Blooming Daffodils!
By the time these daffodil sprouts turn into flowers I hope I will be properly work-a-fied. It’s been one week now and I am still trying to figure out how to re-organize everything again. At work and at home. The work is just plugging along. Trying to get the routine. Trying to figure out how to manage my time so that everybody gets everything they need in my time on the floor. I’m going to try a new system tonight and see if I can help myself stay on track better. Thank goodness for the people who are precepting me. They are awesome.
Here at home, I have given myself 30 minutes to complete this post and go to the large pile of laundry that is sitting on the couch and, sort of, in one basket on the floor. That’s where it originally started. Nice and small and contained to one location. But as the days go by and people need specific clothes and I have to keep washing my same uniform, the pile grows. So that certainly hasn’t changed since school or even after school was done. I fear this may be one of those things that never change. The grocery accumulating has also suffered. I have a list. I meant to go. But I believe I am now getting my PM schedule-body-energy-alertness-shift-in-sleep-pattern thing going and it’s really messing up my daytime-energy-sleep thing. I slept yesterday AND today after the kids left. That should be enough right? I know my nights are getting better because I can actually see to drive home now. My contacts still felt fresh Tuesday night. And that’s a good thing because the weather keeps threatening to be crappy and it seems to be giving it it’s best effort at 11 pm when I’m trying to get home. Rain, sleet, snow and icy highways. It took me almost an hour the other night and I saw two accidents that looked slip and slide related. It’s supposed to snow tomorrow too, during the exact hours I will be at work. Perfect timing I say. Another challenge.
Ok. I missed my 30 minute cut-off. I set it for another 15, and I am at 13 right now. I would have done these boring home tasks yesterday on my day off but I chose to go to the school and see my kids play volleyball and then stay to cheer on the 8th grade basketball team as they won their conference championship game! They are going to state! It was very exciting and the gym was packed with people from both schools. Even the high school basketball team and coaches were there to cheer them on and probably to check out who’s coming to them next year. I believe the football coach was there too. I only mention it because I think he looks like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Seriously. And he was sitting right behind me with his knee in my back for most of the game. But you know, that’s just fine. I mean, come on, he’s not an ugly man. And it was a very muscular knee. I can’t wait for football season to start. I mean, I can’t wait until Mason is on the football team. I’m sure it’s not unusual for the moms to want to “talk” to the coach all the time about their kids right?? (I love you Jeff! But come on. You know he is good looking! Let me just have this!) Anyway, speaking of sexy football coaches and their muscles, I need to start working out to build my muscles. The weight thing is already happening and now I need to tone it all up. Again. For my health. Summer practice starts in 4 months.
Time’s up! Everyone have a great day! Next time I see the outdoors it will almost be Friday! 2 more days and I’m off for the weekend! Later.
Well It Sure Feels Like A Brand New Start
I know it’s not February first yet, but according to the air temperature it’s like a whole new season. We need to come up with some kind of phrase to identify this trend in unusual, possibly alarming, weather system changes. I can do 50 degrees all “winter”. I’ll even take the occasional one day snow storm followed by three days of melt. However my little daffodil buds are getting confused. Here’s a picture of them looking sad and sort of green-yellow in the grey and dirty dirt. The ground is not ready for them to sprout yet, but the heat says, “Come on up! The air is fine!” But it’s not.
I shall monitor their early progress for you. Via words and more pictures. Although be prepared for this site to take another sucky turn. As you know, I pride myself on posting just about every day with brilliant and insightful, meaningful, inspiring words and positive vibes and energy to you and the world abroad. Uh. huh. Well, I post every few days. And it’s almost always positive. That won’t change. The new issue is that I may actually have something else that I will need to be doing, full time, and for a good amount of money. Hint hint. Cough cough. Ahem. If I ain’t being too subtle here. Something worthy enough to give up my day job as resident blobber, blogger, desperately searching for an outside gig. I will let you know by the end of the week if I can finally change my Facebook status to: Works. Period. Anyway, February is always my lucky month for work related stuff. That’s when I got my last job too. It’s weird when stuff happens like that isn’t it?
I’m about to go get some food with the family and have a margarita. Just one. And it will be small. Well, smaller. We have an awesome place very close by. And I checked my med info. Moderate alcohol is ok. One drink every week or two will probably be just fine. And FYI, in case you were wondering, I have my next doc appt. this week to check on those meds, and even though it seems unlikely, I really think I feel better. Like, not sick feeling. Clear headed and without any throbbing or eye and temple pain. Maybe that BP was killing me. Sometimes drinking the kool-aid isn’t always a death sentence. Hard lesson to learn. In just a few days, I have tried to overhaul my sodium intake and step up the exercise regimen. We, me, everything, that you eat for convenience or that comes in a processed package is LOADED with mg’s and mg’s of that sneaky sodium. I spent my last few days buying some snazzy new jeans and t-shirts to transition myself slim again. Thanks to the new spandex and technologically advanced textile manufacturing, my jean size didn’t change! And no one will ever see the tags that say “high stretch fabric” or “extreme tensile strength materials”. Those labels are on a big old garbage truck heading for the dump. And I purposely shopped for colorful fruits and vegetables today. I think I shall be more boring to hang out with, but, I shall be hanging out a lot longer. Alright, one more picture because I like to take pictures of the skeleton trees. Later.
Damn Nature! You Scary!
I missed a few days there. Sometimes the weekends get away from me. And then whole weeks get away from me. I had the interviews. I’ve done all the legwork I am going to do for now. I actually started this posting before the one below it, so if it seems out of order or confusing, it’s because I failed to edit the things that already happened from the things that were about to happen. I will say that I am feeling better about the whole job thing. As usual, I underestimated the time it takes, the scheduling issues and the typical paperwork that goes along with actually getting hired for a job. It’s been well over 20 years since I had to do the whole formal procedure. So I continue to plug along.
