great! I have one!
That’s 7130. Seems like it wouldn’t be that hard right? But it is. And so addicting to someone like me with OCD tendencies. It’s prob good we aren’t going to Vegas after all. Having credit cards with no balance and a high limit is just too easy. But, oh man, the sun, the pool, the casino’s…I love playing poker all night and laying by the pool all day. With drinks. In that hot, desert sun and those cool air conditioned hotels. Torture. I need to stop. The drinks are totally kicking in and I would pay any amount and hop on a plane right now, with those awesome airline mini-alcohol bottles, flight in the night, with the lights of Las Vegas shining in the distance as we approach McCarran International ….man I could be in Vegas in 5 hours! License first. Vacation later.
Have a great night wherever you are!
WHAT?!?!?! (Language Alert)
You’re f*cking high! Are you out of your mind? This sucks! This house is a f*cking prison! On planet bullsh*t! In the galaxy of this f*cking sucks!!
What are we gonna do now????
This is for the BF. I know I should be reading. Infections can be fun! But this is funner. Here is the clip you were looking for. Fast forward to the 5:30 mark. We are a little behind in the movie watching…but hey, it was still on the new release wall even if there were only two copies. It counts!
(This is from the website Funny or Die. Off the Starz special from the movie. (Thanks for putting it on the web) If you can’t see it directly, which is most likely the case because I can’t embed it here, click on the link below. Hopefully I got it to work somehow. You are welcome!)
FYI This contains VERY BAD language! Not for the youngsters!!
Inevitably…this always follows…
As a parent, I can’t condone it, but the my son thinks it’s pretty funny. (He’s seen worse with his daddy so don’t send any nasty comments my way) He’s 12 and he can find it himself anyway. I’ve already told him to turn it off, like, 5 times. That I know of. Gotta love that YouTube!
Again I apologize for the language. It’s BAD. Not for the little ones. Everyone else… enjoy the ride!
New York Coffee Cup. Goodfellas. “…get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.”
Sunday night movie time! AMC, thank you! I haven’t seen it in so long and there it was. This is a fine, fine, addition to my little scavenger hunt! Check it out at the 9:12 mark.
I love this movie even though it’s long. Ray Liotta. Joe Pesci. The kids were watching and JP is so good onscreen that every time he came on the kids were nervous about who he was going to kill next. Uncomfortable tension that really projects. They went to bed so they didn’t get to hear my fav line, but I recreated it for you. Say it like he would say it.
Then watch this, 4:55 mark:
“And now it’s all over.”
“And that’s the hardest part. Today everything is different; There’s no action…have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food…I’m an average nobody…”
I think we’re the demons…
You really can’t watch more opposite movies back to back than Mask (the Cher/Sam Elliott/Eric Stoltz one) and Natural Born Killers.
Rusty and Rocky and Mickey and Mallory.
Add about 10 hours of aging and its effects and loss and grief and death and dying. Throw in a bottle of wine and some drinking music and the unknown isn’t as scary as it was just a few hours ago. Sunday will be here soon and the fun will be over for another week. I’m going to try and do something constructive tomorrow.
But tonight is for mayhem.
[Mickey:] “The whole world’s coming to an end, Mal.” [Mallory:] “I see angels, Mickey. They’re comin’ down for us from
heaven. And I see you ridin’ a big red horse. You’re drivin’ the horses, whippin’ ‘em. And they’re spittin’ and barfin’ all
on you now. They’re coming right at us. And I see the future. There’s no death ’cause you and I, we’re angels.” [Mickey:] “I
love you, Mal…” [Mallory:] “I know you do, baby. I’ve loved you since the day we met.”
Anyone who’s ever had a heart
Wouldn’t turn around and break it
And anyone who’s ever played a part
Wouldn’t turn around and hate it
Sweet Jane
You’re waiting for Jimmy down in the alley
Waiting there for him to come back home
Waiting down on the corner
And thinkin’ of ways to get back home
Sweet Jane
Anyone who’s ever had a dream
Anyone who’s ever played a part
Anyone who’s ever been lonely
And anyone who’s ever split apart
Heavenly wine and roses
Seem to aspire to me
When you smile
… Now you can go anywhere you want, baby.
—Rusty Dennis
When last you heard from me, I was on my way to school…
…with high hopes for the rest of the evening. When suddenly…Tequila! (And that was TWO days ago.)
I did go to school. I got the “pre-heads-up” to the actual “heads-up” classes I have next week. Signed some paperwork. Got some questions answered. Payed for classes. Bought more books. Drove home excited as hell, but unaware of the complicated nature of what I am about to embark upon.