And by plug along, I mean that I went to the doctor, and as I expected, he would not clear me for a few weeks. But he gave me drugs. And rescheduled me for next week. I am sure he does not believe that I will follow through with my care, but time will tell. He said the meds should make a difference within the week. I will let you know. I think my BP machine is way off from what their machine says, so when I go pick up my new prescription I am going to try the BP chair that they have in the drugstore. Don’t worry, I still had some pills left from my last attempt at controlling this problem, which I failed miserably at doing, so I am pilled up times 2. Last night and this morning. I guess I feel fine. I have to drive today so we’ll see how that goes. I was also given orders to eat low sodium. Watch that salt. Typical. No junk. The usual. He didn’t really mention the weight thing, but we both know…
The best part was the activity/exercise thing. He said I need to get active and get moving. But not crazy, strenuous, over-the-top, crap like I have been doing. Walk. He said. A light jog. But do not get yourself huffing and puffing, because guess what?? NOT GOOD for the BP yet. It’s too much. I have been given the ok to take it a little easier. It does no good to skyrocket your heart rate and BP when you already have naturally high numbers. I guess I could burst a blood vessel or faint at the very least. Once the BP is better, you can go back to the big stuff. I really do feel kind of stupid, because I should know better. But the cliches are true. I definitely stink at taking my own advice. But let’s move past this, because I hate dwelling on my own idiotic mistakes and I have other things to do today. One of which is returning some women’s blouses that make me look like a flowing pregnant middle aged dump. And unfortunately, I have to break down and buy some new jeans. I very nearly ripped the belt loop off of the one pair that is supposed to be stretchy. Now I have a big hole where the front pocket meets the loop and I am flashing the people with my white, pasty, roll of blubber that is trying to escape from the waist band. Not pretty.
So as you know, we had some snow over here. Came down on Friday and tapered off, leaving the cleanup for Saturday morning. We went to bowling and when we got home, at about noon or so, Stevie and I decided to go walk in the woods. We were just there, and we figured the trail itself wouldn’t be too snowed over because of all the trees. We were excited to be the only car in the parking lot, which was plowed so we thought that was a good sign. And as we started there was a set or two of footsteps, not brand new but visible, so we thought someone obviously already walked the trail and if we just follow their path we will be fine. As an extra precaution we made sure to make a huge mess where we were walking so we could always just turn around and follow our own steps back out. We were even careful not to veer off the set path too much so that we didn’t get confused later. Good thing.
We made it to the pine trees before we started losing the path. Above is the picture of the first bridge and the small boardwalk you have to cross before you get to the creek that Stevie was playing on last week. The creek is totally covered in snow now. Or it was. It didn’t even have any animal tracks yet. The creek is below. One with Stevie, one without. We liked the way the shadows were laying across the fresh snow.
As we continued to walk, the snow was thick in places and I’m sure we weren’t exactly on the path that the nature preserve people laid down, but it was close. When we got to the pine trees the footprints really got dim. But there’s only one way to go through and we knew where we were going forward so we kept at it. I’ll just throw in all the pics, as I type so I can use them and you can kind of see and compare from past photos if you can remember or care to search.
Just past the pine trees is an open area. It looks much bigger as you peer through the trees but when you get up to it, it’s not really open at all. The way the trees have grown and then appear to have died out there, they look like they are reaching for the pine trees. Kind of bending towards them with outstretched arms. The limbs were covered in snow and gave the scene an even more desolate feel.
It was so bright and sunny though, it was almost blinding. It should have seemed clean and happy. The sky was blue behind the trees and the air was warmer in the open areas. But it was really cold and shadowy under those pine trees and it felt heavy and dark. I was hoping we would not have to walk back through there because the way the snow was laying it was hard to see our tracks even though we were right there, practically still standing in them. As I look at the picture above now, I think of hula dancing and I can see, what looks like a face, in the tree that is right in the center. The more I look, the more faces I see. It didn’t look like that standing there in front of them. It looks like there are faces in both waving trees and then another one on the left side, along the edge of the picture, maybe a third of the way up.It kind of looks like someone is hiding behind the tree, peering out.
So we took the pictures, but we didn’t really see any of that as we were walking. We kept going to our favorite picture spot: The Path! The path of tall evergreen trees! This leads to a lake, which then leads to a nature out crop that goes into the marshlands that are really tucked away inside the forest preserve. Luckily we were far too lazy to walk all the way through. Another good thing. I am sure the next time we go, when I can wear gym shoes because the winter boots I have hurt my feet and ankles really bad, we will have pictures for you. Can’t wait huh? Yeah I know. Here’s more trees:
Well that one takes up alot of space. From here, if you go directly to the left, there is a very long boardwalk that takes you through the next part of the woods. And here is where we had our trouble. It seems who ever walked before us decided to stop just at this tree line and go back. At least that’s what we are guessing. No more tracks. But since the boardwalk can only go in one direction, we figured, what the hell. The path will probably be pretty clear as it kind of goes in a big loop. WRONG. Once we got to the end of the planked path, we followed the treeline to a little sitting bench that sits at a turn. We continued on for maybe 100 or 200 feet when we decided we were not on the path anymore. We were walking over branches and stumps and trying to not fall or twist an ankle. There were footprints, in single lines, going here and there, so we picked one set that looked like they were heading for the creek and started to follow them. We were now very careful to make as big a path as we could and to NOT veer off or change directions. At this point we could not see the bench anymore and we could not tell at all where we were in relation to the original trail. We know that there is a huge, brand new bridge structure that was just completed before winter, somewhere in front of us, but even going forward, we could not see any sign of it. And it’s really huge. Like, way bigger than it needs to be. It actually looks too big for what it is going over. And it’s a bright yellow, fresh wood color, that sticks out in all that pure white we were surrounded by. If I was cold before or my feet were hurting in those boots, those feelings were totally gone and being replaced by anxiety and a nervous feeling that we are truly lost in these stupid woods. I knew we had our footprints. And I knew we had hours of daylight left. But still. Standing there, looking around, trying to find anything that looks even slightly familiar, and finding nothing but more trees and no clear path, is a sick feeling. Far off in the distance we could see movement that looked like deer running. And they were. Because they were being chased by those same two dogs we had come across on the path last week. They approached us fast and friendly, sort of, but wary at the same time. Kind of like they thought we were going to try and catch them. They were German Shepard’s, brown and gray, and when we first saw them they really looked like wolves, or at least coyotes. But even though these dogs had tags, they still didn’t look healthy or domestic. They were skittish and briar tangled and looked wild a few days ago. They are either lost or they get to roam. Either way, they stayed away from us on this day.