I have three books and a syllabus right now, and I have three more books to buy. Definitely the most I have needed so far. When I trained for EMT I was on an adrenaline rush for hours after every single class, for like 4-6 months. It was crazy. And I have that same crazy feeling just looking at these books. Two years and god knows how many hours are about to go into this program, but I am ready. I’m not sure my body can take the intensity. I had trouble sleeping before, but I guess that will just help me on the job! I talked so much on the phone to the BF just driving home from a pre-class class, that I, “low-battery-powered-off”, the cell phone. The damn thing drained out good. First time I talked to the cut-off. Even after I plugged it back in it wouldn’t turn on for a little while.
So I take a closer look at this new book. Calculating With Confidence. Drug calculations, measurements, math conversions…OMG, it looks hard. Drug labels, syringes, pills, liquids, fractions, decimals, cc. mL. mg. oz. You need: Aspirin gr 10 p.o. q4h p.r.n. for pain. You have: Drug label, that suddenly makes no sense whatsoever. And tell me how much, with how much diluent, time of day, route of administration, but don’t forget who you are giving it to, how much they weigh, what else they are taking; now mark it on the drawing, and don’t “F” it up because you could kill someone…. I’m paraphrasing…but that’s the idea. Once you take off the plastic shrink wrap, the front cover has a skull and crossbones on it. They don’t want you to see that until it’s too late. And you thought that the nurse handing you two Tylenol in the hospital after dinner didn’t require any skill. HA!
The amazing thing is, that in 2 months, that book is going to make perfect sense, and I’ll be calculating in my sleep (not literally), but for now…we better go to Pepe’s and think about the future.
So the guy that has been working there since he was a child, really, (I know, because we as a family, collectively have been going there for his whole life basically, I even remember a time when he was out in the parking lot trying to drive off in his older brothers car…he got in trouble for that…) anypepestoryway…this kid/adult now (Ricky? The name would not come to me, don’t judge, I’m approaching 40, but Mason and Stevie both agree, yes, on the name) made me a killer, and I mean KILLER margarita. I took 4 drinks and I was feeling the heat. By one third gone, I was TWO thirds gone. I wish I could say I was joking, because I was getting “altered” and fast. (My teeth were numb and I tried to walk out of the clear glass panel NEXT to the door, when I left the restaurant) I ate some chips and salsa and some shrimp cocktail on crackers and a tamale and a chili rellano but food was failing me fast, so I concentrated on finishing the medium margarita that, based on my morning calculations of how-long-it-takes-my-body-to-filter-out-the-alcohol (years of research have perfected this system) there must have been at least, 5 shots of tequila in my drink. I can say that with confidence because I was still slightly drunk at 7:30 in the morning. And I even tried to move the alcohol along with activity and oxygen before I fell into dreamy-drunky sleep the night before but sometimes you can’t keep a good buzz down, or up, or whatever. End of story.
I dragged myself up, took out the garbage, diluted my remaining blood level of tequila with coffee, and watched Regis & Kelly with Pat Tomasulo subbing for Regis (!!) I wrote it on the calendar! Busy schedule, yeah yeah, I’ll be working soon enough and you’ll miss these long, rambling posts. (More Pat Stuff)
The Pat Down. For your enjoyment. And since this is Chicago, we have 2 newspapers…here’s the Trib version. Ok, I think I’m done now.
Then I really pushed the limit with a five mile run. Five point one something something, to be exact. I ran the water bill to the Village Hall, which maps out at 5+ miles. MapMy Run.com. 30 minutes there. 34 minutes back. One hour, four minutes. I will take it. I ran on the sidewalks. Concrete, hard on the shins with lots of hills, (dang Park Forest doesn’t have a completely flat spot 10 steps in a row), and chock full of tripping hazards. Broken cement, uneven, crooked, weeds, rocks…I’m not sure what the village is doing all the time. It seems like they dig holes in random spots all around town just so there’s something for the kids to fall into. At any rate. I was done for the day. Kids got home about 3 ish and we ate ice cream and talked about all they did last week. Stevie made cupcakes! First time on her own and no crunchy ones from egg shells! (So far) So proud. Then dinner and a movie. (Burgers on the grill and Smokey and the Bandit from Netflix) unpack the bags, go to bed and poof! Here we are. Today.
I’m going to skip the run today, maybe go take a walk at the nature trail if I can get the kids out there. Mason has grass to finish and we are open. I have the pictures you have been waiting for…I didn’t forget, it’s just time and energy and getting them off the cell phone. I even have video! The kids wanted to play in the water, but we don’t have a pool. We have a hose. So they filled up larger, plastic, Tupperware bowls and put their faces in them or dumped them over their heads. They would swim in a wet sponge if they could. Then they played water-hose-jump-rope, which is actually pretty funny. So that’s coming too! And all that other stuff I said I had…Remember my theme: Everything is always two days ago!
Cupcakes!
Half with sprinkles, half without! Tasty!