I was pretty much done with taking pictures and kind of sorry I brought the stupid camera with at all. Now I had to carry it and we needed to make a decision. Keep plowing ahead hoping to somehow run across the creek and one of the bridges, and possibly running the risk of crossing back over tracks that we already made and following them in an endless circle, or just going back the way we came before we got even farther into the trees. Since we really had no idea which direction we were going and we had no map of the trail to generally guide us from the bench point, we decided the best way was to just go back. Even that felt nerve-wracking because it occurred to me that if it started to snow again, or the wind started picking up, our fresh new tracks could be brushed away in a few minutes. So we tried to go fast but in a controlled fastness that did not lead to panic. Here’s another picture of the trees with the nice blue sky that doesn’t look scary at all.
Usually it takes us about an hour to walk all around the 3 mile loop. Even with starts and stops. We were already out there for over an hour when we got past the boardwalk. The snow was pretty deep and it is a workout to walk in. Going back we were trying to hurry but we were getting tired and our feet and calves were aching in the same way they do when you walk on sand for a long time. Our pants were wet above the boots and starting to soak through and it felt colder and breezier. You would think borderline freaking out would keep you warm, but you’d be wrong. You don’t really think about being cold, but it’s not the same thing. Once we got to the boardwalk, we felt better. It was easy to follow the path we had made. Then we just walked, without stopping, all the way back to the creek and the first bridge. Finally. Now we could take a minute to stand there and laugh about how dumb it is, and easy, to get “lost” in the woods. Oh, and here were the people! Now they come. Here’s a man and a woman. Here’s two more guys. Here’s an old man and a woman. And here’s a whole family! Three adults and two little kids. All of them had cameras hanging around their necks like I did. We told all of them how far we went and how if they follow our tracks all the way until the end, they will abruptly stop in the middle of what seems like nowhere, and unless they are braver than we were, they should turn back at the bench. We practically ran out of the woods once we saw the nature building, but stopped long enough to take one more picture, before Stevie swished all the snow off the top:
So that ends my gripping tale of being lost in the woods for 2½ hours after the first major snowfall of our Midwest winter. FYI, in case you don’t live in this area, the next day it rained. And rained. We had about 45 degree temps. Thunder, lightning, the whole shot. All the snow got melted away. Except the really tall snowplowed piles. They just look like gray, dirty mounds of disgusting, scattered all around the neighborhood. Then it snowed lightly, again, to add a fine white powder to the top of the crap piles and dust the grass one more time before it warmed up (yesterday) and misted a fine rainfall over the whole mess, trying to melt it away for good. It’s sunny and bright right this minute and I am going to look outside… right now… and tell you that the snow that remains, is piled on yard corners, next to the driveway entrances, or hiding in the shade.
As usual this took way too long to type and is probably way too long to read all the way through. So, if you stuck with me this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel a story can’t be told in just a few sentences. It needs paragraphs and pages and many many run-on sentences to drive home my pointless points. Be glad that you don’t have to actually listen to me tell the tale. At least here you can just click off the site and be done with it. Good golly! Maybe I should put a quick sum-up at the bottom of the page for the people who skipped the middle and are just looking to see if we made it out alive.
For the scrollers:
STOP HERE!
Long story short version: Big snow. Went to the hiking trail. Followed a set of previous footprints until they disappeared. Took some pictures. Went off path. Then had no path to follow. Got lost. Saw some potentially rabid dogs. Backtracked. Saw more people. Made it out safely.
Does that short version seem too long? I don’t know anymore! I just want this to end! I must get up and get out. Later gators! The End.
View From the Trail
The Nature Trail, that is. In my quest to exercise every day, but not do the same thing every day, and because I can be lazy and not feel like sweating or jumping around for an hour, I walk our local trails. Sometimes I run them, but it was kind of snowy and slippery and I didn’t want to be carted out of them on a stretcher. So embarrassing when the ambulance and firefighters have to come to the Forest Preserve, hike a mile into the woods, with all their equipment, to find me, and then basket me out like some dumbass who was running in the woods and slipped and fell and broke her ankle. Or leg. Or neck. This is suburbia! They didn’t sign up for that!
Anyway, this is the creek, above. And below are some trees. I will resist posting all of the pictures I took or that my daughter took. Apparently she shares my love of photographing bare branches as much as I do. I find walking to be the easiest exercise ever. This is Monday. Tuesday was The Firm (that makes 3 workouts now if you are keeping track–still looking mostly the same–still trying to curb the appetite and eat better). And I walked yesterday too, just around the neighborhood. Just to get outside. It was cold and deceptively slippery. The sun was melting some of the snow but not all of the snow. Just enough to leave that slick of ice that will drop you on your ass in a heartbeat, while also simultaneously wrenching out your back as you try to prevent the fall. I made it safely back home but only because I was very careful to NOT walk on anything that even looked like ice.
In other news: I still haven’t heard from the hospital. I can call tomorrow. I have two interviews next week that I’m pretty excited about. I have been trying to stay positive and concentrate on losing the chunk because it will help me in the long run to not feel negative about this silly stuff. I’d like to say I didn’t post yesterday because I was all up in the social and political censorship internet issues. Doing my part to keep this a cutting edge, raw and real website, filled with black humor and gripping information about life and the occasional boozing and swearing. Protesting to keep it free and available for you to read. And to protect my right to type any and everything that flows out of my brain into the atmosphere no matter how ridiculous or irrelevant. Even if no one actually wants it or reads it. I think the day was a success. I think the internet made its point. I never know how these things go. Smarter folks will have to argue that one for me. In the meantime my little site will be here if you change your mind. No. I was just seeped in the gloom of winter and joblessness. Feeling the UN-love from HR departments everywhere. At least everywhere in the Chicagoland area.
After I got back from my walk though, I really did feel better. There’s studies about the effects of sunshine on depression. I won’t bog down the paragraph with details, but if you feel bad, and you normally don’t, try going outside for about 10 minutes. It’s an easy, free, painless way to see if maybe you just need a re-boot. Nothing medical here. No belittling any real problems that you have. I always like to try the path of least resistance first before I drag out the big guns. I aim for 30 minutes and see how I feel. I would have stayed out longer, but I had to pee really bad and I didn’t want to risk the hold. Too much? Anyway, when I got home, I got the surprise interview phone call and then it was time to go to watch my daughter play volleyball. Too busy too worry then.
Here’s another thing that my cousin will love. The match was an away-game, and held in a gym that was so freaking hot I thought I was going to pass out. It was in one of those really old schools, the kind that look big from the outside but are even bigger on the inside. Three stories high and a basement, with painted, cinder-block walls, long hallways with high ceilings, and lots of recessed doorways and narrow staircases that give it that old-timey, asylum feeling. The gym itself was a compact room of shiny, wooden planks, with the bleachers hanging over the gym floor balcony-style. One wooden door, set into the back wall, lead into another little gym, with another set of balcony bleachers that you could access from the top or bottom. We parked on the wrong side of the building and had to walk through the whole school and then back outside again to get into the gym. No, not the gym, the “GYMNASIUM”. Carved into a giant stone arch, above a huge wooden, double door with leaded glass and black iron fixtures that we reached by climbing up, not one, but two, flights of concrete stairs, flanked on both sides by red brick, shoulder-high walls. Heat definitely rises. My palms were sweating. And I was wearing a T-shirt. Before we go chucking it up to menopause, let it be known that we were ALL dying in there. I’m counting that too for my exercise log. It’s like the sauna part after a good workout. I feel cleansed.
I might have more to type for later. But I’m making Jambalaya and it takes time, so I have to go. I already made brownies. And biscuits are in the hopper. I like to cook when I feel bad. It calms me down and gives me something exacting and tasty to focus on. When I post about rice pudding, you’ll know it’s time for an intervention. That’s my go-to, can’t-drag-myself-out-of-the-house food savior. It takes hours to cook and slowly bake and it becomes something more than just rice and milk and sugar. It’s like Bondo for your soul. It fills in the cracks and holes and keeps the bad stuff out until you can figure out a way to get it whole again. I haven’t made it in years and years, thank god. But the last time I did, these cousins of mine, the ones I speak of, were there with me. To sit, and wait, until it got dark, and share it with me. So I didn’t have to eat it all alone. I think about that sometimes. It was a moment that I truly needed help and they were there, like magic.
Sorry about that. This is what happens when you type every random thought that spills into your head. That had me tearing up over here, and it’s beautiful outside, and I’m happy and I’m all better now. On a funny note, now that I really think about it, all our names begin with the letter “L”. How weird!! Anyway, I love you guys. And if I never said it before, I’ll say it now: Thank you!! You guys are awesome.
Alright, really done now. I have food to cook, not so much because I feel bad this time, but because the weather is supposed to turn on us again and a big pot of food just feels safe and secure doesn’t it?? And I need to take care of a squirrel that won’t get off the bird feeder. He will B-BE taken “care of”. How can I get all my fab bird pictures with squirrels hanging around eating all the seeds? (Bird Alert! A blood-red Cardinal and a sky-blue Blue Jay are in my air space. Trying to get them in my camera and out to you. Spent an hour yesterday but I need more!) Also, my kids aren’t home yet so I should probably go see if they left me any messages on their whereabouts. Later Gators!
What’s that old saying? Feed a fever and starve a fat cell?
So hungry!! Why is food so tasty?? FYI, I am not eating that right now. That was last week. When I was unhealthy. Remember? I talked about finding the giant chip? Well, that’s it. I put it next to the remote for perspective. And that’s the 16 oz. dip container. Which I threw out yesterday because it does not need to be in the house anymore. I am trying to be good. So far, I am averaging out to about 1500-2000 cals a day. Which I also already said, but thought I would say again so I can lead into the whole starving myself thing. In the days leading up to my big interview (No call at all today. Is that Friday the 13th good luck or bad luck? We’ll never know) I tried to drink buckets of water and eat minimal food quantities. Well that plan backfired on Wednesday because I felt sick as a dog when I finally did eat. I was so hungry that as soon as I started eating some food my stomach cramped and I thought I was going to throw up. Plus I had a raging, pounding, piercing headache because I drank coffee in the afternoon like a dumb ass. I have been trying to limit my coffee drinking to about noon. I have been getting heartburn and headaches if I try and drink it all through the day like I used to. At one point I was even drinking it on the ride home from work at 5 and 6 at night. That’s crazy right? Anyway, I notice it more now, especially if I stop for awhile in the morning, like to exercise or shower, or drink more water and eat. If I try to have coffee on an empty exercised and watered stomach in the afternoon, I feel like someone is trying to stab me in the head with a knife. That’s probably NOT a good thing. So that’s one more thing to add to the “old” list.
Anyway, that’s it really. Just wanted to talk about the correlation between food and exercise. Definitely works better and delivers more results if you do both. Eat the healthy way. And in evenly spaced increments. No starvation tactics. And exercise every day. 30 minutes plus, if you can. I also needed an excuse to post these potato chip pictures. The other one is below. The giant potato chip is sitting over the top of the dip container! We are the party people. Dinner is on the way so I gotta go, but keep reading if you haven’t today and find a related post below that! Eating less+ exercise = Bones! Later!
BREAKING NEWS! Did any of you guys know that there are bones UNDER your skin??
Sorry if I alarmed you with my punctuated and capitalized headline. This is supposed to be a funny site. If you build it, they will come. More like if you wish for it in one hand, and **BLEEP** in the other…
Yes, already off topic, funny site, although you really couldn’t tell from the last few days or weeks. I still haven’t heard anything about that job, so let’s just get that right out of the way first. Maybe later. Maybe Monday. It’s frustrating and nerve wracking. I mean I can take rejection. That’s one of the reasons I post here. Nobody would pay for this, (I’ve tried—although I might be better at it now, and I should try again) so I just give it away for free. Besides it makes me feel better. Free psych sessions courtesy of the internet. Put it out there and it can’t bother you anymore! Anyway, like I was saying, I can take rejection. I am all for the school of “rip it off fast.” You know, the whole band-aid metaphor. Give me the bad news. Or the good news. Then we can start making plans for the next thing. But it’s the waiting that kills me every time. So, nothing there yet.
As for these, so called, bones, I am happy and surprised to see that, 1.) Most of mine are still nestled safe and secure under the layer of “thick” skin I posses and cultivate all over my body. And 2.) A few of them are trying to surface for air. As I stepped out of the shower and started combing the rat’s nest on my head that I refer to as my hair (although my mom will, definitely and loudly, stick with the “rat’s nest” description. Or, maybe not a whole nest. Perhaps just a slightly built nest. But I digress.) Anyway, I noticed as I was moving my arm up and down I could see this sort of, roundness and pointiness, at my shoulder level. As I investigated further, I recognized that it was my long lost shoulder muscle and the end part of my collarbone. The parts that give you the look of having a “ball” on the top of your arm and a bone that kind of sits on top. I also noticed my collarbones are trying to make their way out from under my neck fat. Nice image! But there it is.
Again, I was going to give up and NOT exercise today because I hate it. And I want to sit on my butt and feel sorry for myself. I don’t want to listen to a cheery girl tell me to “give it all I got.” I got nothing. So I forced myself to get up and just start. I told myself I could always do it half-assed or quit altogether. I did not wear anything good or even put on shoes. The funny thing was, it did feel like crap at first, no lie, but then it felt good and I felt less bad. So I finished Miss Firm, did some extra ab stuff and some girl push-ups (I had too. The man ones are making me feel like a weakling, the count is still under “1″), took a shower and was amazed to notice these extra bumps trying to make space on my body. It’s subtle, to be sure. No Miss Universe contests just yet. But it made me feel really good that after only 5 days, I can still snap back to even a small semblance of good health and shape. My years are numbered here and I have got to just stay at a livable place, so I don’t have to keep re-building the boat every time I go out onto the water. That’s some kind of mixed metaphor or something, but I like the way it sounds so it stays in without editing.
That makes Day 5 of exercise. In a row. In case you missed that count. And Work Out 2, of the Firm’s, “see results in 10 workouts” sticker promise. I have low hopes for tomorrow. It’s Saturday and we have plans. Bowling starts again and there are things to be done, but maybe if I plan it right, I can keep the pace. Gotta keep the ship sealed tight if you don’t want any leaks. Rump frump frump. That’s supposed to be like a stodgy man giving you the business. Huuh-rumph! Later.
One winter snow storm, after weeks of unseasonably and globally warming temperatures, delivered as predicted!
No snow pictures yet. Maybe tomorrow. Please enjoy this decoration from the kids winter band program.
As for that snow prediction, you can thank me. Or blame me. Or call me a witch. I predicted this days and days ago. I told everyone who would listen that there will not be any snowfall, no matter what the news says, until the day I get called for an interview. I haven’t had one really important place to travel to for months. No place to go that would really matter if I couldn’t make it for any reason. I said the day that I have to go on my first job interview will be the day the snow comes to call on our humble community. Welp…they called me last Thursday to set me up for today at 9am and the weather men started predicting, “Snow Watch! Doom! 2012!” on Monday. It never fails. Monday Tuesday Wednesday, 50, balmy, sunny…Thursday: RAIN! SLEET! ICE! SNOW!! Turn off the lights. Lock your doors. Leave town. Buy all the supplies at the CVS. You can NOT escape SNOW in the Midwest in the WINTER! Seriously. I had to go to the CVS to get toilet paper and I kid you not, the cold case was completely empty. No milk, no eggs, no meats, butters, etc. And alot of the shelves looked all bare and picked over. Scary.
As for me, I really did have an interview today and I really did drive in the snow. But it was only going home. To make a boring story even less anticlimactic, it was just starting to mist a bit on the way in and it was lightly flaking when I left. However, as I got closer to home and side tracked towards my mom’s house in Beecher, which is more south than me, it really was coming down thick and wet and sticky. (I had also gotten another call from another place and I had to go fill out an app. Maybe two’s the charm?? We’ll see…) Then I decided to go see my mom. Cause I’m cool like that. And she did not disappoint.
I’m already feeling down in the dumps because of the weight issues, the job issues, the general lack of a life issues, and the fact that even though I think my interview went well, and I brought in all of the info that they asked for, and I got a mini tour of the place in addition to meeting HR and the managers, they still just thanked me for coming in and told me they would call or e-mail. I guess that’s how it goes, but I don’t know. I hate to jinx it by saying anything but I figure it’s after the fact so it probably doesn’t matter. And even though my mom knows all these things, because she read my last few posts, the first thing she said to me, the very first thing, and I am not exaggerating in any way, shape or form, when I walked into her house was, “Oh! You should have put your hair up instead of wearing it down like that. Oh it looks so messy! Pulled back would have been so much better!” And she made some hand gestures while pulling on her frosted scrags. Really mom?
Don’t worry, I said that right to her face. I even told her I was gonna write about our little visit. (Hi Mom! Hope that internet is back up and running so you can read this!) I even wrote down all the other gems she had to share with me because I didn’t want to deprive any of you, especially my sissy Amanda, of my mother’s supreme hilarity and lack of tact. I guess technically, her other comments were meant to be nice. But, well, I’ll let you guys judge that.
Let me just get my notes here. Ok. After she criticized my hair and made us coffee and put out some cookies, we tried to get her computer to work. No luck. As we sat down at the kitchen table, my mom picked up the cookies and said, “You probably don’t want these right? I’ll put them away to make it less tempting.” She had been reading my posts so she knew I probably wouldn’t want them but it was the only snack she had that goes with coffee. Then she said, kind of off-handed, “I expected you to be bigger.” I said, “What? What do you mean?”
“Oh well, the way you made it sound I expected you would come lumbering into my house looking like a big stuffed elephant like you put on your website. I was wondering, ‘how much weight did you gain in the last month?’ I mean, I just saw you.” While she’s telling me this she is also gesturing with her hands and kind of holding them out in front of her to indicate how “stuffed” she expected me to be. And she went on, “I would say you’re not like an elephant. More like a baby moose.”
Uh huh. I said, “Well geez mom, thanks. We were just at Cabela’s and the moose they had there was actually bigger than the elephant. So thanks a lot. I’m as big as a moose. That’s much better.”
Bring it home mom: “No, I said a baby moose.” Just holding her coffee cup, sitting across from me, drinking and comparing me to the wildlife. I stared at her for what seemed like a minute, and I really don’t remember if I was actually thinking anything. But for some reason when my mom says stuff like that it just makes me burst into laughter. I guess maybe because I never expect it. So I laughed and I said that I am writing all of this down so I don’t forget and I thanked her for giving me my next article here. Cause really, let’s face it now, some of these posts are turning into mini-novels already.
But back to Rita. She said, “See? What would you do if I didn’t give you something to write about?” Hmm. I just don’t know.
So that’s my mish mash story for today. Haven’t heard anything back from the interview. So I wait. I felt so bad I wasn’t even going to go exercise, which is exactly the time I should go. Thanks to a movie due back to the video store today, my unwillingness to drive on the unplowed streets where I live, and the fact that my daughter suggested it to begin with, we were able to sneak in almost an hour of walking, about 1.7 miles, in unshoveled snow. It’s like walking on sand, but in boots and jeans and coats and hats and gloves. It was actually quite fun and a pretty good work out. My legs were burning! And my calves are sore. But that makes FOUR days in a row. Now I need to go to bed because I am tired from the stress of worrying about everything and nothing.
I’ll throw in another animal shot to keep things even. I think they’re bucks, not moose, but you get the idea. And for those keeping count, my push up total still stands at about half of one. BUT, I was able to hover above the ground, in the down position for much longer than yesterday before my chubby gut hit the floor. Then I pushed myself back up and called it “one.” Have a good night.
Ham String Curls!
That headline is only going to be funny to one person, but I don’t care. I had a novel idea today to work out BEFORE I posted anything. The weather is supposed to be nice a again, and so far it is. Paul Konrad spoke of 50′s and warmer temps and clear skies. But it still feels cold to me. Plus I have a volleyball game to go to for Stevie. Second one. The first was Monday. It was very exciting and the matches were close, usually a point or two, but they ended up losing. I thought they did pretty good for only having 4 practices. And those were over Christmas Break. I’ll put pics up if the girl lets me. Anyway, I won’t have time later to work out and I don’t trust the weather to wait for a few more hours. Plus I wanted something fast and complete. So I went to my old standby: The Firm. 45 minutes of pure elevated heart rate and sweat. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t eat or because my heart hasn’t worked that hard trying to move me around in weeks, but I felt slightly sick in the middle and for a minute there, thought for sure I was going to throw up. My stomach flipped and all I could hear was my heart beating in my head but I just stood there lifting my stupid dumbbells until it passed. So you know this tape has got to be good right??
That picture above really has nothing to do with my workout besides the ham string curl, curled horns, thing. It’s a stretch I know. Anyway, I like doing the Firm workouts because they combine cardio and weights and they make me sweat because I am out of shape. Rebekah is the ring leader. She’s cute and so evil with her friendly, constant chatter about what we are about to do next. Ham String Curls is one of the things she says that gets into my nightmares while I sleep. She says it all sing-songy and I am lured into the abyss. You can see her devil eyes about halfway through the workout. She’s looking up at the camera and I feel her thoughts enter into my brain, “C’mon you fat ass, kick it higher, lift that heavier weight, burn burn burn!” I may just be hallucinating that last part though. I am working my way back into the P90X sets. I was doing them every day last year, but I totally fell off the wagon and rolled into the street, down a hill, across a stream and then down another hill until I landed in a giant hole of marshmallow middles, blubber butts and shame.
But I’m back. Three days in a row! It’s a new year record! It’s all part of the master plan: Run. Walk. Weights. And add some push ups. (The tape gives you some ab moves–not too crazy. You can always add more if you like) One of the new sites that I am following, linked over to the right there, or click on the name, called WhatUp Chickenbutt just did a post on girl vs. regular push-ups. She said skip the girl ones all together and go for the man ones. Do them every day and see what happens. Well I will tell you, I did lots of girl push ups when I started P90 because I could not do even ONE real pushup. By the time I quit the P90, I could 10 regular ones. Took about 40 days for me personally to get there. I tried one today….and I’d generously give myself about one HALF of a real push up. I went down. Skimmed the ground with my gut. Froze there shaking and tried to push myself back up. I would say I was on the ground longer than the up and down motion. Then I tried it again after my Firm workout and I’d say I improved to about a Three Quarter pushup. I felt more confident though! But I still couldn’t do one. It’s a good idea though and I like a challenge. Do what is right for you! It’s no fun to fail right out of the gate. Besides, the girl ones are not all bad because they do allow you to build up some arm strength using half your weight until you can finally hoist your whole body up and down. So work up to whatever you can handle. Obviously I am one of those people that has to work out every day or I will not work out at all. One slip and I’m doomed to the couch. Anyhoo, the Firm is a good way to ease back into the hell of P90. The Firm box says you can see results in 10 workouts. I will let you know about that. It’s probably true. In fact I know it is because I used it last year too. It’s a nice break from the P90 intensity and it feels like you can dance. Rebekah does those old aerobic moves you used to see all the time. Things like plyo’s, switchups, wraps, it was all very confusing at first but I got it now. It makes me feel like I know what I’m doing and I enjoy seeing myself mirroring what the girls are doing on screen. I just can’t finish the whole thing yet. So close, but no cigar. I recommend this particular one because you get a good combo of cardio/weights that will make you sweat and feel good but won’t discourage you from trying it again if you can’t do everything all the way through. I put the pic below.
These pictures always turn out so gigantic. Well, I have lots more to write about, and I need to get some food. I’ve been good so far, keeping the cals at about 1500 to 2000. That seems like a lot but it’s not for me considering how much I was eating just a few days ago. And I’m trying to keep it as low-everything bad as possible, but this is the part that takes the most work. Jumping around like a wounded animal gasping and clawing the air for breath is easy. Shopping and cooking healthy for yourself and your family, under the whining protest that it’s “gonna be gross” and fighting against the constant, gnawing hunger for a few days (or weeks depending on how far gone you really are) is hard. Here’s to coffee and breath mints! My meal of choice for the newly turned fanatic. I’m just kidding. That’s my diet every day. Later.
View From the Sidewalk
Well I did it. I managed to get my butt up and out of the house two days in a row. Yesterday was the trail, I can post those next, but today was walking to the library and back. Three and a half miles. Walking briskly. In jeans and my winter coat. Took about an hour or so with library time. This is looking over the high school to the North. Clear blue nothing. My legs felt tight but I could have run if I wanted to. This day was a bit misleading. It looked nice. The temp said it was 50 degrees, but it felt cold and damp. And there was some small wind activity in certain directions that made it feel extra chill. And that sun was so bright I felt like I was dizzy. It’s just setting now but I swear it’s trying to go down as brilliantly as it possibly can. I just went to look at it in case I need to take a picture of another magnificent sunset and all I can see are black spots in my eyes. It’s too bright to even try to look at. My smart phone says “Sunny” and “48″. But it should really say “Extra Blindingly Photo Flash Sunny” and “Damp And Clammy 48″. But that’s probably too much information and could get confusing. As for the walking part, I was a sweaty mess when I got back home. My shirt was grossly soaked through. You could see the outline of my bra in the back. That’s another reason why I wear mostly black. Sweat doesn’t show. I am attributing my recent penchant for extra sweatiness (the last year or so) to the extra weightiness I have picked up in that same last year or so. I used to be a cool cucumber. Not anymore. I am a soggy pickle. There’s probably not more I can add after that so I’m going to end this right here. Later.
Denial Ain’t Just a River in Egypt
I will let you decide which noble and majestic, wild beast I will be currently comparing myself to. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not Marty. (That was a layered hint. See, you have to know first of all, that that is a pic of an elephant and a zebra. Then you need to know about the very funny, but child-oriented, movie called Madagascar–the first one–which means you either: have to have kids, have no kids but love cartoon movies, or either have kids or not have kids but LOVE Chris Rock. “Oh I could hang here. I could hang here!” That’s my favorite quote and I have been perfecting my perfect Chris Rock impersonation. It is magnificent!) Much like that elephant above.
I do have a fantastic memory. And I am strong and powerful. And coincidentally, I kind of have a big nose. Luckily, my teeth are good and no tusks are growing out of my head just yet. Unfortunately…I am in current possession of a larger-than-life body to lumber around in. I can deny it no more.
The catalyst for this sudden realization, was clothes shopping at the mall over the weekend, as it most always usually is. It was not, as previously reported here, my mother’s gentle and loving, reality wake-up call, that she gave me a few weeks ago. You can read the whole post here if you want, but if you don’t like to jump around, I can sum it up by telling you she pretty much told me I was a big fat, fatty-bo-batty, in plain, clear English and said I should do something about that. Even though that doesn’t sound funny, it was actually VERY funny. In fact, it still is pretty funny. It makes me laugh just typing it. Only a mom can tell you that you are a cow and it only stings for a second, then it turns into hilarious laughter and a trip to the Starbuck’s to add another winter layer to the protective hide. But back to the mall.
A while back I went to buy some “interview” clothes. And I had the chance to wear them to a job fair and to Thanksgiving dinner. Then my daughter helped me wash the clothes and shrunk my perfectly fitted blouse into a shirt that I could barely get over my arms and shoulders, much less button again. When I say, perfectly fitted, I mean that it was already snug. EXCUSE ALERT!! I have very broad shoulders and a large ribcage with extra boobage, that none of my sisters or mom have. So that’s what I tell myself when I can’t find a nice button up blouse to fit me properly. No matter, that when I look at past pictures, I don’t seem extra large (in women’s clothes–yes, shameful secret, I have to shop in the misses or the women’s section. The juniors are mostly beyond my range and style threshold now. Also, I like my pants unripped and not looking like they got dragged through a dirt pile before I wear them.) Anyway, the point here, is that I was looking for something to wear in case I need to go on an interview. I kind of decided to look on a whim. We were there because my son wanted a suit coat and shirt and tie to wear for his 8th grade graduation pictures this week. (Yay!! Almost there!! He found everything he wanted in 15 minutes. Fits perfectly. Looks sharp. Not so for his mom. Sad face.) I know I know. Just get to the point.
As I was wandering around from store to store, department to department, trying to find a basic blouse to go with plain black dress slacks, I realized that:
1. I felt like a giant dumptruck. I was grossly dressed in ill-fitting jeans screaming for mercy, ripped up shoes and a hoodie, with frizzy hair (sorry A, I know that hurts, it will get better), little make-up and a bad attitude. My own fault. Plus that dread cycle coming up has put me in pity mode for a few days. I hate it, but at least realizing it helps make it go away for me.
2. Patterns are the staple in women’s clothing and they can not only be ugly as hell, but they have the ability to make you instantly feel like an old lady with one bad color scheme.
3. My son and BF are hilarious. They meant to be funny with their comments about the clothes and my size issue. I was gently told I should consider something “not so fitted” especially if the buttons will be straining to stay buttoned. Even when I am standing. OUCH. What??? I have not been totally in the dark about this, but you know, bloating and not drinking enough water, and blah blah blah. My daughter’s new favorite phrase is, “You just got hit by a reality truck!” Well, I got hit by the truck, run over, and then it backed up and ran over me again. It was really the, “Are we going to have to go to Lane Bryant?” comment that pushed me out into traffic. It was said in a totally joking manner with no sarcasm or malevolence at all. But that one stung. Like, I almost cried, stung. And I have a pretty thick skin, like an elephant, metaphorically speaking. Sometimes it completely sucks to be female. For the record, I do still fit in the regular store sizes, I even have a two to three size leeway before I have to give up the general department store or move to the Plus size section. I tried the clothes on, so I know. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with Lane Bryant stores or clothing. It’s just the next level of dressing nice for the bigger girl and NOT resorting to stretchy pants and sweatshirts. Which IS terrible. But that’s not going to happen.
4. My daughter is hilarious and dashed around the clothing racks looking for the perfect blouse because, “It’s not a big deal mom, just start exercising and eating better and it will be fine. You know you can do that.” and just like that, on and on, while she picked stuff out, matched things up and made me try them on while she determined which is the best. All while trying to cheer me up and soothe my hurt feelings with humor and the promise that after we shop we can go eat our last meal of fried greasy food because fried food always makes you feel better. My little Buddha.
I will say, for myself, personally, or for anyone who has the variety pack of kids, and this is most definitely a MUSH ALERT (skip it if you must): I feel extremely lucky to have a boy and a girl to raise and be raised by. They each bring their own unique personalities, and, still being formed, world views to the table along with some staggeringly stereotypical behaviors and ideas, that I can only attribute to their basic gender and gene pool that combine to make them the perfect balance between never wanting them to grow up and leave my sight and life or sending them packing to their dad’s for a long vacation. The definitely keep you grounded and aware of the world even when you don’t want to be. And most of the time they don’t even know they are doing it to you. Yes, I would like to order two of the offspring reality trucks to be delivered to the mall on Sunday. Schedule a drive-by and then a basic run-and-back-over, for about 2 pm. I’ll also take a Diet Coke while I wait. Thank you!
In the end, I bought a few different blouses. I need to dress better anyway. I look like a…well, I don’t know what I look like. I have no style whatsoever. I have been counting on the fact that the whole rest of my life will be in a scrub uniform so who cares. My daughter says I am just a real basic mom. I stay the same. “You’re just the standard jeans and black t-shirt mom. The simple mom. With the same clothes every day and the black shoes.” She struggles with the words but she means it in the most positive way. And since I’m so evenly proportioned, body wise, symmetrical, is what she means. I don’t really get fat in any one area, I just kind of “puff up”.
Now, tell me, who would NOT like to be described as “puffed up”? To make a long story, even longer, I faced my fear. Woke up yesterday, sent the kids to school, did my usual coffee/Words/computer/job search/money search/throw in a load of laundry morning and then suited up to hit the trail for a brisk four mile walk/run. Break the barrier. Start the exercise process again. Ease back into good health and healthy eating. Again. But, before I left the house, I took pictures. Horrible, shameful, lumpy pictures. So bad, I already warned my children to stay off my phone and not to be looking at all my pictures lest they be scarred for life. Nothing naked. It’s clear enough, without the nudity, that I need help. I mean, if we are facing our fears the proper body image is necessary. I have a distorted view of myself as my BF will gladly tell you is true. It’s not what you are thinking though. I see myself as far BETTER looking and THINNER than I actually am. Weird right? I always think I am smaller and weigh less than I actually do. AND, I am always very surprised when I see myself in a picture or in a mirror because that is not how I view myself in my own head. I don’t think I look like a model or anything. I know I don’t. I just over estimate my looks and body size. Probably my sense of humor and skill at writing too, but that never stops me from typing word after endless word. Let me just pause here, to say thank you, if you are still reading this, because with my attention span, I am not so sure I would still be reading me. And also, I hope there are not too many errors, because I really doubt I will go back and check it. Also, I am getting nervous this is taking so long because I have to walk to the library today as my exercise. Briskly, walk to the library. Change it up. Stay fresh. So I don’t quit on the second day.
Back to the post: I did good yesterday. One hour for four miles. Not groundbreaking. Not record setting. But it was outside (45 degrees—50-55 today! Unbelievable) and I did sweat. Then I came home and did something even crazier. Even more dangerous and fear inducing. I weighed myself. On a scale. An actual scale, with numbers, that tell your weight in pounds. I usually judge my weight by the jeans I can fit into. I have the 8-10-11 multi-pack of jean sizes. Different company’s but surprisingly accurate in helping me gauge my weight to within a few pounds. The only problem with my system is that I only have 5 pairs of jeans total to wear and weigh by. Four now. I lost the 10′s in the thigh rub incident of a few days ago (a tragedy I transcribed here some days ago, in far more words than necessary, as is my custom). It’s really a complicated system and sounds kind of confusing when you say it out loud, but the 10′s were the fat jeans. Pushing the highest weight I could go basically while staying UNDER 200 pounds. That is very important as that is the magic number for me. I have never, and will never (hopefully) see that number on a scale. Even pregnant I never hit it. And I tried. Long story…my boy decided to come three weeks early and spoiled my gain plan. Anyway, the 11′s are stretchy. Spandex is a wonder material. So even though the size is technically larger, my butt needs to be smaller to fit in them. But one of the 11′s is stretchier than the other. So it’s a matter of how stretchy do I want them and how comfortable will they be for the whole day? That’s the middle weight. The 8′s are the smallest. Again supposedly with Spandex, but one pair is decidedly stretchier than the other, by far. One pair I feel perfect in.
The other pair though, gives me, what I like to call: The JMT’s. That would stand for Jumbo Muffin Tops. Or “Juffins” as me and Stevie like to cackle about. One day, recently, the muffin tops were really spilling over and we were laughing about how they jiggle when I laugh and get worse when I sit and how I need a tighter buffer shirt to wear under my real shirt to try and skim them over, like frosting on a messed up, cracked and crumbly lumpy cake. I said, ” I don’t just have muffin tops, I have jumbo muffin tops. I have Juffins!” and we laughed hysterically. I am sure I am not the first or only person to have come up with that, but I’m taking credit in my world because I never heard it before and I said it and my daughter and son were there when I did. So that makes it official!
Got all that? Here’s the key to the whole thing. The weight was not as bad as I thought. And even if it was, who cares. I was ready to cry and curse all the delicious food in the world and my lack of willpower and laziness anyway. I still will. Probably forever. Nobody can be good ALL the time. Nobody. The point is I am aware. It is reality. It is not nice or pleasant but it’s OK. I will not reveal the number. It’s too much. But I will say that it is less than my top preggy weight and that is a miracle in itself I will not take for granted. And in the spirit of almost-full discretion, I weighed after the exercise and butt ass naked. Not pretty but I needed any help I could get for this. On the other hand, I am pre-menstrual though and I am a gainer beforehand. I have gone as high as five or six extra pounds. Which I always thought was such a croc and makes no difference, but when you are only 5 foot 5 on a good day, standing rimrod straight and you are over 40, it makes a whole hell of a lot of difference. Obviously I have enough sense of self to not let things go crazy crazy and it also means my jean theory works pretty good. But I need to go buy smaller jeans if I want to keep this up. I read in a magazine that the French ladies tie a ribbon around their waist before they eat and when it gets tighter they stop. Same concept with my jean system. That waist band can only dig into your belly flab for so long and for only so far before it becomes painful and medically dangerous and you must stop. I could bust a spleen sometimes, I wear them so tight.
Alright. For real now. I have to end this. I have stuff to do and miles to walk. My legs is sore! And the temp is up to almost 50 degrees! And it’s sunny! I must go outside! I must stop using so many exclamation points! Thanks for making it all the way to the end! You all get 100 bonus calories to use as you please! Have a great afternoon and I’ll chat back here later with the rest of the stuff I had planned. See you on the sidewalk.
